being able to tell somebody that you
love them it's one of the greatest
feelings that we can encounter as a
human being I believe because to have
love and connection with people in your
life not only builds the synergy in your
relationships but also builds your own
self worth and self love exponentially
because of that kinesthetic kinship and
that together pneus that those three
words bring and sometimes as men we
forget this I'm Ash Kirwan from
ashkirwan.com.au and this is my video
on relationship tips and advice on this
beautiful morning standing next to a
creek here in Brisbane which avoids
driven past on my way to the
nine-to-five job that I used to have
partaken in landscaping before i started
to endeavor on this journey of educating
people through family dynamics and
mental health and physical health and
the greater understanding of domestic
violence because a lot of my life i
spent separated from my family and my
peers because of the issues of mental
health showed up in my world and
ironically that i'm doing videos on
relationship tips of advice is the fact
that in order for me to resolve my
mental health issues in order for me to
raise my level of self worth and be able
to contribute and continue to contribute
to society in these manners that i do
i've had to retract a lot of the ill
demeanor and ill feelings with my family
you know there was a large portion of my
life that I would have hurt my father's
house down with him in it not even blink
twice because of the ill feelings and
unresolved issues left from my teenage
years and the divorce of mum and dad
that got really messy and yet yes I had
a conversation on the phone just before
I drove off for a week up on the
northern beaches of her
you at the end of the conversation for
the first time in I'd say about 20 years
I my father actually told me that he
loved me and after I told him that I
loved him when we're saying goodbye
they'll know it's difficult for him
because you know his his age group in
his generation grew up in the in the gap
of you've got to be hard and rugged and
tough and men don't show their emotions
and men don't cry etc etc but with all
the stuff that's gone on between me and
Human Human marmon and family over the
years to hear him say those words was
magnificent and you know it's been many
years that I've had to take in to
breakthrough mum psychological abuse
because many years through their their
destructive relationship mum become like
a high of a parent and often she felt
like her interactions to me like we're
like being covered in a spider's web you
know I've had to do a lot of work to
retract that and probably the first tip
i'll give you in this video is to take
ownership and responsibility of your
relationships in your world and that's
that's not easy it's not easy for me to
say that either because you know there
was a large portion of my life where I
guess I spent it in blame of my parents
and their inability to effectively
communicate and work for their issues
which just kind of onset this pattern
and this cycle of unresolved in mine and
my brother's life and I spent a large
portion of my life blaming them for that
it was only when I stood back and
decided you know what this is my life in
my world and i'm going to take
responsibility for i'm going to take
responsibility for these old map it's
and i'm going to make i'm going to herd
them into the arena of love whether they
like it or not we're going to resolve
these issues and even if I've got to
somewhat drag you by the hair we're
going this way because I want a family I
want my own family relationship but I
want to be able to say love with the
people I care about my world and I just
decided that
where's the family we're going this way
much to their dismay I might add however
it's been a fun journey because what's
what it's meant is every time something
showed up I had to own it I had to take
responsibility for it and all I had to
realize that this is my life and my
choice is to put and hold people in my
world you know we cannot change our
family clearly because they're the ones
that brought us into this world but we
can love them for the idiosyncrasies and
we can love them for the insecurities
that they're brought into our world and
in doing so it brings a great level of
peace to our self you know this is not a
five-second things but I'm talking about
here I like this takes some serious work
like I'm 38 now and I've had to deal
with the clutches of mental health from
the ages of 19 so pretty much half my
life I've had to do I've had to face
some of this stuff and that's why I'm
shooting these videos on domestic
violence psychological abuse mental
health physical fitness & fat and
constructive family relationships
because you know i'm on i could say
against my will I've had to work on
these things in order to improve myself
yet I could have gotten the other way
too and so large portion of it is my
decision to stand up and rise above a
lot of the well I would like to call it
the immaturity of the family dynamics I
grew in dropping and that's not to say
mom and dad are immature little
teenagers they've done very well for
themselves although nobody ever
demonstrated or led by example for them
on how to resolve their issues of how to
communicate effectively or how to listen
with the intent to understand rather
than just to respond and react which was
took up a large portion of their
relationship and their marriage together
too I might add and it's affected their
relationship since and so when I started
I took responsibility of it you know to
take a psychological flogging a large
portion of domestic violence and
psychological abuse which exists to all
different parameters within society
because we live in a world
conducted by red tape and intellectual
property to you I might add which within
the whole One World Order conglomerate
which all these corporations are trying
to unify to create by climbing over one
another in an economical rage sort of
symbolize that it's going on a much
larger picture than what we really
fathom the use of the whole human psyche
to hold ourselves against yourself is
the innate nature of where our cut
worldly culture is at at the moment and
so probably take responsibility that we
can realize everybody's searching for
peace everybody's researching for self
worth and self love and everybody wants
to feel good enough to be able to be a
part of something greater of their own
family and so when we're varying levels
away from that it can it can seem
confronting and it can seem overbearing
as to how we go about crossing that
ravine of love and connection within our
family but you can do it i believe you
can do it if you take responsibility for
every action or inaction that somebody
close to you takes then what it means is
over time you're going to slowly will
the direction to be one more conducive
of love and light in connection because
sometimes the darkness that comes from
unresolved relationships and it'll
demeanor negative aspects of our
relationships will bring us the greatest
form of light and love through the
resolution of these issues over time and
this is why we must sit there and take
responsibility for the relationships for
ourselves I have a philosophical view
that nobody exists in our world other
