This episode of Sexplanations is sponsored by AdamandEve.com where you can find so
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[WHIP CRACKING, COUGH]
The other day I was washing my crotch and did one of these rubbing gestures
on my clitoral hood.
My intention was to move the running water through the folds and clean things out.
But doesn't it resemble something else!?!?
LIKE MASTURBATION!?!?!
It got me thinking -- maybe hygiene is the reason we masturbate!
So I present to you my hypothesis
and a handful of others actual evolutionary biologists have studied.
Just a note that the names of these hypotheses aren't official,
they're just my way of organizing them.
The Horny Hygiene Hypothesis
Masturbation IS correlated with moving cervical fluid through the reproductive system --
helping to clear out bacteria, other pathogens, and irritants.
But I propose it can do even more:
Imagine that my head is erectile tissue like a clit or a penis, and my hood is the foreskin.
Around puberty this area is kept soft and lubricated by a substance called sebum.
Sebum is great but if it's left there for a few days, it collects dead skins cells and
bacteria and all of this together becomes smegma -- represented here by tissues.
It's an odorous buildup that looks like cottage cheese, and it tends to cause the head
to stick to the foreskin so things don't move nicely anymore.
If only there was a way to simply clean this out????
Like inheriting a sense of pleasure from touching myself, which in-turn retracts the foreskin,
dislodges the smegma, and makes my body more hygienic so I'm less likely to die and more
likely to pass the horny hyGENE onto my offspring.
What do you think?
Is jostling your junk for hygiene an evolutionary explanation of masturbation?
What about this one: The By-Product Hypothesis
Basically the idea is that pleasurable sex reinforces reproduction and pair-bonding,
so stimulating your body in a similar fashion has a similar effect.
Sounds reasonable, makes me love that I have flexible digits at the end of these conveniently
long appendages so I can mimic reproductive efforts.
And that AdamandEve.com sell sex toys that do the same thing.
Next: The Iguana Hypothesis
In competitive mating systems where males fight over females, masturbation might work
as a release for those males who can't get laid.
Or as a way for them to get laid but not die trying.
An example of this is male marine iguanas that keep harems of females.
They're really aggressive toward any outside males who want in on the action.
So to reproduce, harem-less males rub against nearby rocks until they're close to coming,
then they'll mount a female all quick-like, inseminate her, then flee for safety.
Is this why we masturbate?
Or is it The Bored or Broken Hypothesis?
Take for example birds in captivity or your family dog.
Observations of them humping playthings suggest they might have incorrectly or inappropriately
adjusted to their environments -- leading to maladaptive behavior. In this case, masturbating.
That or they're adapting effectively to cope with boredom, anxiety, sexual tension, etc.
The Old Sperm Hypothesis
The thinking here is that sperm are more viable the "fresher" they are.
So by masturbating old, expired sperm are flushed out, and new athletic sperm can line
up for sex that's procreative.
There is some validity to this, but it really depends on how often masturbation happens.
The Vestigial Hypothesis
Vestigial refers to body parts, traits, or behaviors that served our ancestral species
but don't have clear functions now.
For example, tail bones and goosebumps.
Tail bones for tails we no longer have.
Goosebumps, to stand hair on it's end so we could look bigger in threatening situations.
Now we have different body hair which isn't going to do this yet we still experience goosebumps.
Similarly masturbation could have played a more prominent evolutionary role in the past.
Its origin may have more to do with how it served a species we evolved from
than how it serves us now.
The Learned Touch Hypothesis: I really like this one.
This hypothesis proposes that
masturbation evolved for a better understanding of anatomy and physiology.
If I explore my body through touch, I'll figure out what feels good,
I'll be more likely to orgasm and sometimes during orgasm
other physiological things will happen that increase fertility.
Like my cervix dipping down into my vagina repeatedly so it's easier for sperm that
could be pooled there to access an egg.
This relates to what I call the Exhibit Hypothesis.
If getting off through masturbation is something I display -- like look at me come, look at me come --
then masturbation might have evolved to teach potential partners the techniques that please me.
OR tempt them into wanting in on the sexy times I'm having.
I think my favorite is The Panacea Hypothesis.
Panacea refers to a universal remedy, a cureall for every problem --
and today I propose that's masturbation!
Certainly not for everyone or all things but masturbation is known to:
boost the immune system, decrease cancer risk,
elevate mood, enhance skin complexion, heighten senses, improve sleep, increase blood flow,
lessen cramps, lower blood pressure, minimize incontinence, reduce stress, release tension,
relieve pain, and slow signs of aging.
Not to mention it can feel amazing.
What if masturbation evolved as a built-in way for us to self-care and self-soothe, like
a handy mechanism for us to cope with the crisis of living?
Whatever the reason is -- I'm certainly thankful for it and I have a lot of curiosity
about how masturbation will continue to evolve.
Please share in the comments any ideas you have about masturbation's evolution and
stay curious!
A special thanks to evolutionary biologist Sally LePage for her review of this episode
and to Tom Price who is studying the evolution of masturbating in birds.
There are links to their work in the description
as well as an incredible deal from our sponsor adamandeve.com.
When you use the discount code DOE at checkout, Adam and Eve will give you 50% off an eligible
item and FREE shipping on orders sent to the U.S. or Canada.
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