Greetings and welcome to Awakening With Brahma Kumaris. Sister Shivani is with us. Welcome, Sister.
Om Shanti.
Om Shanti and welcome to Soul Reflections.
Thank you.
I wish to read a quotation.
I was not clear on one word.
I stopped explaining myself
I stopped explaining myself
When I realised people only understand
From their level of perception.
Whenever there is a conflict in an interaction
We call it misunderstanding.
Or we say the other person is not understanding what we said.
They are not doing what I want them to do.
They are not behaving the way I want them to behave.
They are not working sometimes the way I want them to work.
When there is a misunderstanding between two souls
When there is a conflict
If there is a difference of opinion in their styles of working
We normally try to explain our perspective to them.
Here it says I stopped explaining myself.
I stopped explaining myself.
I have stopped sharing my point of view and telling him that he is wrong.
I stopped explaining myself.
Okay, you are right.
I stopped explaining myself.
When I realise that people are different.
This is a very important thing.
That whenever there is a knot (unpleasantness) in relationships.
We think we will tell them and explain to them.
So that they change.
And when they change the relationship will be fine.
We put in a lot of effort.
One person explains from here, and other explains from that side.
We explain again and they explain it again.
They even start defending soon.
And they say - I did not mean to say that. You have misunderstood me.
And then if we explain that we are not arguing or saying you are wrong
But we are just showing you a mirror.
You are showing them a mirror of what?
Of themselves.
No, we are not showing the mirror of themselves.
Ok I am showing the mirror of my point of view.
Very good. Yes. You are not showing a mirror of themselves.
This is where last time we said
People are not wrong but they are different.
Like you said, we share with them what is the right thing to do
Or if you feel their Sanskar is not right
That is why we feel we are showing them a mirror of themselves.
And they defend themselves.
They say whatever they are doing is not wrong.
This can lead to a lot of argument, conflict or misunderstanding.
So the quotation is very beautiful - I stopped explaining myself.
You mentioned that we show them a mirror and say look at what you are doing, you are like this.
And change yourself looking at this mirror.
But when you are showing them a mirror
They will say it is not them.
Suppose we look at it in a physical sense.
I show you the mirror.
You have these Sanskars and this is the mirror.
You can look at it and change yourself.
Physically when I hold a mirror for you, you can see your reflection in it.
If I hold a mirror in front of you like this right now
You will see your face in it.
So if somebody asks you to brush away something on your face, you will see it and wipe it.
When we are telling somebody about their Sanskar
If we are telling them about their nature
If we are telling them about their way of working
When we are telling them something or sharing feedback
We are doing it from our perspective.
Our perspective will be completely different from theirs.
Many times some people do understand what we are saying.
And many other times they just don't understand.
It depends on how much that particular Sanskar present in them matches with ours.
Plus, many are not open to learning also.
Somebody not being open to learning is also a Sanskar.
But I am seeing in myself that
Earlier if somebody would have given me feedback, I would have asked - what do you think of yourself, why are you trying to teach me?
I will not like that somebody who may not even be as educated, or younger in age tells me what I should do.
And if it happens in front of other people, it becomes more difficult.
What I mean is so many such points would have come to mind earlier.
That would have been a big wall.
What is the wall that you mentioned?
That wall is also Sanskar.
That even if somebody give me an advice, I immediately ask them - who are you to advise me?
You are younger to me in age, in position and in experience.
As you said maybe he is lower in knowledge also.
The first thought the mind creates is - who are you to advise me?
So the mind closes to learning.
It is not open to learning.
But even this thought is out of my Sanskar.
I have this Sanskar and that is why I am speaking this way.
So as long as we have this Sanskar
Whoever gives us advice
You will not want to listen or understand it.
Earlier I used to get very angry when someone advised
I would also tell people - don't say anything now.
You can advise me after 2 hours.
Right now I am not in the mood.
Which means if I am doing something and somebody interrupts, I would get more disturbed.
