Waching daily Feb 12 2017

Acerecordsmusic present

New punjabi song

42 wala theka by Samri Brar

ITS A LIGHT MODE

PUNJABI SONG

So Enjoy this latest punjabi song

by Samri Brar

in the year 2017

For more infomation >> 42 Wala Thekka | New punjabi songs 2017 | Samri Brar | Latest Punjabi Songs - Duration: 2:22.

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6 Minute English: Get on with it! (Subtitle + English to your native Vocabulary) - Duration: 6:18.

For more infomation >> 6 Minute English: Get on with it! (Subtitle + English to your native Vocabulary) - Duration: 6:18.

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Learn Colors with Lollipop Chupa Chups and Play Doh | Colours Learning Videos for Kids Baby - LMT - Duration: 10:48.

Learn Colors with Lollipop Chupa Chups and Play Doh | Colours Learning Videos for Kids Baby - LMT

For more infomation >> Learn Colors with Lollipop Chupa Chups and Play Doh | Colours Learning Videos for Kids Baby - LMT - Duration: 10:48.

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9年間、毎日店頭に立ってお客さんをお迎えしてきた猫。いつの間にか猫店長に！【癒される】 - Duration: 3:03.

For more infomation >> 9年間、毎日店頭に立ってお客さんをお迎えしてきた猫。いつの間にか猫店長に！【癒される】 - Duration: 3:03.

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Трактор экскаватор и погрузчик педальный Убираем листья во дворе Копаем туалет для Мурки - Duration: 13:28.

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For more infomation >> Трактор экскаватор и погрузчик педальный Убираем листья во дворе Копаем туалет для Мурки - Duration: 13:28.

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Fastelavnsboller med creme og emojis | Micki Cheng - Duration: 4:43.

For more infomation >> Fastelavnsboller med creme og emojis | Micki Cheng - Duration: 4:43.

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Milk - Duration: 1:33.

For more infomation >> Milk - Duration: 1:33.

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Les mots que l'on coupe en français : restau, appart, etc. - Duration: 9:34.

For more infomation >> Les mots que l'on coupe en français : restau, appart, etc. - Duration: 9:34.

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謝琳ft.東野 - 我道歉 "好聽的歌一聽再聽" - Duration: 2:58.

For more infomation >> 謝琳ft.東野 - 我道歉 "好聽的歌一聽再聽" - Duration: 2:58.

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91th Kokufu Bonsai Ten (2017) Part 1/2 - Duration: 14:15.

Hi YouTube is Monsieur Bonsai!

Welcome to the 91th edition of Kokufu Bonsai Ten.

This exhibition takes place every year the Tokyo Metropolitan Art Museum in February

it hosts a selection of the finest bonsai from Japan.

Since 1934, this special moment is an opportunity come admire exceptional trees.

Separated into 2 parts, you will find in this video from my personal selection within

the 180 bonsais presented from 4 to 8 February 2017.

The second part of the event is held from 10 to 13 February and will be an opportunity

for a second video.

Every year, a jury awards prizes to chosen few.

The "Precious Award" rewards a tree which is dear to the heritage in style,

its essence or its history.

The "Kokufu Award" is the selection of jury for this year.

And the "Special Award" honors a bonsai ... Special!

Of course there are many, many Juniperus Chinensis in the selection

I have deliberately chosen to present other species at the expense of those trees

which are beautiful but are very well represented elsewhere.

We reach half of the exhibition.

Mr. Jiro Fukuda, Chairman of the Japanese association of bonsai, did me the honor of answer some questions

"Can you tell us in a few words about the exhibition? "

I think that the level at Kokufu Bonsai Ten is always very high

However, this year it is particularly high

I think that the Kokufu ten is one of the rare exhibition where we have a competition, awards and a jury selecting trees

During this 91th edition, we received 390 applicants and we had to disqualify 38 of them.

This is why you have here the best of the best

Every year there are a large number of bonsai exhibition in Japan , but I think that Kokufu-Ten is truly wonderful :

Thank you ! There are a lot of bonsai amateurs in the world, do you have a message for them ?

Continue to love and do bonsai!

One person can talk about bonsai and spread the word

to friends, family, and even to only another person.

I think it is a formidable hobby, please enjoy and spread it into the world!

At the corner of the exhibition I met Master Suzuki who talks about the the event and the tree he worked.

Today at the 91th Kokufu Ten, there are more than 300 bonsais exposed for their overall quality: size, pot, impression.

this year, this Chaenomeles Japonica was awarded with the "Kokufu Award"

How is it composed? It's been worked out during 100 years, and placed in this superb pot.

It stands on a table which is a masterpiece by Adachi Shozan. So overall it is magnificent !

"What made you begin Bonsai?"

My father was very interested in Bonsai and I grew up in a good environment which was good to discover this art.

Then in order to specialize myself, I went at 18 into a training, during 6 years. It became my job.

Do you have a message to all bonsai passionate people around the world?

Bonsai are developping in a pot, and they need water. But that is not all. If you do not speak to them, they die.

Bonsais need affection and a nice environment.

When you take care of your bonsai, it should help you to relax and become calmer. in a better place

So to all of you, please continue to Bonsai!

The end of the exhibition presents smaller trees

As we have seen in my previous video on the Shohin Exhibition

The first part of this 91th edition comes to a close

with almost 180 bonsais

I thank especially the Japanese Bonsai Association which authorized me to take these photos and videos

I invite you to acquire the exhibition book

which has all the professional photos of this edition.

I hope you enjoyed this selection.

Feel free to like the video, share and subscribe to my channel to not miss the next one!

the next video of the second part of Kokufu Bonsai Ten will arrive next week.

Thank you and à bientôt !

For more infomation >> 91th Kokufu Bonsai Ten (2017) Part 1/2 - Duration: 14:15.

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THE INTERIOR ROAD - Jessica Schaab (2010 Conference) - Duration: 56:58.

For more infomation >> THE INTERIOR ROAD - Jessica Schaab (2010 Conference) - Duration: 56:58.

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Pitch Meeting - SNL - Duration: 4:23.

>> THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR COMING IN TODAY.

THERE WERE SO AMAZING COMMERCIALS AT THE SUPER BOWL

THIS YEAR. WE CAN'T WAIT TO STEP UP OUR

GAME. >> YEAH, CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT

YOU COME UP WITH FOR CHEETOS. >> WELL, IT IS AN HONOR JUST TO

PITCH. >> MM-HMM.

>> YES, THANK YOU FOR HAVING US. >> WELL, WHENEVER YOU'RE READY,

WE WILL START WITH THE TEAM FROM MURPHY AND KENNEDY.

♪♪♪ >> WE OPEN ON THE LITTLE

IMMIGRANT GIRL. SHE'S DUSTY.

SHE'S TIRED. SHE'S COME A LONG WAY.

SHE LOOKS UP AND SEES A WALL. HOW WILL SHE GET OVER IT?

>> A BOY APPEARS AT THE TOP. HE THROWS DOWN A ROPE.

THE ROPE IS MADE FROM AMERICAN FLAGS.

>> THE GIRL CLIMBS THE ROPE. SHE SEES HER NEW COUNTRY FOR THE

FIRST TIME, AND SHE CRIES. >> HARD CUT.

CHEETOS. [ LAUGHTER ]

>> WOW. I LOVE THAT.

>> YEAH. IT'S IMPORTANT.

IT'S NOW. CHEETOS.

[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> A.K. FOSTER, YOU'RE UP.

♪♪♪ >> OKAY.

WE OPEN ON KIDS IN THE MINIVAN. >> THEY'RE ROUGHHOUSING.

