Hey hey, my friend! Welcome to Parenting A to Z! I'm Kelly Bourne, and this week we're
taking a look at summer vacation. More specifically, how to deal with summer
boredom. Cuz oh my gosh, isn't it always the truth that we all
have these high expectations, we fantasize about what summer vacation with our
kids is gonna be like, and then we get there and it couldn't be further from
the truth. So this week we're gonna take a look at why you do not need to be your
kids' social convener this summer, and then some practical tips and tools to
help set you up for a successful SANE summer vacation!
So one of the first things I want to touch
on before I really dive into any tips or tools or strategies, is just to kind of
throw out there, perhaps, to maybe... that it might be a good idea to relieve
yourself of your social convener "hat" and hand some of that over to our kids,
allowing their boredom to become the secret-sauce to being creative and making up
their own fun. Because I feel like we can fall under that pressure, for sure, to
have activity centers, or we're gonna do this, or this is our
routine for the whole summer, and we're gonna -- I don't know why I'm speaking with
his voice?! But the pressure is real! The pressure is real. And heck, like we
want to know our kids are gonna be entertained, so maybe they're not bugging
us. They're not coming to us every five seconds wanting us to solve
their boredom problem. But I think that's also a key piece -- who's problem is it?
It's their problem! And I shouldn't really say "problem." It's their
opportunity to create whatever they want to create out of that boredom.
Because when we are the social convener, when we are the grand master of
their summers, we kind of take some of that away from them. Some
of that joy of figuring out what they want to do for themselves, and
making their own play, and making their own fun. And it also allows them to flex
some of those muscles, building autonomy building independence, building that
sense of creativity. It all comes from doing these things on their own, and
summer is an absolutely perfect time to do that. Especially for our kids who have
maybe been in preschool, maybe they're in junior
kindergarten or kindergarten, or the younger grades, or even the older grades,
where they they've had a routine every single day for the past ten months, and
now finally they have some freedom. We should allow them some space
to do that. And heck, save us some of the stress of feeling like we need to do
it for them! And I think one of the greatest ways to start actually looking
at your summer vacation, is rather than getting into the nitty-gritty of
what you're going to do, is look at what your needs are. What are your needs
as a parent? Are you working? Do you have any trips that you're doing? Any family
vacations? What about your kids? Do they have soccer practice or do they
have swimming practice? What are your big items that take up space on the
calendar? And even mapping that out a little bit can help. So take a look at
your schedule, look at what you need as far as child care, as far as summer camps
right off the bat, so you can take the stress level down a notch. When
you can look at it on the calendar and have everything, the big picture
mapped out, seeing when you maybe need child care, and maybe when it would be
good to have them home with you. But trust me, skipping that step can
lead to a summer full of stress, and frustration, and almost resentment.
Because sometimes, I know when we have that fantasy, it's like oh we're gonna
have the kids home, it's gonna be so great! And then we're busier with work
than we thought, or we can't be as attentive as we want to be, it can be
really tough. And it can really put a strain on the relationship. And
suddenly summer feels more like Survivor. So look at your schedule, and look at
your needs First plan out any camps, or playdates, or activities right off the
get-go, and then you can worry less about the day-in, day-out,
the boredom issues, when you've got those big picture items covered. So then when
you do have your big picture items, you know when the kids are gonna be home
with you, you know when they're gonna be at summer camps, you know when you're
gonna be on vacation, all that jazz, is then you can start to be a
little bit proactive about what the day-in, day-out is going to look like.
And my biggest suggestion for removing that "social convener" hat, is
talking about it with your kids. I know, I'm always looking at my kitchen table
when I'm talking with my kids, but talking with them about what they want
to do this summer, and what might be fun for them, and what are some
activities they think would be good, and what are some of their ideas of what we
should do if it's really rainy, or we can't go outside. And just sit down and
have a totally fun, totally casual, brainstorming session
where nothing is off-limits. You can write everything down, every wacky idea,
every crazy idea, and just get a really really big bank of things that they're
excited to do over the summer. Because then when it's been
raining for a week and everybody's going a little bit crazy, you don't really even
have to think in the moment you can just go back to your list and refer to that.
And same thing on the day-to-day. If your kids are bored, you can just refer them
to that list that they made. And you can constantly be updating, and when they get
new ideas you can throw it on the list. It's a total it's a total lifesaver.
Another thing I find really helps, too, is -- I'm not like a super-strict, like stick
to routine or a schedule kind of person, but I do find, especially in the summer,
having a rough idea of how our days are going to go really helps. And by
rough, I mean like super rough. I mean like have breakfast, and then usually in
the morning we'll go to a park, or if we're gonna drive somewhere we'll do
that then, have lunch, have a good chunk of downtime in the afternoon, two or
three hours, and then we'll go out and go to a park, or do something different
again. So we don't know the specifics, we don't really know what
we're going to do, but just having those big chunks of time kind of mapped
out in my head made it so much easier.
