Immigration.
From the start of Trump's time in office,
his administration has been working hard
to shut that shit down.
They cut down on visas,
they kicked out refugees,
they screwed over the DACA kids,
and even ramped up deportations.
So it's a scary time to be an immigrant in America.
In fact, it's gotten so bad that, during the World Cup,
all the announcers on Telemundo have started whispering.
Like, "He passes to the winger. And...
(quietly): "goal...
Shh."
So, every day,
the Trump administration has been inching closer
to their goal of being the Norway of the West.
But after enacting their latest policy
of taking children away from their parents at the border,
they seem to have hit a wall.
The battle over the Trump administration's
zero tolerance policy on immigration is intensifying,
with lawmakers in both parties
condemning it as cruel and inhumane.
REPORTER: Members of the president's own party say
the policy is un-American.
Former first lady, Laura Bush, wrote...
(reading):
Evangelicals, people like Franklin Graham,
calling it disgraceful.
Cardinal Do-Dolan called it unjust.
The Pope tweeted this.
(reading):
Damn. If even the Catholic Church
is judging you for how you treat children,
you done (bleep) up.
(cheering and applause)
And...
and it's not hard... it's not hard to see
why anyone with a soul is upset, right?
We've all heard the stories about traumatized children,
the federal government deporting parents but keeping their kids.
Uh, we've even seen images of how Homeland Security
is holding some of these children in cages.
There's no way that you can defend this,
unless you work at Fox & Friends.
Because, uh, I don't know if you guys know this,
but, apparently, that cage is not a cage.
We got from the Border Patrol some of the images
inside these detention facilities.
Look, I'm from a farm community.
To me, I see the chain-link fences.
It's more like a... like a security pen to me.
You do see some fencing.
Uh, but, keep in mind...
Some have referred to them as cages.
But, keep in mind, this is a great, big warehouse facility
where they built walls out of chain-link fences.
Wow. I never, ever thought
I would hear a positive spin on detaining children.
Just like, "Look, I'm a cage half full kind of guy, you know?
"Uh, after all, what is a chain-link fence
"if not a wall made of silver linings?
I mean, think about it."
Look, man, we're not idiots.
A cage is a cage.
Can you imagine if Fox & Friends did the announcing for WWE?
Those fights would suck.
ANNOUNCER: And now we have two great friends
standing on a chain-link partition.
They are really enjoying their time
on this fence-like structure
that is in no way a cage.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, he's helping him to the ground.
Look at that, an opportunity to get a new table!
So positive, man. So positive.
Now, some have argued
that, although these images of the cages are disturbing,
those kids that have been separated from their parents
only stay there for 72 hours.
The first 72 hours.
After that, they get a free upgrade.
REPORTER: Nearly 1,500 boys between ten and 17 years old
now live in a converted big-box store.
We're shown the boys' rooms,
meant for four beds, now with five.
Classrooms for civics and English lessons.
The kids play video games,
shoot pool, and play foosball.
They're getting school and soccer and video games
and three squares and two snacks and plenty of sleep.
They are being fed well.
They, uh, go on field trips.
The staff there give them toiletries.
They give them new clothes.
The conditions that they're in here in America,
where they have good meals,
they have air conditioning, they have TV...
They're being treated much better
than most of the conditions I'm being told they left.
Yeah, okay. You know what, maybe you're right.
Maybe these detention centers
are nicer than where these kids were living in Honduras,
but that's not really the point.
The point is the federal government
is effectively stealing kids away from their parents.
Like, if some guy in an unmarked van
took your kids from the park,
the last thing you'd be worried about as a parent
is how nice the van was
or whether they had the good candy.
It wouldn't be like, "Ma'am, your child was kidnapped."
"Oh, no!" "By a man driving a Bentley."
"Oh. Oh, wow, oh.
"Okay, you can stop looking.
Yeah, you can stop looking."
No. Nobody's thinking like that.
(cheering and applause)
And you know what's been particularly shameful
is how the Trump administration
has tried to sidestep the backlash.
For instance, this is Kirstjen Nielsen,
the secretary of Homeland Security
and IKEA bookshelf.
According to her,
the administration had nothing to do with this at all.
Parents who entered illegally are, by definition, criminals.
By entering our country illegally,
often in dangerous circumstances,
illegal immigrants have put their children at risk.
Congress and the courts created this problem,
and Congress alone can fix it.
This administration did not create a policy
of separating families at the border.
We are a country of compassion.
We are a country of heart.
Okay, no, I'm sorry. That's some bullshit, right?
That's just some bullshit.
(cheering and applause)
"We're a country of compassion, a country of heart"?
You can't do a fatality on someone
and then call it friendship. That's not how it works.
Because this administration did create this policy.
All right, it's pretty ballsy to blame Congress for it
when three people from your administration
already said it was a Trump team idea.
Right, this is... It's BS.
It's like if Beethoven said that Beethoven's Fifth
was written by Johann Nepomuk Hummel.
First of all, Beethoven, your name is in the title.
Okay? We know that. And second, we all know
that Hummel's work relied more heavily on the piano
and on pressing the limits of modernity.
Don't even front on that shit, man!
Sorry. Classical music. Anyway...
And, like, here's the thing.
(applause)
Nielsen's deceptiveness doesn't even come close
to the commander in chief.
Because, like his space force, his lies are out of this world.
President Trump falsely blaming Democrats for his own policy.
I hate it. I hate the children being taken away.
The Democrats have to change their law.
That's their law. They were forced...
(reporters clamoring)
That... Quiet. Quiet.
That's the Democrats' law.
We can change it tonight.
We can change it right now.
I will leave here... No, no.
You need their votes. You need their votes.
All right, first of all,
no one believes that the Democrats are to blame here.
The Democrats are like an iPhone 5 at 5:00 p.m.
They have no power, all right?
(laughter and applause)
In fact... in fact...
the Democrats have a bill in Congress right now
that would stop the government from separating
undocumented kids from their parents,
but because no Republicans have signed on,
they can't get it passed.
So, look, President Trump, you got two options, man.
Either you can own the fact that this was your plan all along
and you don't hate this policy of keeping kids in cages,
or you can call up the one person in America
with more power than you:
Beyoncé.
-Because... -(cheering and applause)
because if anyone knows
how to organize an epic release, it's her.
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