-I'm with two of my favorite people on the planet.
-I'm so happy to have you both out here at the same time.
-Thank you for staying. -A very lovely reunion.
Because, of course, you guys worked together on the office.
-We did, yes. -Mm-hmm.
-And you were part of quite a duo.
Tell me about Subtle Sexuality.
-Ah! Where do I begin?
I think this was your brainchild, right?
-Yeah, I think this is -- B.J. Novak and I --
They gave us a lot of -- After a couple of years,
they obviously let us do a lot of extra stuff.
-Yes. -And so I was like,
"What if Ellie Kemper and I had a girl band,
and we could shoot a music video?"
-And so this was the music video.
This was, like, on the web.
This was not on the show, right? -It was a webisode, right.
-A webisode. And here is Subtle Sexuality.
I don't know why your eyes are...
-I don't know. [ Laughter ]
America couldn't handle.
-Those are like -- That was sunglasses that --
We were censored because we were -- they were too real.
-Too real? -Too hot.
-But then, not throughout the whole video.
'Cause then you were uncensored again.
-Yeah, yeah. [ Laughter ]
I remember, Mindy, because we got our costumes on.
Mindy was like --
This is before we started shooting for the season.
And you were like, "Let's just bop up
to the writers' room and, like, I don't know, say hello."
But I was new. I didn't know anyone.
You were a producer.
You had been there many years, like, since the beginning.
And we showed up in our gold lamé,
and then we didn't really say anything.
We were just like, "We're here. Take it in."
[ Laughter ]
It was so fun. I love --
That was one of the best days of my life.
-That's fantastic. -Sorry, but it's true.
-I have to be honest... -No, it was great.
-...when someone says that about this,
you know everything you need to know about a person.
[ Laughter and applause ]
So, congratulations, by the way.
You're wrapping up your final season of a fantastic show.
-Oh, thank you. -You were shooting yesterday.
The President was in town yesterday.
You guys were very close in proximity.
-We were so close.
We were all in Bethpage, New York,
because we were shooting on a studio.
This is an hour outside the city.
And I guess there's an office of Homeland Security
or something there. Donald Trump was also there.
And so huge security measures in place.
You know, everything -- All the roads were closed off.
We were on a lockdown.
And I have to tell you, I was secretly hoping that,
at some point during the day, a Secret Service agent
would come to me and say, like, "Excuse me, ma'am.
Um, you know, the President would like to meet you,"
just so I could say, "No!" -Yeah.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-I don't like him.
[ Cheers and applause ]
And nobody came up to me and asked that.
-Yeah.
-But I think that's for the best.
I was -- 'Cause I don't always
follow-through on things like that.
I have a very good friend whose husband cheated on her --
now ex-husband -- and I said, "When I see that man,
I will never talk to him.
I will give him my famous stink eye, turn the other way."
Sure enough, I'm walking down the street, and, you know,
this guy, Brian -- fake name, fake name.
Name has been changed.
Brian is eating at a restaurant outside.
I see him, I whip my sunglasses off, open my arms,
I'm like, "Brian, how are you?"
[ Laughter ]
"Is this your girlfriend?" No.
So I was so nice to him because I was too --
I think it took less energy, in a way.
So I feel like if the opportunity had risen
to say hello to Donald Trump, I would've been like,
"Great to meet you, boss!" [ Laughter ]
"You're doing a hell of a job."
So it was good I didn't meet him, yeah.
-I am a huge fan of your husband.
-Yes. -You guys have a 2-year-old,
and your husband, Michael, writes for "SNL" now.
-Yep. Yes. -And he'd --
Your husband's been a comedy writer for a long time.
-Yeah. -Shows like "Conan,"
late-night shows, but now, "SNL," totally different thing.
How is -- 'Cause I can't imagine working on "SNL"
having a 2-year-old now. -Oh, my gosh.
Well, first of all, prior to Michael working there,
most of my knowledge of "SNL"
came from the James Franco documentary, which I was like,
"Oh, they work really long hours."
-Yeah. -I feel like they stay --
As you know, you stay up
mostly all night Tuesday night writing this thing.