>> THEY'RE PLAYING AROUND. >> THEIR MOM IS LIKE, "HEY, WHAT

IS GOING ON BACK THERE?" >> AND THEY'RE LIKE, "JUST

EATING CHEETOS, MOM." >> CUT TO CHEETOS.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> HMM, OKAY.

>> I'M NOT REALLY SURE WHAT THE MESSAGE OF THE AD IS, BUT

MAYBE -- >> I THINK IT'S LIKE, "EAT

CHEETOS. THEY'RE GOOD."

[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> RIGHT.

OKAY. YEAH.

LET'S, LET'S DO ANOTHER PITCH FROM MURPHY AND KENNEDY, MAYBE.

>> SURE. >> ABSOLUTELY.

♪♪♪ >> WE OPEN ON A MEXICAN PERSON

WEARING A SOMBRERO. [ LAUGHTER ]

HE TAKES IT OFF. UNDERNEATH IS A MUSLIM WOMAN.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> THE MUSLIM WOMAN TAKES HER

OFF HER HIJAB, UNDERNEATH IS A JEWISH PERSON.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> THE JEWISH PERSON TAKES OFF

HIS YAMIKA, UNDERNEATH IS A CHEETO.

[ LAUGHTER ] HARD CUT.

WE ARE ONE. >> HARDER CUT.

>> CHEETOS. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]

>> GOD, I LOVE THAT. BUT, YOU KNOW WHAT?

I AM WORRIED IT FEELS MORE LIKE A TWIX COMMERCIAL.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> YEAH.

I ACTUALLY THOUGHT EXCEDERIN DID SOMETHING VERY SIMILAR.

>> OKAY, LET'S TAKE ANOTHER PITCH FROM A.K. FOSTER.

>> RIGHT. OKAY.

♪♪♪ OPEN ON A BUNCH OF FRIENDS

HANGING OUT. SUDDENLY, CHESTER THE CHEETAH

SKATEBOARDS IN AND IS LIKE, "HOW ABOUT SOME CHEETOS?"

>> THE KIDS CHEER. CUT TO CHEETOS.

>> I JUST -- I SO DON'T RECOGNIZE THE WORLD YOU'RE

DESCRIBING. [ LAUGHTER ]

>> THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING, BUT WE ALSO HAD A CHESTER THE

CHEETAH IDEA. >> THAT'S OKAY.

GO AHEAD. ♪♪♪

>> WE OPEN ON CHESTER THE CHEETAH.

HE HAS GAUZE AROUND HIS CHEST WHERE HIS NEW BREASTS ARE.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> CHESTER NOW IDENTIFIES AS

DANIELLE THE CHEETAH. [ LAUGHTER ]

>> ONE OF HER CHEETAH FRIENDS ENTERS THE ROOM.

SHE IS SCARED SHE WILL BE JUDGED.

>> BUT THE CHEETAH FRIEND SAYS, "SIMPLY, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL."

>> HARD CUT. CHEETOS.

[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] [ VOICE BREAKING ]

>> WOW. I, I AM ABSOLUTELY STARVING FOR

A CHEETO RIGHT NOW. [ LAUGHTER ]

>> WAIT, YOU LIKE THAT? >> YES.

IT SHINES A LIGHT ON IT SHINES A LIGHT ON TRANSGENDER

ISSUES. >> MM-HMM.

>> BUT IT'S A CARTOON CHEETAH. IT JUST KIND OF FEELS LOOK YOU

ARE USING THE ISSUE TO SELL CHEETOS.

>> NO, NOT TRUE. WE CARE ABOUT THAT ISSUE BECAUSE

THERE IS A GUY IN OUR OFFICE WHOSE SON IS TRANSGENDER.

OR WAIT. IS HE TRANS OR ADOPTED?

[ LAUGHTER ] >> ADOPTED.

>> THAT'S RIGHT. WE DON'T KNOW ANYONE TRANS,

RIGHT? [ VOICE BREAKING ]

AND THAT IS THE PROBLEM. [ LAUGHTER ]

>> YOU KNOW WHAT? WE HAVE ONE MORE PITCH IF

THERE'S TIME. >> BY ALL MEANS.

♪♪♪ >> WE OPEN OR REAL PEOPLE, NO

ACTORS, NO MAKEUP, NO LINES, NO LIGHTS.

NO PROPS, NO COSTUMES, NO CAMERAS.

[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] NO CHEETOS.

HARD CUT. >> CHEETOS.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> I -- I -- I CAN'T.

THAT'S INCREDIBLE. >> OKAY, OKAY.

YOU KNOW, I THINK WE GET IT NOW. WE KNOW, JUST WHAT YOU ARE

LOOKING FOR. >> ABSOLUTELY.

♪♪♪ >> WE OPEN ON THE TWIN TOWERS.

>> NO! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

♪♪♪

For more infomation >> Pitch Meeting - SNL - Duration: 4:23.

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Weekend Update on the Ninth Circuit Court's Ruling - SNL - Duration: 7:39.

>>> IT'S WEEKEND UPDATE WITH COLIN JOST, AND MICHAEL CHE.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> WHAT'S UP, EVERYBODY?

>> WELCOME TO WEEKEND UPDATE. I'M COLLIN JOST.

>> I'M MICHAEL CHE. >> AN APPEALS COURT UNANIMOUSLY

UPHELD THE SUSPENSION OF PRESIDENT TRUMP'S TRAVEL BAN.

BUT I MEAN, WHO ARE THEY TO JUDGE?

OH, FEDERAL JUDGES? OKAY.

[ LAUGHTER ] MINUTES AFTER THE RULING,

PRESIDENT TRUMP TWEETED IN ALL CAPS, "SEE YOU IN COURT."

HONEY, YOU, YOU CAN'T THREATEN FEDERAL JUDGES WITH MORE COURT.

[ LAUGHTER ] AND, YOU JUST LOST IN COURT.

TRUMP'S THE GUY WHO GETS HIS ASS KICKED IN AN ALLEY AND THEN

YELLS OUT, "LET'S TAKE THIS OUTSIDE!"

[ LAUGHTER ] BUT THEN FRIDAY, PRESIDENT TRUMP

SAID HE MAY JUST FILE A BRAND NEW IMMIGRATION ORDER INSTEAD OF

APPEALING TO THE SUPREME COURT. OF COURSE, BECAUSE NOBODY

ACTUALLY FOLLOWS THROUGH WITH AN ALL CAPS TWEET.

I ONCE TWEETED IN ALL CAPS, "I AM NEVER DRINKING AGAIN."

[ LAUGHTER ] THREE DAYS LATER MY ACCOUNT WAS

DISABLED BY NBC FOR DRUNK TWEETING AT MEREDITH VIEIRA.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> PRESIDENT TRUMP FALSELY

CLAIMED IN A SPEECH THAT THE MEDIA HAS PURPOSELY FAILED TO

COVER TERRORIST ATTACKS. 'CAUSE WHEN HE WAS FLIPPING

THROUGH THE CHANNELS THE OTHER NIGHT, ONLY TBS WAS BRAVE ENOUGH

TO AIR THE STORY OF THE AMERICAN SCIENTIST GUNNED DOWN BY

LIBYANS. [ LAUGHTER ]

>> A NEW LIST OF TERRORIST ATTACKS RELEASED BY THE WHITE

HOUSE THIS WEEK WAS ALSO RIDDLED WITH SPELLING ERRORS.

