You feel incredible and your appetite is soaring.
Of course, everything changes when you find yourself
in front of a woman you like and you decide to flirt with her.
At that very moment appears
a well-known feeling for all of us
and that is nothing else than stress.
I am Christos from Men Of Style
and today we will talk about: How and why we sabotage ourselves when we flirt.
Let's go!
The stress we feel when we want to flirt with a woman we like
and to show our intentions, is based on some beliefs we have
about how we believe that the woman will see us.
In fact, stress is a form of reaction we have in certain beliefs.
Either we believe that if we express our interest and our intentions
the woman will not respond and will reject us.
Or, for example, we may look strange or we may look very easy.
When we decide to flirt with a woman we like, we feel stressed.
Stress is basically a reaction that we have
very simply, because we believe that if we express our intentions
we either will look strange or because we can be rejected.
Of course, stress is what drives us further than we want.
It's like we're in a constant dispute
among what we want to do the most.
To express our best and our intentions to a woman
and to flirt with her, in a way that we will remember forever
and from the other we have all these beliefs
all these beliefs, that make us believe that we will not be enough.
Because that is what happens during flirting.
And what is that;
When come among the friends, groups or acquaintances
we are fine.
We communicate comfortably, we have ideas, we have views, we have interesting stories.
Unless we are more introverted
so we need more time to start feeling comfortable.
But when we find ourselves in front of a woman we like
then something changes and state of stress is triggered
simply because what is changing is the context of communication
that we want to have with the woman.
To say it simpler, our intentions change.
Our intentions enter into an erotic context.
And at that moment, we start believing that we have to show something very specific
not to be rejected for not look weird
to move the things forward and continue flirting.
However, this is only the first level.
The second level is exactly what I will continue with.
When we like a woman too much
there is a chance to be convinced that we are not enough.
It's like adding a sign to ourselves
which is based on specific beliefs.
These beliefs may be about some stereotypes.
I'm not extrovert, I am not handsome
I do not have Status, I have no experience.
As a result, this belief sets us
as I mentioned, a sign that says, "You are not enough!".
So, since you are not enough and you have that belief
at that moment the stress starts to appear.
We feel uncomfortable because we believe there will be no response for any reason.
Because we do not want to feel stressed
at that point a defense mechanism is created.
In simple words, what do I mean?
When we want to get away from a feeling, we do some behavior.
This particular behavior appears because we believe that
it will relieve us of a negative feeling, such as stress.
And that's how the habits are created.
For example, someone who smokes and gets stressed, the first thing he will do
when he feels stressed, it is to smoke.
Our brain does not know whether our habits are productive or positive.
It just knows that these habits are there
because it is a kind of defense mechanism, in that case
to relieve us of a negative emotion.
So, at that moment when we feel stressed
because we believe, because of beliefs, that we are not enough
and that we need to show something specific.
The defense mechanism, to relieve this feeling, tells us what?
You have to show something completely different from what you are.
In this case, I will give you a very simple example, which is personal.
When I started my own process
to try to get better, especially in the part of flirting.
I was constantly hesitating between two behaviors:
One behavior was "Indifference".
When I was in front of a woman I liked – I was indifferent.
Because I thought I did not want to look easy
Because she might reject me, why should I show her that I like her
and she must show me some interest first.
Essentially, I did it because I needed it, I needed external confirmation
So it comes to a conclusion with the belief that I am not enough.
So if a woman shows me that she likes me
then I have an external element to continue the process
and do the next steps to flirt with her.
That was the one part, and the other part was
where I was trying to show "Over-Confidence."
I was trying to show that I was too extrovert
too communicative, that I had incredible experiences in my life
because I simply thought that I had to fill the gap
which I felt I had, a gap of inferiority.
Because at that moment, because of my beliefs, I felt inferiority towards the conditions
I feel that if I express what I really want
that if I express myself as I would to the woman
the woman will reject me, because, for example, I do not match some stereotypes
which had been planted in my mind.
And two of these stereotypes that I had in my mind were:
First, you need to have experience
because if you are the "f…er of the neighborhood", then you are great, then you are fine.
