hello everyone this is evening ransom and welcome to my ransom notes Noah podcast
This is a survival kit
and it wasn't
necessarily only for the holidays, but I do think that this is a perfect time for it
so I'm gonna go ahead and do this episode now just with some strategies
and tools to to take care of yourself.
I've told the story of how I had a stress-related
heart attack as a young otherwise healthy mother of two little little kids
back in 2001 and you know Simpson I've had an enormous respect for the
mind-body connection and the danger of chronic stress the problem for most
people today is that we have normalized a lifestyle that cannot be maintained
without significant cost to our long-term health and happiness some of
the tips on managing stress that I hope you take to heart pardon the pun first
we'll learn your stress style because you know not everybody handles stress
the same way if not much bothers you then you can just kind of give your body
what it's asking for you know let your brain turn off for a while if they want
to watch TV in bed Joe grab a light book maybe even talk to someone else about
their life just get your mind off or that wherever the stress is coming from
for long enough for you to be clear-headed if you internalize stress
you become increasingly tense you lose sleep or you sleep too much you eat too
much you eat too little you snap at people for no reason no reason they're
they're responsible for it's just they're snapping it then with your
stress then you need to override what your natural tendencies are and are
telling you to do first step is really identify when you are entering a stress
mode you are not blindsided and miserable
before you have time to do something about it comes a stress prevention is
really truly so much better than cure when it you know when it comes to stress
prevention is way better than cure exercise is your ally exercise is your
ally when it comes to stress it relieves pressure it produces endorphins it helps
to maintain self esteem during some of the more stressful events that may be
causing you doubt to doubt yourself and I want to tell you too that this is I am
I am working progress myself I am I don't profess to say that I am perfect
in all this stuff at all I am NOT I I strive to to improve these things myself
because I'm not the greatest at it I tend to tell myself oh I'm handling
stress just fine and then sometimes I can I can realize it you know maybe not
what happens to me I attended tournament turn inside get depressed that's what I
can do is dress I and I tend to be an ani turn on sleeper so anyway eat your
fruits veggies protein whole grain and this is the thing too is that when
you're stressed out this what do you be tempted to eat the bad stuff
I obviously tooth or at least have something that you know has been my more
recent thing um but you know you really want to monitor your alcohol intake you
want to monitor your you know drugs alcohol and sugar things that really
really mess with your brain I think certain things were put on this planet
by God himself to you know so that we could there were natural medicines here
on the earth for us to use and even you know dark chocolate has feel good to
feel good quality in it don't eat boxes and bucks the chocolate but certainly I
have some dark chocolate that kind of stuff everything in moderation
everything in moderation is fine a okay by me
okay get enough sleep not too much sleep not too much now and not too little but
get enough sleep and maybe just a little more than you might normally get but you
know don't don't sleep all day because it wait you know I'm sure you've had
this experience where you the more you sleep the more you have to sleep that
for sure is that that for sure definitely happened and you know there's
there's always an argument about whether or not you can bank sleep I tend to
think you can I at least but everyone's really different but I I tend to be a
person who can sleep can Bank sleep if I sleep a lot one day I don't have to
sleep very much the next day just to sort of how it goes for me but you know
everyone is different but the point of it is is that if you and if you have are
having if your are a person who needs to sleep and having a hard time getting
sleep create a sleep ritual create a wine down ritual so that you could start
a little bit ahead of time and you know just do it like you don't clear them kid
you know my kids had a bedtime routine every night it was a bath it was a story
it was bath and to brush your teeth in historian of prayer and and that was our
bedtime routine and it was sort of that they knew sleep was coming you know it
was comforting it was you know sort of baby yourself and give you so give
yourself a sleep routine and I some of those things I think are really great I
think a bath is great I think maybe writing in a gratitude journal saying a
prayer oh you suppose you hear you know your bedtime routine and I think that
that's a great thing eating and sleep eating and drinking right up it's a
bedtime can be can disrupt your sleep so just be careful with that and journaling
is always great and prayer is always great talk it over with your higher
power I call my higher power God and I believe that a spirit prayer is God
please help me that is the best prayer that there is and in half state that
help is coming know that you're gonna get through whatever it is and the
whatever is happening is happening for some reason look for the reason and
learn it rather than looking for ways to escape it that ultimately only create
more stress we know what these are right procrastination bad attitudes addiction
that you have what you need to do what you must do and you're not alone and
know this to know that nothing something isn't necessarily wrong because
something bad happened this life here that we were put here to live we're not
supposed to be a cushion because she a cushy little experience perhaps lucky
cloud were put here for struggles we were put
here for problems and to learn our way through it to learn things and learn
skills that's why we're here so it's okay it's okay
if you know bad things happen and problems are where we learn you don't
learn anything that things are all going great and and sometimes part what you
need to learn is to be self soothing to be comforting to pair it yourself and
you take good care of yourself and to love yourself anyway let yourself even
in the hardest of times self compassion is a wonderful skill and also self
compassion is a skill you must have in order to have compassion for other
people now this is something a lot of codependents get wrong we think that we
can't we can give compassion and love to all kinds of other people without giving
it to ourselves and it's a fallacy we really can't and we especially can't
if we are not getting it from if we don't get love from anyone else if we're
being we are being taken from by every word around us and surrounded by
narcissists and then we only give we don't we don't have anywhere to still
