we're here at my brother's house we're here to work on his yard I think I've
mentioned this but I have obligated him into letting me do his yard for the
summer I just need to make a little bit more money for IVF and he needed a
landscaper and so I said I'll do it for you before we start the yard work I'm
gonna finally share IVF number two with you now that my brother is not home I'm
gonna take the opportunity to use his house to record the story before we'd
start yard work the quickest recap is this we tried naturally for a long time
in 2011 we did clomid started three cycles who said no word then we did some
uterine inseminations or IU eyes ultimately after that we
started meeting with infertility doctors most said that it was unexplained and
then we finally found a doctor to listen to all of her problems he seemed great
we didn't know anybody who's the only infertility doctor we saw it was a
botched cycle so then in 2014 we met with a real doctor and we did an IVF so
we did the first for the first IVF with UFC Utah Utah fertility center link
below so I see professional vloggers doing I wish I was professional you got
pregnant had an early miscarriage we did a laparoscopy in 2015 yeah and we found
yeah stage for endometriosis and now this brings us to the next installment
of our story yes so we talked all about each of these things if you want more
details yeah we talked about endometriosis and laparoscopy already
you do that a new 2015 we did the laparoscopy even after the laparoscopy
my doctor said I still want to treat you with depo Lupron just in case there was
anything I couldn't get in side your abdomen I want to make sure we shrink it
with the depo Lupron and then we'll do your IVF so I did three months of depo
Lupron crazy just like I am now um and so I think in February
crazy but not that crazy I feel like birth control cake is worse than a
double loop run kanika last night I was talking to steuby cuz I was feeling a
little zombi like in my emotions and his words
to describe me were cold and dead well in my own defense
you just described yourself as zombie like and zombies are cold and dead so I
guess you could say we're on the same page so before we did the IVF I was
traumatized because every step of the infertility journey I was like oh this
is all it's gonna take all I'm gonna need is to chart my cycle oh I guess
that's not gonna work okay I guess all I need is woman oh that didn't work huh I
you I that's definitely gonna be the thing that works okay that didn't work
either okay IVF tons of people get pregnant on IVF we've had unexplained
infertility we're totally a pregnant this time and then it didn't happen I
feel like a lot of people are like yeah everybody I know it takes them a couple
cycles of IVF in my head I'm thinking no way first the first time and so and we
were more open the first time because we felt so confident that it would work um
so we told our family and friends and I mean we weren't like as open as we are
now but we were more open the second time I was a little bit more
apprehensive so I remember thinking wow nothing's guaranteed IVF doesn't
guarantee pregnancy even if you tell everyone about it even if you have
everyone praying for you even if everyone has good vibes and they think
it's gonna work there's no promises there are never
promises and even now that we have tons of answers which will come more as we
drag the story out there are still no promises the second time yeah we were
Wow the second time we didn't share as much
information so we thought for the first IVF at UFC we're like we just wanted
everybody to know because we wanted the support from everybody but then the
thing made it hard was the stress of everybody consistently and constantly
asking how things were going and what stage you're at and then when it didn't
work like I know nobody felt let down by us but at the same time we felt like we
were letting people down that it didn't work because so many people are were
emotionally invested in it with us so that was its whole other whole
their challenge they just do whatever feels best to you I don't know that
there's I think it's hard I don't think there's ever a right way to go through
something really challenging so in 2016 of February we started I mean this was
just a year and a half ago so we started the stim meds because I've been on loop
run for three months I had a slower response time apparently your ovaries
are just like put to sleep and so they have a really hard time waking up and
start moving and start juicing up those follicles again
so my it took me I think three or four more days of medication than it did
prior because my hormones had been cold and dead and zombie like because I was
so slow to respond they put me on an extra estrogen pill and then things
started moving a little bit better and each time I went in they were seeing
more and more and more follicles I didn't blow the second time I didn't
feel the cramping and stuff like I did last time and so that made me think I
wasn't responding as well I was on human growth hormone and then it was retrieval
time and I love egg retrievals because I loved anesthesia I would be a total drug
addict if I could be probably I just think it feels so good you just go to
this happy place and it's great I'm the exact opposite I hate being drugged and
not feeling like myself at all well when it's a short anesthesia trip it's fine
when you're under for like hours and hours and never laughing gasps oh I love
laughing guys makes me feel paranoid and they break out good like cold sweat and
my body's like huh oh my gosh don't fall asleep I was gonna so I'm looking
forward to my coming up egg retrieval it's like the best best thing of ibf
ever I can't wait anyway that's not my part what's your
favorite part so no we did the egg retrieval and we ended up getting 36
eggs last time with Utah Fertility Center we got 31 so we got you and more
eggs than we did last time which was so surprising because I didn't feel the
same and because they were slower growing 23 were mature 18
there was a point when I was panicking and I was like I'm just worried about
this I mean who knows if they're gonna work and I don't know I was I was
getting really sciency and Stewart was like these are your babies like these
are these this is how every baby is created it starts in a different kind of
way we all start as cells that divide and he said don't send them your worry
and your panic only send them your love and so whenever I was getting nervous
and anxious I would reflect on that phrase only your
love nothing but love and even now sometimes when I get nervous I mean the
eggs we use are inside me now and so I try to remember send them my love send
them only my love don't send them my panic and my worry like they are
fighting to be with us just as hard as we were fighting to be with them on day
five our transfer day the we actually had our doctor was out of town so one of
the other fertility specialists came in and she I remember we were both like
okay we're ready to take the bad news and she said there's no bad news I only
have good news and we couldn't believe it and she said you have two really good
looking embryos they look really good they're blastocyst they've expanded
they're just about to hatch out of their shell did you know that embryos hatch
out of a show it's crazy I did and she said you have a 50% chance of twins and
