if someone tries to commit suicide
there's a reason if someone tries to
hurt someone else there's a reason if
someone is willing to work 18-hour days
there's a reason if someone doesn't want
to work there's a reason here's the good
news having dealt with literally tens of
millions of people from hundreds of
countries or more than a hundred
countries to be accurate
I could be an idiot this point and have
to see there are patterns there are
patterns that will make you angry and
patterns it'll make you sad their
patterns will excite you the patterns
will make you grateful the patterns will
make you completely worried all the time
their patterns that'll make you feel so
absolutely certain you can run through
an effing wall once you know what the
patterns are you can get rid of the ones
that don't work and adopt some ones that
do more often and that's a good part of
what we're gonna do the next few days to
give you a perspective but the most
important pattern understand is why
people do what they do so as I told you
I've had a unique gift I've had the
chance to travel the world at this stage
of life where literally the world is
available all of us in a few hours but
what I want you understand is everybody
has a reason for what they do but the
good news is there's only six reasons
there are lots of different stories but
I can tell you by experience being
around the world there's only six
reasons and those six reasons are called
the six human needs and I'm gonna walk
you through these now I need you to
manage your stay for the next few
minutes because we're gonna go a little
deeper on content but we're gonna do it
only so in the future for the next three
days when somebody stands up you're
gonna look at them and you're gonna go
what's driving them and I'm gonna ask
you which of these needs are driving
them because once you know what drives
somebody you know to meet their needs or
you can predict their behavior and see
whether or not the other right corporate
match personal match intimate match
because you have to understand it so
what are these six needs they are not
goals they are not desires if you travel
with me around the world you'll see
every culture has different goals
everybody has different desires but we
all the same needs what are they number
one is the need for certainty certainty
now what the hell is certainty certainty
is a survival need we all need to feel
certain that we can avoid pain and that
ideally we can have some comfort why coz
continuous pain
would mean continuous damage continuous
damage eventually means death so the
need for certainty is built into every
human being and I'm gonna show you now
in the next few minutes if you stay with
me and I really need to do so make sure
you say sit up in your chair and focus
on this area because after this we're
gonna kick in gear again but right now
you got to take this in
it'll be so valuable not just for this
weekend before your life all human
beings have the same six needs so why do
we behave differently because the only
thing different in people is two things
we all have the same six needs but we
don't value them equally
some people certainty is the number one
thing they value if they're certainly
driven you try to change anything they
freak out they get fearful or they get
angry or they get pissed off because
what matters most of them is keeping
things the same way where they feel like
they're in control rage and if you fall
that's an example some people they value
love much more than certainty some
people value certainly more than love so
even though they love you if they don't
feel certain they won't open completely
right just as one example so the
difference in people we're all the same
six needs the difference is which of the
top two you value most out of these six
because these top two determine your
direction in life and direction if you
keep moving in direction it leads you to
an ultimate destination or destiny so we
want to understand what your top two
needs are and same thing with other
people this weekend when somebody stands
up often I'll say what's driving in
right now and I want you to see within a
very short time eight thousand people
from forty four countries will all be
saying the same thing it'll be that
obvious to you you'll be a practical
psychologist by the time we're done here
so now if we know what these needs are
and person values them differently we
also have to find out two people could
have the same need but they have a
different belief about what it takes to
be loved or a different need about what
it takes to be certain some people to
assert need $10,000,000,000 some people
to cert and just need to pray to God
somebody to be a certain need to feel
like they have three perfect children
and they're there every day some people
that feel cert and feel certain because
I've always figured it out I don't know
what's gonna happen but I know I'll
figure it out because I always have you
can get certainty from your past you get
certainty from God you get certainly
been working out
tensley you get certainty by eating food
too much food especially will put
comfort in your body if you overeat all
the blood goes in your stomach you start
breathing again so we all need certainty
the only question is it number one two
