Bill Duke, Actor/Filmmaker/Author: You know something, you know you done f'ed up right? no no no no nothing nothing you know you
You know you done f'ed up right?
I had a martial arts teacher once and give us lessons in terms of say
teacher said you know if a man wants to fight you run away from him as hard and
fast as you can
he said but if he runs after you and he catches you make sure he never chase you
again in 1984 I mean you're not allowed to do anything without the permission of
the thought police and they determine the reality they create this war that's
not living awareness happening at all they have these soldiers marching and
all this stuff and that you're not allowed to have a relationship without
their permission can't just fall in love yet there let me
go through them so Richard Burton is the head of the thought police and John
great actor John forgot his name he is a citizen and he miss young girl fall in
love they kept meeting secretly at his place in her place and running away and
running one day that thought caught but I thought police and
helicopters coming the soldiers come in and kept available and take them to the
thought police headquarters and John the actor was lying on the table
I thought police headquarters and there's a spotlight on the table he's
lying there naked with his hands tied and his feet tied and symmetrical force
comes with it to the table with a switch that if you trying to switch on it just
electrocute you and there's water coming down
it's a guy near the button in Richard Burton is sitting there in Dallas I'm so
sorry I was wrong I did I did the wrong thing I apologize I never should have
ever ever ever seen her and then it image and Britney says well you know she
said that you started it he said well I don't I don't know I just see this okay
and he says I'll never do it again please forgive me free trust so he says
to Jesus how many things am i holding up John says for which a Briton Nauset a
guy with the button when I do wrong what do they what's wrong
how many fingers am i holding up for
what I do wrong how many fingers am i holding up
I don't know I don't know better how many fingers am i holding up
three three
I'm holding up as many fingers as I tell you yes I'm holding up you got nothing
dude your eyes nothing dude your intellect or your mind
I say it's three fingers how many are they
three three alternative fact is in three an alternate effect you won't believe
what we tell you to believe nothing to do with your perspective at all okay not
me they'll only think I'm crazy
I don't get it done I can't sleep now
I'm gonna how tired I know if I don't get it done my work that day I can't
sleep so I'm worried about it the next day and okay how many hundred so I have
to get it you know just because it's in and so I meditate and the meditation
helps me I see working been working harder than me I can't imagine that but
if I do surprise me to work harder I mean good is not good enough and great
it's not good enough excellence excellence your names on it and even if
you didn't have the budget you needed you gotta take what you have and do the
best you can but you're given you said to make one may look like 20 you got to
do it and takes work and sleep is not something you do we
always like this
I had a parents who taught me ethics that I didn't know they were teaching at
the time I was very very young and my father wants to say to my sister and I
bill and Evonne always remember this you're no better than anybody else but
nobody else is better than you and they said never ask anybody for anything go
get it my father worked three jobs mother
worked two seven days a week sometimes and they wouldn't take welfare or social
assistance they were too proud so I was at a low point in New York City one time
and almost homeless and I literally was getting high all the time on different
things and I was on the street I had my hand out I was begging for money and
this older lady came by one day and she looked at missing man crafts changed
she looked at me she walked by I thought she was gone so I asked the next person
I thought little tap on my back the same old lady I said yes ma'am we got change
she thought that my face she she said son do your mama know y'all here doing
this
I said no man just shook your head just walked away then give me a dime I turned
around I sit on the steps and never beg for money again you still see her face
yes oh yes I turned then look likes of what I walked her she walked two blocks
and took a left and I watched her change my wife reminding him my parents told me
and I got a college education and I had a master's degree and blablabla my
mother and father with a second and third grade and they never asked anybody
for anything I had to carry that legacy on change my life
family wise relationship wise never been married
it's I've been very selfish and the women in my life have hated that because
of my work ethic I try not to pick my work home but next day I'm gonna go
prepared I want to I want to be able to so okay let's have a few moments of
camaraderie and whatever okay great I go work on the script and that's the most
that's not the most comforting of things in a relationship
because we owe a each other the attention that each other needs and I
voice struggled with that I always have from the relationships I might and the
other thing it sounds crazy but being a black man in this business I felt they
always had to be better not as good but better because as good it's not good
enough it's always paranoid I could be super duper duper super prepared I have
to you know so I'm speaking for more than myself as an individual I'm
speaking for culture because we're judged like that you know oh I didn't
know there was gonna be that good cause he's black
you see he's a big guy you know never want to be a B never want to be an 8a
plus plus it takes I almost think much when I work it's always in my mind I
can't explain it assistant and the stuff I shot the day before I know I know I
