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Magic
Coloring Pages
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So I was going to film two other videos
And I suddenly had a very important thought process and just came to realize some things
And I've been meaning to film this video for such a long amount of time, and it's for all of you
But also for myself which is something
I haven't been doing recently this video is long overdue on my ends before I start ranting
I just want to say let me just preface the video we get the self promo stuff out of the way
Well first off have to say watch stranger things
I'm going to be shouting out at other people who follow me on Instagram and all you have to do to be entered is follow
At Jessie page and know Jessie trash here you go
Here are some people follow my page and my trash and also I am going to be giving away
My book to a ton of people that follow on Instagram if you really appreciate
Sit down videos like this if we could get this to
30,000 likes just if you will support me no matter what just to show me that let's get started so my channel is all about
positivity
positive views on mental health bringing exposure to important topics and good means
It's all about that and I love my channel in this community so much and it has like three weeks haven't been honest to
Not just you guys but to myself
I have come so far when I first moved to Los Angeles. I had no friends here
I didn't feel comfortable with anybody I was suffering so much, and I thought that was okay my school and my
YouTube my social media
Those are the only two things that I focused on so I have not been honest to myself
And to you guys I have been needing a break for a really really really long time
For maybe like two years, I kind of have two qualities that mix together
Literally are the worst I am a perfectionist
Overthink everything I'm just incredibly hard myself, and I'm also kind of like a workaholic
So this humic together ooh, yeah?
Not good, and I finally was really like starting to get a balance the past like few months
I've had more balance in my life
And I feel like I have like ever had besides when I was five like I had a great balance
You know I took a nap and then I played some Club Penguin dated on Club Penguin. I was quite the heartbreaker
I've actually had the idea to do this for a long time cuz I've known of how to do it
But I haven't like admitted it to myself
I've been like no like I'm doing too well, and I'm too happy right now
And the thing is one super important things
And I need to remind myself sometimes is even if your mental health is good in the moment
It doesn't mean that you shouldn't take care of it. You know what I mean like I'll be thriving and happy
Yeah, I don't need to take time for myself like I'm happy
I let it build up, and then I don't take care of myself until things start falling apart
I'm pretty sure all of you guys can probably relate to that and
One of the things that have probably had like the most issues with is I guess social media my job
I went on a really long rant on Twitter. I said, I really need a break of social media
I really need a break from social media recently
It's been a huge sugar for my anxiety
And it's been unhealthy isolated myself from living life a lot the past few weeks because of social media as well
Please respect this for me
I've been putting my social media platforms and content over my happiness
And I've been hurting I finally admitted to myself that I can't live like this and need to take a break next week
Anxiety is an internal battle
And you can't heal if you can't even admit to yourself that you're wounded after my breakup and many other struggles
I thought that the smartest thing would be to focus on my career
But if sacrifice make free time and free will in the process and need to heal again damn. I went off on Twitter
I genuinely care so much not just about my channel, but my community the past like five months
I've just been uploading content purely for this is what I like
And this is what I think you will like and if YouTube isn't gonna support my content
Screw it we have each other. They care about my people and at the end of the day
That's what I have if YouTube falls apart. I hope you guys will be here with me
I know it because of that I feel this constant need I guess to give back
But I give so much of myself in various ways physic and just like mentally to not only just my audience
But my social media platforms that it deteriorates from my life and from my own happiness and the past three weeks
I've been really letting that happen because I would they were really bad week
Multiple things like it wasn't just a few things
It was YouTube decided that I was no longer able to upload content
Which is incredibly scary?