OR THERE HAS BEEN A HUGE INCREASE IN RADICAL ICELANDIC

TERRORISM. [ LAUGHTER ]

>> WHILE SIGNING THE NEW EXECUTIVE ORDERS ON CRIME,

PRESIDENT TRUMP SAID, "A NEW ERA OF JUSTICE BEGINS AND IT BEGINS

RIGHT NOW." THEN HE SPENT 20 MINUTES

STRUGGLING TO GET INTO A BATMAN COSTUME.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> ON THURSDAY THE WHITE HOUSE

QUOTE, "COUNSELED," KELLYANNE CONWAY AFTER SHE

VIOLATE A FEDERAL ETHICS RULE BY PROMOTING IVANKA TRUMP'S

CLOTHING LINE ON FOX NEWS. COUNSELED?

HER JOB TITLE IS LITERALLY, "COUNSELOR TO PRESIDENT."

TRUMP'S WHITE HOUSE IS SO DYSFUNCTIONAL, THAT HIS

COUNSELOR NEEDS A COUNSELOR. THAT'S LIKE YOUR UBER DRIVER

ASKING YOU TO GET OUT AND PUSH. [ LAUGHTER ]

>> THE SENATE VOTED ON WEDNESDAY TO CONFIRM

JEFF BEAUREGARD SESSIONS AS OUR NEW CONFEDERATE GENERAL --

SORRY, ATTORNEY GENERAL. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]

SESSIONS WAS REJECTED FOR A POSITION AS FEDERAL JUDGE IN

1986 OVER CONCERNS OF RACISM. BUT DON'T WORRY, IF THERE'S ONE

THING THAT MAKES RACISTS BETTER IT'S AGE.

[ LAUGHTER ] MY GRANDPA KEEPS GETTING MORE

AND MORE TOLERANT. [ LAUGHTER ]

NOW HE SAYS, "MY AFRICAN-AMERICAN NURSE IS

STEALING FROM ME." [ LAUGHTER ]

>> KEEP TELLING YOUR GRANDPA I'M NOT HIS NURSE.

>> NEWLY CONFIRMED, BETSEY DEVOS, I CALL HER BEV BIL DEVOS.

>> BETSY DEVOS WAS BLOCKED FROM ENTERING A SCHOOL BY PROTESTERS.

A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE PANICKED ABOUT THE NEW SECRETARY OF

EDUCATION. MY SISTER HAS A KID IN PUBLIC

SCHOOL, AND EVEN SHE IS WORRIED. THE PACE OF THE PRESIDENCY IS

EXHAUSTING. I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD SAY

THIS, BUT I AM STARTING TO FEEL BAD FOR DONALD TRUMP.

IN JUST THE SPAN OF ONE DAY, HE WAS IN A LOSING BATTLE WITH

THREE FEDERAL JUDGES, A DECORATED WAR HERO, AND, A

DEPARTMENT STORE. DUDE, PACE YOURSELF.

DONALD TRUMP CAN'T KEEP THIS UP. NOT WITH THAT OLD BLOODED

KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN BODY. EVERY TIME HE CHECKS THE

INTERNET HE HAS TO SEE PICTURES OF THE OBAMA IN THE CARIBBEAN

GETTING HIS GROOVE BACK. OBAMA IS --

OBAMA IS ALL GETTING HENNA TATTOOS.

MEANWHILE TRUMP IS FORCE SMILING THROUGH A 30 SECOND HANDSHAKE

WITH THE PRIME MINISTER OF JAPAN, LIKE "WHAT AM I DOING

HERE?" I HOPE HE QUITS.

DONALD, IS THIS REALLY HOW YOU WANT TO SPEND THE LAST TWO YEARS

OF YOUR LIFE. >>> SENATOR WARREN WAS ASKED TO

STAND DOWN WHEN READING A LETTER FROM CORETTA SCOTT KING.

HERE IS ELIZABETH WARREN. >> THANK YOU SO MUCH.

UM, YES, GOOD MORNING, TO YOU BOTH AND THANK YOU SO MUCH.

THIS IS NOT GOING TO BE FUN, BUT IT IS NECESSARY.

SO LET'S START RIGHT IN. [ LAUGHTER ]

SENATOR, HOW DID YOU FEEL ABOUT BEING TOLD TO SIT DOWN BY

MITCH McCONNELL? >> WELL, HE TRIED TO SHUT ME UP.

BUT NEVERTHELESS, I PERSISTED. IN MAKING TWITTER MY B.

I WILL NEVER STOP ROOTING OUT CORRUPTION.

WHICH BRINGS ME TO THE FIRST QUESTION, ANCHOR JOST, WE WILL

BEGIN WITH A YES/NO QUESTION. NOW, IT SAYS HERE YOU AND

MICHAEL CHE ARE CREDITED AS FULL CAST MEMBERS ON THE SHOW?

IS THAT CORRECT? >> ARE YOU QUESTIONING ME?

[ LAUGHTER ] >> YES, I AM.

AND YET YOU ONLY PERFORM IN A TEN MINUTE SEGMENT, ENTITLED,

SORRY I HAVE IT HERE, CALLED "WEEKEND UPDATE."

IS THAT YES? [ LAUGHTER ]

>> THAT'S CORRECT. YES.

>> AND YET YOU COLLECT THE SAME PAYCHECK OF A CAST MEMBER WHO

APPEARS THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE SHOW.

THAT'S INTERESTING. IS IT NOT ALSO TRUE THAT YOU ARE

CURRENTLY A BOARD MEMBER FOR GOLDMAN SACHS?

>> THAT ITS NOT TRUE. NO.

WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP ASKING ME THAT?

>> I THINK IT IS THE HAIR. >> IT FEELS LIKE YOU ARE

WORKING, ON THE JOB, AREN'T THERE OTHER DEMOCRATS?

>> IT'S ME, BERNIE AND SCHUMER. THAT'S AMY SCHUMER.

BRINGS ME TO THE NEXT ORDER OF BUSINESS.

ANCHOR JOST, IS IT NOT TRUE THAT AS A TELEVISION PERSONALITY YOU

RECEIVED FREEBIES AND SWAG BAGS FROM SUCH COMPANIES AS POPCHIPS,

CHAPSTICK, AND JAMBA JUICE? >> OKAY.

OCCASIONALLY, YEAH, WE GET FREE STUFF.

WE DON'T LET IT AFFECT WHAT WE DO.

RIGHT, CHE? >> NOPE.

>> LET THE RECORD SHOW THAT CHE IS GUZZLING A RAZZMATAZZ

SMOOTHIE. >> YOU DO NOT STOP?

>> NO, MY FIT BIT SAYS CHECK ENGINE.

>> HAVE YOU ALWAYS BEEN THIS WAY?

>> YES, IN MIDDLE SCHOOL, I WAS THE GIRL WHO WOULD DO THIS?

EXCUSE ME, EXCUSE ME, HE IS WRITING ON THE DESK.

>> YOU WERE NOT ABLE TO PREVENT TRUMP'S NOMINEES.

THEY WERE ALL CONFIRMED. >> GLAD THAT YOU BROUGHT UP

PRESIDENT TRUMP. CONCERNING THE TIME THAT DONALD

TRUMP HOSTED THIS -- >> WE'RE OUT OF TIME.

>> AM I BEING SILENCED. MR. CHAIRMAN, I WILL BE ASKING

FOR THE QUORUM. >> THERE IS NO QUORUM HERE.

>> ELIZABETH WARREN, EVERYONE.

For more infomation >> Weekend Update on the Ninth Circuit Court's Ruling - SNL - Duration: 7:39.

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Alec Baldwin's 17th Time Monologue - SNL - Duration: 4:20.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, ALEC BLADWIN ♪♪♪

♪♪♪ ♪♪♪

♪♪♪ ♪♪♪

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK

YOU VERY MUCH. I KNOW YOU HAVE SEEN A LOT OF ME

THIS SEASON. BUT TONIGHT, I AM HOSTING.