could have done it better if I had few more hours I just want to be better I
want to be my legacy that it's excellent it's something that I gave a thousand
percent
but I'm it's crazy too because you know it's I could always be better you know
it's it so it could be different but it's kind of like a little neurotic type
deal but it's Who I am as a creative person well the system is set up for the
youth and they assume that whatever older ones of us
have survived and then wizardmon knows that we have is irrelevant I just
had him gonna build Danny heads and say good luck when I was a young man there
was a hope there was a saying I never forgot it and it was when I was a young
man I thought my father to be a fool now that I have grown older oh how wise he
has become it's when you're young you think you know every damn thing until
life smashes you in the face with the truth of its indifference toward you and
all those dumb people that are you think are older and you don't listen to I want
you to get a couple of scars you'll see how stupid they really are it's gonna be
scarred first you know because I was talking and they don't know nothing your
generations in the past but when you get crushed and by crushed I don't mean by
not being successful ask what the cost today of being successful is it's coming
out so you have success but you paid for
it and so with that success comes shame
because she wanted the success more than your self-respect you notice all these
people coming out now and saying this is the price I paid and I've been
this miserable for all these years I thank God I can say me too
and it took something off of me can you imagine being successful knowing
the price you paid and choking on it for the rest of your life
hey everybody I'm just fine I'm just I'm great and I don't care about what I had
to do except my sleep at night I can't sleep at night yeah well I was young I
thought that wisdom was when we knew everything but for so much that you've
now figured out what it's really about
then I started studying quantum physics and other things and astrology and
astronomy and other thing is that for example not only have they not
discovered well how many planets they are don't even know how many galaxies
there are that dark space that they're going into now and the thing that I
realize now that I'm 74 be 75 this month is to never ever stop asking why that's
true wisdom to understand how limited our pea brain is you know Albert
Einstein spoke on it you know people think I'm wise no I'm not why they say
just like I'm always wondering I'm always
exploring I'm always thinking I'm always trying to get more information because
it gives you a recognition of who you really are compared to the size of this
you eat outside at night to the beach you lie down look at the sky
there's no into it and you think of yourself within that context it's not
that we don't have relevance it but comparatively speaking
we are just no that's too big kind of campus we're in there someplace
but our egos tell us through everything and there is nothing beyond and all that
garbage until something catastrophic happens and it make us question I don't
wait for the catastrophic I question every day someone tells me this is
affect okay let me get back to you on that I love Google
I don't like Wikipedia at all it's not like a PDA you know they're young people
doing research papers on Wikipedia but when I google things and go back to
multiple research points and find out how many different opinions there are
about the same thing and then I have to think about it that that expands my
brain like that makes me wrong I never thought of it that way that's it that's
exciting to me but sitting back like this old wise person who
I figured it all out that's a lot crap I don't hear that from anybody not that
you have to not have information that could help me in terms of talking to you
because you're humble enough to recognize my humanity as I'm humble
enough to recognize yours that's a different situation because you may know
some things I don't know and I want to hear those things so I can start
thinking but if you're looking down at me from this place of authority or you
know when my sister and I were children there are two people we were told to
never question your Minister and your doctor well today those are the people
that question most because you're gonna tell me what to believe
you're giving me your opinion of my life I'm getting other opinions you know put
them all together and I'll make the decision not you make
the decision for me because I'm responsible for my life
not you I appreciate your input I'm gonna ask five other people like you to
give me your input to don't have oh okay make a decision I was one of the first
black directors in TV in Hollywood before me it was Michael Schultz like
Stan Lathan and recapping a junior
what to have that opportunity I went through a walk I give an example of
things and I this is my book I was the first black to return doubt was ever and
I was so happy I suppose it was a top hit show on TV I've done a good job with
nice landing and other shows that Falcon Crest and other shows they said ok give
you a shot come up to the gate runner brother Studios roll down the window
look at the security guard before I could say a word that security guard
says up who are you delivering for I
said no no no I'm not delivering for anybody
I'm just like director on Dallas and I'm here early because I want to be it's
like this one plug to the side I'm always early so I pull over to the side
and it's like it's will be at 9 o'clock it's 8:30 that was eight 4850 compliment
blow and I say kiss on the phone he calls update office and let the Remi
back in the phone looked over at me back on the phone
what's the phone and say I'm you raised like this yes
that's my first day what year was this
late 70s early 80s in Los Angeles oh yeah I buy the team says one day I was
doing um thought wouldn't crest go to my motorhome I munching my hand walk by
