Never fear, Boris is here!
So you want Polish dubbing, huh?
Aha, okay, I give you Polish dubbing!
How about I also give text in Chinese, huh? Is this what you want!?
No, wait fuck-
I'm just fucking around! Welcome back to some Witcher, this time in Polish, enjoy!
Ah, much better!
As most people in the comments, I do exactly myself enjoy the Polish dubbing much better
I just happened to make a mistake sometimes- everybody makes mistakes!
I make the mistake of switching to English just to get a different experience
It's like switching to alcohol free beer, at one point you just realise what you have-
wait, this is not my savegame
So, let's continue with the...
Wait, hold on, this is not where I left off!
Yes! This is much more like it!
Back at the pub, exactly where we left off last time
As we see in example number one: subtitles ingame are made for people with very good vision
So, I don't know, move closer to the screen or whatever
because if you do not understand Polish, then it is pizdec for you
Let's stock up on some Slav food so we can have picnic while we're having battle
Vodka, and babushkas pelmeni - perfect!
Ah yes, first Polish word of the day: dzięki - it means thanks
Good, for example, when you're visiting Poland and you ask for cigarette
how to ask that we find out later
Ay blin, I think the older witcher did not get his vodka
It is good that the Boris of the Stolichnaya... brought his own
Do not tell bartender!
Woah! Progress!
I think it is about that time when I... whip out my Polish skills
Dziękuję
to jest kurwa mać
Oy, these bastards are hostile!
Yes, you just wait, I use my witcher magic on you
...bitch
Ohohooo
Hah!
I like how Geralt is seen like a authority, he says: "Tak" and people sit down
That's how it's supposed to be!
So, let's go on. What are we searching for?
We need: people for who to ask about Yennefer, my future ex-wife
Oh! What is this?
Is this outhouse? Please! Open up! I need to go!
I had 17 chebureks before I got here!
What now? Press space to meditate
Uh, maybe later
Okay fine, get ready to clean your floors!
Opa! Well, hello!
Mm... maybe not
Ah, you see? Second word of the day: "Bywaj!" - it means farewell, or goodbye
You say this to your Polish babushka and she will be very happy!
Ah yes, that is the nerds playing Gwent again
Did he just order schnaps?
I thought schnaps was consumed after eating like, a whole pig
But, of course I can not say no, what kind of Slav says no to drink?
Mmhmm
*laughs* What kind of schnaps is that?
Blin, I was expecting like two shots
Hohoo, the Nilfgaardian lemon!
I should try making that at home some time, blin
Well, this guy is no help
Okay, enough delays!
It is about: none of your business, debil!
Well, now that we have gathered all the useful information on Yennefer- ah shit
No? What kind of question is that?
*gasps*
You did not just tell a witcher to fuck off
oy, tebe pizdec!
Ah, man! I was expecting battle!
Opa! Not only did I get a "kurwa", I got a battle as well!
Come on! Why is fist not working!?
Mama!
Did you make my blins with low-fat milk again?
Hah! You are no match for me!
Not so tough now, are you, cyka?
Blyat, where is my horse, I need to get moving
No?
Are you unrideable?
Ah, never mind
Woaah!
I did not ask for this
You see, in the game of Witcher, they have very well captured the essence of...
a sense of immersion into the game
Like, did you even see how well I got stuck in those bushes? It is amazing!
No, no, hold on, what is this now?
Oh, were you trying to fish? Is that what doing right here?
I do not remember lifting the ban for you, Aleksey, to fish here again
Pft, what now- next time I come for your boots, debil!
Opa!
Hello little human, what are you doing here?
Haha, silly kid, there is no gold in that river, I checked
Oh look, it's the windmill that I saw those goblins at
the last time
hm
Oy! Sorry!
It was the horses fault, I did not do anything, I promise!
Okay, I think he's not following me
Well, now is as good as time as any, to have a light snack
Take out my sword for no reason at all
because yes, I have not been here before
And I know for a fact, there is nobody here to ambush me
Aha!
Your witchcraft is no match against my witchercraft!
Hahahaa!
Why you running, little man?
Ay, kurwa!
I do not think the calculated risk was very calculated at this point
No, what is this? A Slav never flees the battlefield!
You are dead- I mean, get ready to die again!
Where are you?
Aha, aha!
No, no, nooo
You do not, touch the Boris, BLYAT!
You, complete, na-
Chuj ci w dupe!
Which roughly translates as: "I have to start all over again"
But, whatever, it's better to die in battle than die of shame
...or something like this
*sigh*
Ah, fuck it
Horsey!
No, that's not the key for horse
Ah, there you are
*hums*
Okay, let's try this again
but this time let's NOT go to the forest of death
but instead take the long way around, yes
Wait, shit, I'm back here again!