It just it made the day so much easier.
Rather than waking up in the morning and thinking like, oh my god what am I gonna
do all day with these kids?! When you have that rough idea it really helps.
And of course, if you are a planner, if you're a scheduler, you can sit down
with your kids, you can have them map out their schedule, and their agenda for the
day, especially if they are getting into school age where they can make
their own lists, they can write it out for themselves, their wish lists of
what want to do that day, of course by all
means! By all means. The routine can be as as jam-packed or as precise as you want
it to be, but just even having the loose plots of okay, breakfast, park,
lunch, downtime, park, it helps. It saves so much of your
sanity. Definitely. Loose routine is the way to go.
Another big thing, too, I know this one want to apply to everyone, but I think
it'll apply to a fair number of people, is as you're making your boredom buster
list we talked about before, and brainstorming what activities our kids
are interested in, or maybe things we want to take them to, certain museums or
certain attractions over the summer, when you're making that list is also talking
to your kids about screen time and what this summer screen time guidelines are
going to be for your family. And talking to your kids and getting their input on
what that will look like *before* summer starts. Another thing you can do too,
depending on your kids' ages, is make out a little agreement and make out a plan
in advance you can have everybody sign, that okay, we're gonna have our iPads
every day for this much time, or we're gonna have our iPads once a week,
whatever your family limits are. So that everybody is on the same page. And then
of course, you know me! I'm all about the practical. And I also live in
reality, with two little guys of my own. So I know that you can do all those
things, you can have all those discussions, you can have all those chats,
you can make all those lists, you can have your routines, and your kids can
still be bored. And they can still be kind of bugging you to solve their
boredom problem for them. So a few tips and tools, if you're finding
yourself in that
situation this summer, first thing, and this is something that I
do too, is listen and acknowledge my kids' boredom without solving it for them.
And that *without* solving it for them piece, I feel like is the key. Because as
soon as our kids start coming to us complaining of boredom, and we start fixing
it for them, it's just gonna keep happening, and keep happening, and keep
happening, and before you know it you've got your "social convenor" hat on, you're
driving the bus, running the show! And we're trying to
step back from that, right? We're trying to save ourselves some sanity.
So I'll just say like, "oh yeah, I know it's tough. That's tough, bud. I get bored
sometimes too." Listen. Acknowledge. Validate. Without solving! Acknowledging their
boredom without -- have I said that?! Have I mentioned that before?! I know, I'm
sounding like a broken record. But sometimes it takes a little bit of
practice, if our knee-jerk has always been to solve it for them. And one thing,
the second piece of that, is after acknowledging, and kind of listening to
them, is giving them some options. But not maybe giving them options in the way
that you're thinking... My options are generally, "oh yeah, I know that's tough,
bud. So I guess we have two choices. We can either continue to be bored, or we can
find something to do." Leave it in their hands! It's their choice! There's nothing
wrong with being bored. Heck, go lay on the grass, go lay on the couch, just stare
off into space. That's fine. There's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing
wrong with that at all! Or you can find something to do.
Have at 'er! What do you feel like?! So offering them those two
choices I found is really really helpful at listening to them, respecting them, and
also keeping it in their hands. It's up to them to solve their own boredom
problem. For some of you, who are like, I know! It's just like,
they're totally driving me nuts! If you need to offer a suggestion of something
to do besides referring them to their list that you made in advance, one of my
absolute favorites, I guess this is kind of breaking my own rule of not solving
their boredom problem for them, is I'll say "okay,
well I have tons of -- you could sweep, or you could help me vacuum, or you
can go make your bed." I can come up with 50 million options that involve
cooperatively contributing to the functioning of the household. How does
that sound?! And it's pretty amazing how, you know
what?! Sometimes they actually will do it. One of my kids loves vacuuming. Which I
know it's weird, but hey! I am taking full advantage! Full advantage of that.
If they don't want to do that, they will very quickly start drawing, or start
colouring, or making up their own hide-and-seek game, or doing anything
else that doesn't involve cleaning up the house. So I think I'll leave it there!
I wish you the best of luck on summer vacation and dealing with summer boredom.
I know it's hard to kind of take off that "social convenor" hat if we're used
to planning everything out for our kids, but really I challenge you. I challenge
you to hand summer over to your kids. Allow them to make their own magic.
Allow them to create out of their boredom, to use their boredom as an
opportunity to do whatever the heck it is they want to do. Kids'
imaginations are absolutely amazing if we just step back and allow them the
opportunity to use them. So I'll leave it there, I'll leave it there. Let me know if
you have any questions or comments. Of course, if you're looking for any more
in-depth resources or support, make sure to check us out in the
Parent 'Hood. I hold regular office hours and I'd absolutely love to chat with you!
It'd be nice to chat with you face-to-face. Although this
for me, this kind of feels like face-to-face. But it's always good to see
the real person on the other end of these videos. So take care guys!
Happy happy planning! Happy planning for your summer, and I'll see you the next
video!
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