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When you first started watching my videos, I might be a student.
Now I have been working for almost 2 years.
Feel old yet?
Hello world!
My job requires a lot of E-mail communication.
Technology doing it right?
I don't freaking know!
All I know is I got tons of E-mail.
And some were extremely "amusing".
Number 1: You just want attention, you don't want my heart.
Here's an E-mail I received: "Dear Myrtis"
Score 1, getting my name right.
"Long time no contact. How are you doing?"
I don't even know who the hack you are.
"Are you still based in Toronto?"
Score 2, getting my location right.
"Regards, Jarvis"
And this dude's Email address is just random numbers and letters.
Bro, are you a human, or are you Connor?
My name is Connor.
I'm the Android sent by Cyberlife.
Here's another E-mail I got.
Title: "Can I Send You a No Cost Surface Pressure Sensor Sample?"
Score 1, I like people being direct.
Score 2, I like free stuffs.
Let me skip the boring content, and jump into the very last part.
"P.S. Request a sample by the end of this week
and we'll provide 30 free minutes of technical support for your application.
(i16)" What does i16 means?
Does that stand for iPhone 16?
Are you giving me free iPhones?
If so, score 3! Ding-ding-ding!
You sir, win my trust.
The E-mail display name is "William", but in the signature, it says "Bill".
Now I am confused.
Are you William, or Bill?
Or, are yo- are you-
Are you, yourself feel confused too!?
Do you have identity crisis?
Brother, please go ask for help.
God bless you.
Who are you people, and how did you get my E-mail address?
And if you want me to take the bait.
At least send some nudes… of delicious food.
Gosh you really know nothing about girls.
Number 2: What does that stands for?
I personally, think acronym is beyond annoying.
For example: "BTW"
Come on! How lazy you are to even shorten "By the way"?
And it gets worse: "TOCTW".
Wanna guess what it stands for?
"Take our children to work"
Why do you make it looks like some sort of woman's toilet rule?
You can easily avoid causing confusion by simply type out the exact words.
You are writing an E-mail, not racing with time with a lawyer
that cost you hundreds of dollars per minute.
Get your priority right!
I got confused by acronym more times than by pushing or pulling doors.
What is even worse, is for doors, at least I have 50% chance getting it right.
But for acronym?
When I get the correct answer, I might be 50 years old.
"WFH", could be "Wolf Farting Hour".
"FTO", could be "Fortnite Together Offline".
Save an alien today, by stop using strange acronyms.
Number 3: I am so pretty
Some people has the fanciest signature you will ever see.
Believe me, if they take their signature to a beauty pageant.
It will win the first price without wearing bikini.
Company logo. Company address.
Your job title. Your office phone number.
Your personal address. Your family photo.
Your fetish. Your epitaph.
After adding some different colors and fonts.
Adjust the format.
BOOM!
You want to date my signature.
Although I respect you, that ish is so distracting.
Like, do you want me to focus on your E-mail content?
Or your beauty pageant queen daughter?
And when you are reading through an E-mail thread.
You will have strong eager to punch whoever has that fancy crap.
Of course, it is useful when having first time interaction with people.
And now I use signature too! Why?
Because my job title is bomb AF, I have to make sure everyone knows about it.
I am the tea-server, crap-cutter, wig-flewer, and computer-cleaner…
Yes, I clean all that shame shame videos in your computer.
YOU NASTY.
Number 4: Are you a sneak?
We all knew those typical signoffs: Regards, Sincerely, Best Regards…
And how dare you show that in front of my face?
Where is the love, sis?
Why do I feel like you are a sneak?
Even Edward Cullen has warmer body temperature than you.
When I first started working, I used "truly yours" as my signoff.
Now looking back, that ish is hella hipster.
If you think about it carefully.
"truly yours" sounds like you are really close with that person, like a ride or die friend.
And I out here sending an E-mail to the cleaning lady
checking if she has my missing water bottle using "truly yours"?
What if one day she killed someone and expect me to cover for her?
Therefore, I adore when people truly mean their signoff.
I have a colleague who most of the time has customized signoff because he truly means it.
"Let me know what you think", "Keep it up", "Enjoy the time off",
"Have a good one", "Talk tomorrow".
Big up yourself, brother!
For me, it's okay to not have signoff.
I rather you stay true to me than talking fake crap.
Wow, I take it way too serious, didn't I?
I swear next time when I design the end card, I will find a space to input my face.
Thank you for watching.
And thank you again for being patient with me as always.
Health is very important, y'all.
So please stay well, my fellow aliens!
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