hello everyone this is evening ransom and  welcome to my ransom notes Noah podcast
  This is a survival kit
  and it wasn't
  necessarily only for the holidays,  but I do                                               think that this is a perfect time for it
  so I'm gonna go ahead and do this  episode now just with some strategies
  and tools to to take care of yourself.
  I've told the  story of how I had a stress-related
  heart attack as a young otherwise  healthy mother of two little little kids
  back in 2001 and you know Simpson I've  had an enormous respect for the
  mind-body connection and the danger of  chronic stress the problem for most
  people today is that we have normalized  a lifestyle that cannot be maintained
  without significant cost to our  long-term health and happiness some of
  the tips on managing stress that I hope  you take to heart pardon the pun first
  we'll learn your stress style because  you know not everybody handles stress
  the same way if not much bothers you  then you can just kind of give your body
  what it's asking for you know let your  brain turn off for a while if they want
  to watch TV in bed Joe grab a light book  maybe even talk to someone else about
  their life just get your mind off or  that wherever the stress is coming from
  for long enough for you to be  clear-headed if you internalize stress
  you become increasingly tense you lose  sleep or you sleep too much you eat too
  much you eat too little you snap at  people for no reason no reason they're
  they're responsible for it's just  they're snapping it then with your
  stress then you need to override what  your natural tendencies are and are
  telling you to do first step is really  identify when you are entering a stress
  mode  you are not blindsided and miserable
  before you have time to do something  about it comes a stress prevention is
  really truly so much better than cure  when it you know when it comes to stress
  prevention is way better than cure  exercise is your ally exercise is your
  ally when it comes to stress it relieves  pressure it produces endorphins it helps
  to maintain self esteem during some of  the more stressful events that may be
  causing you doubt to doubt yourself and  I want to tell you too that this is I am
  I am working progress myself I am I  don't profess to say that I am perfect
  in all this stuff at all I am NOT I I  strive to to improve these things myself
  because I'm not the greatest at it I  tend to tell myself oh I'm handling
  stress just fine and then sometimes I  can I can realize it you know maybe not
  what happens to me I attended tournament  turn inside get depressed that's what I
  can do is dress I and I tend to be an  ani turn on sleeper so anyway eat your
  fruits veggies protein whole grain and  this is the thing too is that when
  you're stressed out this what do you be  tempted to eat the bad stuff
  I obviously tooth or at least have  something that you know has been my more
  recent thing um but you know you really  want to monitor your alcohol intake you
  want to monitor your you know drugs  alcohol and sugar things that really
  really mess with  your brain I think  certain things were put on this planet
  by God himself to you know so that we  could there were natural medicines here
  on the earth for us to use and even you  know dark chocolate has feel good to
  feel good quality in it don't eat boxes  and bucks the chocolate but certainly I
  have some dark chocolate that kind of  stuff everything in moderation
  everything in moderation is fine a okay  by me
  okay get enough sleep not too much sleep  not too much now and not too little but
  get enough sleep and maybe just a little  more than you might normally get but you
  know don't don't sleep all day because  it wait you know I'm sure you've had
  this experience where you the more you  sleep the more you have to sleep that
  for sure is that that for sure  definitely happened and you know there's
  there's always an argument about whether  or not you can bank sleep I tend to
  think you can I at least but everyone's  really different but I I tend to be a
  person who can sleep can Bank sleep if I  sleep a lot one day I don't have to
  sleep very much the next day just to  sort of how it goes for me but you know
  everyone is different but the point of  it is is that if you and if you have are
  having if your are a person who needs to  sleep and having a hard time getting
  sleep create a sleep ritual create a  wine down ritual so that you could start
  a little bit ahead of time and you know  just do it like you don't clear them kid
  you know my kids had a bedtime routine  every night it was a bath it was a story
  it was bath and to brush your teeth in  historian of prayer and and that was our
  bedtime routine and it was sort of that  they knew sleep was coming you know it
  was comforting it was you know sort of  baby yourself and give you so give
  yourself a sleep routine and I some of  those things I think are really great I
  think a bath is great I think maybe  writing in a gratitude journal saying a
  prayer oh you suppose you hear you know  your bedtime routine and I think that
  that's a great thing eating and sleep  eating and drinking right up it's a
  bedtime can be can disrupt your sleep so  just be careful with that and journaling
  is always great and prayer is always  great talk it over with your higher
  power I call my higher power God and I  believe that a spirit prayer is God
  please help me that is the best prayer  that there is and in half state that
  help is coming know that you're gonna  get through whatever it is and the
  whatever is happening is happening for  some reason look for the reason and
  learn it rather than looking for ways to  escape it that ultimately only create
  more stress we know what these are right  procrastination bad attitudes addiction
  that you have what you need to do what  you must do and you're not alone and
  know this to know that nothing something  isn't necessarily wrong because
  something bad happened this life here  that we were put here to live we're not
  supposed to be a cushion because she a  cushy little experience perhaps lucky
  cloud  were put here for struggles we were put
  here for problems and to learn our way  through it to learn things and learn
  skills that's why we're here so it's  okay it's okay
  if you know bad things happen and  problems are where we learn you don't
  learn anything that things are all going  great and and sometimes part what you
  need to learn is to be self soothing to  be comforting to pair it yourself and
  you take good care of yourself and to  love yourself anyway let yourself even
  in the hardest of times self compassion  is a wonderful skill and also self
  compassion is a skill you must have in  order to have compassion for other
  people now this is something a lot of  codependents get wrong we think that we
  can't we can give compassion and love to  all kinds of other people without giving
  it to ourselves and it's a fallacy  we really can't and we especially can't
  if we are not getting it from if we  don't get love from anyone else if we're
  being we are being taken from by every  word around us and surrounded by
  narcissists and then we only give we  don't we don't have anywhere to still
  back up we will eventually end up having  a heart attack just like I did or
