Suppose there was someone who could read the minds of others. What kind of life would they lead?
They might cleverly control those around them and climb to prominence,
"desire" They might cleverly control those around them and climb to prominence,
"desire"
or they might become sick of the world around them and live as a recluse.
Or yet again, they might be hated and wander about without a place to belong.
I said "suppose," but what I'm about to tell you is not an allegory but a true story.
It's the back story
of Koishi Komeiji, the youkai girl who closed her mind.
When she was still a girl who could read minds,
I, Satori Komeiji, was being an awful older sister.
Deflecting every request, evading anything asked of me,
running away from it all with my tail between the legs.
I was a good-for-nothing.
It might be more accurate to say "am" rather than "was."
I still find any social interaction a bother, and since it doesn't particularly inconvenience me, I have no intention of fixing it.
My sister was the type of girl who showed unhesitating affection even to me.
She was a kind-hearted girl.
Kind-hearted to the point of fragility.
But I neglected her fragility.
As I had done with pets or anything else, I even left my little sister to her own.
Noninterference stemming from indifference.
It's undeniable that my lack of interest is partly to blame for the awful tragedy that came to pass.
So, this is a story of a failure, told by the older sister who was always broken, about the younger sister who became broken--
a fairy tale of a girl who fell in love with the world, and who fell into despair.
Allow me tell a story riddled with faults from start to end.
Hey, Oneechan.
How can I be liked by people?
So asked my beloved little sister, sporting an innocent look.
Wait, what? Did I just hear her ask something incredibly difficult?
Didn't she pose a conundrum that even I, Satori Komeiji, the expert of the mind, struggles to answer?
......Koishi-chan.
I seem to remember finding some guidebooks on social interaction in the library.
Oneechan. I'm asking YOU, Oneechan.
I guess she's not letting me out of this one.
Phew......good grief, Koishi-chan.
Don't tell me you're actually expecting a helpful answer from me
Come on, at least make an effort.
"Don't sound so proud showing off your incompetence," she chided me with a serious look.
It seems that my strategy to appeal to incompetence has failed.
Leave aside the fact that you chose the wrong person to ask, why are you asking this at all?
Don't give up on yourself so casually. You're the only one I can rely on.
I'm the only one she can rely on.
Well, then she can't rely on anyone.
Poor girl.
Well, all right.
So, why do you want to learn how to be liked by people?
Go on, tell me.
Given my ability to read minds, you may wonder why I ask such a question.
Because satori youkais' abilities interfere with each other, we can't read each other's mind very well.
Although, I can roughly tell what sort of emotion she's experiencing.
Think of it like this: the detailed pattern gets blurred, but I can see the color and shape.
I want to become friends with everyone.
Huh. Who's everyone?
I mean everyone.
She answered right away, as if to say "of course." But this response makes me shudder.
She probably means every single being in this whole wide world.
I can't help but question her sanity.
Friends with everyone. Uh-huh. I guess that's not a bad ideal.
But it's just something to aspire to, not something you'll actually try to achieve, right?
Because ideals are to be compromised on, not achieved.
If you don't keep that in mind, no matter how great the ideal, it will be a curse that brings you suffering.
Surely, you must know that--
.............
......All right.
Then let me give you a word of advice.
Don't.
My advice went ignored.
Uh-huh. Okay. I'll figure something out on my own.
As she left, she wore a strangely gentle smile
that greatly damaged what little dignity I had as her older sister. But that's an entirely different story.
A few days after that conversation,
my pet cat Orin came to give me, completely unasked, an update on Koishi.
You didn't asked me, Satori-sama?
Since you didn't seem to be looking after Koishi-sama at all,
I totally thought it was also part of my job!
I didn't ask you. If there's something I want you to do, I'll tell you.
You won't tell me later that you expected me to do it without being asked?
..........
What's with her? Can she read my mind or something?
How scary.
Koishi-sama's really gotten into it.
She's been reading up on psychology, negotiation techniques, self-development, just about every book on communication.
She's even practicing in front a mirror.
"Did you know this, Orin? Smiling relaxes people and gives them a better impression of you!"
"You can improve a relationship just by smiling! It's like the esoterica of social interaction!"
She sounded so excited to tell me that.
Hmm. My advice has gone so thoroughly ignored, it's almost refreshing.
She's a bit stubborn when it comes to her values.
She often gets the wrong idea in her head. She's just not very effcient.
It's one of the few things that us two have in common.
She's bad at life.......
Did you say something?
No......well, I think it's fine as long as she seems happy.