It is non stop.
For some reason, a person does not want to learn.
What are those reasons? The reasons are my sanskars.
We also tell people - if you want to give an advice do it when I am alone. Not in front of others.
That is fine, it is their Sanskar.
Somebody's Sanskar would be - don't even give me an advice.
Somebody else will say - advise me only when I am alone.
Another person will say - advise me when I am peaceful.
Give it to me when my mood is fine.
And who should advise me? Only one who is elder to me.
Is more experienced than me.
Only they can give but not people who are younger to me.
What are these thoughts? They are also my sanskars.
These Sanskars will stop me from taking advice from other people.
No matter how much the other person advises or explains
How many ever times they explain
That Sanskar is the wall.
That is why he says I stopped explaining myself.
Yes, because there is a wall in between.
Suppose I am the one who is explaining.
And you have created this wall in between
What is this wall? It is a Sanskar.
How much ever it is explained in how many ever ways it is explained
The wall of that Sanskar
Will not let that advice go through it.
So then it says I stopped explaining myself.
Then how will we teach anybody?
How will we teach children or spouse?
This is not going to happen with everybody.
And it is not going to happen every time.
A lot of what we say gets understood by people.
It is possible that the other person did not understand what we said.
And there can be things which the other person is understanding but unable to implement.
Both options are possible.
There are some things which people do not understand.
The person did not accept it. He defends and says - no, I am right.
It means that person did not even take it or accept it.
Implementation is the second stage.
Many years ago it took me several years
Now I can relate to it
Sometime back an 18 year old staff told me not to wear a particular t-shirt when I am going out. He said it was not looking good.
So I asked him to get a different one and wore that.
I brought in this kind of a difference in myself.
My duty now is
To understand that if I took so long to realise and change
Whoever I am advising today, I should give them also the time to understand.
He will also take time.
This point is very subtle and we tend to forget it.
And I had forgotten my past.
Very true.
And so I tell people to implement the moment I tell them something.
Most important is when we are giving an advice to somebody
Or when we are trying to explain our perspective to him
If the other person does not listen
Or does not understand
Or does not obey
We should not label him as wrong.
Because suppose there is unpleasantness in a relationship.
There is some misunderstanding.
One person tried to explain.
Assuming that his explanation will resolve issues in the relationship.
That is the expectation already set.
Now I will explain and he will understand.
He will change himself so the relationship will heal.
So from here we lovingly explained.
But the other person defended himself.
Understanding and implementing is still far away.
He did not accept it. While defending he said something unpleasant.
The moment he says that, I am going to get hurt.
I may even feel insulted.
And my expectation that the relationship will be fine
That did not get fulfilled.
And the hurt that got created because of their present reaction
It further complicated the issues in our relationship.
We had gone there to open the knots in the relationship.
But that got more complicated after that interaction.
Because we had expected that as soon as we explain our perspective
He will immediately understand it.
Even while explaining, somebody does it lovingly but somebody does it angrily.
The intention will be that somehow the other person should learn and understand.
The other person's ego gets hurt.
What does ego getting hurt mean?
He feels bad that he is being pointed at.
First and foremost, he does not find our explanation right.
Why did he not find it right?
Why did he feel it is not right?
Because he feels whatever he did his right.
Intention of the one trying to explain is good.
Even the way it is explained is good.
But the receiver
One is a transmitter and the other receiver
The receiver is not able to catch the signal.
Why is he unable to catch it?
Because his frequency is different.
So the transmitter is sending but the receiver is not catching the signal.
Because the transmitter and receiver have different frequencies.
Which means the Sanskar about which they are talking to each other
That is different for both of them.
Then it says I have stopped explaining myself.
Which means I have stopped transmitting.
Because the receiver is not catching it.
And because the receiver is not catching it
He is defending and feeling hurt
Even the transmitter is feeling hurt
Relationship is getting more complicated.
My problem is I explain even three times
After that I feel the other party is not respecting me.
