Welcome back to the night. I decided to make this spooky and by decided I mean I
only had time to film now. Gosh heckin dang it it is still Pride Month and
I'm gonna participate. I was tagged by Annie Elainey to do the pride rewind tag
and I'm finally getting to it. I love a good classic tag video. It's just
call and response. It's simple enough and we get to talk about gay stuff which is so
fun. How do you identify? Pronouns are they/them. I identify as non-binary
gender and bisexual sexuality. You're like whoa non-binary bisexual.
Those are weird labels. I agree. As I've discussed many many times on this
channel over the years, the labels mean less to me than what
they represent essentially. I have found so much comfort and support in the
bisexual community in particular, and now in the non-binary community. And these
are words that describe or at least attempt to describe the things that I'm
experiencing. And they do it the best in my opinion, but in the end they are
just words and the most important identifier that I have is myself. And I
say that as somebody who does that imperfectly.
I have a very interesting relationship with myself, especially my gender,
especially my sexuality, all of it. And it's not perfect and I never want anyone
to think that it's perfect. When I first came out as bi like it was so fast that
all of a sudden everybody started asking me for advice about bisexuality. And I
loved talking about it. I still do love talking about it. But I felt
pressured to kind of give off this vibe that like I knew what I was doing and I
didn't and I still don't. The things that we're talking about here extend
beyond relationships and attractions. This is how we see ourselves in
the world. This is like a radical change difference to what is the norm and what
is dictated to us, so there's just so much unknown. I'm still very confused but
I'm okay with that confusion and I feel comfortable in asking the questions
and answering those questions honestly. And I just love it. Share a story
of you doing something that probably hinted to everyone around you that you
were queer/trans/etc. Can I just like paint a broad stroke over my
entire childhood? I've been described as flamboyant for
most of my life. That's a recurring adjective. It was one used against me in
my youth while I was undercover with the straights. I'm struggling to think of one
particular activity or thing that I did. People tended to just zero in on my
sensitivity and just call that gay which I don't I still don't get. I don't know I
think people just clocked that I was a just a little bit different than
the average individual and pretty much from birth. OH I got one! I just
remembered it in this moment and it's my favorite thing ever. When I was born I
had very curly blonde ringlet hair and and I had two older sisters and these are
anecdotes that were told to me years later that were always funny but now are
even more funny. We'd be walking around town and it would be my mom and the
three of us and and people would consistently say your three daughters
are beautiful. And oh it's so funny. It's always been funny because it's like "Oh
I'm pretty," but now it's like oh a little sometimes. When was
the first time you had an inkling you were different?
Hmmm fifth grade. In the very limited sex education that I had, I I think
homosexuality was brought up in passing briefly, and I just remember being
terrified. And I couldn't place the fear but I just remember being so scared.
It was the first time I ever asked myself the question "what if I'm gay" and
it was done out of fear ,which is so sad to me. And I just remember when I would
develop crushes on girls I would be relieved.
I would be like a "phew!" moment and and again still very sad to me, but yeah.
Fifth grade I think was when it kind of became like an actual question I asked
myself. When did you first learn about being gay/queer/etc?
I've pretty much always been like at least exposed or just aware
of it as a concept. I'm talking more just sort of traditional like gay and lesbian.
And like even when I was younger I kind of had an understanding of people who
were a different gender to what everybody thought they were. But in a
very kind of binary sense, like the very kind of classical sense. I wasn't really
exposed to things like bisexuality until a lot later. Like I mean I kind of always
had an understanding like of the nature of things and I think
also just I just kind of knew myself, like that it made sense to me. But it
wasn't until high school that I had even like any kind of understanding of
what bisexuality meant. And I wasn't really exposed to non-binary genders
until like 2014, so like still I'm a baby with all of this stuff. But I
just remember being so drawn to androgyny. Like the moment that the
concept was introduced to me I just like it's like my heart soared, and I just
felt, like not at the time I wasn't like "oh that's me!" It was
like I just I want to be around this and I can't entirely explain it. And of
course like inspired me to ask those questions of myself and yeah eventually
it got to the point that it was like no this is my community, and it's been my
community this whole time. And that was like two years ago when I first
kind of like had that sort of like yeah no that's it is a real thing for me.
I just look back on those sort of like early moments like four years ago when I
discovered that I could be something else other than male or female
and there was just like stars in my eyes. And I just want to
feel like that all the time. That's a feeling that I wish I
could bottle up and I turn into this scent and just spritz all over me at all
times. Who was your first queer celebrity crush?
Oh my gosh yeah. When I was in high school I was obsessed with the show
Heroes on NBC. And I just remember being very like invested intensely
in the character arc of Peter Petrelli in that show played by Milo Ventimiglia,
of course, who we all have crushes on I feel like. It was an interesting
situation because in the character I saw a lot of
myself like as a person and the kind of person I wanted to be. But it was
like more than that and then I realized later on the more than that was just gay
stuff. And I was like oh I wanna just kiss him the whole time. I did.
That's like the first like bonafide oh yeah that was gay a sort of moment
for me. And all the other ones were like not really celebrities but like
friends of mine, so I don't know really want to talk about that because that's talking
about other people and that stresses me out. Oh my god all of my
friends who were androgynous and when I first like kind of was introduced to the
concept and even those who didn't identify his non binary but especially
those I was just like I kind of in love with all of them. Still am to this day.
Tag four people to do the tag too! Okay Ava Gordy, Rachel Whitehurst (you
don't make youtube videos anymore but maybe I can coax you back because that's
what I'm trying to do), Alayna Fender. Just all my bi-bies all of them. And then
the fourth I'm gonna tag all of you to do it as well. From the bottom of my
heart holy heck happy Pride Month. Holy heck
happy Pride Month. To anyone out there who is is proud in whatever way whether
that's a very private way or in a very public way, whatever way you exist, I love
you. I'm proud of you, and yeah I just feel like we should all take the chance
to just look at ourselves and say, regardless of our circumstance, regardless of what's
happening, we're alive. We're here. We're kicking it. And in so many ways, the
world doesn't want us to be doing that and yet we still are and that's amazing.
And I love all of us so much. Socks is here. She wasn't in the last video. She
was napping the whole time. I did not want to disturb her, but she came right
up next to me and here she is. Thanks to Annie for for tagging me in
this and also thank you to all my new patrons on patreon oh my gosh holy heck.
Thank you guys so much. I'm gonna put your names on the screen right heckin now.
I also really appreciate y'all's just response in general to me trying to find
a new direction here with making videos. I feel good about it. I wasn't at VidCon
this year for the first time since 2012 and that was like emotional in its
own way and also inspiring and motivating. As always in conjunction with
this video there is a bonus video that's going to be available for patrons only
on patreon, so if you want more info about that or ways to suggest ideas for
videos, anything like that you can check out my patreon link in the description.
But that's about it for me and this perfect little cat. If you like this
video give it a thumbs up or share it or whatever you heckin want
to do and leave a comment with your thoughts. And if you want to answer the
questions in comment form, totally welcome to do that. I would love to see
that. But yeah I'm gonna go now love you guys bye
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