Hey guys and welcome to a mary life.
Today we are talking about five things that really helped me get over a breakup and I'm
hoping it can help you.
Some are simple, some are hard, but I really hope that this helps you guys.
So, let's just jump right into the video.
Okay, so one of the first steps to get over a breakup is realizing that we're fed a bunch
of bull crap.
We are, we are taught that we need someone in our life, the common saying of "you're
my other half" or "you're my better half," when you really think about its kind of crazy.
It puts out this idea that you need someone else to fulfill you, that you are not complete
or whole to begin with and that other person is what completes you.
Which is so silly and so harmful really especially when you're going through breakups because
you have this lack, or you feel like you have this lack without that person anymore, you
feel like you need that person.
And I understand having a partner in life having a boyfriend a girlfriend husband or
wife makes life more enjoyable, I completely understand that.
But the idea that there's an absolute need for a romantic partner I think it's harmful.
I want you to take a step back and look at the information that you consume every day
from the radio, TV, films, there are putting out these ideas about love.
Really take a look at them, look at a romantic comedy, look as a favorite love song of yours,
like really listen to the lyrics and start to think, are these actual healthy ways of
being?
I know there was a point where I just had to stop listening to the radio like it made
no sense to me the songs that were out there, and I know there are a lot of hits out there
which are just enjoyable to hear which is fine but I know for me I got to the point
where I just had to turn off the radio, I was listening to NPR or something else but
I could not hear like the top 40 radio hits or anything like that because when you really
sit down and listen to the lyrics, they just weren't beneficial to what I was going through
at the time and the changes that I wanted to make mentally.
Really start to think and digest that information and really see it for what it is, I think
that will definitely start to help you in the process of getting over this breakup and
understanding where your thoughts of love come from in the first place and where your
heartbreak and sadness and pain is really coming from.
The second one is tough I know but stop trying to understand what happened and accept that
more than likely you're never going to fully understand what happened especially if you
were the one that was broken up with.
It's really such a waste of your energy.
What does understanding really do for you?
Let's say if you do, let's say if you do end up understanding right, you understand one
hundred percent, what is that information really doing for your life?
Is it truly going to get rid of that sadness or heartbreak now that you understand?
Say if they fully do you know explain what happened or why the breakup occurred would
you actually even believe them?
It seems like we're asking for something we're never really going to be satisfied with or
we're never going to believe or it's not going to do any good for us, so it's really pointless
to just waste our time trying to understand.
Coming to accept that I'm not going to understand everything is definitely frustrating, but
once I accepted that fact, life got so much easier.
You just need to know that you do not need to understand it all.
I know it's easier said than done.
It will take time for you to get there but once you get to the point where you stop needing
to be understood by someone else and you stop needing to understand another perspective,
where it's really causing you harm, you're just going to be living life more peacefully.
Number three is gratitude.
I know that term has been thrown out there a lot recently, but I really want you to focus
on gratitude.
Sure I had an expectation that wasn't met, but the fact that my family is still alive,
healthy, here, present, I'm good that's all I could ever ask for.
I don't focus on the "lacking" as I call it.
I'm not thinking "oh I'm a single mom now, oh I don't have a husband, I don't have that
title with someone," I just don't focus on those negative thoughts.
I think of the things that I do have whether that is my family, I still do have PJ in my
life he's here, he's living, my son has a father that's amazing.
You can focus on other things as well, you could focus on the fact that you have a home,
you have clean air, you have clean water, you have food, whatever the little things
that you can find to be grateful for it's going to make the breakup seem less significant
with time.
Just continue practicing gratitude for the smallest things around you; I'm sure if you're
looking around right now there's a few things you could be grateful for, even looking at
your phone or your laptop right now the fact that you have internet and even watching this
that's amazing you know that you're able to get all this type of free information at your
fingertips.
Okay this fourth one is huge.
This was probably the one where I had like an a-ha moment or the one that really really
helped me get over my breakup was empathy.
And this is the one that took the longest to get.
Once I felt and empathetic for him, things changed immediately like things just started
making sense.
I just started to feel good again.
With time I've learned, or I believe that people really do try the best that they can.
I don't think I think that people do all that they know and it's not about giving the other
person an excuse, it's more so about giving you peace of mind that that person actually
did try their best in that relationship and it had nothing to do with you, it's all about
their journey in their perspective on certain things and it just didn't end up working out
in the way that you expected it to work out and that's okay.
To give you an example, I expected PJ to have, I expected him to behave and act a certain
way when it came to family because in my perspective or the way that I was raised, my viewpoint
of the world, what family is to me is people that are very close to each other and their
loyal, it's ... They're everything.
Family is literally everything to me, it's all I've known, and he didn't come from that.
He came from the complete opposite of that, so for me to expect him to all of a sudden
behave and act the same way or feel the same way towards family as I do was foolish on
my end because he had a different journey, he has a different perspective on things,
and who am I to say that my perspective is right or wrong compared to his?
I truly believe he was doing the best he could under his circumstances and what he knows
in his brain and his perspective and what he has seen throughout his life.
I really think he did try his best when it came to trying to conform to my expectations
and it got to a point where he just couldn't reach those expectations and we ended up separating.
So being empathetic towards that, really taking a step back from my thoughts and my views
and really seeing hmm wait a second, he grew up this way, he knows this about family to
continue with my example, it's starting to make sense.
And this just allowed me to view things in a whole different new lens, really.
Being empathetic for people in general just makes you see just makes you see them as human.
They are humans at the end of the day with their own perspectives and I really think
that people behave in the absolute best way they know.
And the fifth tip is really just to distract yourself especially in the beginning, don't
be alone your thoughts are going to just eat you up, you're at this point where you're
just really sad and you probably don't want to get out of bed you probably don't want
to do much of anything honestly so find your friends reach out to family even though you
may not want to like force yourself to really get out there and contact people.
And go out, don't do this forever of course like I do think it's healthy to deal with
your feelings and deal with what you're going through, to deal and sit with your feelings,
but in the beginning, I would definitely advise trying your best to distract yourself because
that's the time that you're most vulnerable, the more you can surround yourself with people
who do love you, the better.

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