[ Rhythmic clapping ]
-Your man got a car. -Nah, you wildin'.
Why we wasting money on a U-Haul?
-You're wildin'. -We got a pickup truck.
-Okay. -This is gonna end ba--
What kind of pickup truck is that?
It's called "cheaper than renting a U-Haul" pickup.
"All right. I got it. I got it."
-Oh! Ohh! Ohh! -Damn!
-"You good?!" -What made you think you could
catch a couch that somebody threw off a roof?
In theory -- Right there, they --
-Ohh! Ohh! -You know what it is?
The guy in the blue didn't do enough.
[ Laughs ]
So your man -- And the other guy got compressed like a spring
and shot out the back of the car.
-Watch. -...right down.
He didn't want to fly up, but his spine was like boing!
The guy up top is like, "So... "Shit, um..."
...we still good to go to the new place, right?"
♪♪
Yo, after no white men got a Grammy nomination
for the Album of the Year for the first time since 1999,
Fox News' Laura Ingraham
decided she needed to open a dialogue with the people.
Why no white people? Why not?
White people didn't bring no bangers this year?
Taylor Swift, Ed Sheeran
were snubbed with only four noms between them...
How's that a snub?
...while those nominated for Record of the Year
have created some of the most profane
and misogynistic music I've ever heard anywhere.
Ah-ah. Shit bangs, though.
Laura invited the editor-in-chief of Vibe, Datwon Thomas,
to talk about Jay Z and Kendrick Lamar.
This should be interesting.
All right, Datwon. I need to hear from you...
Why she say his name like that? You peep that?
She's like, "All right, Datwon. What kind of name is that?"
Whoa. What is that question right there they just asked?
Ingraham: 'Cause I'm a music fanatic.
Okay. Wow. Wow.
Datwon, did you not know graphic was going underneath you?
Yo!
That is the most Fox News question ever.
-Come on. -Let's talk about it.
Obviously Jay Z is a well-known story.
When he was a kid, wasn't he a cocaine, crack dealer?
He stabbed his manager? -Mm-hmm.
Put some...respect on his name.
He lost 92 bricks and got them all back, Laura!
Come on.
But let's actually look at what some of these lyrics are.
"Light N-word." I can't say the word.
-I'm not saying the word. -Good for you, Laura.
"Dark N-word,
faux N-word, real N-word,
rich N-word, poor N-word,
house N-word, field N-word."
Still "N-word."
Look at Jay Z smiling.
He's like, "Ha. That's right. yeah."
"You reading my lyrics on Fox."
"F with me. I'm a field N-word with shined cutlery."
And real quick, Laura. Real quick.
Mero: He's like, "Yo, real quick. You stupid as..."
Then she wanted to break down some K-Dot lyrics.
Kendrick Lamar.
Here's a little somethin' from Kendrick Lamar...
"Here's a little s--" Yo. Chill. Come on, man.
That sounded like you about to do
the wild acoustic version that nobody wants to hear.
[ Groans ]
"Oh, yeah. That's K-Dot. I got, I got, I got."
"Yeah, I'm playing it on my ukulele."
...record, by the way. It's called "Humble."
"And diss-uh-say with my boo bae.
Tastes like Kool-Aid for the analysts."
Whoa, whoa, whoa. "Diss-uh-say"?
Tax did not go to jail for you to call that shit diss-uh-say.
He's like, "Be safe, though."
"And diss-uh-say with my boo..."
Diss-uh-say!
[ Laughing ]
Diss-uh-say. Okay.
"Diss-uh-say with my boo bae.
Tastes like Kool-Aid for the analysts.
Girl, I can buy yo' A-word with the world with my paystub.
Ooh, that P-word good.
Won't you taste -- sit on my taste bloods?"
Thomas: Yeah. That's all wrong.
Mero: Could be taste buds.
It's definitely taste buds. But that's cool.
"Taste bloods" actually sounds better.
Thomas: Yeah. That's all wrong.
He said, "That's all wrong." "That's all wrong."
Mero: He said, "That's all wrong"?
He's like, "Yo, did you get that from Siri?
That shit don't make no sense."
She just threw the shit in Google Translate. Yo.
Well, I actually do,
'cause I actually listened to this, both albums,
and I listened to them several times.
