Waching daily Dec 2 2018

My name is Rodger Koller and this video is going to be very long

I think it'll be long because I have no intention to edit it

I don't have time to edit this video this time, so

it might be long, it might not be long

and as you could have already seen by the title of this video

Yeah, maybe it'll be a little bit long

So, without any further ado, let's get started

As you could see by the title of the video, this is sort of sad somehow

I know that giving up is never the best way out of a problem

and I'll talk about te reasons why I should give up Youtube

Just because it's something that has been bugging me for a long time and

This is my channel and

Why wouldn't I talk about it? Why wouldn't I share my feelings with you?

I believe that if you're watching it, it means you care about me

and I owe some explanations to you

So, here it goes

The first reason that puts me off making new videos is...

the low engagement on this channel

Youtube works like this...The more LIKES and COMMENTS a video gets

the more recommended it is to new people

Unfortunately my videos don't get many comments

and only some people remember to hit the LIKE button

Ok, I don't want to be unfair

I know who leaves comments and I know

I know that at least 70 people always hit the LIKE button to everyone of my videos

Most of them are in our group on Telegram and

You are amazing friends and I really love you all

I know your names, because it's always the same people

You always leave comments and LIKES

You are the best and I can't complain about you

I can only thank you

You are the ones who motivate me to continue

to keep making videos but look:

I posted this video here, two days ago

and only 346 people have seen it so far

in two entire days

and you might think that 346 people is a good number, isn't it?

Yes!

But remember that I've got around 30 thousand subscribers

Oh my God! The phone is ringing again! I can't believe it!

I hate it when it happens!!!

Sorry, I'm going to answer the phone

Excuse me

Hello, who is speaking?

Hello, I'm your student!!!

I want to video chat! ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

I was watching your video and...

Hold on! You mean that you were watching this video that I'm making right now?

How is it even possible?

It is not a live video

I'm just recording my voice here, I'm in my bedroom!

How can you be watching it?

and who are you?

I'm Roger, your student! ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Yeah, I know about that. I'm watching it because installed a hidden camera in your house last night

By the way, your pink polka dot pajamas look fabulous on you! ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

But why did you call me?

I'm making an important video

Because I want to show you that some of your videos have many views!

like this one, for example:

It has 4.811 views

It's a good number!

Yes, you're right about that and I posted this video in 2016

and look:

Almost 5 thousand people have seen it

but only 78 people remembered to hit the LIKE button

Look:

5 thousand people have seen it

but only 78 people remembered to hit the LIKE button

exactly the 70 people who still always hit the LIKE button, you know

Look at this: Only 15 comments!

ACTUALLY, only 7 comments!

because the other 8 comments are mine replying to those 7 comments

So, let's do the Math

I've got around 30 thousand subscribers. Not yet but let's say it...

roughly 30 thousand subscribers

Only 70 people are actually active

and I love them

because of these 70 people that I keep making videos

I could even mention their names here, they're always leaving comments and sending me positive messages on Whatsapp

And I'm not complaining because these numbers just show me that I'm clearly doing something wrong

For example, when I post a video in the morning

After 24 hours I check it out

and it has around 120 views and 34 likes

But I check my Whatsapp

and every day

I see that I have more than 1000 unread messages

more than 1000 messages on Whatsapp every day? I can't believe it!

and many of these messages are of people asking me to correct a text

or to help them with their homework

or people asking me things like "the difference between TO and FOR"

or "Rodger, I'm studying the third conditional and I can't understand it, so please explain it to me

"Rodger, can you translate a CV for me, please?"

and I help them. I normally reply to these messages

after midnight because I don't have time to do that before

I spend an hour replying to messages

and I'm sorry but I can't reply to all of them because it's impossible

Don't take me wrong. I love helping people and

and it's really not the problem. I do that because I like doing it

I'm just sad because of something that happened yesterday

I was trying to understand why I had 2000 new messages on WhatsApp yesterday

But my video only had 11 comments (after 2 days)

Then I asked everyone who was sending me questions on WhatsApp if they had seen my video

I said "I'm going to help you but before...Have you seen my video?"