THIS IS MY 17th TIME. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

THANK YOU. THAT IS AN ACHIEVEMENT THAT ONLY

COMES WITH YOU ARE A COMEDY ICON LIKE STEVE MARTIN.

OR AN ENDURING CHARACTER/ACTOR LIKE JOHN GOODMAN OR LUCKY

ENOUGH TO BE IN THE CAR IN 1987, WHEN LORNE MICHAELS RAN OVER A

MAN SELLING ORANGES ON THE SIDE OF THE HIGHWAY.

I AM PROUD TO SAY, 17 IS THE ALL-TIME RECORD.

YEAH. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> DUDE, ALEC, NICE JOB. NICE JOB.

PEED

-- PETE DAVIDSON, EVERYBODY. PETE DAVIDSON.

>> PETE! HEY, PETE.

>> DUDE, CONGRATS. THAT IS AN INCREDIBLE RUN, MAN,

IT WILL PROBABLY NEVER BE TOPPED.

I JUST WANTED TO COME OUT HEAR AND JUST LEARN FROM YOU.

>> SURE. IT HAS BEEN A LONG JOURNEY.

FIRST TIME I HOSTED WAS APRIL 21st, 1990.

HERE IS ME DOING MY FIRST MONOLOGUE.

>> WOW, THAT'S UNBELIEVABLE, DUDE.

>> THANK YOU, PETE. >> SERIOUSLY.

CAN'T BELIEVE THAT'S YOU. I MEAN, YOU WERE SO HANDSOME.

DID EVERYONE LOOK LIKE THAT BACK THEN, LIKE A YOUNG NBA COACH.

UH, NOT EVERYONE, NO. >> DUDE, YOU WERE HOT, LIKE, YOU

SHOULD HAVE DONE MOVIES OR SOMETHING.

>> OH, I DID DO MOVIES. >> REALLY?

>> YEAH, I STILL DO THEM. A NEW MOVIE COMING OUT "THE BOSS

BABY." >> THAT'S ANIMATION.

SO CAN'T SEE YOU. VERY SMART.

>> PETE DAVIDSON, EVERYBODY. YEAH.

>> THANK YOU. >> PETE, I DON'T BLAME YOU FOR

NOT KNOWING ABOUT ME, PETE. BUT I'M NOT SURE WHAT YOU WERE

UP TO THE FIRST TIME I HOSTED BACK IN 1990.

>> UM, THINK I WAS WAITING, 3 1/2 YEARS TO BE BORN.

>> LET'S KEEP GOING. HERE IS ME BACK IN 1996, THE

JOE PESCI SHOW, ONE OF THE >> I PLAYED ROBERT DE NIRO.

PEOPLE STILL ASK ME TO DO THAT IMPRESSION.

>> I HAVE A QUESTION? >> YES, PETER.

>> YOU WERE PRETTY HANDSOME BACK THEN, AS WELL.

WERE YOU, LIKE, MAD WHEN YOU STOPPED LOOKING LIKE THAT?

>> AT LEAST I GOT TO LOOK LIKE THAT ONCE INSTEAD OF SPENDING MY

YOUTH LOOKING LIKE STEVE BUSCEMI'S LESBIAN SISTER.

>> I DON'T KNOW WHO STEVE BUSCEMI IS.

>> LET'S KEEP GOING. IN 1998, I WAS PETE SCHWEDDY,

THANK YOU ON THE DELICIOUS DISH SELLING SCHWEDDY BALLS ON THE

RADIO SHOW ON NPR. IT WAS A VERY POPULAR.

>> WHAT'S RADIO? IS THAT LIKE A PODCAST?

>> KIND OF, PETE. ARE YOU REALLY YOUNG, OR A

LITTLE BIT STUPID? OKAY, LET'S KEEP GOING.

YOU KNOW WHAT'S CRAZY ABOUT THAT SHOW IN 1998?

I DID A MONOLOGUE WITH A YOUNG JIMMY FALLON.

JIMMY PLAYED THE GHOST OF SNL FUTURE.

LET'S TAKE A LOOK. >> APPARENTLY, I BECOME A HUGE

STAR IN THE FUTURE. AND I HOST THE SHOW IN THE YEAR

2011. COME SEE.

>> GUESS WHAT? HE HOSTS EXACTLY 13 YEARS LATER.

ISN'T THAT AMAZING. JIMMY LOOKS MUCH, MUCH YOUNGER

BACK THEN, DOESN'T HE, PETE? >> YEAH, BUT, LIKE, I CAN STILL

RECOGNIZE HIM THERE. IT'S LIKE SOME ONE SOAKED YOU,

IT'S LIKE SOMEONE SOAKED YOU IN WATER FOR THE PAST 20 YEARS.

>> PETE DAVIDSON, EVERYBODY. THANKS.

>> NO, SERIOUSLY AT WHAT POINT WHEN YOU GET OLDER DOES YOUR

HEAD JUST EXPAND? DOES THAT HAPPEN TO EVERYBODY?

>> ALONG THE WAY, IF YOU ARE LUCKY, YOU HAVE AN ENTIRE

CAREER. HERE'S A SUGGESTION.

YOU ASK ME A QUESTION AFTER YOU'VE HOSTED THE SHOW 17 TIMES.

>> I WILL. BUT YOU WILL PROBABLY BE DEAD BY

THEN. >> PETE.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR STOPPING BY.

>> ALL RIGHT, I'M LEAVING, BUT FOR REAL, I WANTED TO COME OUT

HERE, TO MEET THE GREATEST. >> YOU CAN STAY, PETE, YOU CAN

STAY. >> WE GOT A GREAT SHOW.

ED SHEERAN IS HERE! STICK AROUND!

WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK!

For more infomation >> Alec Baldwin's 17th Time Monologue - SNL - Duration: 4:20.

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Russell Stover - SNL - Duration: 1:43.

>> YOU'VE ALWAYS LOVED HER AND NOTHING SAYS I LOVE YOU LIKE THE

CLASSIC RUSSELL STOVER HEART-SHAPED BOX OF CHOCOLATES.

>> HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, BABY. >> BUT FEBRUARY ISN'T ONLY ABOUT

VALENTINE'S DAY. >> HAPPY BLACK HISTORY MONTH,

BABY. >> IT'S JUST NOT GOING TO BE --

>> RUSSELL STOVER IS HONORED TO INTRODUCE OUR BLACK HISTORY

HEART SHAPED BOX. INSIDE YOU WILL FIND 28

SCRUMPTUOUS AFRICAN-AMERICAN HEROES.

ONE FOR EACH DELICIOUS DAY OF THIS IMPORTANT MONTH.

>> SARATOGA, BABE. >> BECAUSE A DEEP RICH CULTURE

DESERVES A DEEP, RICH, CHOCOLATE.

>> I THOUGHT YOU FORGOT, BABY. >> ABOUT YOUR STRUGGLE, NEVER.

>> WHAT? >> DON'T DO THAT.

>> EACH OF THESE DELECTABLE BLACK AMERICANS IS IDENTIFIED

RIGHT ON THE BOX ALONG WITH THEIR INDULGENT FLAVOR.

>> DR. MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR., I HAVE A CREAM.

>> YEAH. TAKE A BITE.

>> GEORGE WASHINGTON CARVER. >> NAILED IT.

>> FROM THE FIERY CAYENNE-INFUSED CARAMEL OF

MALCOLM X TO THE AIRY MARSHMALLOW OF DIZZY GILLESPIE.

>> THEY GOT A BILL CLINTON IN HERE?