I am trying to explain but they are not trying to understand.
They keep doing whatever they want.
This creates a distance in my relationship.
We need to underline this.
Distance gets created in relationships.
The next time they do a mistake I remain quiet.
Otherwise if I get angry it will affect more.
My anger comes in words and even my hurt.
Even relationship suffers.
I tried to unlock the knots but I created knots within myself.
It came into relationship also.
It came into the relationship.
We wanted to unlock the Knot.
You mentioned that when somebody does not obey
You feel they are not respecting you.
They may be telling you that they do respect you a lot.
I too respected my parents
When my mother's friends would come over
They would only discuss that today's children don't listen, the generation has changed.
Just like they were complaining about us, today I am saying such things.
Respect means the energy we feel for the other person.
Can you explain a little more?
The role, Sanskar and qualities of the other soul
How much do I accept and appreciate them.
How much I accept and appreciate their Sanskar and Karmas
And how well can I think about them.
What is respect?
Suppose I have to decide - do I respect you are do I not respect you.
How will I decide?
Your Sanskars, your behaviour and your karmas
That is your personality.
Whether I respect you are not will depend on
What I think about your Sanskars, behaviour and karmas.
If your personality which is a package of these 3 things
Sanskars, behaviour and karmas.
If I accept and appreciate them
If I find them right
If I appreciate them
Looking at your behaviour if I create a good thought about you
I respect you, your personality.
Respect is not for position.
We were always taught to respect a position.
To respect the age, to respect the relationship.
Respect the person.
The respect for position, age or relationship
It is for external things which is regard.
Which means an elderly person comes and we give them our seat.
Somebody who is elderly in a relationship comes. We touch their feet and take blessings.
This is regard.
Respect and regard are different.
Can you give another example
Respect is about our thought.
If I get up and give my seat to somebody
This is regard.
I can actually give regard without respecting somebody.
As a ritual.
For example you come here. You are elder to me. So I get up and offer my chair.
We can wish good morning, namaste, and offer a seat.
But from within I don't approve of the person that you are.
I can do that.
Then why do I feel I am not respected when people don't obey me?
That is secondary. First we have to understand the difference between regard and respect.
This is very beautiful.
We give regard for a position or an age.
Like we say the tenets of a relationship.
Regard or courtesy. How to speak to somebody who is elder to you.
The way we speak.
Like you mentioned, Orphan children don't speak properly with parents.
They raise their voice or back-answer.
All these are external.
Our way of speaking, behaving, the way we conduct ourselves externally.
What you do in front of elders.
All these come under regard.
Respect is for the soul.
For example children speak differently when they are with friends.
They speak differently in front of parents.
Even at school or college, they speak differently with their teachers or principal.
So it differs between the three - parents, friends and teachers.
These are different roles.
Different positions.
Different age groups.
So the regard in all three cases will be different.
Respect is for the soul.
It does not consider age or position.
But respect is also for the type of person you are.
Type of person you are means soul.
Type of person means
The kind of person you are.
Your position might be high.
Even for the negative, it means the type of person you are. The soul again.
Disrespect is also for the soul.
Disrespect is also for the soul.
Regard is for the position.
If somebody is a Minister even the principal at school.
Yes. Like you are the eldest in your house.
And if I don't like to stand with the principal comes
There is a difference, is it not?
Even when you are disrespecting from within
You can give regard.
Respect is, like you said, for the person.
Respect for the person.
Regard for the position.
Which means respect for the soul and regard for the role.
Like how we say - he is a good actor, but not a good person.
So they are different.
They say - I have signed him up for a role. He is fantastic as an actor, but not very good as a person.
Which means respect is not for the person
They are considering his talent and skill.
That's ok but there is no respect from within.
On the other side, we say about some people - although he is not a good actor, he is such a good person so take him.
It is nice to work with him. You feel peaceful and you don't get tired at the end of the day.
Here is the respect for the soul.
So we see the difference.