train back trade now my city okay guys man up you got something to
say to me it's it to my face what are you talking about sir
I heard what somebody said somebody call me tell me stand up god you're the
director of the fun would never say that we talking about you some mistake I
think that you misheard us get my tray dead around walking to a motor home I'm
gonna say to Falcon Crest one day we're up in Napa Valley and I'm filming and
first ad we're filming in a restaurant it's a practical location so we're there
you know just to shoot and he's supposed to be quiet in the kitchen but they're
gonna be told were shooting him so the first ad very arrogant guy we start
shooting had to cut a third time because there's noise in the kitchen I say cut
say hey man there's noise and the kids was the calm down he said he says to me
and I'm quoting in front of the cast in the crew if you want him to be quiet go
back there and tell him your own damn self
but that time I really had it sorry threw down my head sitting I was
pushing toward a guy in jail I mean grabbed me by my arm she looked me in my
face she said took a deep breath my director's chair pon my headset back on
time for lunch came back she had fired him she apologized for him see what I'm
saying there are people who want you to fail but there are great people like
Jane Wyman I want you to succeed and David Jacobs gave me several more
chances at Knott's landing and Larry Hagman at Dallas my first did that show
first black director on Dallas who said to me nice to meet you young man we're
gonna get along real fine as long as you have me out every day by 3:30 I
guarantee you every day you'll be up to 3:30 and he come back and do more and
more shows I can tell you stories of people who there's some great people in
this industry I mean when I say great I mean they don't have to give you a shot
because they're good human beings and they see beyond your color to your
humanity and your ability that they do something then that they don't do it
loud they do it because they're good people and if you deserve it they give
it to you they give you the shot because they gave you that chance you do
more than you better than you could ever do cuz yo that to them and yourself
there's some damn good people in this industry when I came along I met a few
of them that changed my life I mean but that's been a you know to be very honest
with you and I listen my biography I
grew up as a racist I hated alway people because of slavery and segregation so my
father and mother go through I just hated wait wait just and I'd go for the
angry young black man and that was tall and awkward I didn't talk much and I
wrote journals and stuff and he's to billing people I'll never forget who
changed my life mrs. Jean Walker English teacher very stoic and like just walking
in the class she told me nine times that's write in my journal when she was
teaching I just ignored her this vase it's white woman
one day she says Duke stay here after class just give me that book I said what
the gem will give it to me someone give me anything she said if you don't give
me the journal I'll fail you in the class and you can't pass to the general
at her pissed off I hated her come back to class and next several weeks before a
spring break and looked at her like if I could punch in your damn face man
spring break against come back to class and the first day I'm going into class
she's a Duke come here
she gives me back my journal in this book I said what is this
she says the national poetry contest book so why do you let me give this to
me for she says look on page 49 she put two my poetry poems in there anyone I
looked at her did somebody I hated she had taken she
read my book my journal took the best poems out and submitted them to a
national poetry contest I won I was speechless and she knew I was speechless
she says there's nothing to say you're good at what you do that changed my mind
I wasn't quite sure how to think about race then because that never happened to
me and then I went to the Community College and you know James Hall was the
Dean he was in the Navy and stuff and I got a scholarship to Boston University
after Dutchess and I would tell but you know it was difficult I got a
scholarship for in classes but I had to work for room and board and food and
everything I was working seven days a week exhausted and my grades weren't
that great and severus just going to the arts college I decided I was gonna come
home to the Kip see I was going to stay there for you you're quits bu and get a
job make money so I can save it for that at IBM I went doing a summer of to visit
my friends at BU and I'm leaving dr. hall
see hey Duke come here I gotta go talk Duke come here come here
oh this guy's a boring ass white I can't stand us I go into his office just to be
courteous he says how was he I said okay how you doing dude okay he's
gonna Boston University right yeah well I'm not I'm I'm going but I'm quitting
I'm staying McKenzie for a year and gonna go back next year racism no you're
not what are you talking about goes into his
vest pocket and he has an envelope to me I said what he says he's open it in the
envelope it was a check of his own money that paid for three years of my room and
board at West University I looked in this man's white man's face I'm
supposing he doesn't say a word look at each other I just thank you
he did not say I would put out his hand and he said don't disappoint me
something happens to your racism after that it's supposed to be your evil enemy
that's responsible for that negative in your life and everything the devil of
the system the creature just gave me a check to cover all of my expenses for
three years how do you hate that life changing so I evolved you know in my
humanity to understand you cannot put a blanket on any of everything it's all
about the human being the person the individual who they really are behind
what their skin color is behind what their words are their possession it