That's crazy, 'cause you called Kendrick's album "Humble,"
and the album's name is "Damn," but, you know...
Ohh! Rrla! Hold that!
-...outta here. -Damn, Laura!
Damn!
Sit down and have a sip of du-soosy-ay!
-Be humble. -Relax.
Laura, go to one of the concerts with me.
Go to one of the concerts with me.
-Okay. -Okay. Let's do it.
I'll do that.
And then we can go down to Nashville
and we can also see some great...
-Don't go to Nashville! -Don't do that.
"We can go down to Nashville."
Don't go, Datwon. Don't do it.
They be like, "Day what?
What the...is your name? Day-twon?
You play for Bama?"
I'm totally with that. We got a date.
And we'll write about it. We'll write about it together.
You're fun, Day-tahn. You're fun. I like it.
Mero: Day-tahn!
Wow! Wow.
This is how, like, a wild interracial p-no starts.
"You're fun, Day-tahn. So, how long you in town?
[ Laughs ] Day-tahn!
You're fun, Day-tahn. You're fun. I like it.
Ahh! "You're fun. I like you.
I don't usually like black guys, but I like you."
[ Rhythmic clapping ]
Yeah! Hip-hop star -- we use that term loosely --
Chanel West Coast -- What? Put some respect
on the GOAT of women rap for the West Coast.
Hip-hop star Chanel West Coast.
She rolled up with her crew
to eat at the hot new L.A. restaurant Poppy --
Not the bodega guy. The restaurant.
Last night. When she got curved.
She got curved.
You know, if Chanel West Coast can't get into Poppy, who can?
Now, if you don't know Chanel West Coast,
I'll have to ask what rock were you living under.
You may recognize her as the white lady on "Ridiculousness."
Yeah, she's the one-woman laugh track.
There's literally no other way to describe her.
She has a very distinct laugh.
Please turn your TV down
if you're around birds that like to mate,
because you're going to confuse them for, like, the next season.
[ Cackling ]
Oh, my God! That's terrifying.
[ Cackling ]
She's laughing like after the cops find the coke in your car
when you're just nervous.
Like, "[Cackling] W-Where? What? No.
It's not even my car. I was just driving it for a friend."
[ Cackling ]
Nothing on this show could possibly be this funny.
[ Laughs ] Yo!
-We've seen it. -Yo, come on.
How many times can you see a nigga fall down? Is it that funny still?
"Oh, the shovel hit him in his nuts!"
-"Oh! Oh, my God. Again." -All right.
So she laughed on everything on "Ridiculousness."
Here's The Messy Zone.
And she had a meltdown on TMZ, The Messy Zone,
where they just wait to catch clips like this.
And we report on them, so shout-out to them.
Yo, they walked --- Oh, they walked out with their ch--
-Yo, ma. -Yeah. You can't do that.
You're not -- No. You're not Nicki Minaj.
You're not walking up to shit like this.
You're supposed to just walk up with your phone and be like...
Like, gauge the situation.
Walk up by the front and see if people be like,
"Oh, yo, that's my girl Chanel."
If you don't get the whispers, what are you...
-Nah. -Also --
Shorty in the line was like, "Eww. That's West Coast Chanel.
Should we go here still?"
"Yo, that's that chick from 'Ridiculousness'!"
She's like [Cackles]
You don't know me? [Cackles]
And she came through with the big crew, too.
-O.D. -No. They're with us.
Then you go home and take --
-Wow! -Wow!
He was like, "Yo, this is not MTV2. Get outta here."
Weak-ass bitch! You a weak-ass bitch!
I waited here for seven hot girls for way too long!
Way too poppin' to...wait to get in Poppy!
It's more poppin' at my house, bitch!
-Wow! -I doubt that.
-Wow! Wow! -I doubt that.
I feel like if you bring three people in,
your roommate might say something.
[ Laughter ] Yo. Yo.
They got to play this video on "Ridiculousness"
and have the black people be like,
"Yo, look at this shit right here. Look.
Look at shorty here with the...funny face.
[ Laugh track ]
Yo, bring it back. Bring it back."
[ Laughter ]
That's why you're security!
You'll never be more than security!
Weak-ass bitch!
Security's actually a very good job. It pays the bills.