than the fact that we put them there and
so we have a choice to keep them there
or whether to let them go and if we step
into that paradigm and thought that's a
big place of how we take responsibility
for our relationships and where our life
is moving because sometimes it's very
hard to raise yourself worth than just
initiate self-love but we can catch
yourself when we're talking negatively
to ourself and bring herself back to a
center
and will we bring ourselves back to our
Center we have a chance to look at
issues and situations from a more
constructive manner and if we can begin
to look at its issues and situations in
a more constructive manner what it means
is that over longer period of time we're
more conducive to find the solutions
here I can't tell you what it feels like
to have your father who who asked the
mental institution to keep me in there
to teach me a lesson right in front of
me too I might add and got me barely
punished fairly severely and would never
ever stop and have time to communicate
with me without actually stopping what
he was doing I can't tell you what it's
like to have a man like that tell his
son he loves him it's liberating you
know like I sent him last night there's
a large portion of his life like his
whole life that he never actually
stopped what he was doing to acknowledge
what i was trying to torture him bowel
or understand me as I was intending to
be understood so my father spent a large
portion of his life hustling from
project to project trying to get to the
next big thing trying to get the next
thing he's working on done and sold so
you can get to the next point to the
next point to the next point forever
laterally thinking about how is going to
solve the problems in his world without
ever actually stopping and listening to
me wholeheartedly as to the situations
in my world and that effectively
massively although he was never aware of
that and so it's only when I managed to
stop my anger for long enough and
communicate to him from an effective
place and actually explain myself and
demand a little bit of respect without
getting angry with the man that I
managed to move beyond some of those
issues and get back to love and
connection and growth and contribution
with a bloke who you spend a large
portion of his life appearing his an
egocentric wanker to on my dad you know
dad never had the examples on how to
communicate effectively
with his with his kids with his family
with his partner with his mates and he
spent a large portion his life is only a
few close mates yes nothing against him
is just what he's experienced in his
life and so this has really must take
responsibility for our relationships you
know getting closer to my father and my
mother over the last couple of years has
really allowed me to see a great
potential of having a group a really
good relationship moving forward with a
partner and having children because if I
didn't resolve those issues with both
dad moving forward there's no way I
would have been able to have a
constructive relationship with a partner
because of that level of family
dysfunction it was going on you know for
a lot quite a lot of my adult years
every time I would stop and talk to mum
and dad they wouldn't understand
anything of sight and the conversation
would always call from the tangent and
so until I could stop and identify that
that was happening that relationship
paradigm was set and it wasn't changing
there's only one I took responsibility
of my emotions in my emotional state and
started to go to understand my emotions
and how is reacting and responding to
them that are managed to actually cross
the little bridge that allowed me to
start seeing the role that they played
in my life significantly different and
it's once I started seeing them in a
significantly different light that
our relationship evolved so that is what
biggest relationship tip is to take
responsibility of relationships yourself
because once you learn how to cross that
little bridge the one thing you realize
is that once you build that muscle up of
cross an average eventually you can just
pop over the ravine and whatever side of
the grass you know that you want to
exist I'm so glad I stopped here this
morning because many mornings on my
drive to work doing a nine-to-five
landscaping Australia one backyard at a
time giving family some of the play and
connect together all around Australia
now has taught me that we are in control
of our lives we are our own powerful
force of being and when we take control
of it regardless of our situation
because I was into some pretty heavy
situations mentally institutionalized
four times between the ages of 19 and 25
and the ramifications that had on my
psychology of my relationships and mom
particularly I've been huge I've spent a
large portion of my time having to
metaphorically dragged Mumbai the hair
to get her back to a place of
constructive communication because she
believed that all men are assholes and
all men are tired and painted with the
same brush don't do that ladies do that
that's not nice for you for your son's
that that listens to you evolve your
communication and conversation around
men because you want them to grow up
into the gentleman and to love ladies so
we must exhibit our own true nature of
our love and connection or to build that
abundance into our family dynamic and
this is also where we must take control
of our own perceptions in relationships
because this is how we evolve as a
culture this is how we evolve is the
nature this is how we evolve mental
health issues within our the construct
of our family through effective
communication over time to understand
our bodies our minds how
we interact the unresolved issues and
have foods and hydration responded react
to our body in order to evolve a deeper
understanding of ourselves and role we
play in our relationships and the role
we're playing in the world that we want
to create together for ourselves because
that's where the fun starts when we
individually start to take
responsibility our life has story and
start to move towards a greater
understanding of ourself and the flow we
have in our life there's a lot of fun to
be had you know sharing my love with my
mother and father now has given me the
ability to share my love with other
people to friends colleagues and
potential partners and I embrace that I
embrace that wholeheartedly because what
it means is that I can be the anchor for
other people to hold the love for
themselves and their relationships to I
can be the anchor to teaching guide
people through the unresolved issues of
their relationships into a greater level
of peace and abundance and acceptance of
self so in this video on relationship
tips take control of yourself your
emotional state and the unresolved
issues within your relationships and go
and get empowered to slowly but surely
change and affect the role that you see
yourself playing in other people's lives
and share love those people in your life
that cannot say the words I love you say
them for them and mean them with dignity
and pride because you are worthy you are
absolutely worthy of everything you
deserve that is orientated for a place
of love and connection piece
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