I'm just an unselfish sister wishing for her little sister's happiness.
Happiness is something you seize, not wish for.
Never again say anything positive in front of me, ever.
I've never heard such an unproductive command.
"I'd rather you tell me to dig a hole and fill it back up," says Orin, looking aghast.
Well, I was just annoyed that she casually dropped a such a cool line.
She's a funny girl, that Koishi. Why does she care so much about becoming friends with people?
As her older sister, I'm moved by her efforts.
You don't even think what you just said.
Better than saying something thoughtless, right?
Quite true.
But I do wonder what's motivating her.
Maybe she likes someone? Would you have mixed feelings about that as her older sister?
Who knows. It's her life. She should do as she likes.
And that's my honest opinion. It doesn't matter one bit to me who interacts with whom.
I'm not assertive enough to meddle in the lives of others.
You're no fun. What if she asks you for love advice?
I'll make it so she won't want to. I wouldn't know what to say if she asked for my experience.
Nyahaha. So even Satori-sama is embarrassed to talk about first love!
Oh, no no, that's not what I meant.
Actually, it's much more embarrassing than anything about first love......
I've never loved anyone.
Perhaps because we have frequent conversations along these lines, Orin fears me.
Considering that this complicated things during the incident in the Remains of Blazing Hell, maybe I should try to fix this.
"Okuu's acting weird" Considering that this complicated things during the incident in the Remains of Blazing Hell, maybe I should try to fix this.
"Report to Satori-sama" ← Considering that this complicated things during the incident in the Remains of Blazing Hell, maybe I should try to fix this.
"Okuu gets disposed of" ← Considering that this complicated things during the incident in the Remains of Blazing Hell, maybe I should try to fix this.
"Can't tell her" ← Considering that this complicated things during the incident in the Remains of Blazing Hell, maybe I should try to fix this.
"Ask someone else for help" ← Considering that this complicated things during the incident in the Remains of Blazing Hell, maybe I should try to fix this.
"If someone in the Underworld finds out, oni will kill me" ← Considering that this complicated things during the incident in the Remains of Blazing Hell, maybe I should try to fix this.
"Call for help in the surface world" ← Considering that this complicated things during the incident in the Remains of Blazing Hell, maybe I should try to fix this.
"Vengeful spirits on parade" ← Considering that this complicated things during the incident in the Remains of Blazing Hell, maybe I should try to fix this.
"Why didn't you come to me?"
"Why didn't you come to me?" But since I've never been good at caring about others,
"You thought I would address my pet's misconduct by disposing of her?" But since I've never been good at caring about others,
"I'm insulted that you think I would do such a thing" But since I've never been good at caring about others,
"As your owner, I'm very disappointed" But since I've never been good at caring about others,
the situation still hasn't improved; deep down, Orin remains constantly fearful of me.
pain grief perplexity joy comfort fear fear like like love comfort fear like like like love the situation still hasn't improved; deep down, Orin remains constantly fearful of me.
As it turned out, Orin made a good call on her own in that incident,
and it's partly for her independent thinking that I rate her rather highly.
I love how you talk to me with a smile, all the while shaking with fear deep down.
A few weeks after that conversation,
my pet bird Okuu came to give me, completely unasked, an update on Koishi.
How loved can that girl be?
I can't help but feel a bit not jealous.
Koishi-sama's always smiling these days.
Maybe something good happened.
I'd rather nothing happened.
How come?
That's the least trouble for me.
I know I shouldn't call it a "trouble" to take care of my sister, but that doesn't change how I actually feel.
I make others deal with trouble.
Have pets look after my little sister.
Have pets look after pets. Have pets look after the garden.
Have Orin look after the vengeful spirits. Have Okuu look after the Blazing Hell.
Maybe I'm not actually a good administrator?
Hey, Okuu. I wonder, why am I the one managing the Former Hell?
Isn't it because you're amazing, Satori-sama?
Whaaa, really? How so? Specifically?
The part where you're amazing!
Uh-huh. I see.
I shouldn't have asked her.
But whether I'm amazing or not, it's in large part thanks to everyone around me
that someone with my personality is managing to be a decent administrator.
I think being able to control the vengeful spirits through fear was one of the reasons I was placed here,
but even that, I leave completely to Orin.
And it turns out she's far better at it than I am, so I can't not put her to work.
Ooh, she got a high rating!
Well, she's my right arm of a sort.
Satori-sama! What about me!? What about me!?
Maybe you're my left arm, Okuu.
All right! I got Satori-sama's left arm!
Don't say it like you took my arm.
It's short to begin with.