Also, shout-out to everyone on line
paying her no attention whatsoever.
No mind.
She is just some random white girl spazzing in L.A.
They're like, "Who is that? Why is she wildin' out?
Why's she with one of the Fraggles?"
Go let in some irrelevants, bitch!
Some irrelevant escort-type bitches that want to suck dick!
Go ahead, bitch!
I mean, what are you trying to do in the club?
I mean -- She said let in someone irrelevant.
If they were letting irrelevant people in...
You would've breezed right in, ma. Are you kidding me?
You would have had your own separate entrance.
Lil Pump is not black!
If one more motherfucker asks him if he Lil Pump,
y'all racist!
They thought that was Lil Pump?
-Wow! -Wow.
Lil Pump was in the club like, "Yo, flex like ooh.
Gucci gang, Gucci gang, Gucci gang, Gucci gang."
Lil Pump is not black! He's black!
So don't...ask him if he's Lil Pump!
Is she from Brooklyn? What's with the hands now?
Like, "Yo!"
"Yo, I'm from Silver Lake!"
So don't...ask him if he's Lil Pump.
Y'all racist and stupid! Fucking retards!
-Ohh! -Ohh!
Chanel has had it up to here. Whew.
She got to do the wild hot track now about injustice.
Fam, why is she caping for this human Muppet right here?
"You not gonna let Animal, the drummer from the Muppets, through?!"
"Come on, son! This nigga's mad-famous!"
He's a veteran...this. I'm calling Kermit."
[ Laughs ] Yo.
That does look like Animal the Muppet.
It do.
Yah-gah-gah-gah!
[ Laughter ]
Let me in club!
[ Laughter ]
Yo!
[ Rhythmic clapping ]
[ Sighs ]
Yo, Giants legend Eli Manning --
You cannot spell "elite" without "Eli" --
got benched for Geno Smith,
which sounds like a delicious cheesesteak,
ending his consecutive-start streak at 210,
the second-longest for a quarterback in NFL history.
The disrespect. Wow. Why would you do that to him?
As Giants fans, we are singing the Big Blues
because Eli got benched for Geno Smith,
who I didn't even think was still in the league
after he got his jaw cracked
by some random... third-string linebacker.
To be fair, Geno Smith will be the first black quarterback
to start for the New York Giants in franchise history,
making New York late as shit,
the last team in the NFL to start a black quarterback.
-Damn. -Wow, New York.
Why couldn't y'all start Colin Kaepernick
or something, brah?
Why it gotta be this dude? Okay, he's black.
-But he's wack! He's wack. -He's black.
They're like, "What more do you want?
He's one of y'all, okay? He's a black guy."
God damn. Everybody's up in arms about this shit,
especially Eli.
Here's his reaction after he found out.
Look at that doughy face on the verge of tears.
This is very sad.
You could put...Sarah McLachlan music under this shit.
Fam, look at him.
First of all, right here he looks dub smacked.
That's like me at 12:00 a.m.
on...Instagram Live like, "Yo...
y'all wanna hear some reggaeton?"
Man: Eli, how hard is this hitting you emotionally?
It's hard. Mero: "It's hard."
Hard day to handle this,
but I'll hang in there and figure it out.
Man: Is this your hardest day as a Giant?
It's up there. Yep. Yep.
Desus: Can't disrespect Eli like this.
Mero: I mean, you lost a couple playoff games, my guy.
This is the worst thing that's ever happened to you as a Giant?
I mean, this is all he has going for him right now.
Let the man have his streak.
Anyway, former Giants players were not happy
with Coach Ben McAdoo's decision.
McAdoo-doo. Get him outta here.
That's right. Roast him.
You're trash. Look at you. Look at this guy.
What are you...T-500, you clown?
Everyone's weighing in on this.
Osi Umenyiora. Oh, shit. Notable Giant, a former Giant.
"How dare you!" He slammed his hand on the table.
He had mad other tweets, but they're very long.
Won't go into detail.
Damn. Plaxico Burress said, "Damn. Bench Eli?
Man showed up every week for 14 years."
"Damn. And I clapped myself."
[ Laughter ]
-Yo! I mean, he did. -He's gonna end up on this show.
You better have that same energy.
-I'm-a have it. -Better have that same energy.