three four five or six on your list and
the second question is what does your
brain say has to happen to be certain
some people have certainty it's
impossible to meet the young lady over
here who was sitting in the chair before
we intervened how to blueprint that's
never going to be met if the literally
would make her unhappy regularly so we
got to know what needs you're after and
what's your blueprint how many got a
feeling at least when I'm explaining you
right now it makes some sense to you say
I can awesome
so the first need is certainty how can
we meet our need for certainty we can do
it ways that are positive neutral or
negative I can get certainty in a
heartbeat if all I want to do is get
really pissed off and freaked out about
something when you get angry do you get
certain yes or no you better believe it
so some people get angry all the time
because it's their way to get certainty
in a life that's uncertain it has all
kinds of negative side effects but it
works in the moment so listen to me now
most people meet their needs in a way
that works in the moment but not
long-term so they feel good for a short
time like a sugar high and then they
drop emotional and they got to do it
again whether its food or smoking or
drinking or whatever it is so you can
meet your needs in positive ways
neutralize your negative ways so if I
came along here and I said what's your
name sir chase chase I want to make a
deal with you how much do you weigh 246
we're gonna weigh you in five minutes he
says he weighs 246 if you're within that
range I'm fine here's my deal I will
give you I'm gonna put fifty million
dollars u.s. cash tonight into an escrow
account for you they're gonna weigh you
if you lose 50 pounds tomorrow morning
by 8:30 a.m. you will receive that 50
million otherwise they get it back can
you do it yes or no no sure you can take
off a leg take it on and we can get you
a house there there's no question chase
is the goal obtainable yes or no is it
achievable is it obtainable yes or no
but it's not sustainable and that's how
most people meet their needs they use a
drug or alcohol or food or cigarettes or
something to get comfortable to get
certainty back but the problem is that
has side effects long-term works in the
short-term
doesn't the long-term main if you follow
say I so you could get certainty by
overeating or smoking or drinking what
happens you smoke a cigarette take a
deep breath in and you blow it out nice
and long and slow full exhale when most
of you are stressed how many noticed
that you either stop breathing while you
breathe really shallow
how many have noticed this in the past
so you smoke a cigarette and in the
moment it meets your need for comfort
uncertainty it's killing you but it
works short-term that's how most people
live their life you can get certainty by
working out if you go on a run really
intensely or you go lift weights and you
push yourself and all that blood starts
pulsing through you do you feel certain
yes or no and what's the downside zero
so there are ways to meet your needs
that are empowering neutral or
disempowered the parts of our life we
don't like our problems why would we
keep a problem we're all capable of
solving it why would we keep a problem
the only reason you have a problem
that's stuck around is because it meets
some of your needs not all of them or
you would want to get rid of it but
enough of them that makes it hard to
give up it's kind of like who's ever
been in a relationship way too long let
me see your hats and how many knew what
was wrong while you were there let me
see your hands
so why the F did you stay there because
of the uncertainty because well you know
I you know I'm not thoroughly happy I'm
kind of unhappy but I might be worse if
I was totally alone what if this is the
best one I'm never gonna get and I
screwed it out
but what happened was most of you had
that feeling talked yourself back down
into the relationship multiple times
until one day you had a threshold will
your brain when it was faint on the past
its leave on the process it's gonna be
people to feel drive out of here
who's done this before say I so there is
a threshold that we can find and if we
find that threshold we can break through
it pretty damn easily we can shift we
can get to where we really want to go so
what I want you to get is of these six
needs we all find a way to meet them the
only difference again is which are your
top two out of the six and I've told you
certainty so far and what are your
beliefs or rules or what your blueprint
how to get that her blueprint was make
please everybody which is impossible so
it won't work raise your hand if you
follow okay so let's take a look what's
the second human II well first of all
you can get certainty in so many ways
you get certainty by praying to God you
can get certainty by doing a ritual the
same way every time you can get
certainty by lowering your expectations
saying nothing ever works nothing ever
will everybody screws things up you'll
lose your dream but you'll gain your
need by the way jot this down people
will give up their goals and dreams to
meet their needs people will give up
their goals and dreams they'll even give
up their own values to meet their needs
I'll give you an example how many of you
in this room consider yourself to be an