Just like my left arm, she's harder to control than my dominant arm.
But Satori-sama, even if you depended on everyone's help,
I think it's because of you that the Palace is the way it is today.
We're all here because we love you.
If it weren't for you, we wouldn't have gathered here. Orin and I may never have met.
That's why I'm so thankful!
.............
What a convenient interpretation.
It's just a chain of coincidences, not anything I actually did for her.
She probably forgets anything inconvenient.
......You're so cute, Okuu.
Unyuu♪
So cute.
She thinks shallow and loves deep.
Very convenient for me. That's what makes her absolutely adorable.
She's like a mass-produced heroine designed to fall for the protagonist in a heartbeat for the sake of adding some romance to the story.
*pat→blush* She's like a mass-produced heroine designed to fall for the protagonist in a heartbeat for the sake of adding some romance to the story.
(There, she's tamed) *pat→blush* She's like a mass-produced heroine designed to fall for the protagonist in a heartbeat for the sake of adding some romance to the story.
It makes for a perfect pet.
Jeez. With a personality like mine, I'm asking to be hated. And yet I'm loved by so many pets.
How lucky I am.
Throughout life, I've been thoroughly hated because of my ability to read minds,
but thanks to that same ability, I've been entrusted with the Palace and am surrounded by loving pets.
I may not be able to achieve an ordinary happiness, but an outcast can find happiness in an outcast's own way.
The weak stays weak, the evil stays evil, the crazy stays crazy, the lonely stays lonely,
and the hated stays hated--but we can still find our own way to be happy.
I wish I could my sister understand that, but she's too fixated on achieving an ordinary happiness.
"I hope she'll find happiness,"
I whispered as if it were none of my business.
To start with the conclusion, Koishi's efforts ended in failure.
Perhaps I shouldn't have spoiled it after making you read this far,
but since I began by calling this a story of failure, I'm sure few readers expected a happy ending anyway.
Unexpected twists are the staple of success stories, whereas business as usual is what accompanies stories of failure.
The reason I skipped the conclusion is simple: that's all I actually know.
After that conversation with Okuu, all I can recount properly is the ending.
That's how little attention I was paying to my sister at the time.
Not that, even now, I can honestly say that I'm watching her--
In any case, that's why we'll jump after this to several months later.
To fill the gap, I'll give a rough indication of what happened to Koishi, as I heard it later from Orin.
The first thing Koishi did to become friends with everyone was to choose a community where she had a high chance of belonging.
She chose a group who looked about her age.
Knowing that hated mind reading was, she of course kept her ability a secret.
It started off well enough.
Koishi made friends by reading their minds and giving them words they wanted to hear or attitudes they wanted to see.
She seemed happy to see how it pleased them to respond to their wishes.
But at some point, a crack formed in this relationship.
They began to find it strange that Koishi always responded correctly, as if she could read their minds.
From then on, they acted distantly towards her.
Even when they were together, a wall separated them. Unable to take it any longer, Koishi took action.
She came clean about her ability and asked them to talk to her like they used to.
And--
"Stop it." "To put it nicely, eww" "Nothing but trouble" "I'm not into girls who can read minds ^^;" "Yeah right" "It's not even funny" "Go away" "That creeps me out" "You were there, Koishi-chan?" "We never met. Got it?" "See ya"
"Stop it." "To put it nicely, eww" "Nothing but trouble" "I'm not into girls who can read minds ^^;" "Yeah right" "It's not even funny" "Go away" "That creeps me out" "You were there, Koishi-chan?" "We never met. Got it?" "See ya" N O T H A N K S
"Stop it." "To put it nicely, eww" "Nothing but trouble" "I'm not into girls who can read minds ^^;" "Yeah right" "It's not even funny" "Go away" "That creeps me out" "You were there, Koishi-chan?" "We never met. Got it?" "See ya" CHANGE PLEASE N O T H A N K S
She learned that she never belonged there.
That was the third time that the world broke her heart.
Listen, Oneechan. I failed again.
.......... Tell me about it.
Having said that, I knew at this point that it was probably too late.
Her ghastly mind, on the brink of collapse, made me recoil.
If I remember correctly, it resembled the mental state of a human who went on a rampage while laughing and then killed himself.
The first time, I completely messed up.
I didn't realize that people hated having their minds read.
Because for me, being able to read minds is completely normal.
So the second time, I kept it a secret.
But people ended up finding me creepy anyway.
They can tell from what I say and do that I don't belong.
They were much more discerning than me, the satori.
I never told that group, and I just lost contact with them.
So the third time, I was careful about what I said.