And I wasn't getting any response and that's frightening cuz I don't know if that's ever gonna get fixed
And I've said this multiple times, but the trigger from my anxiety is not having control over situations
And that is like not having control over your career
I've worked so hard to build up this platform, and that's like not being able to communicate to you guys
It's like a wall between us
And that's really scary and then in my personal
relationship that relationship
That whole week it wasn't healthy then I wasn't being treated right and I don't know after that. I just decided like I'm
Going to focus on my career
And I was like that's all I have left which isn't true at all
I have my people and you guys are a separate entity from even just like my videos
And I think I need to realize that sometimes like I can make you guys happy just by making myself
Happy like it doesn't always have to be constantly putting out content and like going crazy
You know what I mean, so there's that aspect, and it wasn't even just like my career and like creatively challenging myself
It was like really badly like if a video didn't do well. I was like like I'm letting them down
I don't know like it was it's so unhealthy like I don't deserve that
I don't deserve to talk to myself like that
I make sure I meet everyone we meet in creature and make them all feel special
It's like why can't I take time to make myself feel special you don't even and I was so good at that the past
3-4 months I had really good balance in my life
And I just like always felt this this pressure like this need that I have to constantly be giving to you all and constantly be
responding
24/7 and
When you look at comments so much you become very self aware because you do see the meat comment
And they hurt like I'm a pretty strong person like I don't let them like totally affect me
But when you don't give yourself free time and you're also not taking care of yourself
That's when it does also affect you like I find when I spend more balance in my life
and I
Start just like hanging out with people just taking more time like for myself to just like build good relationships
And so on I just like am a better stronger person and when I don't treat myself right mentally
I'm weaker it makes sense, okay, so I've been meaning to take a very long break for a really long time
There's so many things. I haven't like treated myself to you. I've never discount a vacation just for myself, and that's so harsh
It's really bad when I am in a bad place
And I tend to like like to isolate myself from other people which is really bad
I love being alone like I am such an introvert, but when it comes to having to feel better I
Rarely feel better when it's just me by myself it typically takes me having to hang out with people to feel better
And I haven't been giving myself that what I think this social media break means
I don't think it will mean that I'm going to not post
I think that I'm just gonna
Post and then not go on social media after like not scroll through not feel like I need to at least like take away that
Necessity like Jesse you don't need to read through every comment you can't it's for yourself
And it's not that you don't care about your people
It's not doing that because I care about all of you, and I want to be able to keep making content
And I don't want just have a total burnout. You know what I mean
I might upload only once a week possibly the next few weeks. I love posting and posting a lot, but I
Haven't been living, and I need to live - when you love your job so much
It shouldn't feel like work or what I'm doing it
24/7 to the point where I do get tired mentally and physically that's when it does feel like work
And I don't want this to feel like work. This is ours. This is so special to us
I think one of the biggest things that made me realize that
I really needed a break was that when I had like lived really cool moments in my life
My first thought was that I had a dog
Which I will try to do as much as I possibly can for all my people because you guys
Literally like do mean so much to me so much, but I also think I need to experience some things for myself
And I think that's okay like Jessie
It's okay to feel like you don't need to capture things like I would go to Disney just like that so
Yeah as for like the timeline of this break. I think for the next three days, so I'm gonna
Gradually start to get into it because it's almost like an addiction where you have to
Slowly get used to it and break your your weird habits make another big thing is I'm a very
very very empathetic person like I
Literally see other people, and I just like see little struggles, and I like feel their pain
I don't know. It's really weird. I'm a really soft human. I'm a Hufflepuff. I care a lot about other humans and sometimes
It's to the point where it hurts myself where it's like no like you can't put everyone else's problems in yourself their problems
Become my problems, and then it just doesn't end up helping anyone
I think one of my major requests for the future would be that if you are going through something
Personally use my content my content is general my content is for all of you because you're a community and amazing group of people
So use my videos for advice for general things to help you out there resources for you for you like I literally
Care so much about you all that like it hurts me
And I don't know it just doesn't end up helping either of us
I don't want to help you three four days after I post this
I'm just gonna start hosting content and just going off my phone after just relax
And I ask you all to please be just patient. It's okay
I tweeted and you guys are all so kind like I've been diagnosed with anxiety panic disorder in particular
And I've got a really good grip over it
But I have found that like social media has become like a new trigger and the issue with some triggers
It's like you can't escape it like I want to keep posting for you all the better
I think I just need to like find a way to make this thing in my life a bit more
Mentally easy on me
yes a
Lot of my tweets are very educational
and I think something you might not realize but
Close to me know this a lot of my tweets are actually directed at myself
I don't follow my own advice, so I I give really good advice
But I tend to think that I don't deserve it. Why do I not deserve the same care
I'm like no
It's because I feel like like I'm in debt like I need to constantly be giving and it's like no like you can't always give
You need to perceive things for yourself to see how the next few days
I'm just gonna start posting and just not caring as much and then another big like random issue
But I'm not saying this tip self-promote, but if you could turn on my notifications
That would be really cool because YouTube with my channel has not been uploading my videos
until 15 minutes
after I press upload which is really stressful because I never know when to promote my videos like I don't promote them anymore but the
Notifications have been sending out people have been telling me so if you want to book with me yeah
I think this video is but you have nothing but the best message for all my people and that's why I want to put this
Video up because this video just really goes over
This is something really important
but goes over what to do when you realize there is a problem in your life and like how to take a mature approach and
Maybe a lot of people be able to relate and what may be used to be relatable, but not into like hoho pizza
I mean like I can't even supply that type of hope it's a relatable content because I'm vegan
We stand out
Lol, that's your new inside joke I stand out
Don't be alarmed if I post a YouTube video
And I totally don't promote it after it's probably because I'm trying to just breathe and just
Accept that I tried my hardest about the best content for my subscribers genuinely
I make none of my money from them out of use I get like the amount of views is so relevant
But it's just the fact of like I don't know how like I'm disappointing them like that hurts me more today was
Realization and I want all of you to take care of yourselves in some sort of way, please I care about you all stay hydrated
Listen to a good song call your parents tell them you love them. I mean I've been told
I'm a daddy so if you want to call me what I was weird
But I hope you guys enjoy
I hope you guys liked this, and I just remember that I love you all and I stand this fandom
Didn't really hurt. Okay. I love you all I'm gonna feed you your posts and your pages
Thank you, and I'll see you guys in the future
I
Baby I
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