honest person very honest person raise
your hand if you consider yourself to be
very honest raise your hand nice and
high okay drop your hand raise your hand
if you lie let me see your chance if
you'll I can explain it to me later
here's how it works see in your mind you
know who you are
why would someone lie who values honesty
no one told you to be honest you want to
be honest because if you think being
honest is gonna cost you one of your
needs like love or certainty you'll lie
you call it a white lie but you lot who
knows what I'm talking about now there's
some people that never lie because they
value certainty of always telling the
truth so much I have to do with their
rules or their belief structures this
make sense
so tell me something you can meet the
need for certainly so many ways right so
here's the question you can go ahead
here's the question what if you were
certain every moment of your life what
was gonna happen before it happened what
if you knew what people are gonna say
before they're gonna say what if you
could feel what they're gonna feel what
if you could what if you knew every
moment before it happened what people
are going to say and do in the beginning
that would feel really exciting but
after a while if you know what's gonna
happen when it's gonna happen how it's
gonna happen tell me what you're gonna
feel after a while what do you start to
feel tell me what bored out of your mind
that's why God in her infinite wisdom
gave us a second human need and that
second human need is uncertainty we have
a need for uncertainty we have a need
for a surprise we have a need for
variety in fact what's the phrase
variety is the WOD of life spice of life
now how many of you in this room raise
your hand how many of you in this room
love surprises raise hand if you love
them say I both you love the surprises
you want the surprises you don't want
you don't want you call them problems
don't you so don't tell me you like
surprises you like the surprise as you
want here's my point
can you meet more than one need with the
same action or emotion or belief system
yes or no write this down anytime any
time your mind any time your mind
perceives that doing something anytime
your mind perceives that doing something
believing something or feeling something
meets at least three of your needs so
anytime your mind perceives that doing
something feeling something or believing
something meets at least three of your
needs then you will become addicted to
that thought that feeling that emotion
or that action you can be positively
addicted or negatively addicted but
you're going to be addicted any time
your brain perceives that's something
you believe do or feel meets three of
your needs you'll get addicted to it now
I'm going to show you why this is
important
let's look at two needs for a second is
it possible to meet your need for
certainty and uncertainty simultaneously
even though they're opposite needs yes
or no I give an example who here has
ever rented a movie that you've already
seen let me see a show of hands get a
life
now I've done it too why would it in a
movie we've already seen we'd ran it why
because we've seen it before so we're
certain it's good and we're hoping it's
been so long we forgot enough it'll be
variety we watch it again who knows what
I'm talking about here say I so you can
meet both needs but if you meet three
needs you'll become addicted to that
behavior whether it's a good behavior a
bad behavior doesn't matter it'll be a
positive addiction or negative diction
but you'll be addicted so let me give
you how do you get variety you get
variety in positive ways negative
whether it's your neutral ways you get
variety by learning growing taking on a
new goal a new challenge you get variety
through a conversation with a friend
you get variety by praying to God
there's so many ways to get variety
aren't that but you can also get variety
of negative ways you can smoke a joint
and maybe that's not a negative way but
it sure will change your state but in a
side effect right during that time
you're not gonna function maybe at the
same peak or understanding or some
people use other things cigarettes
alcohol anything there's so many ways to
get variety the question is are your
ways positive neutral negative or
empowering how many follow because we
all have ways they're getting that
variety that uncertainty so here's what
I want you to do third human need is
significance the need to feel unique the
need to feel special yes I hope that
picture makes you feel special okay
the need to feel unique special
important who has the need to be needed
to feel special unique important who do
you think has that need who has it tell
me who what about people say I don't
want to be special do they still want to
be special yes or no you bet your ass
they do bowsprit s too much now they
don't want to be so special that you
attack them they might want to stay
undercover so to speak but they still
want to feel special they want to feel
unique they want to feel needed they
want to feel important so there are lots
of ways to feel special you can do it by
working your ass off
huge risks in achieving something to
feel special or you can tear down
everybody else that's trying to build
something because there's two ways to