>> SHOW HER YOU LOVE HER AND HER CULTURE, WITH RUSSELL STOVER'S

BLACK HISTORY HEART-SHAPED BOX. RUSSELL STOVER -- ARE WE DOING

THIS RIGHT?

For more infomation >> Russell Stover - SNL - Duration: 1:43.

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Sean Spicer Press Conference Cold Open - SNL - Duration: 8:20.

>> WE NOW GO LIVE TO THE DAILY WHITE HOUSE PRESS BRIEFING WITH

PRESS SECRETARY SEAN SPICER. >> SIT DOWN.

SIT DOWN. SIT DOWN.

FIRST I'D LIKE TO ANNOUNCE I WILL AM CALM NOW.

I WILL REMAIN CALM NOW AS LONG AS YOU -- SONS OF A -- I'M NOT

GOING TO DO THAT. THAT IS THE OLD SPICY.

THIS IS THE NEW SPICY. I AM TOLD TO CUT DOWN ON THE GUM

CHEWING. I AM NOW LIMITING MY -- MYSELF

TO ONE SLICE A DAY. I WILL ENJOY MY ONE AND ONLY.

AND YOU CAN JUST SIT AND WATCH. I WILL BE BACK TO PICK YOU UP

LATER. NOW I WOULD LIKE TO BEGIN WITH

THE PRESIDENT'S SCHEDULE. 3:00 P.M., PRESIDENT TRUMP WILL

MEET WITH THE LEADER FROM CENTRAL, CENTRAL ASIA.

PRESIDENT -- OH, BOY. AMAGA --

TO DISCUSS REST AND UNREST IN -- KAZAKHSTAN.

SPECIFICALLY, SPECIFICALLY IN IN ADABADA -- ADABADA -- AND

SO WRITE THAT. THEY WILL ALSO JOINED BY HIS

WIFE. YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M GOING TO TAKE A PASS ON IT. I AM JUST GOING TO CALL HER

CONNIE. ALL RIGHT.

OKAY. DID THAT.

NOW I'M GOING TO OPEN THIS UP FOR QUESTIONS.

AND I AM GOING TO COMPLETELY >> I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE

PRESIDENT INTENDS TO DO NOW THAT THE APPEALS COURT DENIED HIS

REQUEST TO STOP THE TRAVEL BAN? AWE.

>> YOU'RE TESTING ME BIG GUY. IT'S SIMPLE.

IF THE APPEALS COURT WON'T DO WHAT'S RIGHT, PRESIDENT TRUMP

WILL SEE THEM IN COURT. SPECIFICALLY, THE PEOPLE'S

COURT. >> THAT ISN'T REAL.

>> DUH, THAT ISN'T REAL. I'M GLENN.

IT IS REAL, GLENN. IT SAYS THAT RIGHT BEFORE EACH

TAPE, GLENN. THE CASES ARE REAL.

THE RULINGS ARE FINAL. DON'T -- WITH ME GLEN.

NEXT QUESTION, LET'S GO TO THIS TURKEY.

>> THE PRESIDENT HAS SAID THERE SHOULD BE A TEST TO SEE IF

IMMIGRANTS TRULY LOVE AMERICA. WHAT WOULD THAT TEST EVEN BE?

>> EASY AS EXTREME VETTING. >> YEAH, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

>> WHAT DOES IT MEAN? IT MEANS THAT IT IS EXTREME.

SPICY IS GOING TO EXPLAIN IT STOW YOU DUMB BABIES CAN

UNDERSTAND IT. SO I GUESS I WILL WON'T USE MY

BIG WORDS. I'M GOING TO HAVE TO USE MY

DOLLY. READY FOR DOLLY.

SO YOU CAN UNDERSTAND WHAT IS GOING ON.

HERE IT IS HOW IT IS GOING TO GO DOWN.

YOU HAVE YOUR TSA AGENT RIGHT HERE.

AND YOU HAVE BARBIE COMING IN. NICE AMERICAN GIRL.

BACK FROM A DREAM VACATION. WE KNOW SHE IS OKAY, BECAUSE SHE

IS BLOND. AND SO SHE GETS IN.

EASY. WE UNDERSTAND THAT.

PERFECT. NOW, WHO IS UP NEXT?

UH-OH. UH-OH, IT'S MOANA.

WHOA, SLOW YOUR ROLL, HONEY. AND THEN WE ARE GOING TO PAT HER

DOWN. AND THEN WE ARE GOING TO READ

HER E-MAILS. IF WE DON'T LIKE THE ANSWERS,

WHICH WE WON'T. BOOM, GUANTANAMO BAY.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO! NEXT QUESTION!

UH YES. YES.

>> EARLIER THIS WEEK YOU SAID THERE WAS A TERRORIST ATTACK IN

ATLANTA. >> YES.

BECAUSE I SAID THAT. YOU WROTE IT.

WHEN I SAID IT WRONG, YOU GUYS SHOULD KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

RIGHT OR WRONG. THAT'S WHY YOU ARE HERE.

OBVIOUSLY I MEANT ORLANTA. >> ORLANDO.

YOU KNOW WHAT! OKAY.

LOOK, THE PROBLEM IS ALL OF THESE TERRORIST

INSTANCES AND INCIDENTS THAT YOU ARE NOT REPORTING ON.

OKAY, I HAVE A WHOLE LIST HERE THAT YOU NEVER EVEN WRITE ABOUT.

NEVER COVERED THEM ONCE. LET'S READ FROM THE LIST OECHLT

KAY, THE BOWLING GREEN MASSACRE. NOT THE KELLYANN ONE, THE REAL

ONE. OKAY, THE HORROR IN SIX FLAGS.

OKAY. THE SLAUGHTER AT FRAGGLEROCK.

AND THE NIGHT THEY DROVE OLD DIXIE DOWN.

OKAY? AND THEN THERE IS THE LIGHT

TERRORISM THIS WEEK WHEN NORDSTROM'S DECIDED TO STOP

SELLING IVANKA TRUMP'S LINE OF CLOTHING AND

ACCESSORIES. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

OKAY, THAT'S NORDSTROM'S LOSS. BECAUSE THESE ARE HIGH, HIGH

QUALITY PRODUCTS. IN FACT, I AM WEARING ONE OF HER

BANGLES RIGHT NOW. IT IS BEAUTIFUL.

IT IS SHIMMERY. IT'S ELEGANT.

IT IS $39.99. IT IS UNBELIEVABLE.

UNBELIEVABLE. DON'T GET ME STARTED ON HER

SHOES. ALL RIGHT.

THESE BABIES ARE REAL HEAD TURNERS NOW.

WE HAVE A BRAND NEW ATTORNEY GENERAL.

EVERYONE IS VERY EXCITED ABOUT HIM.

HE IS GOING TO ANSWER SOME QUESTIONS AS WELL AS HERE WE GO.

YEAH! JEFF SESSIONS.

HI. I JUST WANT TO SAY I APPRECIATE

IT, THE FIERCE DEBATE AROUND MY NOMINATION.

LINDSAY GRAHAM CAME IN LIKE A PORCUPINE.

AND THEN MITCH McCONNELL, SWOOP IN LIKE AN ALLIGATOR.

BITE HIS HEAD OFF. AND WE KNOW THERE ARE TWO KINDS

OF CRIME, REGULAR AND BLACK. >> ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL

RIGHT. CASE MADE.

CASE MADE, THANK YOU, SECRETARY SESSIONS.

NOW YOU KNOW WE NEED SOME ONE HERE TO BRING BACK LAW AND

ORDER BECAUSE IN PLACES LIKE CHICAGO, THE MURDER RATE IS OVER

80%. 80% OF PEOPLE IN CHICAGO HAVE

BEEN MURDERED AND ARE DEAD. THEY'RE DEAD.