And most of them said: "I haven't had time to do that yet"

and seriously most of them didn't even know I had posted a video

Yeah, I'm doing something wrong, that's a fact

and I was shocked to see that even some channels with fewer subscribers had more views, more likes, more comments, more engagement than mine

and then I was certain that I am doing something wrong for sure

Why don't you start posting videos teaching English in Portuguese then?

No, I can't do that

and besides that, I truly believe in the immersion method

which is about teaching English in English

Immersion is like...The more exposed you are to English,

The faster and the more efficiently you will learn English

In our case: English, but languages in general

So I don't want to change that here on my channel. I'm not going to change that

I couldn't sleep last night

not even a second, just thinking about it

and I'm not feeling motivated to make another video this week

Another thing that people always tell me is "I've never shared your channel with my friends because

they don't know English, so they wouldn't understand you

But my goal here on this channel is to teach English

So I'm expecting people who don't know English to watch it, so

This is really confusing to me, so

People saying that they don't share my channel with their friends because their friends don't speak English

Another thing that I've noticed is that every day I receive at least one message of someone asking me

how to activate the subtitles in my videos

In order to activate the subtitles you just have to click on the three little dots on your cellphone screen

or click on the gear if you are on a computer

then you can activate the subtitles or deactivate them

and the main problem is the low engagement

because I work very hard to make videos, I'm investing a lot on new equipment

I've bought a new computer in order to make better videos in 2019

I've bought a new camera

a new SD card, you know, I'm investing money and it's ok!

because it's my choice, I'm not complaining about that

but I'd like to see more interaction and when I work hard doing lots of stuff

and then I see the numbers I see that only 11 people have left comments after two days

I think:

"What am I doing with my life?"

But of course I'm not going to give up, I've got responsibilities, I've got my patrons

yeah, 9 people have been helping me through PATREON

and I've got to thank them a lot

we have a secret group on Whatsapp

and they are incredible, they hardly ever ask me things

and they can do that because they are my patrons

and I'll be glad to help them out whenever they need me

I'll be there for them, but they are incredible, they send me positive messages all the time

They are amazing

and becasue of my patrons and because of my 70 active subscribers

I'm going to keep making videos

in 2019

I've only made this video because I'm a little bit sad

I am feeling a little bit demotivated but

but no matter what, I'm going to keep making videos

for you in 2019

Thank you for watching this long video

I'm sorry if it was really boring for you

but I just wanted to share my feelings with you again

Thank you very much and

I'll see you next...

year, maybe...I don't know ಥ﹏ಥ

Thank you ಥ﹏ಥ

Meanwhile on Instagram: [follow me: @rodgerkoller]

Rodger, I thought I could ask you something but I can't

Come on! You can! Ask me!

why not?

Can I touch your beard?

No, you can't! But why do you wwant to touch my beard?

Because I love you

But why do you love me?

First, you take a bath every day very fast.

It's true, I take a bath very fast but how do you know that?

I'm a stalker

The second reason is that you walk in a different way

What do you mean?

You walk like a horse?

I walk like a horse?

Yes!

Well, it's true, some girls call me "Mr Horse"

"Mr Dark Horse"

The third reason is your hair

but my hair is constantly dirty

I like it dirty ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Please subscribe and click the bell. Thanks.

Please, leave your LIKE and a comment. Thanks.

Subscribe and receive the pdf files for the free English course (read the description)

For more infomation >> GIVING UP ON YOUTUBE || ACTIVATE THE SUBTITLES || - Duration: 12:07.

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1 thousand - Duration: 1:31.

At the moment I made the first movie

I made a lot of thank you films

There are also popular movies

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What is the Nature of Suffering - Sadhguru - Duration: 8:16.

