Now talk, where's the girl?
Somebody took her.
The most important thing is discretion.
Help me!
Sabine!
Watch out, it's a trap!
Oh shit.
Losers!
Hi.
How are you doing?
- Did I snore? - Like a pig.
Okay, no need to be hurtful.
We looked everywhere for you, that's exhausting.
You're the guys my father sent to rescue me?
No, we are the vets for the giraffes.
Of course, we are!
The unit 411 in the flesh.
And right now, you think you're rescuing me?
Wait a second, Mrs. Maron, don't take that tone.
It's Miss Maron!
- Really? - Yes.
Good to know.
Don't get offended if I don't try anything.
My heart is already taken.
I'm in this crazy relationship with one of my colleagues.
- Her name is Bullock. - Great.
And what are you planning to do?
We're thinking.
Yeah, that's right, we're thinking.
So don't panic.
In this kind of situation, if we panic we do stupid things!
Exactly.
Wait a minute, Mich!
I hear a "bip bip".
Yes, it's my chair!
Of course not, think for five minutes!
Fuck, it's her chair Mich!
- Now I'm panicking! - A bomb!
- Calm down! - Oh shit!
Calm down!
It will start only if I get off the chair.
- Shit! - It's all good.
I seriously freaked out!
No, it's not all good!
You will save me and take the bomb from under my ass!
You have to relax!
It won't explode unless you stand up, so don't freak out.
If we panic, we do stupid things.
Yeah.
No need to panic.
Do you have a cross-head screw?
What a good idea!
Yeah, so we can take out the battery!
Of course!
Genius!
I'm so screwed.
At last, we're all gathered here!
You may sit.
I can't help it.
Hello.
I said: "Hello".
Can someone please answer me?
Hello.
It wasn't so hard, was it?
Why do I have to repeat myself?
Why no one respect me?
Shit, what should I do to be taken seriously?
It's because I'm pretty, right?
I'm cute?
I have nice hair?
My eyes?
My lips?
My nails?
When I was kid,
we had a rabbit.
And my Mom,
she always preferred the rabbit.
That's tough.
I suck.
I'm insignificant.
No, don't say that.
Yes.
Each time I try to call you,
you and your Captain don't give a crap about me.
So it was you?
Don't take it personally, sir.
You shouldn't call when we are busy.
I tried and I tried to call you, but every time...
You were always after the Babe, "the baddest man in the city".
So I thought to myself,
if I kidnapped his hostage,
I would arouse your interest,
and thus I would become
the baddest man in the world!
The baddest man in the world?
The baddest man in the world!
The baddest man in the world!
- What a moron! - You're so stupid!
- Sorry. - Wait a minute!
This is why you kidnapped me?
To become the baddest man in the world?
- It's lame. - So stupid.
That sucks.
I'm sorry to say it,
but it's crap.
It' a very ill thought plan.
And to be the baddest man in the world, you have to be American.
Or maybe Russian.
Shut the fuck up!
I'm a real villain!
I have henchmen!
I have a hostage ready to blow up!
And most importantly, my secret weapon,
I have a colossus!
Yeah, for the bomb, that was well played.
- But for the colossus... - What about him?
In truth, you had a colossus.
Gontrand?
You killed Gontrand?
Probably, yes.
Come on, guards, get rid of them!
Hurry up, chop chop!
No, no!
Where are they taking her?
Do something, don't let them take me!
We're on it!
And for you,
I've prepared a big surprise.
You're finally gonna learn to respect me!
Hi.
You've never learned how to fucking knock?
I'm sorry, Boss.
That's unbelievable!
Sorry but there's a man on the phone who keeps yelling and who's angry.
He says that this is unacceptable and he is not gonna give up!
Apparently, one of our men took his car.
So I thought I should tell the Boss.
So I came to see you because...
Boss, are you listening?
I don't think you're listening, that ain't very nice.
Well don't worry, I'll handle this.
I will investigate.
Everyone think I'm a doofus, but I'll find this car.
And you'll be proud of me, Boss!
Bye.
And here, what do you see?
A butterfly.
Yeah, me too.
And what's that?
It looks like a crab.
No!
A tree!
No, a lobster with a ballerina up its ass.
Let me see.
It's a tree.
Hi.
Hey, Genius, you've never learned how to knock?
You don't even have a door.
And so what?
Figure something out.
You're serious?
Go on and knock!
- Come in. - Hi.
Do you know anything about a Mustang?
Because its owner wants it back.
So he said, his words, not mine,
that one of our guy requisitioned it to arrest a suspect.
What do I do with that?
No, doesn't ring a bell.
But it looks like Rodriguez and Pinchon's work.
Do you have any news from them?
No.
But don't worry about them.
The only bad thing that could happen to Rodriguez and Pinchon,
that's to be Rodriguez and Pinchon.
Yes, that's a lobster with ballerina up its ass.
Alright, wankers!
I present to you my army.
These two douchebags are with me.
And those three?
They're the rest of the army.
That's it?
Five guys don't make an army.
- Sorry, but... - That's no army.
That's a regiment.
Not even a regiment, it's a company.
A tiny company.
An itsy-bitsy regiment.
No, it's just a boyband.
Will you shut up!
Let's play a game.
You're gonna kill each other.
What?
I said you're gonna kill each other!
Once again, it's a lame plan!
- I won't kill Fabrice. - Yes, you will.
You'll kill Fabrice and you'll kill...
- What's your name? - Michel.
- Mich. - Yeah, a stupid name.
You kich Mill... You kill...
Well, you get it!
And if we refuse?
If you refuse?
I will kill the big ugly anorexic cow!
That's not cool!
"Not cool", I like that.
I'm a villain who is not funny and not cool!
And I can assure you that to the one who'll survive
I will do something very "not cool", okay?
Mich, it looks like this is it.
We must part ways.
Go on and save her.
Kill me.
No, you kill me.
I can't kill you.
You're young and handsome.
You're in the best years of your life.
But me, I'm old.
Almost ill.
Don't say that!
You're in such a good shape for your age!
You've got everything!
You've got your kids, your wife...
She's so damn hot, you know!
Such a body, I don't know how you did it.
Come on, hit me to death!
I can't Fabrice, I love you, I love you!
And I love you too!
- Excuse me... - Hey, we're talking!
I love you too, you're my dragon.
You're my partner and my best friend, I can't hurt you.
I can't kill you!
Are you done?
Can you make a decision, please?
It's easier said than done, okay?
Hey, lovebirds, who fucks who...
I mean who kills who?
Nobody is gonna kill anyone!
No!
No!
I'm gonna count to three.
One!
He's bluffing.
Two!
Okay, you win!
We will kill each other.
It makes me sick!
Hit me really hard, just here.
I won't feel a thing, it'll be quick.
Like a cow.
You're pathetic!
You, the ugly sow,
you'll meet the angels, at least they are beautiful.
Three!
What's that ruckus?
Nobody steals my hostage!
Nobody!
Now let's fuck this shit up!
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