makes a little difference to know the human if they respect you you respect
them simple arab chinese japanese jewish white black green hispanic those topical
services that's a limited perception you have the courage to engage people at
their level of humanity you're living at it's easier to dismiss you because i see
you and i make assumptions I learned a long time ago a s s you a me means it
makes an ass out of you and ass out of me to us so and I was taught by those
two incidents it was incredible it wasn't for those two people I wouldn't
probably be here today and never asked for anything
all they say is to be your best that's a reward
it's a truth
I'm setting up my monitor one day and he says do you know no standing behind so
we talked about quitting Parks I said get out of here I'm working it stop
playing just know Gordon Parks is standing right behind he's one of my
heroes so I turn around and he says don't get up don't get up he walks to me
he puts my hand on my his hand on my shoulder and he says I never stopped
just looked at him in walked away I was like you know given signs from the
universe you know and he was one of the things that propelled me into continuing
because whenever you get depressed or something you want to stop and then you
don't stop because of those people came along and said don't you ever think of
stopping cuz I'm not gonna lie to you there are times I wanted to give up
because it's like hard but then you think of the people who loved you enough
to encourage you when you don't stop and it's also your family's legacy could you
justify stopping a hell yeah is it unfair yes if you don't fit into certain
boxes is it prejudice yes are there people who don't like you
because of the color your skin yes people don't like it because you're as
smart as him yes
so I don't know anybody who hasn't been through pain I mean I know very wealthy
people and they're some of my friends of mine but the size of the house and the
model of the car and the clothes that you wear to mask your humanity and your
vulnerability is nothing real I mean you can go into many many mansions and meet
misery in the face I mean so an actor who's grown up in privilege it doesn't
mean that his father did not abuse it does not mean his mother was not insane
it means the appearance of perfection was there meditation saved my life I was
taught meditation chant some little meditation TM by a good friend of mine I
was in a Broadway play and doing very well but I gotten into drugs because
there are times in which the struggles so difficult I was working and
challenges and that I just overlong and it ended up at a point where in a
Broadway play and I'd be late to work I they told me don't be late anymore and I
came read again and they said you're not substitute but you're understand he's
going in and I got pissed off and dead and my friend who saw this I'm said bill
you're sinking fast man you have to do something but I said like what he says I
made like the drugs in hunka Hall but try meditation say you want those people
what they're like so it got worse and then she said try it
okay I mean I'll try ah here so I tried it a couple of times it was interesting
but still taking drugs and alcohol and then have to run on once she said I'll
tell you what I'll make a deal she said if you meditate for six weeks without
taking any drugs or alcohol of any kind and if you still want drugs and alcohol
after six weeks I'll buy your ailments of anything you want I'm thinking oh boy
an Altima do you think I want are you kidding me I'll take this debt which I
just know it's gonna work wasn't gonna work first two weeks I felt something it
was like I don't know a little more ease less stress second and third week more
focus
for than the fifth week the piece that I was getting out of the drugs and alcohol
I was getting through meditation and more I was getting a deeper sense of
something I can't even explain I haven't touched drugs or alcohol since that day
and that was in 1974 became a TM teacher it changed my life too I can't even tell
you it's it's hard to explain you know I could tell you more stories about what
I've been through but that was God working again to join me Chancellor
meditation I changed my life to for my own salvation
I could lady who asked me to turn around and miss Walker and dr. hall it's and
and I recognize these things that people think I'm crazy because I say well God
is doing this oh whoa what should God look like I don't know I know he's there
I trust because there are things that have happened that I know I'll give you
another example it's in my book in 1984 I was working really hard and when your
agent says you're so tired you gotta take a vacation the agent makes 10% what
you make when your agent tell you to take a vacation you know that you're
exhausted so I took a vacation with the why he because he had just get married
and don't we stay at the hotel there by myself I just wanted to totally chill I
was there for a week as well there's eight of two weeks I said I want to come
back to this place never been it's beautiful so I got in the plane called
island hoppers it goes from one island to another into a ground toy and they
get Michael the island owner would have Maui from
the big island and it was a twin-engine claim I was suddenly the plane said go
shaking so don't stop them talk to him and it stops it was a Oh so laughing you
know let's go sit down sit down sit down sit down sit down and buckle your seats
now usually in the movies when the planes in trouble
the pilot says ladies and gentlemen be calm be still over in control little bit
the pilot the powers doing help us Jesus help us Mary help us lord help us Jesus
help us Mary help us Lord the pilot look out the window I said no
he sure got close to the RAM we crash in the water no water seem soft right when
you hit the water from that height well bam bam it tore the bolts out of my seat
and threw me forward the scar is from that happening and when that happened
this it's hard to explain but it's an out-of-body experience something up
