We all have the ability to start a crowdfunding campaign, the ability to make a video and
sell our brilliant new idea to the world.
And although sometimes that works out pretty great… other times errmmm not so much
And for today's very special Christmas themed episode, we want to help make your day extra crappy,
which is why after scouring through the thousands of Christmas album campaigns
we haven't just come up with 4 or 5 crowdfunders that can be used to help disappoint you and
your loved ones on the most magical day of the year, but instead I plan to bombard you
with as much humbuggery as possible
There will be projects that failed There will be projects that Scammed you
There will be projects designed to be funny There will be projects that are downright stupid,
And for the first and possibly last time there
will even be projects that turned out alright?
I mean come on it's Christmas!
So, put on your crappiest Christmas jumper and try not to get salmonella from the eggnog
as I Daniel Ibberston / DJ Slope from Slope's Game Room presents Kick-Scammers Christmas edition.
{Home Alone - SNES title screen music}
As you get ready for the big day with friends and family one of the first things you need
to do is pick a Christmas tree, thankfully Kickstarter has you covered
Sadly, your use only once a year Christmas TreeTransporter never hit its goal of $20,000
which probably had something to do with its campaign ending on January 1st!
So, this time you wanted to try something new and that's when you come across one
of Mela's Prop-a-tree recyclable card Christmas tree… oh, no wait... it's the same campaign twice!
Either way it failed… probably because nobody wants what looks like an oversized do it yourself
Christmas tree cut out of the back of a pack of corn flakes.
It's bad… but I suppose it's not completely awful.
Although, I am sure buying tubes of single pieces of paper that you then screw up and
use as baubles would make it a million times worse, am I right?
As you would expect the origami Christmas tree balls DID NOT HIT TARGET...
Right, that's enough let's just get the crappy fake tree out of the attic
I'm sorry guys, but ya gotta feel a little bad for a couple that obviously try super
hard with a campaign by setting up low cost sourcing AND even getting the product patented
but have absolutely no clue what they're doing.
Asking for a stupidly huge $60,000 and not getting any backers at all, will obviously make us all
laugh out loud but with that Christmas feeling inside,
you can't help but feel a little bad for doing so… but come on… it is still
pretty funny!
But, not as funny... or ridiculous as this guy, James Telfer, I don't really know what to make of this one
he's obviously obsessed with showing off his tools, so much so, that he forgets to explain in the campaign
video what he is actually offering…
But hey, at least you get a few good dad jokes thrown in there,
What is this guy even selling? He's a nutter! He needed a weirdly
specific $523 which he actually achieved somehow by one backer who paid (yet again) a weirdly specific
£353 to have James turn up at his event dressed up as the Grinch inside a Christmas tree which
he calls the Christmas tree, um, "huge-r"
Everyone else must had just purchased the cookies… read this… Pledge $23 or more, Chocolate chip cookies delivered by priority mail, lucky for us, these cookies will be baked in a real oven (not the ovenator)
Of which no mention of the cookies are ever mentioned at all.
Anyway, Back to the Christmas tree, plenty more baubles have made an appearance over
the years claiming to be the next amazing thing that will make your special day stand
out including living baubles where you get seeds and well basically grow cress inside
a ball
A book that shows you how to knit your own Christmas baubles
Bloody impressive looking smartphone controlled Christmas tree lights which although did hit
target, sadly, didn't actually do to well when they finally came out due to either the
balls not working and/or the app not working
And finally you got wireless Christmas tree baubles, come on it was only a matter of time
wasn't it.
This one is pretty bogus, the product itself actually doesn't look all that bad although
I have found several comments including a very active at the time Reddit thread that
completely debunks the idea.
But what's probably worst of all is the fact that after the campaign hit its goal,
in fact almost doubled its goal.
The company who made it cancelled the product and used its popularity to sell it on to another
company.
In other words not making a campaign for the backers but instead using those innocent backers
as a means to sell it on and move on like a bunch of cranky scrooge worshipers
*sigh*
Anyway after you got your gay pride star for the top of your Christmas tree
there's just one more problem ya need to face….
Eerrrr, apparently not watering it enough, is an actual issue.
I didn't know this, but hey, apparently it is!
Sadly, for this guy over on Indigogo, his high tech automatic watering system for your
Christmas tree didn't exactly do to well asking for $18,000 and only getting
$100
Which is hilarious, because back over on Kickstarter one of the most boring individuals in the
world also had a go at fixing this Christmas issue that has plagued families for millions
of years, because somehow, he raised MORE money...