Why some also requiring

your handicap is not the source of your unhappiness nor is your poverty the

source of your unhappiness you're unhappy the source of your unhappiness

issue see suppose suppose you came here thousand years ago all of you lived in

huts there was no problem but living in hut isn't people live happily not now

the problem is somebody's living in a palace you're living in out that's your

problem that is the source of your unhappiness not that isn't it yes all of

us were eating just one meal no problem we'll look quite well is it somebody's

eating three unitive only one now you're unhappy mister soon

all of us had only one hand no problem isn't it

in fact we've learnt used is one hand much more effectively now others have

two you have one that's the problem so unhappiness is coming to you

suffering is coming to you not because of any physical situations

suffering is coming to you because you are looking at other things somebody

else has you don't have that and you're making yourself miserable if all of us

had to go ten miles to catch one part of water in the morning there would be

normal in our life you would get up at four o'clock in the morning first of all

get water and come back is it isn't it some would it be great suffering no it

would be a good morning walk now the thing is everybody's got water in their

house ten taps inside their house you have to walk ten miles

now you're miserable is it so it's not the physical situation which is causing

misery it is the way you're reacting to the

life around you which is cause you miss it and that's where your karma is your

karma is not in what is happening to you you calm eyes in the way you're

responding to it you can you're capable of suffering just about anything

yes and people capable of suffering just about anything

somebody could not get into the college he's suffering uneducated I am somebody

gets into the college he's unable to get out of the college he's also

isn't it and this Africa is also suffering you are unable to get a job

you're suffering you are given a job aren't you suffering you aren't married

your subject you got married aren't you suffering no children your

side children aren't you suffering you're capable of suffering just about

anything your suffering is not because of this or that that's the way you made

yourself and that's what you need to look correct so somebody has one hand

somebody has two hands that's not a issue really yes now

would you like to have four hands why why all our gods had four hands we're

going to have four days actually I can do it to you in these two days

plant the seeds of divinity news of that four hands will come if what has come

will suffer that also is that yes you'll be freak you wouldn't think I am a god

you'll think you're a freak and suffer that isn't it so

have you seen somebody just has one finger extra and how people suffer

history knows just one finger extra and he always keeps his hand in the pocket I

know many people who start suffering they cannot speak properly just because

they got one finger extreme this finger is not paining it doesn't have cancer in

it it has no problem it's perfectly okay finger one extra finger that's all just

because everybody has ten I have eleven becomes a huge problem so it is not nine

fingers you are suffering or eleven fingers you're suffering it is just that

you're suffering that's all that we can change if you're willing we can change

that completely completely we can change that suffering is happening out of your

ignorance suffering is not happening because of the things around you

suffering is plainly happening because of your ignorance there are only two

types of suffering you know in your life body and mind

isn't it son do you know any other kind of suffering physical suffering mental

suffering do you know anything else that's how is it that physically if

you're suffering that's different physically somebody's hurting you or you

have a disease something that needs to be handled in a different way that's a

different aspect but most of the suffering in the world is mental isn't

it yes mentally if you're suffering means you are the source of your

suffering obviously you are creating it isn't it so yes you don't like it yes so

you are creating it why would you create suffering for yourself

maybe you're trying for employment in hell

you're looking for employment in him you want to be in charge of the most

horrible sections of hell maybe that's why you trying to torture

yourself and prepare yourself to get employment how much experience do you

have they last two years now I have a whole lifetime experience of torturing

myself if you are good at torturing yourself you must be wonderful and

touching rather people disagree yes sir anybody who is willing to torture him

himself will he spare other people believe he will not spare he may do it

with good intentions but he will ensure everybody suffers and people doing this

all the time if you were a joyful person then you wouldn't want suffering to

happen around you you will ensure that you don't counseling around you because

you don't like to suffer yourself

suffering is by choice

you

For more infomation >> What is the Nature of Suffering - Sadhguru - Duration: 8:16.

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I fucked my life!

I played pokémon go but never again! I played pokémon go! (2x)

When i wake up i look at my phone "Why did i liked this shit" I just fucked fucked my life with playing pokémon pokémon!

I played pokémon go but never again! I played pokémon go! (2x)

I played pokémon go but never again! I played pokémon go!