back up we will eventually end up having a heart attack just like I did or
something else something else will happen but it won't be good you can't
your your body will eventually talk back your body eventually will say no trust
me I know get support this is an example list get support delegate and then let
people do things their own way okay this is a hard one too for a lot of
controlling people a lot of neurotic people and you know neurotic and here.i
we always think there otic is a bad word you know neurotics make the world go
round you know I mean neurotics have um they're not hurting people neurotic
people are not hurting anybody no other people are hurting themselves
mostly but not people have a conscience neurotic people are really responsible
and basically really good people we just we just have to back it off a little a
little bit not so hard on ourselves be a little bit letting someone else take
responsibility for some things and in this case we're talking about delegate
some things and you know letting people do them their way it doesn't things
won't have to be done perfectly there have to be done you're in your way is it
necessarily perfectly is what I think it's done you know
cat gets fed and the litter box gets clean enough you know it doesn't have
something your way to have you gotta you know just let it let it go let it go and
the more you live life and the more you the more things would happen in your
life the more you're able to really put perspective on what's a little thing
what's a big thing most things a little things really most things a little
things you know there isn't a whole lot that I get exercised about there really
isn't and most things are little things they're not big deal so really no reason
to cause yourself stress and certainly not to have a heart attack
know my biggest thing always always has been and still is to this day is one of
the people hurt my feelings well you know I don't have control of what our
people do I don't have control over my own reactions to them that's a tricky
one and it's fun and I still work on you know really do alrighty so this is the
thing here the fascinating thing about stress is that it is largely self
induced you can't choose what happens all the time but you can choose the way
you react to it how he reacts is a lot about who you are and I believe that the
universe arranges ways to bring each of us into our truest and best selves you
may find that you're reacting differently to stress results in fewer
stressful events in your life because you learned that lesson this is a
fascinating since this won't happen overnight find activities that are
soothing to you distracting when needed and Happiness and inducing.
take a walk , Do
some art, volunteer, turn up the music, sing, dance privately or with your family,
get some physical contact with someone you love, hold hands, hug , make love , go for
a drive just for the change of scenery, watch a funny movie laugh out loud find
a way to focus on something else and you may find you feel better and more able
to find creative solutions to the problem causing you stress right now
there are so many free things you can do go drive around look at the lights look
at the Christmas lights people put up in the name on their houses go
window-shopping um in our town we have something called
zoo lights we can go to the zoo and they have lights up in the zoo I don't know
probably a lot of places that have zoos have that it's a great time to volunteer
there's all kinds of places that that want volunteer help and and especially
if you're feeling lonesome you're feeling lonesome the best thing to do is
to be there for someone else who's lonely who's alone that's a great cheer
for loneliness um and lastly stay in reality most of the problems in our
lives never actually happen you know and uh you know I've even saying that even
though a lot of things that happen to me but most things don't happen you know we
spend a lot of time stressed out over what could happen dreading our worst
fears when you feel stressed out it is important to look at the situation
realistically and of course you know my saying is embrace reality embrace
reality is a big one and so always do that and I it's always embrace reality
look at things that they really are not worse than they are not better than they
are and then as soon as you've done that find a way to look at it better than it
is so you know where you really are but you could imagine it better and then you
can start figuring out ways to get from here to there denial call if my heart
attack and then I became frozen in fear about what was gonna happen to my
children at the lowest time in my life I never knew how I was going to pay the
upcoming rent or buy groceries when our food ran out I helped but I realized
that we were never hungry we never went hungry we had a warm place to sleep
every night we always did I feared an uncertain future but in the present we
were always okay I started to replace fear with gratitude and that made all
the difference it wasn't long and money was no longer a problem in my life at
all I had learned that lesson and if you can stay great if you can stay grateful
even grateful for the challenge that you're in and write that down
ready to lift I'm grateful for the challenges I mean I'm grateful for these
obstacles they will change I promise you this is this is this is this is a
trident you these are tried and true techniques here this is from my own my
own experience this is absolutely a great a great method to to really try
put this away and use it whenever it's great this will get you to the holidays
it will but it'll get you through it'll get you through dark times it will get
you through narcissistic and divorce it will get you through it will get you
through a breakup it will get you through a lot of the things the
struggles and the strains that we go through as narcissistic abuse victims so
which is it you know which is a particular kind of issue which is it's
specific and brutal and and some of the things are that we have to deal with and
so we need some social skills we need some special tenors mates and special
awareness because generally speaking we tend to be sensitive people also so you
know we're given a big heap of doodoo to have to deal with and a lot of times
also we we have we have a lot of people in our life that are abusive so it may
be that the people getting most of the people most of the people are getting
the most abused and have the least support and that that a lot it happens
very frequently to to people like us all right guys so bless you all I love you
so much and keep going happy holidays I'm still right here okay
talk to you later bye bye empowering those who yearn for more love
intimacy and passion in the relationships and lives find my ransom
notes podcast online at evening ransom comm join us next time on the my ransom
notes Noah podcast the podcast for newly opening and
awakening hearts
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