there look down and those sounds crazy look down at me and my seat all the
people bleeding the pilot and everything okay so this thing I can't explain what
it was it's peaceful just observing me how it wakes up its face hit the
dashboard of the plane everybody else get up Suzy did it this thing in my body
merged back together and they said Oh cuz I don't swim
I said go I said it out loud you always wanted to know how you're gonna die now
you know I just sat there waiting for the water's coming up boom boom boom
Bloods coming up boom boom boom boom power gets people out take them to the
wing hey you come on let's go let's go let's go
I said I can't swim he says unbuckle your seat okay I'm booked on my seat
take a life throw that out I've thrown up put it on your head he
gives the instructions pull of course when I got this shorter like five chords
I looked down and saw a thousand I kept pulling and pulling and pulling and
pulling and pulling and pulling nothing after he left their places come to the
wing I said I don't see this come to the wing I got the wing I'm standing there
and they all paddled away cuz they old family everything gotta go five or six
hundred feet away he says jump jump undertow undertow I said I can't swim he
says jump I said to myself what day I'll have to lose I'm gonna die anyway so I
jumped I forgot to tie to life don't around my waist
cuz he had owned he had pull a cord as I I passed them they blew up I've got
tired of my waist and with that once twice third time I came up life I'm not
exaggerating life doughnuts here I put it around my head like a little dog I do
like this then I reach them I recently turned around this big mouth of water
swallows the plane and takes it if I stayed on the wing I would have died
I'm telling us all the truth I'm telling you in the water ten minute passes
people are moaning and groaning lady says look boats planes boats planes my
thought is you know before you die sharks Norden everything you have these
delusional thoughts and you think you see things that's what she's doing right
so I said just boats planes boats planes
take this to Vegas you tell me the chances of this family twice a year the
Hawaii Fire Department since its emergency rescue teams out to do
practices and all different parts of the ocean this day they were 1/2 nautical
miles away from us they saw our plane go in there were there in minutes they took
everybody out the water wrapped us in blankets asked if he okay
I started driving us back to shore I
said it's a pilot six foot two or three Ichabod Crane blue eyes I could see his
face dark here with white streaks through it sitting he's shivering I'm
shivering and I say to him sir I don't wanna disturb you I said but I was in
shock you talked me through getting out of the plane you talked me into jumping
off I talked me to puffing toward you you saved my life and I want to I want
to thank you I cannot know what to say he looks at me and he says I appreciate
you saying that he said I'm not on the Catholic I believe in Jesus Christ he
says I don't know what you believe in he said but don't thank me
thank that turns away from me thus back of my face grabs my shoulder
and starts crying like a baby get back to shore people are in shock because
planes that crash in that way don't have survivors I have no way of explaining it
to say that that's one of the day that I realized there are things happening in
this universe that are far beyond my intellect far beyond my intellect and I
had my two masters degrees and I was so smart I can't even tell you how much I
learned from that experience I pictures on a wall of my conduct there of that
day the newspaper I saved it and just framed it I never want to forget it it's
just so it shaped my life between those experiences and meditation to shape my
life and made me understand that you know imagine a story of a minute a
minister that's a friend of mine told me he said bill you know one one day I
stood up in church and I said to my congregation he said everybody that
wants to go to heaven stand up dancing saying hallelujah a
whole church fifteen hundred people cut up and they shouted for five to ten
minutes each column down okay okay okay okay sit up
my second question everybody wants to die stand up and sing hallelujah
I got my third question he said how are the hell you gonna go to heaven if you
don't die see everybody wants to go to hell but don't no damn body want to die
and dying what holly was about how do you resurrect yourself after you're
smashed a couple of thousand times do you buy a violin played a little
self-pity moments of having fear everything is and how great you are and
how mean they are and that could go on for thirty years forty years or do you
take the initiative to do something that changes that it's like one or two
choices giving up or moving ahead the volume of the energy higher low is
important but what's more important is it focused
people with lower energy levels get things done too because they're focused
toward higher Lynette Nietzsche levels a lot of things right but they're not
focused a higher energy without a plan without a vision without a stress
strategy it's called frustration lower high
energy without focus is frustration I may want it I see it over there but how
am I gonna get over there if it's a mountain I think I need climbing boots
in a rope and stuff but I just want to go over there
no but do you got it it's up but I want to go over there I want to go over there
they're afraid to jump into the pond you know it's like today it's a whole new
world in terms of this industry and say there's a pond and the success range is
over there and a lot of folks just jump in they can't swim but they the best
they can and get to the other side while they're doing that some of us put our
arm in the water is it too cool if it's too deep it's a too warm a lot
of waves out there by the time the pond cools down and you start moving to the