I do hope the stutter from last video was fixed
There seem to be some kind of bug with the smoothness of video
What do you guys want huh? Hm?
HM?
Trying to trade for my horse, are you?
"You've upset the guards"? Well excuse me!
I was not the debil standing in road!
I better not see you when I get back!
What is this?
Human bodies go into ground, not the air, debil!
Ah, whatever, I will not disrupt their process of making human jerky
Ey!
Oho!
Wild dogs!
So, you are the literal cykas that have been killing my sheep!
Come here, you-
nevermind!
As Boris of the Stolichnaya nears the village of the Kurwansk, he is greeted by his personal army
Yes, men, very good! Do more push-ups, some squats, then you will be strong Slav men!
What you doing!?
*gasp* a deserter!?
You will taste my blade!
Oy pizde-
Aah!
Note to self:
personal army, not yet finished
Well, hello good sir, may I have so-
Hah!
Aha! "Wiedźmin" - it means witcher
Learning new words every day
Say hello to Boris!
Wait, I remember these gates!
*laughs*
Ah, this is the- noo
they fixed the game bug!
Okay, fuck it
I send my Dima to fix it for you
Yes, hello everyone, hello, dzień dobry
Nazywam się Boris
you have seen me here before
Probably in the previous savegame
yes
Dziękuję
Hah!
Oh you simple man, you send your men to death!
Oooh!
Here is the cheese convention that we saw in one video
you see?
But they do not allow yo- shut up
but they do not allow bring your own knife, you see?
They get angry!
I put away, calm down, chill, man
I was just here to eat the cheese, blin
What the hell?
Someone swinging knife at me?
Never seen a witcher before, huh?
Horse! Where are you?
I need your speed!
We need to escape this village of idiots
I was not talking to you, I was talking to the sign!
Where do we need go, hm?
Hm? Hm?
Where are we now? Up there
We need to go to...
Action scene of Beast of White Orchard
Aha, ask herbalist about drugs
let's go to sawmill and kill some overgrown chickens
Mhm, very good
What the-
You disgustin- eugh!
What kind of country is this?
Horse! Help!
I'm being surrounded by disgusting people!
There were some weird kurwas here, just... leave this place for good
So, quest for today is to: kill an overgrown chicken
What do we know so far? That it likes to feed on humans
it DOES lay eggs
it's eggs are not golden
but they are also not edible
Many years ago it did serve in the chicken military
but he was considered a deserter
right after he grow wings and fly away
and yes, the chicken is a male
yes, it is as wierd to me, as it is to you
*whistles* opa!
Knock, knock, bitches!
It is Boris with the peace offering!
How does this not work as knocking?
Pft, civilised
Hahahaa, it is time to whip out the witcher sense
well, there we go
You see? He was lucky he was wearing his red boots, otherwise I would have never found him
What, the trail just ends here or what?
Okay, let's just assume that he took only five steps and was abducted by aliens
Oh, nevermind
Woah, woah!
Now, that is a trail!
*whistles*
Man, it is good I had these witcher eyes installed
otherwise it would be completely hopeless
Opa!
Mislav
Yep, he must be Mislav
Well... okay, maybe this time
This... is the wrong way
Hold on, don't run away, blin
Hold on- woah
picking up random shit in the forest, like a witcher
might be poisonous, but it's worth a try!
Wait, now what do I do?
Silver sword
Heeeere's
BORIS!
Ay, kurwa!
NO!
YOU!
BASTARD, I will make shaslik out of you
no, no wait, that's wrong
Aha, as you can see, in left bottom corner the auto pick-up mod is working just fine
I enable it so that I do not have to go through every carcass of every dead dog
or chicken, or man
or this guy
No wait, this is Mislav
Ew
You see? Someone stole his witcher eyes
no more tracking trails for him
I thought I heard a wolf
must've been babushka making blins again
You can run, but you can not hide, Mislav
I'm going to get you!
Wait, why are we running?
*out of breath* Okay
Wait, hold on, let me take a break
*eats*
Mm! Much better!
Oh, chicken leg, some dumplings on top, ah, all done
Wait, hold on! I'm full now!
I hope this running sequence does not turn into a spontaneous game of The Culling
I will be fine!
Who do you think I am? Not a witcher?
Okay, let's get this detective show started
Crime scene number one, we have Nilfgaardians celebrating
from the amount of seating places, and the direction of the wind, I can honestly say
it was a celebration of Nilfgaardian bachelor party
What? Piwo?
Where's the piwo?
Uhh, tricked once again
I am detecting serious levels of nothingness in every direction
Opa
Heavily armoured? More like too fat to run
Well, hello, what is this now?
Some bread - score
and linen, opa!
I hit the motherlode this time
Wolfsbane, notoriously good herb for curing constipation
Ah! A challenge arrives!