You don't got the aim no more, so it is what it is.
-Ohh. -Oh, boy.
The pope himself, Mike Francesa,
the Diet Coke gawd --
he almost had a coronary implosion
when he heard about this shit. What are you guys doing?
We're only blessed to have a couple more days of him
blessing us on the airways,
and you almost killed the greatest human achievement?
-And you're trying to kill him? -The Sports Machine!
Come on.
"[Snorts] I can't believe this. This is garbage."
They should have had him play Pumbaa in the new "Lion King."
[Inhales nasally] He breathes like that.
Francesa: You can't run this clown out of town fast enough!
The worst thing that ever happened is Eli Manning
had to be associated with you as head coach!
You're gonna try and tell us that Geno Smith is the answer?!
[ Laughs ]
Is Mike Francesa basically the white Funkmaster Flex?
[ Laughter ]
I feel we should just drop a couple bombs on this shit.
I'm telling you, man.
You're gonna try and tell us that Geno Smith is the answer?!
[ Explosion ]
Nonstop!
He can't play for this 2-9 bunch of bums
you put on the field every week!
[ Laughs ] Damn. Yikes.
He only led you to two Super Bowls
against the New England Patriots!
Mike's fed up.
"Oh, with my game plan,
Geno Smith gives us the best chance to win."
You said that with a straight face?!
[ Laughter ]
He had the...Diet Coke coming out his nose.
Aah! Out his ears, nigga. Aah. Mad Splenda.
Mike, he encapsulated the feeling of New York City
yesterday and the tri-state area. That's how we felt.
Damn. Damon Harrison had a response, though, for Francesa.
Shout-out to Snacks in the building.
"Please don't tell me what franchesa -- chicken franchezz --
or whatever his name is said.
The guy don't even have real teeth."
-Whoa, whoa, whoa. -[ Laughs ]
-Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! -Ahh!
"When you gonna quit jiving
and tell everyone you got laid off?"
That's a Professor Klump quote.
-Wow. -[ Laughs ]
Listen. Those are "I made it" teeth.
Yo!
"These are '20 years on the radio' teeth,
you piece of shit.
Show some respect for my porcelain veneers."
Damn. This nigga got the racist teeth on 20,000, bro.
♪ These is bloody teeth ♪
♪♪
Yo, number-one show in late night.
Yeah, that's right, you cowards.
Tonight we have Matty Matheson, Viceland's own.
He's a chef and host of the new show "It's Suppertime!"
It's airing November 30th right here on Viceland, ballbags.
Give it up for our Viceland brother.
Matty, come to the stage! Whoo!
♪♪
The food scene in Toronto is different than the rest of the world?
-Oh, it's so beautiful. -We just got back from there.
We love -- The food up there's poppin'.
-Yeah, no, it's good. -Shout-out to Tah-ronto.
Shout out -- Yeah. The -- Tah-ronto.
My buddy from The Maritimes, he's calling it The Ron.
'Cause "The Six" is kind of wack.
See? Okay. All right.
Now, I got -- I was called out on Twitter.
As soon as Drake was like, "We're calling it The Six now,"
I was like, "That's not how it works. You can't just rename it."
So The Six isn't poppin'.
The Ron? Is that what we're going with now?
The Ron! [ Shouting indistinctly ]
-"The Ron" is tight. -That's a good name.
No, but it's Toronto. I always say --
Because everyone from Toronto says Tah-ronta, right?
And then whenever I travel, I'm always like,
"I'm from Ta-ron-toe."
If I can name it, I want to say --
-I'm from...Toronto. -You're like, "From The Ron!"
The Ron, don! Enh!
So, it's -- [ Stammering ]
-The Six is... -You live right there.
-The best chef in The Ron. -The best chef in The Ron.
Yeah. Come at me, man. 3 mill. Let's go. Deep. Big.
It's like one borough here. It's like a Queens.
How many people in the Queens?
-"The Queens." -Everybody. We lost count.
The Bronx? The BX?
Ahh! East Tremont. Dewey Ave. [ Trills tongue ]
That's nice. Never been there.
-Yeah. Fat Joe's the mayor. -Fat Joe's the mayor.
-And what's that squad? -Terror Squad.
-Terror Squad. -"Lean Back."