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@MODERATOR PRANK! - GROWTOPIA - Duration: 5:03.

pro builder

omg mod :O

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ehre i am

oof

where mods

lol scam

lol where mod unsub

who dis

:(

why bully :(

big fan

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!#?@ u so much :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

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*realised thats not mod*

pro set

blind :(

omg seth

ft. @mini

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shoutout to shadowsurfer

hate fans?

*timing*

lol what

lol blind

blinddddddddd

btw cool guy ^

*talking to mod*

omg not blind

naem pls

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13 Things BANNED In WWE! - Duration: 12:30.

13 Things BANNED In WWE

Now I know what you're thinking clicking this video: surely WWE is the land of free

speech where wrestlers have creative freedom in promos, and commentators aren't shackled

to stupid buzzwords and corporate balderdash and instead put forward genuine and interesting

thoughts.

I'm of course being facetious.

Yes, WWE is more business than Lord Business himself, and as such there are certain things

they don't wrestlers saying or doing.

Documents have been leaked revealing the words and actions banned from being uttered and

done on a WWE broadcast, allowing room for more free-flowing phrases like "the one

night of year where Raw and Smackdown go head to head in direct competition" - which just

rolls off the tongue.

And is also demonstrably false as Mixed Match Challenge is still going on and sees Raw and

Smackdown stars going head to head in direct competition all the bloody time.

So what things have been banned in WWE?

Well let's take a look in this handy and easy-to-digest YouTube list.

Because algorithms.

These are 13 things banned in WWE [Title Card]

Chair shots to the head Now this one is fairly obvious and, unlike

some of the items on this list, is actually a good thing.

If you were a fan of wrestling back in the day - particularly in the late 90s and early

2000s - chair shots to the noggin were a staple part of the WWE broadcast.

And the WCW broadcast.

And the ECW broadcast.

Basically chairshots to the head were as common as a kicks to the dick are in 2018.

Basically in a time when every form of entertainment was trying to push the boundaries, the climate

was more accepting of these violent unprotected chair shots right to the noodle.

But as anyone who has watched Rock vs. Mankind from Royal Rumble 1999 - or Beyond The Mat's

heartbreaking behind the scenes look at the match - or heard horror stories from the likes

of Mick Foley and others - you will know that unprotected chair shots to the head are not

cool and are incredibly dangerous.

WWE were forced to ban them in 2010 after receiving a lot of backlash and lawsuits from

former stars claiming the chair shots they received in the company led to multiple concussions

and long-term head and brain injuries.

These days, the boys and girls are limited to chair shots to the body, or, you know,

trapping Ronda Rousey's head in one and stamping on it.

Piledrivers

For similar reasons to the chair shots, piledrivers have been banned in WWE since 2000, and despite

the occasional outing in a high profile match - CM Punk vs. John Cena in 2013 for example

- the move is a no go.

And it's hardly surprising, is it?

Being dropped directly onto the top of your head is like, well painful, and similar to

the chair shots, have resulted in several concussions over the years.

Or in the case of Steve Austin, a broken neck that shortened his career.

And it's not only WWE that has banned the move either, as several independent promotions

do not allow the move in their rings.

Unless it's a Canadian Destroyer on the apron, that's totally fine.

Of course the biggest victim of this ban is the Piledriver album series.

If you only knew.

"Wrestlers"

Despite the second W in WWE standing for Wrestling, the company really doesn't like using the

W word or refering to its stars as W word.

This isn't a recent change either, since the late 80s and early 90s when Vince McMahon

was trying to separate his World Wrestling Federation from the world of professional

wrestling into an entertainment show format, he introduced the term Sports Entertainment

- which has since become their doublespeak lexicon for wrestler.

These aren't wrestlers anymore, they're sports entertainers.

Or Superstars.

And not cool Superstars like the ones Diamond Dallas Page does in DDPY.

Every now and again a wrestler - sorry, Sports Entertainer - will drop the dreaded W word

into a promo, which is always guaranteed to catch the ear of the hardcore viewer who know

its somewhat of a taboo word.