  something else something else will  happen but it won't be good you can't
  your your body will eventually talk back  your body eventually will say no trust
  me I know get support this is an example  list get support delegate and then let
  people do things their own way okay this  is a hard one too for a lot of
  controlling people a lot of neurotic  people and you know neurotic and here.i
  we always think there otic is a bad word  you know neurotics make the world go
  round you know I mean neurotics have um  they're not hurting people neurotic
  people are not hurting anybody  no other people are hurting themselves
  mostly but not people have a conscience  neurotic people are really responsible
  and basically really good people we just  we just have to back it off a little a
  little bit not so hard on ourselves be a  little bit letting someone else take
  responsibility for some things and in  this case we're talking about delegate
  some things and you know letting people  do them their way it doesn't things
  won't have to be done perfectly there  have to be done you're in your way is it
  necessarily perfectly is what I think  it's done you know
  cat gets fed and the litter box gets  clean enough you know it doesn't have
  something your way to have you gotta you  know just let it let it go let it go and
  the more you live life and the more you  the more things would happen in your
  life the more you're able to really put  perspective on what's a little thing
  what's a big thing most things a little  things really most things a little
  things you know there isn't a whole lot  that I get exercised about there really
  isn't and most things are little things  they're not big deal so really no reason
  to cause yourself stress and certainly  not to have a heart attack
  know my biggest thing always always has  been and still is to this day is one of
  the people hurt my feelings well you  know I don't have control of what our
  people do I don't have control over my  own reactions to them that's a tricky
  one and it's fun and I still work on you  know really do alrighty so this is the
  thing here the fascinating thing about  stress is that it is largely self
  induced you can't choose what happens  all the time but you can choose the way
  you react to it how he reacts is a lot  about who you are and I believe that the
  universe arranges ways to bring each of  us into our truest and best selves you
  may find that you're reacting  differently to stress results in fewer
  stressful events in your life because  you learned that lesson this is a
  fascinating since this won't happen  overnight find activities that are
  soothing to you distracting when needed  and Happiness and inducing.
  take a walk , Do
  some art,  volunteer,  turn up the music,   sing, dance privately or with your family,
  get some physical contact with someone  you love,  hold hands,  hug , make love , go for
  a drive just for the change of scenery,                                                                                                                                       watch a funny movie laugh out loud find
  a way to focus on something else and you  may find you feel better and more able
  to find creative solutions to the  problem causing you stress right now
  there are so many free things you can do  go drive around look at the lights look
  at the Christmas lights people put up in  the name on their houses go
  window-shopping  um in our town we have something called
  zoo lights we can go to the zoo and they  have lights up in the zoo I don't know
  probably a lot of places that have zoos  have that it's a great time to volunteer
  there's all kinds of places that that  want volunteer help and and especially
  if you're feeling lonesome you're  feeling lonesome the best thing to do is
  to be there for someone else who's  lonely who's alone that's a great cheer
  for loneliness um and lastly stay in  reality most of the problems in our
  lives never actually happen you know and  uh you know I've even saying that even
  though a lot of things that happen to me  but most things don't happen you know we
  spend a lot of time stressed out over  what could happen dreading our worst
  fears when you feel stressed out it is  important to look at the situation
  realistically and of course you know my  saying is embrace reality embrace
  reality is a big one and so always do  that and I it's always embrace reality
  look at things that they really are not  worse than they are not better than they
  are and then as soon as you've done that  find a way to look at it better than it
  is so you know where you really are but  you could imagine it better and then you
  can start figuring out ways to get from  here to there denial call if my heart
  attack and then I became frozen in fear  about what was gonna happen to my
  children at the lowest time in my life I  never knew how I was going to pay the
  upcoming rent or buy groceries when our  food ran out I helped but I realized
  that we were never hungry we never went  hungry we had a warm place to sleep
  every night we always did I feared an  uncertain future but in the present we
  were always okay I started to replace  fear with gratitude and that made all
  the difference it wasn't long and money  was no longer a problem in my life at
  all I had learned that lesson and if you  can stay great if you can stay grateful
  even grateful for the challenge that  you're in and write that down
  ready to lift I'm grateful for the  challenges I mean I'm grateful for these
  obstacles they will change I promise you  this is this is this is this is a
  trident you these are tried and true  techniques here this is from my own my
  own experience this is absolutely a  great a great method to to really try
  put this away and use it whenever it's  great this will get you to the holidays
  it will but it'll get you through it'll  get you through dark times it will get
  you through narcissistic and divorce it  will get you through it will get you
  through a breakup it will get you  through a lot of the things the
  struggles and the strains that we go  through as narcissistic abuse victims so
  which is it you know which is a  particular kind of issue which is it's
  specific and brutal and and some of the  things are that we have to deal with and
  so we need some social skills we need  some special tenors mates and special
  awareness because generally speaking we  tend to be sensitive people also so you
  know we're given a big heap of doodoo to  have to deal with and a lot of times
  also we we have we have a lot of people  in our life that are abusive so it may
  be that the people getting most of the  people most of the people are getting
  the most abused and have the least  support and that that a lot it happens
  very frequently to to people like us all  right guys so bless you all I love you
  so much and keep going  happy holidays I'm still right here okay
  talk to you later bye bye  empowering those who yearn for more love
  intimacy and passion in the  relationships and lives find my ransom
  notes podcast online at evening ransom  comm join us next time on the my ransom
  notes Noah podcast  the podcast for newly opening and
  awakening hearts
  you
     
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