have the tallest building in town one is
work your ass off take rest build the
tallest building the other one is blow
up everybody else's building and by the
way which one's faster which one's
easier which takes less intelligence and
less money tearing shit down it happens
faster so that's why we've always had
violence and we always will unless
there's a consciousness change if I live
in a tough part of the community I'm in
the hood and you can walk through my
community and you don't notice me and I
feel insignificant I might take things
into my own hands to feel significant if
all of a sudden I put a gun to your head
tell me on a 0 to 10 scale how certain
am I you're gonna respond to me now when
I put that gun to your head 0 to 10 10
is absolute zeros not at all where would
you put it quick yeah a hundred it's a
true but also when I put my gun to your
head how significant am I to you in your
life even if you didn't know me a minute
ago if I got a gun in your head how
significant on my zero to ten hundred
I'm the most significant thing in your
life and a moment ago you didn't know
existed and they don't even the
intelligence I don't need background the
education all I needs a gun and their
will to do it oh by the way just in case
there's not enough fare to be an
addiction when I put that gun to your
head every time that happens it's gonna
be a different game I know you're gonna
respond to me I know I'm significant but
what you're gonna say and do is
different so I get variety so you made
three needs but violence doesn't end
there because the fourth human need is
connection and love and most people are
too afraid to love because they've loved
and been disappointed or they've loved
and then lost the love it was so painful
that now they settle for the crumbs of
connection because that's safer so it's
a form of the need but a low level to me
but it's still part of the need we gotta
meet it so if you're going for
connection and love if I cut my gun to
his head on a zero to ten I'm a ten of
certainty I'm a 10 of significant to him
I'm gonna have a ton of variety but are
we also connected in a sick way but
deeply connected in this moment yes or
no
on a zero to 10 how much connection is
there between our lives at this moment
when to put the gun there 100 how many
followers say I so violence meets for
the human needs and that's why we've
always had it that's why Isis exists
that's why people do the stupid things
they do as they do it to try to meet
their needs the biggest cause of
violence so if you'll notice is 95% of
time when it's a terrorist it's a male
why is that because in the human nervous
system if you're masculine testosterone
is probably large in you with your man
or woman if you're more masculine you
got a lot of testosterone testosterone
is about dominance it's about
significance it's about domination and
the higher that is the more they want it
if they look at their life and they're
not dominating and they get really
frustrated they'll do a final act men
will die for significance women will die
for love now some men will die for love
too so you know but biochemically a
female is wired to be able to nurture
and to support human beings we wouldn't
exist if it wasn't for everyone in this
room because we all came through one oh
we wouldn't existed there's no man that
could make this happen but the women
have and the reason is because they have
that connecting power as their strength
now can any man become more loved driven
yes can any woman be more significant
driven yes but our biochemistry leads us
that way which is why a terrorist will
come up and do what they're doing and
kill someone because all they give it
about is domination is that I'm
significant and they want certainty in a
world where they feel uncertain and they
want variety in life that is incredibly
boring in the middle of the condenser
where there's nothing and no one's
working where you got 30 % of population
unemployed what am I gonna do work at
McDonald's or go kill people kill people
feels more exciting right now how many
follow what I'm talking about here say I
now can you get significance in positive
ways of course you can be significantly
more generous than anyone else and that
generosity gives you a sense of
significance because you know you're
really a giver you're not trading you're
not exchanging you really are giving and
it makes you feel full it makes you feel
significant as you know the truth no
matter what you tell people verbal
you know it's true inside and no one can
mess with that you can get significance
by the way you dress you can have
significance by having more tattoos and
earrings and more locations than any of
us want to know but the bottom line is
there's a mint you can know more about
box scores and sports to be significant
everyone finds a way to be significant
most people find a way to be significant
by having a significant problem why
because if I'm really successful you
might like me for a while but after a
while most people get annoyed with
someone who's always happy and
successful easy for you who knows what
I'm talking about here raise your head
right but if you got big-ass problems
who's gonna be upset with you you're not
competing with them you have huge
problems ago I understand but if you're