AND THAT'S ON YOU. YOU DID THAT.

>> YEAH, OKAY. YOU KNOW WHAT, I'M LOOKING AT

THE REAL NUMBERS HERE AND THEY DIRECTLY CONTRADICT EVERYTHING

YOU JUST SAID. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT WAS?

THAT WAS ME BLOWING AWAY THEIR DISHONESTY.

ANY OTHER QUESTIONS? >> YEAH, UH, JUST MENTALLY

THOUGH, ARE YOU OKAY? >> ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? YOU DON'T HAVE A CHANCE!

LIVE FROM NEW YORK IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!

For more infomation >> Sean Spicer Press Conference Cold Open - SNL - Duration: 8:20.

-------------------------------------------

Weekend Update: Senator Elizabeth Warren - SNL - Duration: 3:10.

>>> SENATOR WARREN WAS ASKED TO STAND DOWN WHEN READING A LETTER

FROM CORETTA SCOTT KING. HERE IS ELIZABETH WARREN.

>> THANK YOU SO MUCH. UM, YES, GOOD MORNING, TO YOU

BOTH AND THANK YOU SO MUCH. THIS IS NOT GOING TO BE FUN, BUT

IT IS NECESSARY. SO LET'S START RIGHT IN.

[ LAUGHTER ] SENATOR, HOW DID YOU FEEL ABOUT

BEING TOLD TO SIT DOWN BY MITCH McCONNELL?

>> WELL, HE TRIED TO SHUT ME UP. BUT NEVERTHELESS, I PERSISTED.

IN MAKING TWITTER MY B. I WILL NEVER STOP ROOTING OUT

CORRUPTION. WHICH BRINGS ME TO THE FIRST

QUESTION, ANCHOR JOST, WE WILL BEGIN WITH A YES/NO QUESTION.

NOW, IT SAYS HERE YOU AND MICHAEL CHE ARE CREDITED AS FULL

CAST MEMBERS ON THE SHOW? IS THAT CORRECT?

>> ARE YOU QUESTIONING ME? [ LAUGHTER ]

>> YES, I AM. AND YET YOU ONLY PERFORM IN A

TEN MINUTE SEGMENT, ENTITLED, SORRY I HAVE IT HERE, CALLED

"WEEKEND UPDATE." IS THAT YES?

[ LAUGHTER ] >> THAT'S CORRECT.

YES. >> AND YET YOU COLLECT THE SAME

PAYCHECK OF A CAST MEMBER WHO APPEARS THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE

SHOW. THAT'S INTERESTING.

IS IT NOT ALSO TRUE THAT YOU ARE CURRENTLY A BOARD MEMBER FOR

GOLDMAN SACHS? >> THAT ITS NOT TRUE.

NO. WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP ASKING ME

THAT? >> I THINK IT IS THE HAIR.

>> IT FEELS LIKE YOU ARE WORKING, ON THE JOB, AREN'T

THERE OTHER DEMOCRATS? >> IT'S ME, BERNIE AND SCHUMER.

THAT'S AMY SCHUMER. BRINGS ME TO THE NEXT ORDER OF

BUSINESS. ANCHOR JOST, IS IT NOT TRUE THAT

AS A TELEVISION PERSONALITY YOU RECEIVED FREEBIES AND SWAG BAGS

FROM SUCH COMPANIES AS POPCHIPS, CHAPSTICK, AND JAMBA JUICE?

>> OKAY. OCCASIONALLY, YEAH, WE GET FREE

STUFF. WE DON'T LET IT AFFECT WHAT WE

DO. RIGHT, CHE?

>> NOPE. >> LET THE RECORD SHOW THAT CHE

IS GUZZLING A RAZZMATAZZ SMOOTHIE.

>> YOU DO NOT STOP? >> NO, MY FIT BIT SAYS CHECK

ENGINE. >> HAVE YOU ALWAYS BEEN THIS

WAY? >> YES, IN MIDDLE SCHOOL, I WAS

THE GIRL WHO WOULD DO THIS? EXCUSE ME, EXCUSE ME, HE IS

WRITING ON THE DESK. >> YOU WERE NOT ABLE TO PREVENT

TRUMP'S NOMINEES. THEY WERE ALL CONFIRMED.

>> GLAD THAT YOU BROUGHT UP PRESIDENT TRUMP.

CONCERNING THE TIME THAT DONALD TRUMP HOSTED THIS --

>> WE'RE OUT OF TIME. >> AM I BEING SILENCED.

MR. CHAIRMAN, I WILL BE ASKING FOR THE QUORUM.

>> THERE IS NO QUORUM HERE. >> ELIZABETH WARREN, EVERYONE.

For more infomation >> Weekend Update: Senator Elizabeth Warren - SNL - Duration: 3:10.

-------------------------------------------

Weekend Update: Greg and Shelly Duncan - SNL - Duration: 2:48.

>>> THANKS TO THE 50 SHADE OF GRAY FILMS MANY COUPLES HAVE

BEEN EXPERIENCING WITH BONDAGE AND S & M IN THE BEDROOM.

HERE TO SHARE THEIR EXPERTISE, A COUPLE WHO RECENTLY GAVE IT A

SHOT. GREG AND SHELLY DUNCAN.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> HELLO, MICHAEL.

>> THANK YOU FOR HAVING US. >> WAS IT HARD TO TAKE THE FIRST

STEP INTO S & M? >> YOU MAY BE SHY.

I SUGGEST, A GLASS OF WINE OR TWO.

>> ABSOLUTELY. >> GOING OFF THE THEME OF PROPER

PREPARATION. IT IS ALSO IMPORTANT TO FIGURE

OUT THE EXTENT TO WHICH YOUR LIMBS CAN BEND BEFORE THEY

BREAK. AND HONEY, THAT GOES FOR YOUR

PENIS AS WELL. >> IN THE 50 SHADE OF GRAY MOVIE

THERE IS A LOT OF SPANKING IS THAT SOMETHING YOU GUYS TRIED?

>> OKAY. I CAN TAKE THAT ONE.

YES WE, DID. JUST A HEAD UP, AS A COUPLE TAKE

THE TIME TO DEFINE WHAT A SPANK IS.

IS IT AN OPEN HAND TAP ON THE REAR END?

OR A CLOSED FIST PUNCH TO EVERYWHERE?

>> GREGORY. >> KEEP SOME THINGS, PRIVATE,

BABY. >> BABY.

>> BUT MY HUSBAND MAKES A GOOD POINT.

KNOW WHAT YOUR PARTNER FEELS COMFORTABLE WITH.

LIKE -- ARE BLINDFOLD OKAY? >> UH-HUH.

>> IS PICKING YOUR PARTNER UP OVER YOUR HEAD AND BURNING HIM

ON AN OVERHEADLIGHT COOL? GUILTY.

>> ARE HANDCUFFS A FAIR GAME? IN MY CASE, YES.

>> DOES BEING WATER BOARDED WITH YOUR OWN URINE TURN YOU ON.

IN MY CASE, NO. >> SO THIS JUST SOUND PAINFUL.

WHAT DID YOU ENJOY ABOUT IT? >> WELL WE LOVED GETTING

CREATIVE AND PRETENDING TO BE OTHER PEOPLE.

DIDN'T WE, BABY? >> UH-HUH.

I EVEN HAD A LITTLE NAME FOR HER.

I CALLED HER MISTRESS XANDA. WHAT WAS THE NAME YOU HAD FOR

ME? >> TOILET DOG.

>> TOILET DOG. >> I WOULD SAY FUN LITTLE

THINGS, LIKE EAT YOUR FEAR LITTLE TOILET DOG.

