Hi, my name is Ally and when I was 13 years old
I was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder
this means that I have a
Number of traits that define me as a person who is autistic
If you don't know what autism is I will link down
below some resources that you can have read through to get a bit of understanding about what autism is and
how it affects people
I'm making this video, and hopefully I'm gonna make a few more videos because I feel like a
lot of what
is showed about autism in the media and in the news and also within
a lot of literature around autism, so the actual scientific literature
It's very one-sided, and I also feel like it's unfairly negative
The reason that I'm making this particular video is I was reading through
my diagnosis, I've never actually done that because obviously I was diagnosed when I was 13
I was quite young I was also going through depression at the time and
So I never really had the opportunity to look through and see what other
professional saw in my behavior
that made me stand out was different and
"disabled"
So today, I've been reading through that because at the moment I am
applying for University and have to send in proof of my disability and
proof of, like contextualizing my GCSEs, so
like medical evidence of depression anxiety and things like that
so I was reading through it and
It kind of surprised me because it was overwhelmingly negative
it talks about how I was a pseudo adult
I mimicked
what my parents said and basically just regurgitated it in an effort to fit in and that's a very, very common trait of
people in the spectrum especially girls because we are...
The way I survive and the way a lot of girls in spectrum survive is by mimicking other people to try and fit in
Instead of highlighting how this was a coping mechanism
It was put a negative light and
Everything else on the diagnosis was in a negative light
It was 'I missed humor',
I talked over people I did this I did that I did I miss this I miss that and
Reading back through it, it's...
It's horrible really because they're basically picking out
Everything I did wrong because that's how
People are diagnosed
People on the autism spectrum are "wrong". We are
Well, actually, no
We are told we're "wrong". That's how
We get diagnosed because there's something so abnormal about us, then we do not fit into NT
'neurotypical' and it's so frustrating to see that because I
do not think that having autism is a negative thing
I know that for some people who have
more severe autism
or autism that
They feel like is stopping them doing things it
Can be frustrating and there are times
many times
When I've thought this sucks. This is horrible. I don't want to have this I want to be normal
and
The further I get away from those points in my life the more I realized then it wasn't the autism that was the problem
it wasn't
It wasn't a disability it was the way society, ironically, was rigid and wouldn't allow
for other ways of thinking other ways of behaving and
Time and time again, I've thought to myself
Autism in and of itself is not a disability. It's not. It is the way society reacts to it that makes it debilitating
If I was put in a situation
Where there was loud noises
lots of smells, not necessarily bad smells
But just lots of smells, if there was ticking noises, if it was too hot
Or if it was too cold, I wouldn't have been able to cope in that situation
I would probably have a panic attack or go into a meltdown
but
Equally if you put an NT person in the situation that I would find easy
they might freak out and it's just because
Neurotypicals are in the majority the autism is counted as a disability. It's counted as a negative
Everything that they were saying they were pointing out, and they were saying this is wrong this she can't do this
She can't do that. She's missing this social cue. Yes, I do miss social cues. I talk over people occasionally
I get obsessive about things and
I don't necessarily read when other people are huffing or sighing or looking uninterested. I don't see that and
It is frustrating
For the people that experience the other side of it and for me because it hurts you know when people
When I do things that upset other people it hurts
but equally
NT people do things wrong and they get things wrong and
In the diagnosis, what was lacking was everything the autism has given me
I was first diagnosed I was given diagnosis of Asperger's, which is...
I think this is the most up-to-date thing
but Asperger's is defined by above-average intelligence and all the social communication difficulties and
sensory things
And this has meant that despite having
depression, anxiety
missing over a year of school and always missing lessons, being ill
It meant, despite that, I had a natural inclination
towards academics
Not towards academics, towards academia and
The
Concentration the one track, the one mind, the one track mind
Has allowed me to focus in ways that I wouldn't have if I was NT
Autism gives me so many things
That NT's just don't experience, and I wouldn't change that for the world. I like who I am, I like the way I think
I like that I have strong views and that I hold myself accountable
and I wouldn't have that if I was NT
I understand to an extent that on a diagnosis...
to get a diagnosis there has to be something abnormal, different
because otherwise have been no need for the diagnosis
But at the same time I think it's so critical that we show
people on the spectrum there is so many amazing things about us
We are not just the inability to communicate sometimes. We are not just
Sensory issues and being a burden and having to change things for other people
there are so many amazing things that we can do whether you're a techie in Silicon Valley or you're
like me and you don't have a special interest in technology, and you kind of get intimidated by Bluetooth and
Still don't know how to use it or
you're interested in the humanities and you're really interested in that or you have an incredible detail for art and
incredible detail? ... and incredible eye for detail and art. There are so many things that we can do
That other people can't and I think it's so important that we start recognizing
The amazing opportunities that autism gives us, rather than just listening to the negative the
Experts tell us
When I was first diagnosed
Everyone told me, every single person told me that I could never make friends
that because I was autistic
I wouldn't be able to create those deep social bonds
I would always have trouble with communicating and I would never fit in
all of that other
Lovely stuff that they tell you and
When I was first told that
I was like no, no, no, that's wrong. That's not true like I've but I pointed to friends
I'd had another like know I had this friend
and I had that friend and I've you know I felt this way and I felt that way and I've
managed to do all these things and
then
Increasingly a few relationships went wrong and instead of recognizing that
Relationships, just go wrong sometimes instead of recognizing that it is a two-way street and
That sometimes relationships just break down
in the NT world things break down people change people grow people move
Especially at the age this was happening to me
Instead I internalized everything that I was told by experts and even family members that I would never make friends
I could never have friends and
I began to think that I was just... that was just my lot. I just wouldn't have friends and
That is so far from the truth
It's not that I can't make friends. It's not that any on the spectrum can't make friends. It's just that...
People are so ignorant towards autism that they don't bother trying and
this is the most frustrating thing because
Every second every day when I'm around other people, even I'm not around with people even I'm just talking a line
I am constantly monitoring myself, I am
checking myself... am I talking over someone, am I talking too much about one topic, and...
It's exhausting and that's me trying for everyone else because I could very easily say "No."
I'm just going to do what comes naturally to me
just going to talk how I want I'm going to talk about the right things...
screw everyone else
but, I don't because I value other people and I value their opinions, and I value them, and I want to make the effort and
I think that it's time for
Society and for NT's to start making that effort with autistic people
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