doing really well it's like easy for you
so most of us unconsciously learn to
create big problems as a way to connect
because it's the safest way to connect
and not be rejected some of you do it
like she does by trying to please
everybody all the time thinking if I
pleased you enough then you'll come to
me you'll give me what I'm really
wanting to which is what she wants but
it doesn't work that way it works
sometimes but not all the time and not
even the majority of the time how many
follow your say I so we have what needs
so far number one is nice and loud
number one is certainty certainly you
can be comfortable you can avoid pain
you can survive you can be comfortable
second you means the need for
uncertainty also need for variety or
surprise what's the third human need the
need for to feel unique to feel special
to feel important who has that need who
has that need everyone and the fourth
need is need for connection and most
people settle for connection because
love is too scary because they love it
was so wonderful and it went away and
they don't want that pain anymore so
they want love but they settle for
connection so if you can't get love or
connection anywhere else buy a dog don't
get a cat they're independent get a dog
is it true you could be the dumbass
owner you cannot even feed them you can
leave for five hours do you leave for
five minutes and it's like you've been
gone for six months or so
sighs right so anyone can feel
connection and love you can do it
through prayer you can do it to good
gifts you can do it by dressing special
you can do it by having big problems the
only question in life is not whether
you're going to meet your needs the only
question is how and is it obtainable or
sustainable is it empowering neutral or
negative and if you want to change your
life
will power never laughs but when
something meets more of your needs it's
effortless if you want to know what the
biggest addiction is in our culture it's
not alcohol it's not some form of
prescription drug it's not an illicit
drug it's problems because problems
allow us to try to deal with our deepest
fear that were not enough and we won't
be loved by saying it's not me at this
problem it's just I have ADHD it's just
that I've been through this it's just if
so most people meet their needs through
problems unfortunately they don't meet
their deepest needs because up until now
we've described the first four needs
which are the basic needs of your
personality but what well if everyone by
the way finds a way to meet these first
four needs even if they lie to yourself
if you got to work 20 hour days you will
find a way to meet your need for
certainty uncertainty significance even
it's just you have worse problems
anybody else connection to yourself
you'll find a way but the final two
needs are the needs that create
fulfilment and they are the spiritual
needs not religious but spiritual the
fifth human need is gross we've already
said it we grow all we want there's no
way around it if your business isn't
growing it's dying if your relationship
isn't growing it's dying there are no
plateaus in this life who's with me here
say I
so growth is life and if you want a
one-word key to happiness I'll give it
to you right now because it's real
obvious having working millions of
people progress equals happiness if
you're not even where you want to be
you're still overweight you're still
financially struggling you're still not
where you want to be in your career but
you start working out you mean what's
the weight yet but you start feeling
better you start making progress or you
start to change that business still not
there yet but you're making progress or
change that relationship or change your
body or change your health any time you
start making progress your happiness
will go through the roof anytime you
achieve things and you don't set up
something new to go for it quickly
you'll lose momentum
in a short time you won't be so happy
because the law of familiarity will come
in and this thing that once with this
big dream will now just be something
that you're used to so the purpose of a
goal is not to get the goal the purpose
of a goal is who we become to achieve it
what you get will never make you happy
who you become will make you very happy
we're very sad to think upon how you
approach it but what do you do with your
life so our approach here is we want to
grow and then the six human need is the
need for contribution the need to step
out of ourselves see how many of you in
this room when something great happens
how many of you can't help yourself
you immediately want to share that with
somebody you love how many immediately
that's your first thought say I why
because you can only feel so much
yourself I don't care if it's sex drugs
rock and roll whatever it is there's
only so much pleasure you can internally
have you want to share that concert with
someone you want to share that
experience with someone because by
sharing it becomes more it's more than
just you growth and contribution our
fifth and six needs they are spiritual
needs they are the needs to fulfill us
everybody finds a way to feel somewhat
certain some variety some significance
in it they've got to tear people down
some connection but very few people grow