Wop! No-
You see, these ledges were not built for easy access
they would never pass the certification board for the
JUMP, BLYAT!
AH!
They would never pass the quality assurance board of the Mid-Highlands
When jumping over hold space during the leap
Ah! Thank you Boris for reading a tutorial once in awhile
Okay, is that all?
I think we can move on from here
Opa! More drugs- I mean, herbs
What do we have- ooooh
Split bolt, Velen longsword
And what is this? A letter from his lover
Wait, THIS IS YENNEFER'S LET- oh, never mind, I'm an idiot
*reads* blah, blah, blah
We all know how that story ends: everybody DIES
Oh yes, rewind and pause the game if you want to read the books
Ah, Witcher is nice this time of year
Wait, is that it?
Ability point? Okay, let's try it out
So, okay, there must be some kind of leveling up system in this game so you can advance your skills
Points available... let's see here
Fast attack, muscle memory
Looks like you gonna upgrade your base skills by a small margin, one at a time
and you need to, yes you need to actually equip your skills
Place the ability you have acquired
Okay, I will!
Aha, okay
Battle trance
Marksmanship
Defence
Can I equip this as well?
Okay, maybe not
This whole thing smells of a scam!
Trying to hold the Slav man down
Okay, note to self: make Dima pick up this giant chicken
and send some back to babushka, we can make chicken soup once again!
Okay, enough laying around, let's skip to the herbalist part already
Jump, you idiot!
Talking to horses, man, not my strong suit
Woaaah
What is this now?
A place of power?
Can I really enchant my eyes even more?
Maybe get level 5 witcher eyes with X-ray vision!
No?
Ah, what a scam
Must have been one of those homeopathic medicine things
Where you really, really have to believe in it for it to work
You know the kind, when you were little and babushka came and gave you some chamomile
Yes, every time you hope it would work but it never did
Man, what a fistful of placebos that was
It was only once that I started vodka when I truly found a cure for everything
Even the hangover, could you believe it?
Got a hangover? Get a shot of vodka in there
and water and some pickle juice...
and you know, fistful of other things
but to some extent, vodka helps as well!
Now, where the blyat am I going?
Ah yes, of course
*gasps* food!
Come back here!
Boris is hungry for dinner!
Oy, shit, I think this was someone's cattle
Sorry!
Man, screw that place
What the he-?
Where did you come from?
Alyo, this is Boris, oh-
opa, blin
is it my birthday already?
Well I would like to have sweet dreams of you
Find some buckthorn on the riverbed
now, this is what I like about this game
one time it is in middle of field, next time it is on top of hill, bottom of river; maybe it grows on top of a roof next time
Never a dull moment in this game!
What is this? A babushka quest?
Get to the point, old woman, it's late already!
What are you doing?
What the blin did I just hear?
Man, the reward for this quest better be huge
Okay, let's get this started
Aha
So, once upon a time there was a witcher
confronting a wooden door, what does he do?
He reads the manual
Man, leave it to witchers to make it more complicated than it needs to be
Telekinetic blast, BOOM! Oy blyat-
Wrong target
Still wrong!
Oh, never mind
So, enabling witcher eyes once again
In box number one: trousers
Eh
useful, but cheap
Case number two: rotting flesh, exactly what I need
Enable some sexy lighting in here!
We can make
craftsman diagrams, okay very good
A monocle? Something you do not see every day!
Shut up, I'm working on it, blyat
Loot, loot, loot everything
Opa
I SAID HOLD ON! Blyat, I will bring you your pan for fuck sake
I'm working on it
Seems like the culprit was working for KGB, the plot thickens!
*gasp* the culprit was a pan licking maniac!
Ah, okay
Ah, no-no, the pan was eaten by wolves, yes
sadly there was nothing to recover, they are ruthless: stealing old pans from old ladies
Oy, these bandits- I mean, wolves!
Yeah, nothing goes by you, eagle eye!
Ohohoho, oppa! Here we go!
So, what did the old woman leave me with?
*laughs*
Experience points, nah, we all know that's wrong- opa
baked apple times five
*gasp* five bread?
Apple juice? No fucking way!
This might even cheer me up so much that I would not want to drown myself in this river
Boris the-
*speaks underwater*
*sharply inhales*
And that's how I first experienced the hospitality of old people
And I think it is time to end
Thank you for watching my friends,
hopefully the gameplay footage is better this time and not too jittery
Last time I think there was a problem with the cutscenes
It should be fixed by now, or it could be worse! Who knows?
Maybe I will need to start collecting money for the GTX1080 that I always wanted
and better, faster memory, and a faster CPU, and a motherboard
Well, everything needs to be upgraded
but until then, this machine will have to do
Thank you for watching, stay cheeki breeki, and I will see you next time!
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