Passenger 2: That was an amazing musical -
Lin-Manuel did it again!
I wasn't sure he'd be a convincing Harriet Tubman, but he pulled it off.
Hey, is that our ride?
Passenger 2: Uh, I think so.
The driver's profile pic was blank, so I don't know.
Uh, Herschel.
That's his name.
Driver 1: Hey, where you folks headed?
Passenger 2: Speaking of bruthas... did you see that story about the other day about the
woman who got assaulted by a, um...
Passenger 1: That guy in the projects.
Kinda looks like him.
Could be...
[Drum triplets, "Girl Bag Holder" chorus, a la Rick Roll]
Eric: Did somebody order a PASS?
Passenger 2: OK...
Sorry, brotha.
Stay woke.
Herschel: Uh... yeah.
Yeah.
No worries, suit yourself.
Passenger 1: This one?
Passenger 2: Clean cut.
Not getting that angry Samuel L. Jackson vibe from him.
Passenger 1: You mean Samuel L. Jackson from "Coach Carter"?
Passenger 2: No, Samuel Jackson in "A Time To Kill".
Passenger 1 & 2: "Yes They Deserved To Die And I Hope They Burn In Hell!"
Passenger 1: FOCUS!
Yes or no?
Passenger 2: One way to be sure.
Hey, what's your favorite Samuel L. Jackson movie?
Eric: "The Long Kiss Good Night".
Geena Davis is underrated!
Passenger 1: Good enough for me.
Let's go.
Eric: Have you guys heard about Purge Pricing?
Passenger 1: Purge Pricing?
Eric: Yeah, it's where you PASS on the other driver and you pick me and the rates go up.
No.
Well, think of it as a convenience fee for carefully picking the driver
that has been, uh, thoroughly vetted.
[Intro to "Girl Bag Holder" a la "Thelma and Louise"]
Passenger 2: Go.
Eric:...(inhales) You sure?
Passenger 2: Yeah.
[Electronica drop]
Passenger 1: How did you get in the front seat?
Jaidan: Did you request a ride?
Passenger 3: Yeah.
Your profile picture isn't on the app.
Are you Jay?
Jaidan: Yeah.
Passenger 3: Oh, is that short for something?
Jaidan: Yeah - Jaidan.
Passenger 3: Oh!
Are you related to Will Smith's son?
Jaidan: No... no.
Passenger 3: Oh... well, I mean I've never had a female driver before.
Jaidan: Well, there's a first time for everything.
You going to the protest?
Passenger 3: Yeah...
Is this your car?
Jaidan: What?!
Passenger 3: No, I'm just checking...
I'm sorry.
Jaidan: You're asking me if the car that I'm driving is my car?
[Drum triplets, "Girl Bag Holder" chorus, a la Rick Roll, car horn]
Eric: Somebody request a PASS?
Passenger 3: Hi-i!
Eric: Hi, I'm Eric.
Passenger 3: Hi, Eric.
I need a ride to the protest.
Eric: Yeah, come on in!
Jaidan: Eric, like Eriq La Salle?!
Wait, you're not going to ask him if that's HIS car?
Eric: (Singing) Just let your Soul Glo!
Passenger 3: What?
Eric: Eriq La Salle, "Coming to America".
The hair... forget it.
[the air is on, the mirrors are out in the dark]
Eric: Welcome to PASS, the app where passengers the power of choice.
[you're fire, in search of a spark]
Eric: Do you choose me?
Passenger 3: Yeah!
Let's go!
This is fun!
Eric: Nice... choice does come with a price.
[you leave me cold]
Eric: Do you folks know about Purge Pricing?
[and I can't go...]
[Cause it's midnight, and your friends have gone in.]
Passenger 4: DRINKO DE MAYO PARTY, POR FAVOR!
Passenger 4: IT WAS A TRIBUTE!!!
[And I sit here, with the engine running, waiting on you.]
[One more night as the girl bag holder]
Passenger 4: Get me to the Opium Den, chop-chop!
[Spacing out while the night gets colder, waiting on you.]
Passenger 4: IT WAS A TRIBUTE!!!
[And it's fun all night, party all night...]
Eric: Ha-ha!
Four G's in one day - I love it!
All: Hey!!!
What's going on!
Eric: Check it out!
Herschel: Damn, this is a haul.
Man, I can't believe this racket works.
Eric: I can't believe I can charge them double.
Jaidan: You know - when they go low, we go high...and higher on the fees.
Herschel: Think of it as a "not woke" tax.
Eric: Yeah, they got caught sleepin'.
Herschel: And you know if you get caught sleepin'...
All: YOU GONNA GET PASSED!
Hershel: Bring it in here, you all.
Oh, I gotta call my parole officer.
[One more night as the girl bag holder]
[Spacing out while the night gets colder]
[Waiting on you]
[And it's fun all night, party all night]
[It feels alright, so party all night]
[I'm here on call]
Eric: Yes, hello, Mr. Chan?
No, no, I'm not missing.
[when sunlight falls, I'll be your belt when you hit the wall]
[It's midnight...]
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