so today is Monday the last time I've vlogged I think was Saturday and I kind
of completely forgot to yesterday and I was just really busy my boyfriend bought
a new car he bought a new Corona it's not new but it's literally got 90,000
K's on the clock and the interior is spotless and it just it's such a nice
car and I should have blogged it but I just I was just you know tired from
drinking the night before and the wedding of course but I think today what
I'm gonna do I can head to the gym now I'm gonna go pick up my boyfriend we're
gonna go to the gym then I'm gonna do a little bit of grocery shopping I think
I'm gonna put up the Christmas tree I'm gonna let you go and I might record a
little bit in the gym maybe we're doing a little bit of deadlifts I think lower
back and stuff like that today what else are we doing we're doing apps I know
we're doing abs and carbs - abs turns into my least favorite thing in the
world but I might I might record something for you all right guys I'll
see you then all right guys so we just kind of made our way to the gym now
Michael made me a little bit of breakfast which was really nice it was
like 'wait bakes and some fruit and I was pretty good not gonna lie um we're
gonna head up now he's just making me my pre-workout shake it right now Michael
the whole car is shaking all right guys so I guess maybe I'll do some vlogging
up there hopefully maybe let's see how it goes all right guys I'm finally back
I've had like the longest day I came home I thought I would make some
biscuits or whatever for my dog I didn't have the time what I ended up doing was
working on my website here's a thing though does anyone really want to see me
work on my website I don't know what
I watched vlogs I've seen so many vlogs I find them so entertaining but just
goes a you know pulling out my phone and recording myself working on a website
kind of losing my mind while working on the website because it's so repetitive
and difficult sometimes I don't feel like anyone wants to say that and then
you know I tidied this room a little bit because everything saw is getting messy
yeah by the time I'd finished that it's like 8 o'clock and I just thought you
know what I have to put up the tree if I don't open up the tree now what am I
gonna do it I thought I might just record that I've got what sir chance a
lot in the back so jazzy baby he's the cutest so he's gonna keep me company but
vlogging is so freakin hard why doesn't anybody tell you this
they act like so calm and comfortable when they're vlogging and for me it's
just how do you do that like I love a couple of youtubers that
vlog quite often Sara ray I think it's Vargas but her
vlog Newton was like Sarah a locust think so and I love her channel I love
her little kids I think they're so cute and she said this she's walking around
with it and she's not two kids I have a dog you know the cops on my father but I
have a dog she has two kids how do you do that how do you balance so many
things I just found that ultimately I've been really stressed today um I hope
that doesn't kind of translate into the video nobody wants to see someone really
like stressed and just unable to cope with basic life like I've been and I've
been just um I've been looking for a car as well like I have my heart set on a
Jedi I just want a Jedi with leather interior is that too much to ask for
just a Jetta with leather interior apparently it is
but yeah it's been such a failure the vlogging I've vlogged down my
boyfriend's cousin's wedding I love that I love saying that and people want to
introduce you they're like this is my cousin my cousin
sons girlfriend they're related to us and it was like the whole night was like
that and I went to the kitchen teen it was like that too and you just end up
with I'm the groom's cousin's girlfriend right I'm the groom's cousin's
girlfriend you get trained by the end of it I hope I learned how to vlog the same
way I learned how to introduce myself to people when they would ask me how I know
the bride and groom because this this is a catastrophe
if grande roue I don't know you know it's just
vlog mess I thought it would be so funny it sounds fun vlog does not one I'm sure
it can be but my neighbors are just there just over there and they're not
even sure they're not arguing but their tone of speaking just basic talking is
shoddy like they shout amongst each other and this has been happening for
two hours like what are you screaming at each other about what do you really have
to scream at each other about for two hours
god I just you can't get a break it's like I'm trying I'm trying so chance man
so chance being so chance I don't know I thought I felt burnt out I pre-recorded
all these videos for YouTube and I thought look I'm gonna be on time with
everything and the burnout was quick man like just editing and tagging videos
alone is a big pain in the ass like not just tagging them like figuring out if
the tags are worth putting in your tag section and figuring out how to tag it
to its fullest abilities it's so difficult and there was like a trick
where people would throw like youtubers names in their tag area um that no
longer works I hate to break it to you I think the influx of people doing that
has just made that a useless thing to do but I've just I don't know I've had a
really just typical day and difficult few
months just for dumb reasons I got a car accident you know I'm alive the people
are alive I didn't kill anyone it's fine but it's just the stress of
everything and I think I'm when you have so many damn things to do
you're just often overwhelmed and I feel like my whole life is overwhelming and
I'm not sure this video because T my man will leave that for a tag but it's just
um it's just been one of those months you know it's like you you spend so much
time editing and tagging and and producing this stuff and then you get
like you know 50 or a hundred people watching your videos right and then out
of those people you get no subscribe this it's just like well we've seen what
you have to offer nah we don't really enjoy your content I really like you you
feel personally offended it's like well you know it's a personal thing because
you're watching me you don't like my personality and that's why you're not