other side and your little boat there are signs put up other people who took
the chance and those signs say entry fees you know why because they deserve
it we over their cowardly thinking they didn't wait they jumped you know if they
were going to drown or not they they didn't know anything they just know that
it's never over there I guess some that so I don't have that I don't want to be
here anyway it takes that kind of desire on my wall in my office have a picture
which is my favorite favorite picture it's it's an ostrich or a swan who's
swallowing a frog and the Frog is halfway down this one's throat for this
one problem the Frog has its hands are brown this month squeezing and it smells
like and the title says never give up
you can be down their throat but as long as you got your hands around that throat
can't swallow again I just finished doing a film I would think I was in
Canada and acting in the film and I rushed back and at the same day that I
came in I had to be on the set the Hughes brothers and I just loved their
work I'm like oh they were I read the script and I loved it it was only one
scene and it's like the way they set it up got me immediately into the mood
because the room was dark except there were like three spotlights one on you
the young boy one in the middle of the table the gun was and one on myself and
everything else was in shadow and the police had brought this young man into
this place to intimidate him into telling the truth
and so he was sitting there really nervous you know he thought he was
smarter than everybody in the in the room
and so when I questioned him it was like I first brought the gun in put on the
table and turned it toward him but said to him you're not necessarily getting
out of here alive there's nothing you can do about it
what are you gonna do we can all say that she reached for the gun and we
defended ourselves in charge media sales words we just won like that that was
that that said that said it when he saw that it was like okay and we started
asking questions I have some questions about was he there and he said no and he
said you left the beer here and you bought the beer at this time you drank
the beer at this time and then he was I saw his hands start shaking and then I
asked him the same question again and he then the second time said a different
time and that's when I knew that I had him and you know that little gang
thought they were so smart and we were so stupid
it was a number it was a it was a feeling of joy when I said to him you
know something nigga fucked up right no no no no no no nothing you know you done
fucked up right yeah here's what's crazy I was in Brussels Belgium around five or
six months ago acting in at full of Nicolas Cage call Mandy right I'm
sitting in a restaurant eating food by myself
this young building kid comes up to me and says you choose me sir but you know
you don't fucked up right
I laughed so hard but no matter what country I go to I mean I've made a lot
of films as an actor and director and the line that said to me the most around
the world no matter what city I cook over and you know something there are
young kids that's what's amazing to me they've all seen that picture I don't
know how they see it but they see it leo I'll repeat that line and older people
too so yes it's it's it's interesting how has that impacted your life I'm sure
it's got to feel good that people know your work yes at the same time maybe
you're surprised that they're young kids that are seeing this film and from all
walks of life what does that mitt do to someone what it means you did a good job
because you impacted them in that way you also wish there is more than shit
they remember you for than just that line but you know you're a preach it
till of the fact that they've seen your work and they appreciate what you've
done and that it's always good you know because I'm very self-critical in my
work and so when someone affirms that
what I've done it impacted them that's that's a very rewarding it's very order
they don't have to be kind they don't have to come up to you they don't have
to what they do at a certain age you think you'd think you've been forgotten
about and you haven't that's rewarding also especially when young people do it
in different countries there was not one piece of distribution in place when we
put our money together to make dark girls
we were passionate about this topic because both of us met my co partner
Chambery we had are both dark-skinned black men who have faced the prejudice
of being dark complected in her own community and we saw members of our
family little girls from five six seven eight nine ten years old going through
this pain being called monkey ape darkie gorilla face ugly and asking their
mothers can they be bleached lighter because they were ugly and the parents
trying to say so he said no let's see what happens so we made the film then we
cut a trailer the trailer online and I got 2.3 million global hits and we said
we have something we have something so let's see if we can get a touring
company - he did we got a touring company tourists around and we're
country and different parts of the world and the success was really great we
still having the distribution and so we said okay let's get a broker maybe a
Booker and maybe the Booker can have some screenings well how much is it
gonna cost us okay as we're going into the costs for the Booker to maybe say
five or six a a means these theaters or something
man between the booking and the promotion and careful we're dry good run
until film fizzles and so on I get a call on the phone
Oprah Winfrey's interested in a you guys screening the film for her okay sent it
to Scott over there it's got looked at it brought it to
Oprah's office saw it and he said what's your lawyers name and what's that
happiness it was a I'm not gonna lie man it was a paint it was painful man some
days you wanted to say forget it and give up what about it was painful and
what was the timeframe are we talking about year and a half I mean you're