I learned how to speak and act so people would like me.
I thought it would work this time, and it seemed like it was going well.
But it ended up the same way.
I was the only one who thought it was going well.
I didn't it want it to turn out like the second time, so I took a chance and told them honestly......
But I guess I don't belong anywhere.
Hahaha. I'm getting sick of it...... It always ends up like this, anywhere I go......
Did I do something bad? Did I do anything to deserve hate?
.............
To be brutally frank, she probably did.
It's more basic than her ability; her psychology, as a mind reader, clashes with that of the majority.
What's normal to her is abnormal to the world; her thoughts and values regularly deviate from their common sense.
It's like wandering alone in a foreign culture, where her common sense doesn't apply.
She must have known that she was simply made differently from them. And yet, she continued to ask herself over and over,
"How can I be accepted by everyone?"
But in a society that prioritizes the collective over the individual, deviants like her are usually not accepted.
Because accepting them would destroy the order maintained by the collective.
Her existence itself disturbs this order; it stagnates the flow and derails the gears.
To the collective, her existence is nothing but evil.
That's why the collective removes her as part of the normal functioning of its defense mechanism.
"I want to be with everyone. I don't want this ability."
Despite her tear-filled outburst, her thoughts don't turn againstthem.
Because ironically, she still loves them.
After being hated so much, she still can't help but love everyone.
Am I going to be hated my whole life......? Is it better for everyone if I didn't exist......?
Oneechan.
Should I just stop being?
She couldn't take it anymore.
Or perhaps she could have recovered if I were able to console her then.
That was surely the right thing to do as her older sister. But my personality was too broken to do even that.
Because although I could understand why she suffered so much, I still couldn't empathize with her.
It was easy to imagine how hollow my irresponsible words of encouragement would sound.
"Don't worry!" It was easy to imagine how hollow my irresponsible words of encouragement would sound.
"It'll turn out okay!" It was easy to imagine how hollow my irresponsible words of encouragement would sound.
"You can redo life as many times as you want!" It was easy to imagine how hollow my irresponsible words of encouragement would sound.
And if I couldn't even feel upset at seeing her like this, maybe I had no right to be her older sister.
There was a part of me that thought, "so what if the world rejected you?"
In any case, at this rate, my sister's heart was done for.
Because it was not broken from the start like mine, it would be crushed without even being able to break.
That's why I did it.
Not as a solution, but as a temporary measure.
Koishi.
Do you want to know how to not be hated by anyone?
I do not think, therefore I am not.
My sister hasn't cried since then.
No longer able to feel pain or sadness, she wears a hollow smile--the smile she once learned to interact with others.
By closing her mind, she lost the ability to read the minds of others, as well as to perceive her own.
Like a pebble on the roadside, she was removed from perception,
never to be hated or liked, or even to stay in anyone's mind.
To protect her heart from breaking, I led her to a temporary escape, pushing off the problem into the future.
"Good To protect her heart from breaking, I led her to a temporary escape, pushing off the problem into the future.
"Good night" To protect her heart from breaking, I led her to a temporary escape, pushing off the problem into the future.
To protect her heart from breaking, I led her to a temporary escape, pushing off the problem into the future.
Koishi was too fixated on connection.
She made every effort to be accepted and loved,
and as a result, she became neither a friend nor a lover, but merely someone convenient.
So as soon as things became inconvenient, they rejected her.
She was probably never even properly engaged with them.
Koishi spared no effort to be liked,
but her one-sided courtship was like volunteer work done purely for self satisfaction.
Not a single person actually understood or empathized with her.
Myself included.
She seemed to think that she achieved connection by making others happy,
but that's probably not a real connection.
And even if it were, the fact that she was elated over mere connection shows just how different she is.
For the vast majority of people,
feeling connected to others must be completely ordinary.
Even a pessimist like me knows that such connection goes by the name "sociality,"
and that this is what makes society possible.
Her fixation on empathy proves her abnormality.
Suppose there was someone who could read the minds of others. What kind of life would they lead?
Based on the story I told, one can say that their life will most certainly go catastrophically wrong.
Be it a success or a failure, their life cannot be normal.
The abnormal cannot achieve a normal happiness.
So as tragic as it may seem, this ending may just be what one should expect.
But I do admit that this conclusion leaves too little room for hope.
So allow me to end with a hopeful observation, however clichéd.
One day, someone may appear who can save my sister and disentangle her heart.
I know it's selfish and irresponsible of me, but at least, until then, I will be here to protect her.
As the older sister who didn't save her, wishing for her happiness.
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