(lock clacks)
- Miss Minayo?
Miss Minayo.
Okay.
- [Miss Minayo] Thanks again for answering
the listing I posted, and welcome to my home.
I'm so glad you could make it, Michael.
- It's Mikayla.
- [Miss Minayo] I believe, as most people should,
that your home is a reflection of your soul.
Tonight, I am tasking you with preserving my soul.
Mi casa is not su casa, so please do not treat it as such.
There are seven rules that I ask you to follow.
This does not need to be difficult.
It is merely your offering to me
for this paid one-night getaway.
Assuming everything goes well
and all the rules have been followed,
your $200 payment will be deposited
to your account at 9:00 a.m.
Here are my home's seven rules, continued on other side.
Actually, I found some space at the bottom.
Number one, there's wine on the counter,
but you must not have any before 8:30 p.m.
and you absolutely must not have any after 9:30 p.m.
Number two, Edgar, my cat, likes to be fed early.
Please leave out his food promptly at 6:00 p.m.
You will most likely not see him during your stay,
but you will hear him. (pattering)
(soft mew)
Number three, the couch is for sitting.
If you feel the need to lie down,
you must use the bedroom I made up for you.
Number four, no guests, no noise, no parties, no exceptions.
Number five, we do not lock doors in our home
and neither will you.
Number six, turn off any and all electronics
before you go to sleep.
Number seven, do not enter the room
at the end of the hallway.
(suspenseful synthesizer music)
And the wifi password is fuzzy123.
(phone chimes)
(pattering)
(slurping)
(static buzzing)
I don't know why you don't believe me with this stuff.
Do you think I don't know what areas of the feet people wax?
I used to work at a beauty salon.
I was a receptionist.
Do you think in 1700, you would've been a pirate,
a conquerer,
or peasant?
Do you think if I mix red wine with Coca-Cola,
it'll taste better or worse?
I think better.
I could pour it right in.
♪ What are you offering ♪
♪ Are you offering ♪
♪ Is it free ♪
♪ What are you offering ♪
♪ Are you offering ♪
♪ Is it free ♪
♪ In the house of 1982 ♪
♪ Built like a ship ♪
♪ Your legs are like roots ♪ (loud thud)
♪ What are you offering ♪ (loud banging)
♪ Are you offering ♪
♪ Is it free ♪ (loud banging)
(suspenseful synthesizer music)
- Hello?
Is somebody in there?
- [Miss Minayo] You didn't follow the rules.
(loud slam) (screams)
No one ever follows the rules.
(screams)
(ominous synthesizer music)
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