In fact The Revival famously used the term earlier this year, and well, you can see that

has done wonders for their careers in WWE.

Randy Orton's Punt Kick Before he was allegedly shaking hands - and

even when he was allegedly shaking hands - Randy Orton was known for punting people in the

head as his finishing move.

No one was safe from the old Punt Kick of complete doom - taking out WWE Hall of Famers,

Vince McMahon and Wres-Sports Entertainers all over the show.

But while these days he teases it, he never actually hits it - and there's a good reason

for that.

Orton responded to a fan's capital letter garbled question on Twitter by saying that

The Punt kick was now banned in WWE - and like unprotected chair shots to the face is

due to WWE's Concussion Awareness program - presumably fearing that a botched Punt Kick

could give someone more than just a major headache.

"Hospital" We all know the score here.

A Sports Entertainment Superstar gets "injured" on TV, but he or she is not sent to a hospital

or an a clinic, but instead the more family friendly "local medical facility".

Which, you know, sounds way better and natural than "hospital".

Why say say three syllables when you can say nine?

Surely that's three times better?

Brainbuster If you want to see the brainbuster in a wrestling

show, get yourself a visa and head to Japan, because they give them away like seats to

Monday Night Raw over there.

This one's another for the "could be really dangerous and explode heads if done wrong"

category.

The move, done correctly, doesn't actually drop people on their heads, as the Sports

Entertainment Performer moves at the last moment to drop their opponent on their backs

instead.

But not everyone is that talented unfortunately, and accidents do happen.

So, WWE took the decision to ban the move entirely, because people sue you if your company

is involved with their head injuries.

"Belt" It's a championship, a title, a waist ornament,

a shiny trouser holder, but it's most certainly not a belt.

The word is that Vince McMahon decided that calling them Championship Belts sounded like

a piece of clothing and therefore the word "belt" could not be used to describe a

championship title.

The same goes for the word "strap".

By all accounts, WWE does not want their championships to be given generic names, so belt and strap

are big no nos.

In fact when Goldberg won the Universal Championship he accidentally used the word "belt" in

an interview and felt the need to correct himself telling Edge and Christian on their

podcast, "I took the belt, pardon me.

I took the title, the Universal title.

Yeah, I forgot a lot of things in 13 years.

There's a list of words, man.

I didn't make it up [QUOTE]."

Samoa Joe's Muscle Buster This one is pretty recent as Samoa Joe was

still using the Muscle Buster in his NXT days, but since coming to the main roster it hasn't

seen the light of day.

In his Raw debut, Joe beat Roman Reigns with a Uranage slam and has moved to putting people

away with the Coquina Clutch - well, when he can get a win anyway - prompting people

to speculate that the move had been banned by Vince McMahon on the main roster.

The timeline for this one is quite spotty, but many point to Joe ending the career of

Tyson Kidd with the move on an NXT house show in 2015, prompting Hall of Famer and serial

moaner Bret Hart to say the move was "extremely dangerous" [QUOTE] and even compared the

move to Owen Hart breaking Austin's neck in 1996.

Or maybe Vince just didn't want people to remember the awesome show Ultimate Muscle

which is where the name was taken from.

He's more of Dragon Ball man, you see.

"Fans" WWE doesn't have fans.

And I'm not talking about their dwindling attendance or ratings numbers.

No, WWE doesn't have merely "fans", they've managed to amass an entire UNIVERSE

of people who sometimes go to their shows.

Not in massive numbers, of course.

And they even named a Belt Strap after them, which was a lovely tribute, even if it is

red, cartoony, and horrible - just like Oli Davis' piles.

Commentators are banned from calling WWE fans "fans", as you'll have noticed when

super-wrestle-stars brawl into the seating area around ringside.

They're not brawling into the fans, they're brawling into the WWE Universe.

Or the NXT Universe if it's a TakeOver show.

Does 205 Live have a 205 Universe?

This all stems from Vince McMahon's desires to brand things in WWE.

