I was playing for a small group of friends, and as I was playing, my hand started to clench into a fist.
And I couldn't extend my fingers back out.
I didn't feel like it was a serious thing. I felt like it was just temporary.
But as the days went on and it didn't get better, you start seeing doctors and trying to figure things out.
The week that Michael received his diagnosis, it was the week that we closed on our house.
And it was the same week that Mike lost his job.
I have a goal of wanting to make sure that people can feel the spirit of the music.
So I'm gonna roll on that. That's great.
Alright.
So here we go off the top.
Sorry I missed that note there. On the...
It's ok. We're still working it out.
Sometimes it takes a lot of patience.
And it's really frustrating to go through so many different styles, and different key signatures,
and different notes, and left hand rythms and patterns.
And not to have anything after 40 hours of work is...is as you can imagine, is really frustrating.
You could be louder here if you wanted to.
Unless you're, unless you sure...
Yeah, no I want to build it right there, so I think that's...
But then when it clicks and it finally comes together and you just feel the spirit confirm to you that that's in fact
the direction that you need to go, that's a special, special moment,
and I think that's one of the things that keeps me arranging.
In the beginning it was just kind of a casual hobby of mine
until I, I had received a very strong and undeniable impression from the Lord that
that was something that he wanted me to do.
On "Believe", the first album, I was serving my mission when he was recording a lot of it.
And then he sent me the demo tape.
I just remember listening through it the first time and realizing that he had done it.
Then it was years later until we actually released it.
During that time as well, my...my father got very ill.
He was a brilliant musician.
I remember going up to the hospital and telling my Dad that I'd been at the piano and recording that day
There's one song in particular that I'll always remember.
It was the last song that he had composed before he passed away.
I was anxious to put his composition on the album so that I could hear that again
and others could hear that again as well.
So I feel inspired to do the album, I start working on it, and then...
you know, three quarters of the way through the album I was sitting down at the piano
and I was playing for a small group of friends.
And as I was playing, my hand started to clench in to a fist. Finally I just had to stop.
I didn't feel like it was a serious thing, I felt like it was just temporary.
But as the days went on, and it didn't get better
you know, days turn into weeks and weeks into months
As we saw different doctors and different specialists
everyone was focused on an acute injury.
There was definitely dark times.
In a way I felt, uh...I felt like the Lord owed me.
There were several times where I thought "I'm not doing this."
And times where I would pray and beg the Lord to bless me with the ability to get through the music.
And not feeling like those prayers were being answered. And in those times came anger, and frustration,
and kind of a..."forget this. I'm not doing this anymore."
To be frustrated with the Lord is a bad, bad place to be because it's very...it's very hopeless.
I felt the weight of a potential diagnosis, probably the most
when the doctors started thinking it could be systemic.
I think Mike sent out a couple of emails saying "hey, I've got this issue going on."
"Uh, we don't know what it is. We're going through all these tests." And I remember being really worried about it.
I mean, I was shocked, I was confused.
It...just to happen to my best friend.
They thought it was myositis.
So he would be in a wheelchair. Or that it was ALS.
I remember at his Grandmother's funeral that year in 2010.
I just feared being alone.
As I went through day to day, and week to week and wasn't able to play, it was very humbling.
I remember sitting down with my Mom one evening and talking to her and she said "You know, Mike
maybe you're not praying for the right things."
It took a long time for me to realize that the Lord had not deserted me, but he was trying to teach me.
I was diagnosed with what's called Progressive Muscular Atrophy.
It's a slowly progressive form of ALS.
People who are diagnosed, on average, have four to six years.
We had our twins when Taylor...before she was even two.
We had Coleman and Preston.
I had already spent three weeks in the hospital on bedrest.
And seven weeks before that, just at home on bedrest.
They were um...in the NICU for three weeks. They were six weeks early.
We were in-between homes. I was living at my sister's house.
And going back and forth from the hospital four times a day...
um...in the middle of the night, just to feed them.
And so the week that the boys came out of the hospital, was the week that Michael received his diagnosis.
It was the week that we closed on our house. And it was the same week that Mike lost his job.
And then on Sunday we needed to give on talk on, um...faith through adversity.
We are here to do "The Ice Bucket Challenge", and we have challenged quite a few people.
It give you an enternal perspective on life.
You really have to put all of your trust, and your confidence, and your faith in the Lord.
There are days where reality sets in and I think "how can I do this? Can I do this?"
Um...or even reality with my children. How can they do it? How will they potentially not have their Dad there
when they get married, or when they have children and they want to go see Grandpa?
It's definitely hard to think about. It's hard to think about, especially in relation to my family.
The music is important because I think, when I'm gone, the music will stay.
The trial doesn't define you. What you're going through doesn't define who you are.
You define you. You choose you're attitude. You choose what you'll do with it.
I think that anybody who has a trial or a challenge that can take it to the Lord
and really ask "how can I grow from this? What are you trying to teach me?"
That's where the change of heart is. That's where the hope comes from.
Things happen to you. You don't get to choose if you'll make the sacrifice
to be married to a husband that has a terminal disease. But you get to choose what you do with it.
I really think that's why the Lord blesses us with trials and challenges.
Hope is knowing that there...is a God.
And not just a God, but a God that knows us personally.
Because of the Atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ, I know that he understands me perfectly.
Because he's experienced it. I mean, he truly knows what...what this is.
Those little things form you into who you'll be, but you have to choose it.
Life is eternal, if we make the right decisions. And feeling that peace, that's what gets us through.
There's somebody watching out for us.
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