GOD, WILL YOU STOP SAYING "DIPSTICK"!!?!!?!
Right that's the bloody Christmas tree sorted let's move onto the Christmas decorations
or to be more specific the nativity scene,
There's plenty of these to choose from Ya got the negativity scene, and your first
Halloween nativity set, both of which turned out quite good according to backers
But, my personal favourite, the minimal Nativity Set which was made so that there
was no confusion or arguments about the skin colour, or hair colour of little baby Jesus….now
everyone can be happy!
Especially when they see your several of a kind Santa painted log and
"Hey Mum, look what i made at school today" steel Christmas tree shape,
Yep, they're pretty crap!
Anyway, with that sorted, shall we go buy some Christmas presents now?
There's a couple of funny look at 'em once and throw 'em away presents like the
Screw U Screw in the shape of a U
Or the Twosie Christmas jumper sweater for two,
Which thankfully you can wrap up in some nice cheese printed wrapping paper
Or, even better, or worse, depending on how you look at it, pay Damian Walker who obviously saw the million-dollar
website about fifteen years ago (anyone else remember that) and loved the idea so much that he basically nicked it.
Because you lucky gift givers can actually him $35 to print your app icon onto some wrapping
paper along with everyone else which he says he wants to put inside mobile phone shops
afterwards
But hey, perhaps the best thing to do is to simply send a Christmas card.
There is of course the Christmas card of some cookie dough that's frozen and there for
looks like some poo!
But perhaps probably best of all is "My Ellen Degeneres Christmas Card"...
Below)"
Errrr sure, so obviously what you are looking at is one of those Jib Jab videos that were
all the rage about 10 years ago or so, but seriously this is it!
When you look into the body of the campaign you realise that Joe Rivas (or Joe Rivas the
psychopath as I will now call him) is such a massive fan of the voice of Dory that he
wants to send her a Christmas card and for only $1 he will say thank you to you, $2 will
add your name in the card with a picture of you to go along with it, and finally for $5
will mention your name on the show, that's if he ever gets invited.
Let's hope for Ellen's sake that Joe Rivas never gets anywhere near her!
Right, so, with that out the way let's move onto Christmas dinner shall we…
Okay, so this isn't exactly a Christmas kickstarter but hey… it fits... and I really wanted to show it to you guys,
because by god, it's got to be the worst idea I've ever seen, in fact Frank May, the creator even says so himself.
Hell yes it's a bad idea, i mean who is ever gonna use this?
Not much needs explaining, except for the fact that you're not actually buying this product
this is just the prototype.
We all like to see the odd failed kickstarter but I'm seriously happy this didn't get made.
Without a doubt lives were saved on the 11th of August when this didnt hit it's goal
Sadly, however, the way more light hearted Forktula: The World's First Fork Accessory.
DID, a product designed to stop plate lickers from slurping up gravy by basically
collecting it all on your fork
Well with these two, it sure does look like Christmas dinner is buggered for all, There's just
one last hope... and that's the Christmas entertainment will fix what has turned out to be a pretty
shoddy Christmas day, into a... into a mediocre one...
Like I said earlier Christmas themed music CDs are easily the biggest type of campaign
to be found on kickstarter and these ones are probably the worst.
Firstly, you got the Naked Cowboy….
Yep the same naked cowboy from TopHat Gaming man's intro, He wants to make a new Christmas album
And you also got these guys, who want YOU to pay them some money to make a CD so that they can
give it away to other people, you know because it's Christmas!
There's quite a few horrific dubstep Christmas albums up for grabs with my personal favourite
being this one mainly because of the music video
Which finally brings me to the last kick scammer we will be covering today, the final attempt
at making this crappy Kick-Scammer Christmas actually half decent
I present to you... The Christmas Kitten Album
It needed $10 and it go $53.56 cents
In all honesty, at first, when I saw this, I thought to myself… ya know what if someone has actually managed to pull off
an entire Christmas album of music and warped their cat's meows into each track and made
it work, then you know what? You can sign me up!
That's actually quite funny and impressive.
However, this wasn't the case, because when I played the campaign video this was what I
got
It's not a weird cat lady's cat making the music, but instead it's just a weird cat
lady saying "meow" constantly over twelve popular Christmas instrumentals
{Mentally unstable woman saying "meow" over and over}
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