talking about you know your your your bank account is dry and you got bills to
pay and your accountants pissed at you to the degree of your you really are
something's wrong with you you spent this money for your mortgage this year
and where is that gonna come from you're crazy you're and you start thinking
crazy and then divine intervention it what if you want to call it says you're
you're doing something that we want you to do so we're gonna help you when that
happens it's like first time you take a deep breath in a long time
but you can't give up we just it's the it's it's it's the blessing and curse of
this industry you know you it's it's a blessing and a curse I mean you keep
going because you're passionate you're gonna get it done you know but it's not
painless and then when someone sees what you see and they have distribution and
they say it has value tears and I don't mean the polite time Yunus the snotty
type you know that kind of stuff that really just thankful the lady in the
Apollo Theater I showed the film and she stood up she was older lady and she said
Oh with all the respect I thought the film was great but why are you Aaron our
dirty laundry that's shameful I said man with all due respect it's because it's
sticking up the house and she didn't like what I said but I was being honest
because there's so many there's so much in the American community but in the
black community in this nation there are so many things that we are expecting to
be solved by someone else there's this expectation of salvation you know
somebody on this horse or this this train of gold is gonna come in and
they're gonna save us I remember we waiting for Godot you know
great play could go down there he never came
they have just left on rocks waiting and I am trying to do my documentaries I
call them edutainment trying to say I'm gonna contain you
here's information that if you apply it to the problems that we face there's a
chance that we can have an impact in a positive way but I cannot do that for
you that's what not what I do I am a
filmmaker and what we're finding is somehow that's not enough it could be
tyre I mean I could just live but you know there's something that um I had
dinner at my house this was like a year ago and my nine people were there and
the discussion was about in your lifetime out of all the people you've
ever known what percentage of them ended up doing what they wanted to do with
their lives that percentage which three
three percent so when I look at my good fortune all I continue to go through and
I've been through but I am still doing at my age what I want to do with my life
and I wake up every day and I want to do more I do never want to retire no matter
what the pain has been I feel like I'm blessed because most of my friends that
I grew up with are dead or if they're not dead they retired from jobs they
hated that they did for 35 years or more and they retire and they sit on the
porch and go on cruises and stuff which is okay
they never enjoyed one day at work not one day why do most people make that
choice I think security there's some security and having you know two kids in
the house and the car working at a job that gives you insurance for your family
vacations retirement guaranteed it there's a certain security about having
that some people way happiness against security for 90% of all security always
wins Patil if you have kids because once you
have a child I mean it's your wife is secondary to the needs of what you've
created in this world but there's another side to it in that
if you wake up every morning and you don't have security but you love waking
up you love going to work you love the fights no matter how painful it is you
you will ok Goliath my stones not that big but I see your damn eye man I see I
see right here man I'm not saying today but you see this little I'm twirling I'm
twirling the stone you know it's taking me longer than I thought you're going
down there's two books that I would recommend to people one is by Steven
Pressfield it's called the war of art it's one of the greatest books I've ever
read helped change my life the war of art another one is by Seth Godin it's
called the dip in the dip talks about
people who are serious about whatever they're doing they go go go then they
have a dip you know naive one of two choices of getting out of that you know
you can continue doing what you're doing or you can begin to learn from where
you've been and turn it into an advantage so if you want to be an
actress for 20 years or 15 years and you never really were able to get foot a
foothold or a great agent or whatever you can either stop or you can say hmm
how can I use another way of getting to where I want to go and today there's no
excuse I said webisodes mobile TV games cell phone apps kids
made a feature film with two cell phones I mean what are you waiting for
the thing is that we were caught in this whole paradigm that I cannot do anything
without the permission of a system and if you continue to think of it that way
you're right you're waiting for permission but suppose you say I'm no
longer waiting for permission I'm going to create my own opportunity and then be
perfect in the beginning but I'm going to refine it I'm going to create
strategic alliances I'm an actor writer but I know a starved a starving director
over there that guy isn't worked in five years and
he's looking for something maybe and I well I know a set designer who's
Carnivora producer hasn't was fired four years ago
hasn't worked sentencing but that kind of thinking it's in the book that stuff
Godin wrote called tribes he says stop trying to do it by yourself stop trying
to do it by yourself you don't have to you have one or two choices
I'm going to satisfy your needs and ignore the truth of my own I'm gonna
satisfy my needs and they grow the truth the relationships dates I tried this
once like like the person so much I
tried not taking a job and staying in the house and watching the flowers grow