In our industry they say they want a good person, even if he is not very good at acting.
This is somebody's priority.
Somebody will say - even if he is less skilled at acting.
I need a good person.
Another will say that he wants the number one actor.
It does not matter how the person is.
This is the difference so we should now check our thinking.
Now we are clear about what is respect and what is regard.
Respect is for the person.
Which means if I respect someone
I accept, appreciate and approve
I like their qualities, their behaviour and their karmas.
I respect the person.
Just think and answer this.
Is it possible that I respect you
But I don't know what you ask me to do?
It happens.
Many times family members say - you tell us that we don't respect you.
But we definitely respect you more than we respect anyone else.
We know how much you do for us so please never say like this again.
Isn't it?
But why did you think like that?
Because often they don't obey.
So what did we attach the definition of respect with?
We said those who don't listen to us do not respect us.
That they don't respect elders.
It is a very thin line.
I finally understood, thank God.
We need to clean this.
We had created an equation
That people who behave the way we want, respect us.
But since childhood we have heard about obedient children, obedient wife
Obedience in the sense - they even sit or stand on your orders.
That is a different Sanskar.
Ego feels good when somebody obeys us.
That is also a different aspect.
But today we need to change the equation
The wrong equation that respect means - those who listen to me respect me.
It is very important to change this.
I am feeling so light to listen to this.
Just yesterday, my grandchild
Came home after 15 to 20 days.
Usually he jumps, hugs me and generally very active.
But yesterday he was not like that.
There I accepted that he is a child, he will be fine soon.
I did not feel bad.
But if he does this when he grows up.
Or if my son does this to me.
There I want to understand
Why do I feel differently between what kids do and what others do?
Expectations.
Expectation and equation of respect.
What happens to our knowledge and wisdom at that time?
We just need to clean our definitions.
We have created definitions that whoever behaves this way
Whoever listens to us
Whoever does exactly the way we want them to do
They respect us.
And whoever does not do any of this, we say they disrespect us.
There can be some people who can feel bad about that incident.
They can say - they took the child out and what have they taught him? He has changed by the time he is back.
It could have been different also.
Probably since I am working on myself, I was ok with the incident.
So now the mind is more open to accepting people.
And the mind has started creating compassion.
We just took it in a very simple sense - that he is a kid.
He stayed elsewhere and has come back after 15 days.
He will be fine.
He may not be in the mood or he may be tired.
He might be thinking something else.
What I am doing now, if it had happened 10 years ago
This is our shift.
We should be able to see our shift.
It is very important to see our transformation and our shift.
Because it gives us the percentage of transformation of the self.
A brief thought came
That whenever he goes out and returns, there is a little change in him.
But I was not hurt about it.
It was just a thought.
It is very natural for a child to change after he is away and comes back.
He even misses that place.
No, there are many other reasons.
A child is a soul who absorbs vibrations very quickly.
We have discussed about children absorbing vibrations when in the Mother's Womb, and even when they are very young.
As a child grows, when he turns 8 or 10 years old
After that if he goes anywhere, he does not absorb so much from there.
A child staying in a different place for 15 days
The company of people, the food, the water
Vibrations and the conversations
He is only a 4 year old child.
For 15 days has consumed a lot of things from outside.
He can change a little bit.
In any case, he will change back after 2-3 days since he is home.
There will be an influence.
Of vibrations, people and food.
It is a very important point for parents.
It will have an influence.
From this particular incident, you get a practical proof
Of how quickly souls get influenced.
Transformation in just 15 days, either this way or that way.
Just see, transformation is such a simple thing.
It is a learning for all of us also the transformation is so simple. A matter of 15 days in this case.
The thinking and perspective of a soul changed.
And you are so confident that he will change back to who he was, in 2 or 3 days.
Transformation is such a simple thing.
Now we have to work hard on the environment we create at home.
On the vibrations to create.
Let us continue this point in the next episode.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
Om Shanti.
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