subscribing sort of thing but who knows I watch a lot of videos that I enjoy and
I don't necessarily subscribe and I feel like people don't really know how
important it is for a youtuber on such a huge platform that's used by so many
people how in important it is for other people to subscribe to their channel or
to watch their content and people don't have time a lot of the time to watch
content as well so it's it's like a double-edged sword and then like I chair
tapes of youtubers like not on a personal basis or like I'm like hey grab
a coffee no I like chat to them and like talk to them about like I don't know
like I'll comment on the video but I'll never i don't spam people's channels i'm
heavily against that i don't want to like spam any web sites
I don't like spamming but how do you do things in a kosher way how do you put
your content out there without pushing it into people's faces and being
obnoxious and I think that's the biggest issue I feel like people have been
obnoxious was so long that you know even doing something with a nice sentiment
is viewed as being obnoxious and I feel like that is so sad you know I've loved
YouTube for a long time like I'm I'm I'm an old lady I'm what the Greeks of choir
I'm someone like I'm an old I'm an old lady man so I saw YouTube develop into
what it is I I was there watching Trisha Paytas right at the beginning when she
was trolling I was there watching like graveyard girl when graveyard girl was
like a boss you know I remember the original raywilliamjohnson so check this
out this is called black kid at a rave or don't check it out you know you click
on another tab and look at porn for all I care racist so this is a street rave
it looks like it's in New York there's a lot of people dancing here I mean look
you got this homeless Princess Leia dancing with a stick you got this guy
here who appears to be a walking dead extra and I think this is Steven
Spielberg here and here we have a chubby Gandalf oh and then there's Leia again
it looks like she lost some clothes weight but this is called black kid at a
rave where's the black kid thank black people don't rave really guys where is
the black kid
oh there he is right there judging you this is amazing cuz if you look at that
kid's face you know he's thinking you know what guys he's got a point
love this kid's face because it is the perfect physical manifestation of the
fuck this kid needs to be a judge on X Factor so he could react every time with
Duff I perform and make a fool of myself all the time but if that black kid
judged me like that I would doubt everything I've ever done in my entire
life was that good was that was that funny ah fuck I can do better the fuck
up judging me stop I'm leaving there's not a door there you know the original
raywilliamjohnson and he was shit man he was so good I
remember when zoella was nothing and that whole crew Alfie's or well all of
them were nothing man I used to watch him and to see how massive that it's so
shocking you know but I've seen this platform develop into what it is and
with that ad sense it's quite upsetting to see a lot of people suffering because
of it but at the end of the day to have the freedom to produce your own content
and it's a feeling like nothing else but the disappointment that comes with
producing content and having nobody watch it I think I think that's truly
really heartbreaking I cuz I've got a business to run you know I run my
business I know I try to go the gym I I do go to the gym four days a week I am
determined to keep that in my life just because it not only makes me feel
healthier and better about myself but it improves my quality of life
substantially it makes me feel like a better person
and you know I've seen what not being fit does to the human body you know and
it's not to rubbish anyone that's overweight
it's not to rubbish anyone at all but from my I'm gonna say mental stability
but I've never really been mentally unstable I am sure people will disagree
with that statement for myself I find that training
it gives me clarity and it gives me kind of an ability to know that I can
succeed and without that little section of my life I am Telling You the struggle
would be real because when I go to the gym and I get a new PR that feeling of
just warmth that feeling of achievement is like nothing so yeah it takes a lot
of my time but for what it gives me back I feel like it's definitely worth it
I'm just getting all this crap off my head I'm just rambling and I feel like
I've wanted to do that for so long on YouTube I feel like I've been pretty not
I don't want to say fake cuz I haven't been fake but I've been really Stevie
I'm just kind of lost in what I'm doing and I want people to know who I am and I
want to know who they are and that's kind of upsetting thing I don't want you
to watch my channel because I won't views or subscribers and you know I want
you to be able to find my own content and if you like me you like me we can
run together you know that's what my channel is about chasing your dreams or
chasing something you'd love you know I want people to be able to come here and
spend time with me and and feel like I'm their friend because I am and it's so
hard to get that across to people and it's so hard to get people to watch your
video and it's so hard to vlog and it's difficult to work with the economics of
YouTube and the rhythms and you know you just end up kicking yourself the reason
I make this content is a because I really I really enjoy it and be because
you know there are a lot of times where I went through my life and I was lonely
or I I needed something to watch that made me feel better
and that's why I have all these movies like if you look behind me I'm not gonna
get into my childhood that's a bit TMI to be honest but as a child I was often
left by myself to my own kind of devices all the time it was it was not because
my father was neglectful because he was always sick and my mother
passed away when I was young so you know these people my heroes all over the time
and I got to spend time with them like in my own kind of maybe I have lost my
mind before but in my own kind of way you know
but then when YouTube became a thing he's gonna actually speak to the people