If you do not have experiences, then how do you respond?
Which is quite logical up to a certain point.
Because when the time comes, for example, to have a sexual contact with a woman
whatever happens, you would like to give your best, you would like to satisfy her
and you would also like to satisfy yourself.
The other part I had as a stereotype is
that I should do something to prove to the woman that I deserve her
that it is normal for woman to not want something in the beginning
or even not to show me that she is interested.
However, it has nothing to do with if there was a result or not
when I decided to show something completely different from what I felt
from what I felt or from what I really wanted.
But I was getting pressured, was getting pressured and needed to waste much more energy
to express my intentions and many times I was late to do so
as a result I missed very, very interesting opportunities
and acquaintances with women whom I liked.
The more you think, that something you do will not work
it is justifiable to avoid it.
But as I have said before, we always exchange one pain for another.
The pain of inactivity, that I rather stay in the comfort zone, I rather stay in safe zone
but I will not evolve, I will not live through experiences.
And on the other hand I have that: You know, I will express my feelings!
Something that is also a kind of pain, because expressing your intentions to a woman you like
there is always a possibility of being rejected and whether the rejection is coming
then you will need to manage it.
But when we decide to show something we are not.
Do not forget that sooner or later, as our relationship goes with the woman
we will show and reveal our true self.
Also, something else I learned in the hard way is
when we pretend our intentions
we also attract people in our lives, whom are pretending their intentions.
Whenever you have a specific "must" in your mind.
I must convince someone, I must convince the woman that I am interesting.
At that time you are acting from an insecure base
and that insecurity may not be shown that much in whatever you say
at a verbal level, but may be seen on a level of body language.
You will be more nervous, you will tangle your tongue
you will look down instead of looking at her and being more dynamically
you will not make any decisions, because you want to by the safe way
you will lose time without a reason, while the woman, might really like you from the beginning
and would want to move the things faster, samewith the acquaintance you two have.
So, you will sabotage yourself, why?
Because many times we have the beliefs, that might rely on, as I told you before
either on some stereotypes or on some experiences
may not might not be up to date with what we are experiencing at that particular time
and at the same time we will not enjoy ourselves during the process of flirting.
Because everything is getting locked there.
When you decide to flirt in a way you enjoy
then the specific projection of your intentions
It doesn't only makes you feel comfortable
but since you feel comfortable, you will be much more authentic
but at the same time it will also work as a filter to add women into your life
whom can also meet your intentions and your needs
while you also meet your needs and you can satisfy them.
Many times when we flirt, we think way too much about the result
and what we need to do to ensure it.
As for us, we are thinking, for example, about the ideal scenario
to exchange phones with the woman, to make her like me
to make her correspond, to get positive reactions.
And as a result, we are constantly being in an external reality, to tell it simpler.
Or we keep looking for an external confirmation
to move the things forward.
That not only shows indecision
but it also confuses us about what we really want.
At any time, during flirting
you will have to remind yourself: What do you really want and why?
You will have to remind yourself of your intentions
because for example, you may see a woman as a friend
but because you have some conviction that you are not enough and that you will be rejected
you won't show that to her, trying to be "Good", while you do not really want
Being "Good", in quotations obviously, I didn't mean to be rude or offensive.
And the woman sees that there is no "Manly" response from you.
You do not create attraction, so it may lead you into (as we say) Friend Zone for example.
You may get into friend zone because you have delayed expressing your intentions from the beginning
or because you agreed to what the woman offered you at that point
instead of setting your own rules.
Whatever happens, do not forget, when you decide to flirt
to remind yourself what you want and that you must feel good the way you show it.
That means, you should feel good.
If you notice that what you are trying to show pressures you
then you will need to evaluate it a new way
always with respect to the woman you are flirting with and you have in front you.
I am Christos from Men Of Style
and today we talked about: How and why we sabotage ourselves when we flirt.
To end up, I would like to thank you for all your comments
they are really important, we read them all, one by one
and do not forget to Subscribe to our channel, it's important.
Take care!
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