GRR. >> YEAH, WELL -- ANY TIPS FOR

OUR VIEWERS WHO STILL MAY BE INTERESTED IN

GIVING S & M A SHOT. >> GO FOR IT.

A LITTLE CHANGE COULD MAKE A BIG DIFFERENCE.

>> YEAH, ALSO, KNOW YOUR BLOOD TYPE.

[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] >> GREG AND SHELLY DUNCAN

EVERYBODY! FOR WEEKEND UPDATE, I'M

MICHAEL CHE! >> AND I'M COLIN JOST,

GOODNIGHT! ♪♪♪

For more infomation >> Weekend Update: Greg and Shelly Duncan - SNL - Duration: 2:48.

-------------------------------------------

Trump People's Court - SNL - Duration: 4:54.

>>> HE IS ASKING FOR BROAD UNCHECKED POWER, WILL HE GET IT?

>> THESE ARE THE DEFENDANTS. THREE JUDGES FROM THE NINTH

CIRCUIT COURT WHO HEARD THE CASE FOR TRUMP'S BAN, AND SAID NOT IN

OUR HOUSE. THEY'RE ACCUSED OF LETTING BAD

HOMBRES POUR INTO THIS COUNTRY. >> ALL RISE DO YOU PROMISE TO

TELL THE TRUTH, WHOLE TRUTH AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH, SO HELP

YOU GOD. >> WE DO.

>> MR. PRESIDENT. >> I'M GOOD.

>> ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU.

FIRST OF ALL, MR. TRUMP, YOU UNDERSTAND THIS IS A V COURT

RIGHT? >> THAT'S OKAY.

I AM A TV PRESIDENT. >> SO YOUR TRAVEL BAN HAS BEEN

REJECTED AS UNCONSTITUTIONAL, ONCE AGAIN, HERE YOU ARE.

WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE, MAN? >> WELL, THANK YOU, JUDGE, OR

WHAT DO YOU CALL A LADY JUDGE, A FLIGHT ATTENDANT?

SOMETHING LIKE THAT? I SIGNED A TREMENDOUS TRAVEL

BAN. I DON'T -- I DIDN'T READ IT.

BUT I SIGNED IT. PEOPLE TOOK PICTURES OF ME

HOLDING UP A PIECE OF PAPER. VERY OFFICIAL.

THESE JUDGES HAVE BEEN VERY DISRESPECTFUL.

I'M RIGHT. THEY'RE WRONG.

I WANT THE BAN LIFTED. ALSO I WANT $725.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW, EARLIER

THIS WOMAN ASKED ME TO AWARD HER JOINT CUSTODY OF A SNAKE AND SHE

HAD MORE OF A CASE THAN YOU. OKAY?

ALL RIGHT. LET ME ASK THE CIRCUIT COURT

JUDGES. >> SO CALLED.

>> EXCUSE ME? >> SO-CALLED.

SO-CALLED JUDGES. >> EXCUSE ME, MR. TRUMP, THESE

THREE ARE FEDERAL JUDGES. OKAY, THEY'RE ACTUALLY MORE REAL

THAN I AM. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]

OKAY. JUDGES, WHY DID YOU AGREE WITH

THE LOWER COURT'S PROJECTION OF THE BAN.

>> YOUR HONOR IT WAS OUR CONCLUSION THE BAN VIOLATED THE

ESTABLISHMENT CLAUSE BECAUSE IT INCLUDED A RELIGIOUS TEST.

>> [ LAUGHTER ] >> OVERRULED.

>> ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT. PRESIDENT TRUMP, THAT'S ENOUGH.

OKAY. >> I WILL ALLOW IT.

I WILL ALLOW IT. >> ALRIGHT.

>> ALRIGHT, MR. TRUMP, DO YOU HAVE ONE LEGITIMATE REASON WE

NEED THIS BAN? >> OF COURSE I DO.

IT IS SO SIMPLE. THE BAD PEOPLE ARE POURING IN.

AND YOU SEE THEM, AND IT'S ISIS, SAN BERNARDINO, CHICAGO, I MEAN,

LOOK AT CHICAGO. THE BAILIFF KNOWS WHAT I'M

TALKING ABOUT. AM I RIGHT?

YOU KNOW, MY MAN, YOU KNOW -- BAD HOMBRES, BAD BOYS --

I MEAN, THESE BAD BOYS, BAD BOYS, WHAT YOU GONNA DO?

WHAT YOU GONNA DO? >> YOU WANT TO BRING A CHARACTER

WITNESS? >> YES, SOME ONE WHO HAS KNOWN

ME FOR YEARS, INCREDIBLE PERSON, WITH IMPECCABLE CREDENTIALS, MR.

VLADAMIR PUTIN. >> AN AUTHORITARIAN LEADER WHO

INVADED OTHER COUNTRIES AND KILLED RIVALS.

HE'S PRESIDENT TRUMP'S LONG-TIME CRUSH.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> VLADAMIR IS AN AMAZING

PERSON. HE KNOWS ME BETTER THAN ANYONE.

>> THAT'S RIGHT. EVERYBODY, COME ON!

LAY OFF PRESIDENT TRUMP. OKAY.

THIS MAN IS GREAT FRIEND. HE IS MY LITTLE AMERICAN HAPPY

MEAL. HE DO ANYTHING FOR YOU.

HE'D GO AGAINST HIS OWN COUNTRY JUST TO MAKE US HAPPY, OKAY.

WE GOOD HERE? COOL.

SEE YOU AT MAR A LAGO, BABY! >> THAT'S IT.

PRESIDENT TRUMP, LOOK I READ THE BAN.

IT SEEMED RUSHED EVEN TO ME. I DECIDE THREE COURT CASES IN AN

HOUR, OKAY. I SEE NO EVIDENCE THAT IT WILL

HELP. SO I AM SORRY TO SAY.

>> I WANT TO SETTLE. >> EXCUSE ME?

>> SETTLE. SETTLE OUT OF COURT.

>> MR. PRESIDENT. >> WE SETTLED, AND SO WILL YOU.

>> NO, I WON'T. AND LET ME JUST SAY, YOU ARE

DOING TOO MUCH. I WANT ONE DAY WITHOUT A CNN

ALERT THAT SCARES THE HELL OUT OF ME.

ALL RIGHT. I JUST -- I JUST WANT TO RELAX

AND WATCH THE GRAMMYS. AND NO ONE HAS EVER SAID THAT.

THAT IS MY DECISION. >> JUDGE RULES FOR THE NINTH

CIRCUIT JUDGES. OUR NEXT CASE, ON THE PEOPLE'S

COURT. THE PLAINTIFF IS PRESIDENT

DONALD TRUMP. THE DEFENDANT IS A MANAGER AT

NORDSTROM WHEN WE RETURN. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

For more infomation >> Trump People's Court - SNL - Duration: 4:54.

-------------------------------------------

Weekend Update on a $18 Cup of Coffee - SNL - Duration: 6:55.

>> A NEW COFFEE SHOP HAS OPENED IN BROOKLYN THAT WILL SELL AN

$18 CUP OF COFFEE, WHICH ONLY MAKES SENCE TO ME IF IT SERVED

WITH A SIDE OF $15 DAMN DOLLARS. [ LAUGHTER ]

AN AMERICAN WOMAN SET A NEW RECORD VISITING EVERY COUNTRY IN

THE WORLD IN 19 MONTHS. AFTER ALL THAT TRAVEL SHE FOUND

THE ONE THING THAT HAD BEEN INSIDE HER ALL ALONG.