and doing all the things she liked and I
she was happy but there's the truth that I I i realized something after a few
months of feeling resentment
and that eventually manifesting itself so was it I was I was fulfilling the
desires
it wasn't happy because I was lacking something I've always been a worker I
always wanted to work Oh work stimulates me it gives me fulfilment it's not that
I need romantic fulfill make everybody else I need love and caring like
everybody else but loving caring without me feeling engaged in something I'm so
passionate about which is my work if I gave that up I it's not good for a
relationship with me and it's in that that's what that's what's so difficult
you know it's I think I spoil spoil my goddaughter because it's like you know
since three we spent so much time together and I helped raise her and
spoiled her and everything you know because I don't think it was there
enough I just kept doing things things things we worked it out of course but
it's like she's traveled around the world in many places and everything and
that's all good but she was saying look think we just sit down and just meditate
we just sit down and just talk yes I do that
I got everybody saying we were safe 74 gonna be 75 February 26 I have to still
be working so Wallace am I gonna do retire just you know just sit in the
porch in the beach watch the flowers grow and and enjoy the air and so that's
the rest of my life huh enjoying the flowers suppose I could
discover how the flowers are made
suppose I could discover where the sky came from where I suppose I could
discover where air comes from and the source of reality and film it
I mean I mean one of the my heroes of discovery he's older than me or some
working freemen with his new network and and this whole probably about God you
know who and where is God what is God where I mean these amazing thinkers cuz
he plays those questions himself and he just the his brilliance of going into
those topics and understanding God what does that mean to cultures around the
world that's fascinating to me but he still has an open mind he still wants to
learn and know that's inspiring I watched last night Terry Bradshaw and
the boxer I forgot his name but so it's probably called better late than never
and these four older men they're in their 70s and some in their eighties and
well this one young guy the son I think Terry brought show-cause with them
around the world and they visit places they always want them visit before they
die but they do it together it's funny it's inspiring it's powerful because
they don't stop they just know before I I got a certain amount of time left I'm
gonna do everything everyone to do and that there's something about that's
wonderful it's beautiful because they don't say I'm retiring and I'm gonna lay
up and get it and just watch the birds go by
they're flying the birds so it feels a fly okay I love it
that's life a lot of my friends work at jobs they hate for 35 years they work
every day but to be admired health insurance car payments house note send
the kids to college all the dreams they had they gave him up when they were 20
was they had children they retire and there may be dead and five to nine years
it's not what I wanted it's not what I want I hope I don't
probably die in a set you know something you know I don't know I'm just saying
only God knows that but I mean I just want to do something I wanted to do and
these days huh how was seeing Spielberg and George Lucas and and Clint Eastwood
they don't stop I'm writing this book
for all the losers in the world for all the people that have been told you
cannot do it you're a loser you're too stupid you're too ugly or to a dummy or
to black or to whatever you're never gonna make it
I've been called all those things and worse
I'm writing this book because I want children who are going through similar
things and never give up on themselves I
can get through it so can you never never whether you're 5 or 100
never give up it's never too late you determine your reality are there forces
that helps shape that context around you of course there are I mean but what is
your responsibility because the boogeyman's bigger than you you don't
you don't fight back you don't do nothing you don't buy this toy you don't
do nothing you just talk about the size of the book in the hand how long he's
been on your neck the color of the boogeyman the boogeyman system or the
boogie Mans how can you say the order of his breath you can describe every aspect
of the boogeyman for the rest of your damn life or you can buy this tub now ya
ain't gonna kill with you buy this - but toes are sensitive there's gonna be some
movement well he needs a little bit a little bit but you're not gonna bite
well that's your definition of your possibilities in life I can't bite
because the boogeyman so big and I'm so weak goodbye shit sorry not me never
you gotta have my guess a couple of bullets they better hit something that's
vital because they can remove them on coming back never give up never and as I
feel needless to say to the people who try to stop you and put you down there's
only one phrase that they deserve and that is this - dumb as you look
my name is damn dumb as you look we can keep talking I want you to know
something - dumb as you look
you know it's interesting once they see that who Ortiz they know that you're not
playing checkers in a chess game you're playing chess my mom was a both playing
chest let's play so I got some damn moves - let's just play
don't tell me y'all gonna check a play I am
that's why I feel within Churchill true power is an individual's ability to move
from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm anonymous aspire to inspire
before you expire anonymous if a man does not seek humility humility will
seek the man I'm a final one anonymous
and your lifetime you will never see a smaller package then the person wrapped
up in themselves
and I found each one of those to be true
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