-You know what I mean? -You got a squad up in Canada?
Ah, a little squad. We call them friend groups.
Friendly squads?
My buddy's in L.A.,
and they're part of friend groups out there.
And I was just talking about my friend group,
and my friend groups are really nice people.
I got a kid now,
so I hang out with other friend groups with kids.
-You got kids. -I have mad kids. Four kids.
-You got four kids? -They're beautiful and gorgeous.
-How many kids do you have? -I have one.
-We're trying on a second. -The sec--
This is the -- [ Laughs ]
Is that how y'all make kids in The Ron?
The Ron is this. No, I don't know.
The cum. The cum.
There's the cum, with the babies.
Oh, wow.
We got the easy part -- the cum.
-Yeah, that's the easy part. -And then the --
It's easy, and it's fun, too, when you're making a baby.
It sucks to pull out and be like, "Unh," for a minute.
You know what I mean?
And then be like pfft all on the comforter and shit.
You gotta wash the duvet. It's dry-clean only.
-The duvet. Dude. -Don't cum on your duvet.
Don't cum on the duvet. Your wife knows.
Yeah. She's mad.
Even if she -- Like -- [ Laughs ]
She called me out for cumming on the duvet recently.
Is that something you can't do?
She didn't like it. It wasn't a cool vibe.
She was, like, doing the bed or something,
and she was just like, "What the...is that?!"
What about the bed skirt? Can you --
The bed skirt. Just the bed skirt.
It's just on the floor.
You got a weak drip if you're using the bed skirt.
Whatever. Just eat it.
Just to be safe. Just be safe and eat it.
Speaking of recipes in the new "Munchies" cookbook.
So, on my new show, we eat a lot of cum.
I teach people how to make cum.
So it's just a very, very different version
of "Bong Appétit"?
Yeah. Smoking weed and doing all that kind of stupid stuff.
It's very serious. There's a lot of cum play.
[ Laughter ]
You used to be the wild wild boy. Sober now.
-What made you sober up? -Losing everything?
[ Laughs ] That's a good reason.
No. I don't know.
I think -- Well, I had a heart attack at 29.
-Damn. -I'm 35 now.
And I've only been sober for like four years.
So it took me a while.
After I had my heart attack, I kind of got a Superman ego.
'Cause I was like, "I didn't die."
So then I went even crazier and wilder.
And then life just caught up. You know?
-Mm-hmm. -And shit got real.
And I was gonna lose ev-- I was gonna lose my job.
I was gonna lose my girl,
who I've been with since high school.
So it's like -- There's a lot of losing.
Yeah.
And, you know, I'm not a complete...moron.
So I was just like, "Am I gonna just turn into
some, like, crackhead...
or am I gonna, like, turn my shit around?"
So I just chose to turn my shit around.
-Hey. -You know what I'm sayin'?
Find God. Find God. Pray.
What should we look forward to
on your show, "It's Suppertime!"?
Oh, my God. It's -- Ahh. Learning how to...cook.
I think that this show gives you the...building blocks.
You want to learn how to make a curry,
you want to learn how to make a steak,
you want to learn how to make...fajitas,
you want to learn how to make --
Like, the fundamentals of cooking are very basic.
I'm not trying to show you how to make, like, a crazy...
Here's a waffle with a grilled cheese
and a...dick and a...tit... covered in...cheese sauce.
I'm not trying to show you that.
A dick and a tit?
A dick and a tit and waffle.
-Dick-tit waffle. -Dick-tit waffles.
There's a lot of shit going on in TV.
There's a dick-tit waffle down the street.
Dick-tit waffles.
I'm just trying to show people how to...
I'm trying to give them an opportunity to show them
how to just make the simple thing.
Like, if I want to show you how to make meatballs,
I'm gonna show you how to make these meatballs.
And from there, you can... with it however you want.
I'm gonna show you how to make, like, buttered chicken.
Buttered chicken.
And from there, I just showed you
how to kind of make a curry.
So if you wanted to...make a curry,
you could make a green curry or a yellow curry
or whatever the... you want to do.
But I just showed you how to make this.
So I'm just trying to really show people --
Like, I want people to cook. We need to -- People --
My two brothers. I love you guys.
They eat...cereal
because they don't know how to...cook.
