Hey, I'm not wishing you fluency this year and I'm not wishing fluency to
myself as well this year. This is the beginning of the new year and we start
thinking about goals, goal setting, New Year resolutions but fluency is a bad goal, it's
a wrong goal so I want to share with you today my three best tips about
goal-setting that I believe can dramatically increase your chances of
getting free from stuttering. So, stay tuned.
So, why fluency is a wrong goal? It's very easy. We think about fluency and
when we start any improvement efforts: we start doing exercises, we start expanding
our land creating new speaking experiences, creating building up our
confidence. What happens and it happens subconsciously most of the time by the
end of some effort, ok we take a program, a therapy, we read a book or we watch
some exercises, we do some exercises. By the end of that activity or activities
we expect fluency but there is no such activity,
there's no such a program by the end of which you will get fluent because our
speaking is an automated pattern, our stuttering is an automated pattern. What
we can do we can make a step toward fluency, but there is no program, no book, there is
nothing that you can do and by the end of which you get fluent. That easy.
And we say to ourselves, "Yeah, I understand that it's a journey, it's not a one-day
exercise" but we tell it, we say that to ourselves but at the same time we're
looking, as our goal is fluency, we're looking for fluency and we feel that we
failed if there is no fluency at the
end of the activity that we've done. That's why fluency is a wrong goal.
We should be thinking about something different. So what is that different
thing? Basically we should be thinking about steps. So, getting free from
stuttering is building a new speaking pattern. That's our end goal and we
need to understand that what's the previous step like and what's the first
step maybe on that way. And there could be many
steps like playing with the phrase, really enjoying your speaking even in
the classroom, even at home - that could be a goal.
To enjoy my speaking, to feel something new in my speaking, to increase capacity of
my voice or like my expression when I'm speaking engaging my body language.
So these are more concrete goals and these are like action items on the way
to freedom from stuttering, to creating a new speaking pattern. And fluency is a
by-product of creating that new speaking pattern. The second tip that I want to
share is that often times we feel like I need to reach fluency and then I can
reach my other goals in my personal life, in my professional
life, with my friends, you know dating a girl, getting a job, whatever, and
that is a wrong way to think about our goals. Having fluency or building a
new speaking pattern, freedom from stuttering as a goal, as a major goal
that's fine, that's awesome, but please don't postpone, don't tell yourself
that first I need to get fluent and only then I can start moving to my
other goals. My big piece of advice is that please think about your other goals
as if you don't have stuttering right now, start thinking, start dreaming, start
setting those goals and start moving to those goals because stuttering again the
top of the iceberg speech impediments, the core stuttering fear, avoidance
behaviors, desire to hide it, so the core of that iceberg is
actually our avoidance behaviors. Once you set your goals and start you started
doing something, start moving to your goals you automatically start destroying
the core of the stuttering iceberg and that's my observation now that a clearly
see when you have other goals and when you strive to them, when you do something
about reaching your other goals in your life - professional, personal, any goals
it also helps big time in achieving your goal in terms of improving your
speaking. If you don't have any goals it's really hard to improve your
speaking because again improving your speaking getting free from stuttering goes
on two levels: one is technical level our speaking and speech impediments whether
we have them or not, our fluency, and the other level is our internal level
concerning and consisting of those avoidance behaviors, how we deal with
them, how we feel about ourself, about our speaking environment, speaking
experiences that we either create or we hide, we avoid.
So once you have other goals you start destroying the core of that stuttering
iceberg big-time. And my third piece of advice.
Investment bankers they are professionals, they are top professionals,
they're getting paid you know huge money and what they do they do some kind of
transactions okay and they usually have a detailed plan so you know each step of
the way and when you have that detailed plan and
it's very precise and they've already done those transactions so they have a
plan they just go step by step to the end. So, ideally if we want to reach
our goal we needed a detailed plan and planning is awesome but 99% out of 100,
9 out of 10 or 99 out of 100 cases plans don't work. I mean we even don't
have a plan, we don't have a detailed plan how to achieve okay yeah fluency is
a by-product of creating a new speaking pattern, of freedom from stuttering, how
to achieve that freedom from stuttering. We don't have a plan. And what do we do then?
My big advice, piece of advice is that it's all about doing something
because having a plan it's in your mind you're not doing anything by saying
it, by having it, it's pretty much nothing. It's much more important to do something,
to make a tiny step towards it then really have it and it's much more
important to make that step even than to have a detailed plan which often times
is we prove ourselves that it was a wrong plan. So, my suggestion is wake up
10 minutes earlier each day and go to bed ten minutes earlier each
evening and spend those ten minutes to your speaking exercises, to watching some
videos, to learning something new about stuttering, about improving your speaking
and do something about your voice, about your breathing, there are many
things you can do. Join Free From Stutter Facebook group, comment, post there
something. So, again, we have these two levels of stuttering: one is the physical
level so it's great to do something about that, some exercises, developing
your voice, the diaphragm muscles, using your hand technique is a great way to
get free from stuttering actually so that's the technical level. The inner
level, the internal level connected with our avoidance behaviors so think about
what you can do in terms of that level and basically what we can do is think
about what scares you, what you are frightened of and try doing that. Often
times again it might even not be connected with speaking like joining
Facebook group, posting there, giving your comments. You're not speaking at that
time but you're getting outside of your comfort zone, of your shell big time so
destroying the very core of that stuttering iceberg. So, that's my third
advice just instead of thinking, instead of creating plans which is awesome start
doing something a tiny thing ten minutes every morning in terms of your technical
stuff, in terms of your speaking and in terms think about what you can do in
terms of your avoidance behaviors as well. So, a quick recap of these three
pieces of advice. First, don't set fluency as your goal.
Please, please, please keep in mind that getting free from stuttering is our
goal and we move step by step so please think about
enjoying your speaking, think about your step that you're making, not think
about fluency as a goal. It's a by-product that will come once
you're getting free from stuttering. Second, set other goals. Your personal life, with your
friends, and your professional life just whatever comes to your mind please set
those goals and start doing, start moving to those goals because it helps you
big time with improving your speaking as well.
And advice number three instead of thinking, instead of planning start doing just a
tiny thing every day. Ten minutes every morning do something in terms of
speaking exercises and think about what can you do in terms of your avoidance
behaviors. Ten minutes it's much more than thinking about fluency. If you still
don't know how to fill in those 10 minutes in the morning join the Improve
Program jump inside, there are exercises, there are assessments so that's a good
place where you can start moving to freedom from stuttering and creating your
new speaking pattern. For more videos, subscribe to this YouTube channel, head
over to freefromstutter.com blog where you can find my free Improve Program,
join Free From Stutter Facebook group for more insights, discussions, just a lot of cool stuff
and see you in the next video.
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