That's why wrestlers are "superstars", why female wrestlers used to be called "divas"

and why - for a while - the ECW brand called their Sports Entertainers "extremists"

in a way to separate them from the Raw and Smackdown "superstars" and "divas".

I'm sure to Vince it all made sense at the time.

Like when he won the ECW Championship.

"Title Shot" Gone are the days of British Bulldog storming

around Manchester Evening News Arena asking Vince McMahon "where's my title shot",

as nowadays Super Sports Entertainment WrestleRoos don't win number one contender ships or

earn title shots - and instead are given "championship opportunities".

Because this isn't a real sport.

It's a corporate world full of corporate speak.

They may as well call in-ring segments meetings where they go through blue sky thinking.

Maybe they could talk about their Key Performance Indicators or take things offline as the meeting

is getting sidetracked by Dana Brooke's never ending Powerpoint slides of charts taking

us through the company growth year on year.

She really was a good statistician, but core blimey did her presentations go on and on.

Anyway, don't say title shot.

Seth Rollins' Curb Stomp It's not just the word, but for a while

the move itself was banned.

According to Seth Rollins following his WWE Belt Strap Championship Title Shot win at

WrestleMania 31 where he cashed in his Money in the Bank contract briefcase - oh yeah the

word Briefcase is also banned in WWE - he was told to stop using his Curb Stomp finisher

- which is when Seth transitioned into using the Triple H approved Pedigree.

The move made its return to screens this year, but with the Curb part of Curb Stomp removed

from commentator lexicon.

Presumably because Vince doesn't want the move associated with, well, the gruesome act

of curb stomping people IRL.

In his indie days as Tyler Black, the move was called the 'Black Out', which WWE

somehow found too gimmicky, and have simply called it 'The Stomp; because like Ronseal,

it does exactly what it says on the tin...maybe not a joke for our American audience.

Chris Benoit Following the grizzly and well publicised

double-murder-suicide in 2007, WWE banned any mention of Chris Benoit or his accomplishments

in WWE or elsewhere in their libraries.

This means that Randy Orton's first World Championship win is essentially missing from

the record books, as is the main event of WrestleMania XX.

Although his matches are still available to watch on the WWE Network, you'll notice

that the white dots which take you to the start and end of a match are missing - leaving

a lot of large gaps in many 2000 era PPVs.

In fact the description for Fully Loaded 2000 - where Chris Benoit challenged The Rock for

the WWF Championship simply reads: "The Great One The Rock defends the WWE Title".

Sure it's not a belt?

This is perhaps the least surprising entrant on the list, but Benoit really has become

the Voldemort of WWE.

I'm going to assume that's a Harry Potter joke.

Andy Datson wrote that bit.

He's such a nerd.

Blading If you want to know why this blading is banned

in WWE, then just have a look at the foreheads of D-Von Dudley or New Jack.

Gross.

The skill of nicking a vein so that you bleed everywhere was widespread and used a lot in

WWE until it was banned at the beginning of the PG Era.

Wrestlers do still bleed, but any blood you see these days is the real thing, and probably

a hell of a lot more painful.

It can be quite problematic, as some matches have been temporarily stopped by refs and

ringside medics so they can seal up any wounds - while the referees put on their latex cloves

of safety.

And while it would be easy to blame the PG era for the lack of blood in WWE, really the

rumoured true villain is Mattel who make WWE's action figures, accessories and other toys.

The word is that when Mattel partnered with WWE they were uninterested in being associated

with a PG-13 product, and Mattel have a track record of putting the kibosh on partnerships

that don't fall in line with their family values.

For example they cancelled a live action Barbie movie in the 1980s for fear that the actor

they cast to play the lead role could one day be involved in something untoward.

As former Mattel president Tom Kalinske once told me in an interview, "If she gets drunk

in public or gets involved in drugs, that hurts the Barbie brand."

Either way.

Blading is bad and WWE don't like it.

They'd much prefer you just use Brock Lesnar's elbow.

[ARROW POINTING UP: WATCH NOW!]

But what are some of the storylines dropped by WWE following the 2018 Survivor Series?

Click the video on screen right now to check those out.

