Gentlemen, has it ever occurred to you to see a beautiful woman and no can't even say
a single "hi"?
Fear can make us believe we can't do something although that might not be true
Draws our attention to all those things that might go wrong and of course, fears during flirting
are many
I intend to analyze the most important fears in future videos
Which is: the fear of rejection, not knowing what to say and she won't like me back
because I'm not attractive enough and others are looking at me when I flirt
I'm Christos from Men of Style and today we are discussing about the fear of rejection
Let's go!
Let's talk a bit about fear in general
Fear tends to make us passive
Put us in a passive position where we believe everything will happen by itself
resulting in us not contesting what we really want
Of course, it's very important and critical to remember that the less you contest what you say to yourself
that you want and need, the more you start believing you are not worth it
Fear puts us in a position, in a mental context that says:
"If you try to contest what you want, you will experience more pain than pleasure"
Fear prevents us from expressing our intentions and most importantly, contesting
what we want and discovering the truth, as I often say
in any stage of flirting
Of course, fear is based on the image we have for ourselves
because on the one hand we are confident about our skills
On the other hand, however, we are aware of our weaknesses and limits
And fear tends to shake the balance of these two
Resulting in either over functioning
or under functioning Let's talk about those
Over functioning and under functioning are a kind of defense
Over functioning means that we believe we can do everything, we are unbelievable, whatever I do,
I won't fail
There is, on the other hand, of course, under functioning which says that I will fail,
if I talk to her, she won't even look at me
and if I talk to her and get rejected, everyone is going to mock me
Of course, when we are in fear and we are doing nothing about it, this specific balance
is being shaken with ways we think will make us feel better
When you want to flirt with a woman or approach her and say
a single "hi", then, what happens? You will either say «wow», I'm going to succeed
wait and see what's going to happen and in the end, you won't even go
Or you might say: "If I go, she will reject me immediately"
In both cases fear has the same function
It won't help us do what we really feel like doing we feel is best
at the moment
When we are experiencing fear, what do we do? We run away, as fast as we can, from the occasion that creates it
Of course, the occasion is not responsible, but our thoughts about the occasion
Fear sets us in defense mode, where we try to protect ourselves
than contest something better Up to a certain point that is normal
It's normal to have a fear of the unknown, because otherwise we would jump into any occasion
so enthusiastically, we could get injured
or we would be so confident that others would think we are aggressive
Of course, we experience fear in three stages
The first one is psychological and is all about our beliefs
for ourselves, for others, all those beliefs form by
society, parents, teachers, friendships, relationships
The second stage is emotional and is all about the way we are reacting to fear
and the third one, of course, the third stage, is physical
How we experience fear in our body
You see a woman you like, at that point you imagine talking to her
and your beliefs start saying: "If you talk to her, you will get rejected,
everybody will be looking at you" and that thought raises our
pulses, makes us sweaty and nervous
You know, all those beautiful things we feel when we want to do what we really want
I don't want to idealize it, rejection is not something simple
Rejection happens every day, you might, for instance, make a mistake on a
mail or, for example, take up a job and not meet
the expectations that were set
However, rejection in flirting is all about the other person, a person that when she rejects us,
we feel criticized, in a bad way
On the one hand, we'd like to be accepted because we like her, because most likely months have passed
since we had a relationship, not to say years and we value this situation
very much in our minds
When rejection, from someone we like, hit us, especially if that someone is of the opposite sex
What happens? Our insecurities get confirmed
It's not about rejection, it's about the doubts, the insecurities we have,
about our skills, about what we can achieve,
about if we think we are attractive or not
When we get rejected, in a very simple way, what do we do?
We say: "Might this be true?" "Might I not be attractive?"
"Might I not be handsome" "Is there a chance
I'm alone forever?"
So, what does rejection do? It reveals something very important,
the relationship with ourselves, with our beliefs and what do we think we are worth of
Of course, at this point you have to think, because if you don't, improvement
will not be achieved as fast as we'd like to
How do you manage rejection?
What do you feel when you believe you are getting rejected?
Or, to make things simple, why do you believe you will get rejected?
Because she is very beautiful? Or because you believe you are not?
something we will analyze in the next videos
So, firstly, an analysis of the current situation is needed
if we want to move further
An analysis that doesn't have to be very thorough
You have to understand though, how you handle pressure yourself,
how you reveal your intentions and that is very important
Being able to work on features and characteristics we believe are important
is certainly a skill
So, before I say "goodbye", I'd like to say something and you'd better remember it
Time passes by and all of us act
like we have twenty more lifetimes to do things we want, but we don't
And as time passes by, the gap between what we dreamed would happen
and what actually happens, gets bigger and bigger
Getting rejected means nothing. Having tried though, means everything
I'm Christos from Men of Style and today we discussed about the fear of rejection
Take care!
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