Negan's best men are no match for Daryl's clown car bush.
Able to hide dozens of women and children in a single bush!
I'm detecting Tara may be harboring ill will towards Dwight,
based on the fact that she just
chucked a charred walker straight at his grill.
You are not looking so good, Father G!
Sweaty and talking slow and having trouble
reading a map that's two inches from your face.
Oh, I know what's going on.
He's at Coachella!
Try closing one eye, that usually does the trick.
Only three hours to hightail it out of there
before that crawling zombie kills you both.
Guys, I didn't go to any fancy eye college,
but I'm pretty sure you should have your shit open
when taking a roadside eye exam.
Love Daryl's management style.
Oh, these people are exhausted because they haven't slept?
Let them rest for 10 minutes.
Have you ever tried resting for 10 minutes?
It doesn't work.
Resting for no minutes is better
because at least then you're not
lying to yourself with this 10-minute nonsense.
Dwight posts up in the background
on the skinniest tree of all time.
It's basically a giant toothpick for his butt cheeks.
Morgan is preparing his apprentice with crazy lessons.
New Carl is already being crazy
at an eighth-grade Morgan level!
Staring into the distance, clutching a murder stick,
glazed over face, only speaking to say he's fine
or make death threats.
They grow up so fast.
He's going to be clear in no time.
You heard the man, Eugene!
Negan used up the last of his infinite ammo,
so go to that ammunition factory
that was last mentioned, like, two fucking years ago
and whip up some more infinite ammo!
Chop, chop!
Wow.
Father G was right about this place!
It's a gold mine!
He found a piggy back and some radio nerd's journal.
Great work.
The Doc would love to listen to Father G's dying ramblings,
but he has to go kill a dead guy.
Maggie looks at this baby to remind
the audience she's pregnant.
Because we'd have no other way to tell
since she still has abs.
Only 37 more trimesters to go, Mags!
Hear that, Father G?
These are antibiotics!
You're saved!
And he has some Quaaludes in the closet.
The last Quaaludes ever!
Let's fucking party, dude!
Uh,
guys.
This swamp looks extremely dangerous.
You're all gonna die.
And you're gonna die with wet, icky swamp socks.
The worst fate imaginable.
Public service announcement reminder that,
despite anything he ever says,
Gregory still sucks worse than icky swamp socks.
It looks like Father Gabriel is
inside of a butt looking out.
There's simply no other way to describe it.
Wait, he just found a map and some car keys
in that piggy bank?
His butt-hole-seeing ass keeps winning.
Screw the map, take him and the Quaaludes to Zombie Vegas!
Put five grand on red!
This blind priest is hot!
Sorry, Dwight.
Tara doesn't care about your apology,
because you killed Doctor Lady.
Everyone's fifth favorite doctor on this show.
Woods chase, bitches!
Uh, that was a really weak woods chase.
I'd like to speak to the woods chase manager.
I demand a refund.
Let's pump the brakes on that Vegas trip.
It appears Father G's luck may have run out,
what with the Doc getting full stuck in a bear trap and all.
Guys, I didn't graduate from any
fancy gun shooting university,
but I'm pretty sure you're supposed to keep
your eyes open for the duration of your aiming.
Jesus, take the trigger!
Pop!
Vegas trip back on!
Daryl is pissed Tara sent Dwight back to the Saviors.
He's saying more words than he's said
for the last four seasons so you know he means business!
Then, What's-His-Name (Jobin?)
covers Judith's baby ears because
she does not need to hear those stuff and things.
That is so a What's-His-Name (Jobin?)
season-eight-B thing to do.
What a fully developed character.
"Believe it and you'll see it,"
is a nice choice of words from
a guy who can't see shit outside of his butt hole vision.
And
the Doc is dead.
Bet you didn't see that one coming, Father G!
You know, because you can't see a damn thing
besides what a turd sees before it hits toilet water.
Daryl breaks the difficult news to the gang.
"Carl.
He didn't make it.
He died.
Took forever.
You should honestly be stoked you weren't there,
it was lame."
And the tears of joy overwhelmed them.
Morgan comforts this kid by letting him know
he already violently murdered the guy
who killed his brother.
So, yeah, sleep great tonight, little buddy.
Eugene responds to one of the last women on earth
flirting with him by scolding her
for her lack of gloves and proper eye protection.
Then he barks at her to whip up some eggs
and prepare to wipe the sweat from his brow.
If you turn up the volume real loud on this scene,
you can hear her vagina sealing up.
Tune in next week!
Will Father G be a good employee
in Eugene's bullet factory?
They're definitely going to save some money
on his protective eyewear.
Will Gregory and that dude take advantage
of Maggie's work release program?
They're plotting their revenge
right after they starve to death.
Will Negan attack Hilltop?
Yes, after five or six more minutes
of sensually rubbing Lucille
into this zombie's face and tummy.
Maybe 10 more minutes of zombie tummy rubs,
12 minutes tops.
None of this and more,
next time on The Walking Dead.
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