You're just sort of a zombie for those three weeks
because your sleep schedule is so thrown off.
-Yes.
-And so when Michael comes home, he's mostly asleep.
Like, that's what he's doing. Especially in the morning.
He doesn't get home till 3:00 in the morning, so he's asleep.
So our 2-year-old -- almost-2-year-old son James --
will say -- He doesn't really talk yet,
but he'll say, "Dad," and, like, "Dad's asleep."
And I'm like, "Yeah, Dad is asleep,"
but I want him to have some image etched on his brain
that his -- other than his dad sleeping all the time.
[ Laughter ]
I, like, need Michael to get out there and haul brush
or, like, fight a fire or something,
because Saturday, like, when the show is obviously on,
last Saturday, I was home with James,
and he's like, "Dad?"
I'm like, "Oh, no, no, Dad's at work."
And he's like, "Dad." [ Laughter ]
Like he sleeps for a living.
[ Laughter ]
It's so bad. [ Applause ]
We love you Michael when you're asleep.
-You have -- You have a new book,
which is very exciting, called "My Squirrel Days."
-Yes. -And I'm very ashamed
to be the only person on this panel right now
who has not written a book. -Oh.
-You are all accomplished authors.
But this is a real squirrel, yes?
-There was -- yeah.
-And you did multiple photos with it.
-Yeah. [ Laughter ]
-What was it like working with a real squirrel?
-Again, like, a comment on my life,
that was probably the most difficult thing
I've ever had to do was photograph myself
with a live squirrel.
And at the beginning, I had all these wild pitches,
like, "I think we should get the squirrel thrashing at my face.
And I'm just smiling, like, broadly unaware.
"I think it'd just be so funny
to have the squirrel on top of me,"
forgetting, like, when I get to the place,
it's a live squirrel. -Yeah.
-It's an animal with claws. -Yeah.
-It's awful. So I did feel fairly brave,
because that, you know, I think that's a live shot.
-So that's not Photoshop. That's -- those are his --
-I think that's real and that's Photoshopped.
-Okay, good. -But the squirrel was real.
-Squirrels are, like, straight-up gross, right?
-Disgusting, yes. -Like, they're --
-And especially New York squirrels,
who are all too comfortable around humans.
-So forward. -Yes, yes, exactly right.
-Very forward. -Oh, yeah.
And this squirrel's name was Squirrel
and lived with his trainer. -Okay.
-So, like, he was a human.
So very comfortable around --
-Was his name -- Was his name Human?
-Squirrel and Human have made a go of it in New York.
That's the next show I'm working on.
-Yeah. -After "Kimmy" ends.
But it was -- Anyway, there's this one bad
moment when the squirrel, like, clung to me
because he was falling, and it was in that silky blouse
so he sort of fell, and then, the shoot ended.
It was sad. -Oh.
-I know. He lost faith. -Yeah.
-That's okay. He's a squirrel.
-But, you know, look he's -- he's still working.
You don't have to worry about it.
And he seems happy. You guys gave him nuts.
-Yeah, no, he had food. Oh, that's the other thing.
I feel like -- You've shot stuff with squirrels, right?
I mean -- sorry -- animals. [ Laughter ]
-Yes, yes, yes. I've shot with --
-We -- I -- I love shooting with squirrels.
[ Laughter ]
-Your squirrel work is unmatched.
-Yeah, really. -Thank you.
-And I want to echo that. Really.
-Thank you. -We love your squirrel work.
-What does "My Squirrel Days" mean?
-It refers to a story in the book,
which is about me befriending
an obese squirrel when I was a child.
[ Laughter ] -Okay.
Now I have an idea what the book is about.
-Now you get it? -It sounds great.
-Yeah, okay. -And it sounds normal.
-You know what? I got to say that is --
You know, then that's an excellent title.
-Yeah, exactly. [ Laughter ]
There's a reason. -Yeah.
-It's not just to say "squirrel."
-Thank you both so much for being here.
It is always a pleasure to see you.
-Thank you. -Ellie Kemper, everybody.
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