And the way that the world's going...
out here need to...be prepared to cook for themselves
and provide for their families.
And there's nothing... cooler actually
than cooking meals for your...loved ones.
So...out there think that they are like, "Uh, yeah..."
You know what's cooler than taking a chick to a fancy restaurant
and spending a lot of money and acting like you're a boss
and you order stupid wine and you look like a...loser?
Just make her something at home or make him something at home
or make whoever the...they are something at home.
Then...
[ Laughter ]
-Like actual... -Yeah, like...
-Yeah! -Like that.
The belly doesn't really do that anymore.
You know what I'm sayin'? They just push it aside now.
My wife was saying it's getting big. Hey.
'Cause the dick doesn't get bigger when the belly gets bigger.
Dick stays the same, belly gets bigger, problems.
My dick looks huge now. I lost like 40 pounds.
I'm like, "Damn. My dick looks huge!"
Oh, my God. I wish I lost 40 pounds.
My dick would still look small.
♪♪
What would you like your rainbow to say?
-Rainbow? -Your rainbow.
"My dick is small."
-Yeah! -Hey!
Matty Matheson in the building.
"It's Suppertime!" airing November 30th.
You know what I'm sayin'? On Viceland, dick.
♪♪
-Shout-outs. -Shout-outs! Yeah! Ha! Ckk!
Yo, shout-out to LeBron
getting ejected for the first time in his career.
Donald Trump got on Twitter, was like, "U bum."
To be fair, I don't know if this equated getting ejected.
Yeah, this was a weird ejection.
I know Skip Bayless was masturbating furiously to this.
Oh, he tweeted directly at this. But, I mean, watch this.
I feel like the ref got his little TSA bag
and was like, "Nah, I'm-a overreach right now."
"I'm the boss on the court."
Announcer: Here comes LeBron changing gears, bumping...
He's like, "That was a...foul, nigga!"
-He's like, "Word? -He's like, "Word?
-Get out of here." -Get out of here.
...outta here. Yeah."
LeBron James has just been ejected!
This is the new soft NBA.
Back in the '90s, you could punch a ref, get in their face,
and they wouldn't even stop the game.
-That's it. -Be like, "You bitch nigga!"
Spit out a tooth, keep it going. Everyone's like, "What?"
Everyone's like, "I think that's against the NBA rules.
You can't eject LeBron."
No. It's in the handbook.
I'm pretty sure that was in
the collective bargaining agreement we went through.
Kevin Love's like, "Do they think he's Draymond Green? What's going on?"
Everyone's looking like, "Nah. They got to reverse that."
"No. That's not Matt Barnes, dude. That's LeBron."
Now here's the ref's explanation.
This sounds like every police shooting ever.
-Wow. -Yo.
Referee Kane Fitzgerald on ejecting LeBron James.
I mean, doesn't every NBA player use vulgarity
when they don't get a call?
I mean, look at Kane. Kane's shook right there.
Yeah, he's nervous. Yeah. Yeah.
He's like, "Aw, man. A couple drops of pee came out."
♪♪
Yo, shout-out to your mom
discovering your browser history, you sick...
You know what? No matter what age you are,
you never want your mother going through your browser.
Never. Never, brah.
[ Woman laughing ]
I'm not!
I wasn't on it!
I promise! I wasn't on it!
He's probably Googling "butts" and "titty."
Look at his face. He's like, "Ahh!"
"I don't even like titties!"
That's me when people go through my browser history
and they see me on Russia Today.
I'm like, "No, no. I was just -- I was --
I just wanted to see what they were putting on."
I really promise! I wasn't on it!
Yeah...outta here.
You wasn't thinking that when you was -- Yeah.
Own up to it. Own up to it.
-You got a Brazzers account. -That's it...it, bro.
You know what I'm sayin'?
Yeah, they roasted him on Thanksgiving, too.
So sad. Keep stroking it, boy. You'll be all right, though.
Yeah, do your thing, bro...it.
'Cause most people are like, "Yo, this is traumatic.
This is gonna make him never --" No, he was right back at it.
As soon as they stopped making this video, he was back in the bathroom.
He's like, "Yo, I ate some stuffing.
I'm ready to make some beef strokin-off, kid. Ha-ha!"
♪♪
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