you were watching and you could connect to them I thought that was amazing
I thought that was such an amazing thing you know to be able to actually see and
speak to these people unfortunately it's just a lot of its rubbish content
filtering through what's being uploaded my stuff can be considered rubbish
content you know it really depends on what you think but it's just I'm gonna
cut this shit you know that's what I'm doing here right now I'm cutting the
shit what I'm gonna put on my channel now is gonna be a hundred percent
authentic understand me I understand what I do I really want to start
including vlogs of my everyday life because you get an understanding of who
I am and I think that's so important to
connect to someone to understand who they are what they get up to I feel like
actions speak so much louder than any words can and I think that's crucial
so I just I hope we can run together I hope we can we can be a team and stand
together and yeah I hope you watch this video and you think all right she's
related what I like her I'm gonna subscribe to this channel not because if
anything but you want to spend some time with me you know I want to be able to
talk to you guys I want to honor read a comment in the comment section even if
it's a little bit mean or like a little bit of banter between the two of us I
want that I think that would be beautiful you know I'm talking about it
like it's a Shakespeare play it's a tragic comedy but it's not it's just um
it's so hard to explain yourself and come off the way you actually are
and I think that's that's YouTube you know and that's why people you know
succeed and it's not necessarily about succeeding succeeding to me is making
some friends and
if you have something they can use giving them someone they can speak to
and how sappy is this damn video I'm looking I'm gonna just talk all this
shit but I just if you have any kind of input on how I should I'm gonna try
these vlogs are just kind of I might put two days into one thing and just kind of
be like ego because atrocious despicable ridiculous it's hard I tried to get a
mount for my car so I can vlog while I'm driving and be like hey guys um and
hopefully not kill myself because I'm pretty rubbish to drive I like yeah
pretty rubbish but they're all shaky where did where do people get comments
from I bought brand-name mounts and they shake they shake all the time and you
and you're gone eBay like and you write anti shake and then you order them and
they shake more than the ones that don't have anti shake you know it's just like
false advertising so I don't know what to do about that I was holding my friend
like this and I was like getting a cramp in my shoulder I'm like why is this
happening to me but maker that is live such is damn life
right if you're still here watching this I really do appreciate it
from the bottom of my heart I appreciate you spending your time with me I'm gonna
start setting up this to you because I think it's about nine o'clock I had to
get up at 6:00 tomorrow the neverending grind man I'm gonna start recommending
youtubers that I really like and I watch I think that's kind of important my
current favorite youtuber and I cannot get enough this bitch is always on the
ground I think she has a full-time job right and she's uploading content
constantly and it's high-quality content and it's very entertaining
her name's Naja and I think her channel is called video tal she's born in June
right she's a Gemini I think she's born in June
I live in the western suburbs maybe someones actually getting stabbed this
could be foliage for the place I might hear happening in this over there can't
be conversation right what is wrong with the table I'm gonna get into some crazy
stories about my neighbors and another time my dogs watching them and this is
like my dog's reality TV he doesn't need the Kardashians he has my neighbors what
was I saying so she does like story times a bit of
how to like I don't know I haven't really watched it how to but I think she
likes weeds I seen a couple of her week videos really entertaining but I wanted
to know when her birthday was because I'm a Gemini too that I'm on the 14th of
June so who knows I'm slightly older than her by 6 years
slightly older than her but six years she's 21 or 22 but on 27 so I reached
I'm I say that every of my soul dies how did that happen I swear just Thursday
last says house 12 and then bang I was 27 I don't know how that she'd has been
this bit whee-hee now like I said maybe I should
stop rambling this is like a proper rambling video because I don't know but
I feel like I'm slightly losing it you know when you're on edge and you're like
I could possibly be schizophrenic tomorrow I could wake up schizophrenic
I'm like you know just develop something overnight I might just lose my mind you
know I might just die I think I have 15 personalities and start shooting people
Iowa should people why don't you people that's even a bit far for me but I am
gonna have to set up this tree I've got the tree kind of behind they came wrong
with candidate now so I'm gonna have to start setting that up my dog would move
hours away when I interrupt his uh viewing time of the crazy people that
live next door but I think I'll be okay alright we'll get that started
you
so I finally finish putting the tray up I'm semi impressed with it not really
this kind of a few things that I want to tweak but I think I might do that
tomorrow I'm gonna maybe take a better kind of video of the Train slip that in
before this I want to thank you so much if you're still here with me and if you
enjoyed this video subscribe to the channel join me I hope I see you again
I'm super tired I think it's actually like 11 o'clock I think of what sparkles
all over my face but who knows can't see hey man say good welcome to me
so chance wasn't hole fertile you just want some attention in kisses but why
did I call him okay Jess oh no I know it's not my ass yeah
sofa laughing it's not funny it's not funny you're not funny stop kissing my
hands I guess he's down now what an attention whore I ever see you all again
but until the next video Merry Christmas and bye
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