I've been Luke Owen.

For more infomation >> 13 Things BANNED In WWE! - Duration: 12:30.

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肥婆哪來的自信？「曾有人免費包我去韓國整容？」😡【4K Ultra】 - Duration: 18:38.

For more infomation >> 肥婆哪來的自信？「曾有人免費包我去韓國整容？」😡【4K Ultra】 - Duration: 18:38.

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Pawn Stars: Three Trumpet Brass Horn (Season 12) | History - Duration: 2:37.

For more infomation >> Pawn Stars: Three Trumpet Brass Horn (Season 12) | History - Duration: 2:37.

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Ghosts of Highway 20, Episode 1 – MARLENE - Duration: 17:54.

I was convinced early on that we were dealing with a serial killer

and if we really knew the truth

I believe he's probably killed more people in Oregon than probably anybody else

For a predator to be in in in a pen with all the the victims

who knows how many victims he's got?

He had opportunity, when the opportunity presented itself he took advantage of it

I don't know why. Why? Why?

I guess he didn't need a reason

What are the odds of being a prime suspect in all these murders?

It wasn't until later his first victim that I even found out about, about this woman

and that she was still alive

and saying oh man she's lucky to be alive

He's always been a demon in my life

lurking in the back of my head and I found these words that express it very perfectly

it's called "My Darkness Within"

'Some of my demons left me, some are'

'just asleep, a few always travel with me, others haunt me from the deep'

He was one of those

'The little ones are charming, they're allowed to stay'

'the big ones tear me up inside'

'I just wish they'd go away'

I'm sorry

Beginning in the late 1970s, a sinister presence cast a shadow over an isolated

part of Central Oregon. It lurked in the background, ignored or unnoticed

Women, often vulnerable or marginalized, were disappearing

it wasn't until decades later that a reckoning finally came

My name is Noel Crombie and I'm a staff writer for The Oregonian. Over the past

two years I've investigated these crimes and the man who is suspected of

committing them. I've read thousands of pages of police reports, travelled

halfway across the country, interviewed dozens of witnesses

and spent countless hours driving the road along which the killings took place

This is a complicated story that jumps around in time, so throughout this video

series you'll hear from people who were present at the events they described

as well as those who investigated them, in some instances, much later

You'll hear tapes of police interviews that were conducted years after some of the events

they address. You'll learn information that has never before been made public

These are the stories of the ghosts of Highway 20

In 1977 Marlene Gabrielsen was 20 years old. She lived in the small city of

Lebanon, along Highway 20, with her husband and their new baby

One night that June, the young couple dropped their daughter off with a friend so they could

spend the night at the Sister's Rodeo

I was underage, shouldn't have been drinking, and I got angry about something

now I can't even remember, so stupid, that I just walked off and said, "Fine, I'm gonna go home"

She asked around for a ride and

eventually a man with a pickup offered to take her home to Lebanon, about 80 miles away

I thought there was nothing wrong, I'd be safe it wasn't that far

from home. I didn't even look around inside the vehicle, all I knew it was

just a beat-up old truck and I was going home to my kid

The man with the old truck was John Arthur Ackroyd

Ackroyd was in his late twenties and lived in Sweet Home

He'd recently returned to the area after getting out of the Army, and

was working for a local welding company, though within a year he'd be employed by

the state as a highway mechanic. That night, he took Marlene west, toward

Lebanon on Highway 20, a road he knew well

I noticed that there was no like covers on the doors

there was no handles, and no roll-you-down thing

I sat in the passenger seat and didn't even think, didn't even faze me

that this was a trap

Highway 20 twists and turns as it winds from Sisters to Lebanon, carving its way

through mountainsides covered in dense evergreen forest. It's a sleepy stretch

of road with little development and few landmarks, and it's dark at night

Exits lead to logging roads or campgrounds, and quickly disappear into the brush

I fell asleep, well, passed out. I woke up with my head banging on the seat and the

edge of the outside of the truck door, he had grabbed me by my ankles and just

yarded me out of there like I was just a rag dolly. And then he picked me up by

by the back of my neck and my hair and threw me up against this like a little

hill, I felt like I was in a hollow, because it was, I remember it was

beautiful because it was all green, and little flowers blooming, little tiny ones

First thing I thought of was how can you be hurt in this kind of beauty?