continuously and contribute continuously
which is where all the joy is how many
follow here say I so we're gonna make a
couple distinctions but first of all can
you meet somebody in a few minutes
start to pick up which needs might be
driving the most yes or no yes or no of
course you can
in fact I'll give an example I was
flying I don't notice five six seven
years ago I was flying the small plane
across the country and I was being the
pilot and I landed it in Kansas City and
I land in Kansas excuse me I'm in Kansas
and I'm in this little airport in Kansas
and I get out of the plane and this
young man comes running out and he's
like so enthusiastic and so just such a
sweet good soul you know you just you
meet a guy great hit off this kid and he
says what can I do for you I told him
I'm just flying through it you need to
refuel you knows how much you need I
said just fill her up he goes no problem
I lead as I leave him come around the
plane to walk up the steps to go into
the FBO the fixed based operation was
stopping for the moment I went up up
uses of the facilities and there's a
young girl sitting on the stairs here
and she looks really intense
she's gothic you know that goth makeup
she's got I don't remember the exact
number but like 15 earrings on one here
one through the nose really intense
looking little character so I noticed
her on the way in and as I walk up the
steps I walk but you know by her go
inside and when I came back out the
steps are really wide so I sat on the
step just beside her she's like one
person away and she looks up me goes
what do you want I said were you up
she'sa nothing I said nothing and then
we just sat there she's like you know in
her space and I said actually there is
something I'd like to know I said you
don't have to tell me but I'm gonna
leave here in a few minutes you're never
gonna meet me again set your boyfriend
out there she goes we'll sorta like she
wants him to be right it's nice I said
he seems like a really really nice kid
he's not nice he's strong she tells me I
see I okay well I think he's strong in
nice
she said well maybe he is I said you
know I'm gonna leave in a couple minutes
but I'm just curious I said how do you
she goes what does it matter I said it
doesn't and I'm about to leave so why
don't you tell me
she said I'm 13 and I about fell over I
mean this girl
I mean 17 be the youngest I put her told
him made me a makeup made up in every
detail right so I'm like wow she goes
are you surprised I said yeah I'm really
surprised she goes did you think I was
older I said yeah I said and that kind
of saddened me a little bit for you she
said what no no I said I'm curious I'm
gonna leave here in a few minutes it's
cause you're curious about a lot of
things I said how come and I'm making up
the number it may have been 13 but it
was more than 12
how comes 13 or 15 earrings and she says
to me because everybody else has 5 now
if I don't tell you anything else about
this young lady what would you say is
the number-one need that's driving her
at this stage of her life right now nice
and loud go
which one nice allowed how many said
significance raise your hand absolutely
right you can see it easily but people
are driven by more than one thing and as
I'm watching her in this really tough
ass approach and thinking about how
she's adapted to be unique and
significant I looked down and I see she
has a keychain and it's a Tigger
keychain you know Tigger the Disney
character we need the Pooh Tigger and I
go cool keychain and she goes yeah
and all sudden I saw a little girl there
for a second and I said Tigger I said
where'd you get that she goes well my
dad got it for me and she all of a
sudden there's a 13 year old girl there
it's totally amazing and I said really
she goes yeah I really love taker I even
have Tigger curtains and I have a Tigger
sheets I mean it's embarrassing but I
love Tigers so tell me something
this woman's need she meets her need for
significance by doing what being gothic
being different than everybody else
15 earrings tough-ass makeup but she's
still a little girl she has another need
called certain date and comfort and
where she got that Tigger and her dad
and you could see it right there in
front of him after this weekend you will
never see the world the same way if you
stay awake instead of seeing people's
behaviors you're gonna see their
attempts to meet their needs and when
people do stupid things they're just
starving to meet their needs and they're
finding something that isn't very
effective or it's effective short-term
but hurts some long-term and because
you've done this you can have compassion
how many of you have something on the
list more than one where you're doing
dumbass things to meet some of your
needs and even though it doesn't meet
all your needs and meet some of them and
so you keep doing it let me see it your
hands here say hi so we want to shift
that the Tony Robbins podcast is
directed by Tony Robbins and hosted by a
New York Kerry song is our executive
producer Taylor Culbertson is our
associate producer Jamie carvahal and
Adriel dealer today are digital editors
special thanks to Diane Adcock and Mary
buchheit for their creative review
copyright Robbins Research International
[Music]
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