ZIKA. >> A MASSACHUSETTS COUPLE WHOSE

SON WAS BORN DURING THE SUPER BOWL HAS NAMED HIM BRADY.

WHILE AN ATLANTA COUPLE WHOSE SON

WAS BORN DURING THE SUPER BOWL NAMED HIM, "SON OF A BITCH."

[ LAUGHTER ] >> VALENTINE'S DAY IS RIGHT

AROUND THE CORNER. SMOOTH TRANSITION.

HERE ARE SOME TIPS ON HOW TO MAKE IT A SPECIAL NIGHT, A GUY

WHO JUST BOUGHT A BOAT. >> HOW ARE YOU, MAN?

>> I'M GREAT. YOU ARE LOOKING VERY DAPPER,

MAN. TRES DAP.

THE DAP KING. DAP KING COLE.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> I'M JUST KIDDING, MAN.

DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY. EVERYBODY GETS A LITTLE.

SO, V-DAY. LET'S GET INTO IT.

FIRST OFF, YOU GOT TO GET THAT RES, DOG.

>> I'M SORRY, WHAT? >> SHORT FOR RESERVACHE'.

[ LAUGHTER ] A LOT OF PEEPS ARE GOING TO SAY

THAT ON V-DAY YOUR GIRL IS GOING TO WANT SOME SUSH' IN HER

BOOSH' -- [ LAUGHTER ]

BUT I BEG TO DIFF' YOU ARE GONNA WANT TO SPRING FOR A STEAK DIN'.

M'KAY, SOMETHING WITH BLOOD. [ LAUGHTER ]

ANYWHERE WITH A FIREPLACE, A COAT CHECK AND A LATER MAITRE D'

WITH ASS FOR DAYS. I HAVE A SMALL PENIS --

[ LAUGHTER ] UH --

ONCE YOU LOCKED DOWN THAT RES, IT'S ON TODAY DE FLEUR, AKA,

THAT'S FRENCH FOR FLOWERS. I'M TALKIN' 'BOUT LONG STEMMERS,

BOYS. NOTHING DROPS THE SLINGSHOT LIKE

A DOZEN REDHEADS. PRO-TIP SEND A DOZEY' IMPORTS TO

HER OFFICE, EACH AND EVERY ONE OF HER CO-WORKERS IS GOING TO

BLOW HER LEVIS. [ LAUGHTER ]

>> BLOW THEIR LEVIS? [ SIGH ]

>> JOST McBOOSH -- I CAN TELL YOU HAVE NEVER DONE

THE V-D RIGHT. [ LAUGHTER ]

TIP NUMERO TROIS. LIGHT A BUNCH OF CANDLES ALL

OVER YOUR APT, CHICKS ARE LIKE MOTHS, GUYS.

THEY GO CRAZY FOR FLAMES, MY JUNK SUCKS.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> I'M SORRY, DIDN'T YOU

INITIALLY COME ON TO TALK ABOUT BOATS?

>> GETTING THERE, LASSIE! YOU KNOW COLLIE, COLIN.

COLIN JOST, IT'S YOUR NICKNAME, BRO.

[ LAUGHTER ] ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET THIS LOVE

TRAIN A-SCOOTING. [ LAUGHTER ]

GOT TO TEACH MY PEEPS TO LAND HO.

I WON'T BE LONG, I HAVE TO BE SOME WHERE LATER, BUT IT IS NOT

ON LAND. >> IS IT A BOAT?

>> A LADY NEVER TELLS. >> LET ME SAY THIS, I'M ABOUT TO

GET NAUGHTY, C OOH. L.

COL. ALL THESE TIPS ARE WASTED UNLESS

THAT ARM CANDY IS NICE AND SWEET.

IF YOU ARE GOING TO TIE YOURSELF DOWN.

>> YOU WANT TO -- >> GUY JUST BOUGHT A BOUGHT,

EVERYONE. >>> A CHEETO THAT LOOKED LIKE

HARAMBE WAS SOLD. IT WAS A LITTLE LIKE HARAMBE IS

THAT HE ALSO DESERVES TO BE SHOT.

>> OFFICIALS IN ENGLAND SAY OVER 60 MILLION OF COCAINE WASHED UP

ON A BEACH. FOR REFERENCE HERE'S WHAT $60

MILLION OF WASHED UP COCAINE LOOKS LIKE.

>>> THANKS TO THE 50 SHADE OF GRAY FILMS MANY COUPLES HAVE

BEEN EXPERIENCING WITH BONDAGE AND S & M IN THE BEDROOM.

HERE TO SHARE THEIR EXPERTISE, A COUPLE WHO RECENTLY GAVE IT A

SHOT. GREG AND SHELLY DUNCAN.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> HELLO, MICHAEL.

>> THANK YOU FOR HAVING US. >> WAS IT HARD TO TAKE THE FIRST

STEP INTO S & M? >> YOU MAY BE SHY.

I SUGGEST, A GLASS OF WINE OR TWO.

>> ABSOLUTELY. >> GOING OFF THE THEME OF PROPER

PREPARATION. IT IS ALSO IMPORTANT TO FIGURE

OUT THE EXTENT TO WHICH YOUR LIMBS CAN BEND BEFORE THEY

BREAK. AND HONEY, THAT GOES FOR YOUR

PENIS AS WELL. >> IN THE 50 SHADE OF GRAY MOVIE

THERE IS A LOT OF SPANKING IS THAT SOMETHING YOU GUYS TRIED?

>> OKAY. I CAN TAKE THAT ONE.

YES WE, DID. JUST A HEAD UP, AS A COUPLE TAKE

THE TIME TO DEFINE WHAT A SPANK IS.

IS IT AN OPEN HAND TAP ON THE REAR END?

OR A CLOSED FIST PUNCH TO EVERYWHERE?

>> GREGORY. >> KEEP SOME THINGS, PRIVATE,

BABY. >> BABY.

>> BUT MY HUSBAND MAKES A GOOD POINT.

KNOW WHAT YOUR PARTNER FEELS COMFORTABLE WITH.

LIKE -- ARE BLINDFOLD OKAY? >> UH-HUH.

>> IS PICKING YOUR PARTNER UP OVER YOUR HEAD AND BURNING HIM

ON AN OVERHEADLIGHT COOL? GUILTY.

>> ARE HANDCUFFS A FAIR GAME? IN MY CASE, YES.

>> DOES BEING WATER BOARDED WITH YOUR OWN URINE TURN YOU ON.

IN MY CASE, NO. >> SO THIS JUST SOUND PAINFUL.

WHAT DID YOU ENJOY ABOUT IT? >> WELL WE LOVED GETTING

CREATIVE AND PRETENDING TO BE OTHER PEOPLE.

DIDN'T WE, BABY? >> UH-HUH.

I EVEN HAD A LITTLE NAME FOR HER.

I CALLED HER MISTRESS XANDA. WHAT WAS THE NAME YOU HAD FOR

ME? >> TOILET DOG.

>> TOILET DOG. >> I WOULD SAY FUN LITTLE

THINGS, LIKE EAT YOUR FEAR LITTLE TOILET DOG.

GRR. >> YEAH, WELL -- ANY TIPS FOR

OUR VIEWERS WHO STILL MAY BE INTERESTED IN

GIVING S & M A SHOT. >> GO FOR IT.

A LITTLE CHANGE COULD MAKE A BIG DIFFERENCE.

>> YEAH, ALSO, KNOW YOUR BLOOD TYPE.

[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] >> GREG AND SHELLY DUNCAN

EVERYBODY! FOR WEEKEND UPDATE, I'M

MICHAEL CHE! >> AND I'M COLIN JOST,

GOODNIGHT! ♪♪♪