He grabbed this knife out of a coffee can, that's where he kept his buck knife,

the big knife he held to my throat. He put the knife to my throat, and told me I was

going to do everything he said, and I said, "Yes, I will" and he stuck the knife in the

ground next to me, he grabbed the front of my pants, belt and all, and ripped my pants

straight down all the way down the front of my legs, and then he gets his knife

and starts cutting off my boots. I just kept thinking, just close your eyes, but

I kept, um, and just let it happen

He would grab my face like this and, because I would turn my head and he

would make it, "Open your eyes, look at me"

Yeah, so I had to look at him

And I did. He got done doing what he wanted and he kind of stood over me and

looked at me, all, you know standing over me with a hand on his hip

wiping his sweat away, you get treated like that

and you don't even feel human, I just laid there and kind of wanted just to

seep into the earth, just take my body, and renew, bring new life in, something

that's much happier than I am at this moment

He was gonna, going toward his truck

and getting his keys in his pockets and I said, "Okay, you're just gonna leave

me here buck-ass naked?" I, I didn't want him to stay

but I didn't want to be naked out in the woods. I think he started gathering up my clothes,

what was left there because he didn't want to leave anything, my boots and, and

all that stuff he ripped off of me, I just had my jacket on and a little

t-shirt top. He goes, "Now do I, what do I do with you?"

I go, "You take me home," he goes, "I don't know," and let me tell ya, I was talking real

fast, real low and real sweet

Because evidently I wanted to live

I had a brand-new baby and a new husband

Ackroyd agreed to take Marlene home that night. Her jeans had been torn during the

rape, so he gave her a pair of dirty pants. On the drive she did all she could

to keep him at ease, knowing a rifle and hunting knife were within easy reach

I didn't want to make him angry, and he asked me if I'd be his girlfriend

and I looked down and I see that coffee can with the knife in it and I said yes

I had him take me, take me to my husband's mother's house

got on the porch and just start pounding on the door, he left immediately, just

just left. She goes, "Oh my god, what happened to you?"

I had bushes, twigs in my hair, she goes, "You need to get in the bathtub right now"

and I said, "No, I can't get in the bathtub right now, I've just been raped"

She wanted me to wash him off

No. I wasn't gonna wash him off. I'd hold that shit in until they got him

He will be in trouble once the police come and help me

I did go to the hospital and had a rape kit done

then I took my shower

Marlene's rape kit showed vaginal swelling and bruising and abrasions on

her back and legs. She went to police and showed them her

pants, which had been torn from the crotch to her ankles, her underwear, which

had been cut with a knife, and her slashed boots

Despite this physical evidence, police were skeptical. They interviewed Marlene

several times, focusing on minor inconsistencies in her story. They had

her take a polygraph and concluded she was not telling the truth

Ultimately, they declined to pursue the case

I always thought that

that's why these people get paid, to protect you. They care, that's what I

thought, they care about you. All the system was put in place to protect

people. Not judge them, by who you're married to, what color your skin is

They made me feel like a smelly drunken native. So I just shrank, it's just

another something that I went in my little life, in my young days

I let my guard down and I was so angry, so angry. If they would only had listened to me

and you know I feel guilty sometimes, if they would've just listened to me

it could have all been avoided

all of it

Marlene was a vulnerable young woman whose assault by a stranger should have

provoked outrage and a demand for justice. Instead, her account was

disbelieved, deepening her sense of trauma. The implications of law

enforcement's failure to believe Marlene and aggressively pursue Ackroyd would be

felt along Highway 20 for decades. She was his first known victim

Maybe, if police had listened to her, she would have been his last

They were supposed to put this man somewhere

where he could not hurt anyone else

look what happens

look what happens

I hear I'm the only freaking survivor