a 75% chance of a single baby and we just couldn't believe it she told me to
drop my pants and she'd be back in a minute I remember a sweet little stewed
choked up a little bit he couldn't believe that we'd gotten to a point
where like the embryos looked good and we finally had a proper treatment to
have good quality embryos so we were really excited about that and we also
had five still five embryos that were still growing and they were gonna let us
know the following day if they could freeze any at that point we had seven
embryos the next day they did call me and they said that only one of the five
looked good enough to keep so we had one frozen yeah because I think the only
frozen if they're freezing if they're a better higher grade anyway so a few days
after not a few days about a week after um
transfer I I remember feeling like some uterine twinges and like some minor
cramping on dates okay so that was day six when I felt the uterine twinges on
day seven I had a moment where I lost my mind and I convinced myself I had to
take a pregnancy test and I stared at that thing so hard that my eyes were
probably close to bugging out of my head but I thought I could see just the
faintest little line just barely barely barely I was like oh my gosh it's my
miracle baby I was so excited I took a home to stay that night and he could see
a little teeny line I don't remember we've wasted so much
money on pregnancy tests I'm not gonna take any test this time I swear it I've
seen lots of almost faint lines that I'm like I can't tell maybe yeah so once I
had started that once I'd opened Pandora's box I had to keep taking them
every day so I'm day eight pack eight days past transfer I took a test and the
line looked the same and so I know that each day it needs to be improving and so
I was like oh well this is a bust and stupid and then day ten I was
getting my blood drawn so on the way to the clinic
I just told Stu I was like you know what I just either want a really strong
positive or a definite no I don't want that Limbo garbage we went through last
time where it's like oh you have HCG but we just can't promise anything like
let's just see let's wait a few days like I didn't want to do that again our
clinic says that anything over a five is considered pregnant with your HCG levels
and the IVF prior to that my HCG started at a twenty-one which is not a good
number to start out but they're all these forums online where people are
like I started it a zero and somehow it managed to a full-blown six month old
crawling around on my floor there's all these amazing exaggerated stories online
and I was just like hoping that mine would be that situation so anyway we got
a call on after the blood draw day ten or day ten days post transfer and they
said your HCG is pause if you're pregnant and I'm like are you
kidding me the tests are negative what do you mean and she said your HCG is at
a five point one and I started laughing I'm like this is a joke my body hates me
God hates me this is not happening and so it was so annoying and I said oh my
gosh just let me quit let me stop the progesterone this is not turning into a
baby and she's like no no no no no I've seen it work before keep with your
progesterone shots we'll test you again in a few days your tests and we'll just
need to be over at ten so I'm like this is so stupid
we I waited a few days convinced myself that whole weekend like I if I was
pregnant it's coming back down so by the time I test again it's gonna be a zero
so when we I went in a few days later she called me she's like your numbers at
a 17 and I'm like like 17 is not a good number but she's like keep going keep
going it could work it could work so I'm like fine and she's like the next step
is we just want you to be over a 45 so I'm like okay so a few days later I
think I was spotting a little bit so I'm like ah see it's over and I did start I
took another pregnancy test and it was definitely positive I think I still have
the image so maybe I'll add it here it's not like it's a super strong line but
it's it's positive so got the third blood draw and my she's like again we
wanted you over a 45 and so it was way over what they wanted I was at 114 so
I'm like okay we've just been through so much it's like everything every step of
the way unfortunately just given our experience it's like with guarded
optimism so it's like well then I'm sure great that's crazy maybe one of them
just implanted late maybe something something but the same
time I don't know we should the number should still be higher and even though
they're claiming it just feels yeah but after that test I remember looking over
at Stuart's face and just thinking because I'm like clearly this is only a
single baby that this is not the number that people have with twins but I was
like it's my baby can look like you I said probably yes it'll have a beard
but I was look like a 30 year old missin finally letting myself like let go of
the idea that it wasn't gonna work and finally I was like this might work
I mean I'm technically pregnant like I am pregnant I'm pregnant
there's HCG something's implanting and so I finally was like okay and so we
tried to like be joyful we still hadn't told our family and friends yet
because we didn't know for sure and I didn't want to do anything until we had
like at least our six week old her sounds but because the number was still
relatively low considering how far I was um they wanted me to come in again in a
few days and so she said at that point we want your blood to be at 245 so I
went in and my blood was at 19 so we lost him
we lost the pregnancy and that sucked because also I was at work then when I
got the call that my numbers had dropped and I took the call and she's like I
don't have good news so I went hid I
went and hid in a filing closet and like kept the lights down low so people would
know I was wouldn't know I was in there and I just slumped against the wall and
just cried and cried and cried and cried oh so that that is the end of IVF -
pretty much well except that I was still not convinced that we had all the
answers I thought that there was still something going on especially now that I
was in the boat of recurrent miscarriage we had two tests done that I'll explain
soon one was MTHFR I'll just tell you I have it and so does this guy and then I
also got natural killer - natural killer cell tests done and I'll tell you that
now - that is elevated anyway we still have a little bit more we want to talk
about with with IVF but that is enough for now
so going forward we're going to talk about the frozen embryo that we had
we'll talk more about MTHFR and the natural killer cells I also want to talk
about IVF supplements and then the full gamut of what we're doing for this plan
I mean that pretty much brings us up to the
current state of where we're at the way we should probably go work on my
brother's yard at this point so thanks for watching and thanks for following
along on this journey please send good vibes ok say goodbye say thanks for
watching to say goodbye thanks for watching my gosh so again I'm like I
can't do anything everything reminds me of fertility I mean to the point where
like I would see people driving beside me and I'd be like oh they were ones I
hope the embryo and their mom got to be pregnant with them like every human
being hurt my feelings this is like not sad somehow this has turned into a
comedy
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