Morning, everybody. Today I wanted to talk to you about stealing.
Thievery. Pickpocketing. No, I'm just joking. I actually just found out here
recently that my four-year-old daughter stole something. She stole something that
didn't belong to her, and I wanted to talk to you about how we handled the situation
with discipline versus punishment. All right, so as I mentioned,
my four-year-old daughter came home with something from school that wasn't hers,
so she stole something. This is the first time she's ever taken anything that wasn't
hers.
And though we have definitely talked about stealing...she's asked,
multiple times, what does stealing mean? What is stealing? And I've always
explained, you know, if you take something that doesn't belong to you,
or if you take money that doesn't belong to you, or if you go to the store and you
take a piece of candy that doesn't belong to you, that's stealing.
So we've talked a lot about what stealing means and what it looks like,
but I think that there's a difference between talking about it,
you know, in theory, or just talking about it, versus in practice.
So, here's kind of what happened. We're at home, and she went into her room and got
some of her little miniature farm toy doll things. She brought it back out to the
kitchen table and she was building a farm, and she looks over and she says,
"Mommy, look at the little girl. She's standing on her step," and I thought,
"Okay."
You know, I look over, and I see this little plastic toy, square toy thing that
I hadn't ever seen before, and I was like, "Where did you get that?" because I'm
thinking maybe she took it out of... I don't know, out of something of her dad's,
or... I have no idea where it came from, because it wasn't actually fun,
or cool, or cute, or colorful. It was just this little gray square box thing.
And she said, "Oh, it's from school," and I immediately said, "From school?
What do you mean, from school?"
And she said, "Well, it's from one of the activity centers," and I said,
"Did you bring it home?" and she said, "Yeah." She said, "I put it in my little
pocket, and I brought it home," and I thought, "Oh." So I said,
"You stole it?" and her little face, she goes, "Yeah." It's like it just dawned on
her. That's why I said I think that there's a difference between talking about
stealing and then having it actually be in practice.
Because she knows what's stealing. If you ask her, "What's stealing?" she would
know, but I don't think that she actually connected the dots in her head that she
was stealing something, because her face just kind of fell, and she thought,
"Oh." And so I told her, I said, "Honey," I said, "You can't take things that don't
belong to you." I said, "That belongs to the school," and she said,
"Yeah." I said, "So we're going to need to take that back to your teachers and you're
going to need to apologize for taking it, because it's not yours."
And so she said, "Okay, mommy," and we just left it at that, because the one
thing that I don't want to do is shame her, because I don't want her to feel bad.
I don't want her to think, "What's wrong with me?" Because there's nothing wrong
with her. She's four! She doesn't know about this stuff yet. And not only that,
shame doesn't work. When you shame your kids, that doesn't...it rarely works.
In fact, I don't think it ever works. So anyway, I didn't want to shame her,
even though the mommy part of me wanted to be like, "Why did you do that?
You can't do that!" you know.
So, I just let it go. So, we went into the school the next day that she had class,
and I pulled one of her teachers aside and I explained to her what happened,
and I had the little piece and I showed it to her, and she said,
"I'm not sure I even know what that is." I said, "Well, it's from an activity
center," and she said, "Oh, okay. I know what it's for." And so I said,
"We've already talked and she wants to clean up her mess." It's kind of the term
we use. When you make a mess, you clean it up, and what does that look like?
And so, in this case, cleaning up her mess looks like taking the toy,
the little tiny thing that she had, and giving it back to her teacher,
and apologizing for taking something that didn't belong to her.
So I handed it to her, and she...after I had explained to her teacher what was
going on, and I said, you know, "Will you help us have a teachable moment?" And her
teacher was so sweet. She was like, "Yes, I would love to." So,
we went in, and I handed her the little piece, and I said, "Okay,
sweetie. You know what you need to do. I want you to clean up your mess."
She immediately took the piece, she went over to her teacher, and she said,
"Miss R. I took this other day. I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have done that,
and it's not mine, and I'm sorry. I won't do it again." And her teacher said,
you know, "It's okay, sweetie." She said, "Thank you so much for bringing it back.
I appreciate you being honest and bringing it back to us." She said,
"How about in the future, let's just leave the toys at school?
Let's leave them at school, and you can play with them whenever you want.
Okay?" and my oldest was like, "Okay."
And the teacher gave her a hug, and she went on her way. And I feel
like...honestly, for me, it was handled perfectly, because after we explained to
her, she realized what she had done was wrong. She was more than willing to clean
up her mess. In her own little four-year-old way, she was repentant.
I know she felt bad. So she was willing to clean up her mess, in fact,
I didn't even actually really have to ask her to do it. So, she cleaned up her mess,
and then, her teacher handled it beautifully.
She forgave her, but she said, "Let's not do that again," and so,
the impression that's left in my little four-year-old's mind is that she made a
mistake, and she apologized, and we're going to move forward. Now,
obviously, in the future, if it's something bigger, and if there's...you
know, different circumstances are going to call for different...you know,
different reactions, and different types of discipline. Obviously,
I'm not going to ground my four-year-old for taking a little piece of thing from
her school.
So, obviously, as she gets older, the situations will change, but I feel like
for her age, it was handled perfectly. There's no shame. She probably won't do it
again, at least for a little while, until she decides...you know,
maybe when she gets to be a little older and she decides she's going to be sneaky,
but that's different. That's totally different than what we had happen here the
other day, so... Anyway, I wanted to talk really quickly about the way we handled
it. I will be completely honest, though, I did consult with my parents because I
thought, "What am I going to do? This is a good moment, but how do I handle this?"
And so, I'm grateful for the wisdom of parents and grandparents,
and so...this is definitely not all me, so I'm grateful for their wisdom.
But yeah, I just wanted to share that with you guys, and I appreciate you watching
today. I hope you're having a good day. We would invite you to follow along with us,
subscribe to our YouTube channel. We've got a bunch of videos about parenting,
and babies, and stealing, now.
But thank you so much for watching. Click Like if you like our videos,
leave us some comments. Do you have stories about how you handled your kids
taking things? I would love for you to leave comments and kind of join in with
us. We also have a Facebook page, and we have a blog, so we'll hope that you'll
join us on one of those mediums. Take care, enjoy the rest of your day,
and come again soon. Bye!
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