Have you ever felt like flirting
a woman you like, to express an erotic interest
However, you were not confident enough to do it;
I'm Christos, from Men of Style and today we'll talk
about low self-esteem and how it affects our ability to flirt
Let's go!
To be able to explain this issue
on a better basis, we should, initially, mention
the most important differences between self-esteem
and self-confidence
Because we often confuse them these two
Although one can enhance the evolution of the other
they have some significant differences which are worth mentioning
and analyzing
Let's see them!
Initially, in a nutshell, self-confidence is the ability
to face our fears
If, for example, you are afraid of expressing your intentions
or your erotic interest to a woman you like
it means you do not have the self-confidence to do it
However, this means you have not gotten used to doing it
More often than not, when we do not have the self-confidence to do
what we really want, we think about the worst-case scenario
that can happen
Or else, we focus our attention on what we can lose
rather than what we can win trying and contesting
what we want
A big part of our self-confidence
has to do with where we focus our attention on
One of the best ways with which we can improve
or increase our confidence, is
managing our expectations and not just think
of the negatives that can happen, but simultaneously
regarding our expectations, has to do with not trying
to make everything perfect
Still, when you try to do everything perfect
you try to project something which you are not yet ready to do
so, if you do something wrong or things are not going as you expected
You are criticizing yourself strictly
Confidence, is all about
how we manage our expectations and how we try to manage
all this perfectionism that worries us, but also how we manage
or face our fears
However, there are some critical differences from self-esteem and we'll talk about them
right now
Self-esteem is more complicated and much deeper
and it has to do with the relationship we have with ourselves and what we believe
that we deserve
In short, when our self-esteem is high, we are the best friends of ourselves
We support him, give him courage, encourage him
Moreover, we are gathering and strengthening our positive features
since we first have seen, accepted and noticed them
Instead of emphasizing on our negatives and why we will not succeed
because we have these specific negative characteristics
However, our self-esteem affects us to a higher extent than
confidence in the area of flirting
When I started trying to express
my intentions to a woman that I like
I began to notice that the issue was not confidence
but self-esteem, because I was convinced that I didn't have
enough to offer
So, I do not express my intentions and at the same time every reaction
of hers, had tremendous value for me
So, if the woman's reaction didn't match my expectations
I challenged myself my worth and blacked-out
I would not express what I wanted, so,
the flirting process didn't proceed to the next step
And that's how I started searching
When I say "searching," I mean...
When we want to communicate, and express our intentions
or interact with other people, we don't have one face
but three
One face is what we see in the mirror
That is, the image we have for ourselves
The second face is that which we're trying to present
to other people and the third face is what they finally perceive
based on their own perception and based on how we
have projected ourselves
When I started looking into it a little more, I began to see that the first face
is affected to a great extent by the other two
That is, depending on what I was trying to present to others
based on some insecurities, some stereotypes, on
some beliefs or the way other people perceived me
My whole me looking at the mirror thing was being affected
That is, if I tried to express my intentions
to a woman and there had been a rejection or a positive reaction
then the face of how I saw myself in the mirror
was affected by the image I had for myself
When you go into a process of expressing your intentions
during flirting, you do not only do it for the result
Basically, you do not do it for the result
You do it because the picture you have for yourself shows what
your needs are and eventually you decide how
you feel more satisfied to express them
And then you decide whether the second face, the one you are trying to project
outwards, fits more with the image you have for yourself
As a result, when the third face comes, that is, the way in which
others perceive you
If others do not accept you
or do not offer some kind of confirmation
the image you have for yourself will not dissolve
The low self-esteem has the incredible ability to create some thoughts
operating as "tyrants"
These "tyrants" are some "musts", some beliefs
some patterns of self-protection, which are trying to convince us
that the world is how we believe it is, that the external reality
is as we believe or, in a nutshell, prevent us
from questioning these same beliefs
The "tyrants," for example, we have in flirting...
Okay, it's too many, however, what they do
is trying to convince us, not to try to express
what we want or try to find a flirting process
with which we are satisfied, but convince us that what we want
is either not feasible or not easy at all
One very common "tyrant", for example
is that of appearance
The appearance, from some point and after becomes a stereotype
Yes, it is biological to see a nice body shape
and begin to be attracted
However, the "tyrant" of appearance makes us believe that
whether our own appearance is not enough, that is, we are not handsome enough
Or the woman's appearance is beautiful enough for us to like her
That all we need is simple beauty
However, this is not the case
Still, on the part of appearance
When we see a beautiful woman, we remind ourselves of a reason
to get rejected or that we are not attractive or beautiful enough
to be chosen by a woman that beautiful
so, she would never do anything with us
And what we mostly want to do is flirt, contest,
express our intentions... We never do it!
Another "tyrant", which obviously emerges from low self-esteem
is the "tyrant" of approval
When need some kind of approval
due to low self-esteem, we believe that our value is lower
than the value of others
We are constantly trying to adapt our behaviors
what we say, what we express, so, they can be acceptable
And when we see that the reactions of others give us the message that they are not
accepted, what we do then is, we start changing again,
we start from the beginning, change our attitudes, the way we express
our intentions all over again
A harsh truth is that these "tyrants" will not stop appearing
They are not an opponent, who you beat once and
disappear
forever
That is not true in real life, especially when you are in a situation
of personal development
At each stage you are, you win it
and you go to the next, you will start facing new opponents
new fears, different versions of it, each one of which
is trying to convince you that what you are trying to achieve
is not feasible or you do not have the skills to make it feasible
Low self-esteem is not something that is simply overcome
or forget
Low self-esteem is all about the value you decide
to give yourself, after any effort during which you have set
criteria with which you will be satisfied with
Usually, when it comes to flirting, these "tyrants",
that we have to deal with, is the fear of rejection and, above all,
the fear of expressing our intentions, because personally
the most important "tyrant" I had was thinking I was not enough,
that my value was not enough to be able to claim women
that I always wanted
In a result, every rejection or reaction not going as planned
I thought it was a negative criticism
As a result, my self-esteem and my self-confidence
was falling, but you will need to define what the criteria are
with which you will define your value
That was Christos, from Men of Style and today we talked about self-esteem
and how it affects us in flirting
Take care!
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