The Truth of Who You Really Are
by Cristina Valenzuela
I Am, Therefore I Think: The Truth of Who You Really Are
I think, therefore I am. ~ Ren� Descartes
What goes through your mind when you read the famous statement above written by the
great philosopher Descartes? You might feel curious, thoughtful, reverent. You might be
in absolute agreement, or you might be completely confused!
If you�re like me, you might somehow feel that there is much more to this statement
than reducing all human existence and our individual sense of �self� to our ability
of forming thoughts. In my understanding, this declaration by Descartes is only one
half of the equation, for the next logical step would be to inquire: Who is using the
mind to create these thoughts and then shape them into ideas and judgments? Who is the
�self� experiencing these thoughts? And if thoughts were to cease momentarily, would
�I� stop existing?
In our journey of Self-Exploration the very first step in the understanding of our �selves�
is the process of self-inquiry. To be authentic and to be true to ourselves, first we must
find out which �self� we are referring to. For example, is your true self the one
that gets angry at your boss? Is it the impatient one in the traffic? Perhaps your true self
is the one that is loving and kind with your family? Or the one that gets depressed at
the state of the world?
Are you all of these parts of your �self� combined? Are you none of them? Who are �you�?
The concept of the �self� might turn out to be a bit more elusive than we initially
presumed. In this article, we will attempt to explore a variety of different angles that
reveal who we believe our �selves� to be, and reflect back only that which remains.
WHO ARE YOU?
This is a simple question, and yet it is at the very core of all self-understanding. This
question turns your attention from the external world to the internal world. For example:
Who is the one who hears what you hear? Who is the one who experiences your thoughts?
Your emotions? Your senses?
If I were to ask you �Who are you?�, you might reply: �I am Mary Jones.� However,
if I was to write down the words �Mary Jones� on a piece of paper and present them to you,
would you agree with me that you are those words? Of course not! Why? Because you use
those words to represent your collection of life experiences. You might say instead: �I�m
the daughter of Frederic Jones�. However, now you�re representing yourself in relation
to another person, but if that person were to die, would you vanish from existence also?
You might then proceed to tell me you were born in 1988 in England, your parent�s names,
your religious beliefs, the names of your childhood friends, first boyfriend, and so
forth. And yet these are only a series of facts � a story if you will � but they
don�t really tell me who you are, only how you came to be here and all of your past experiences.
Eventually, it becomes very clear that we have all grown up believing that we are the
objective manifestations of our true selves, rather than being the subjective manifestations
of them. This might sound confusing, so let me better illustrate it:
Imagine that I was to put you into a completely empty cinema the moment you were born and
constantly projected a film onto the movie screen. In the cinema it�s completely dark
and you can�t see your body at all. There is no one else in the cinema to acknowledges
your existence. However in the movie, the characters begin talking to the camera, so
it appears they are talking to you. Not only that, but in this cinema you can also experience
the senses of �sight�, �touch�, �smell� and �sound� so that you are completely
absorbed inside the movie.
There�s also a voice in the background that is narrating what is occurring in the film
and you have complete control over that voice.
For us in our own lives it is so easy for us to momentarily forget who we are when we
watch movies � imagine the above example! It�s very easy to see how we can absorb
ourselves so much into the movie of our lives using all of our five senses, and an inner
narrator that we can control. This forces us to believe that we are the movie being
projected onto the screen of the world, rather than being the person sitting in the chair
watching it.
It is this narrator who is responsible for so much of our loss of self.
THE ETERNAL ECHO WITHIN There�s a simple experiment I like to try
with people. Look at a clock for a whole minute and try not think at all.
Mostly likely you�ll find this extremely difficult. At some point during this brief
experiment, a thought in the form of a voice will pop into your head � this is your narrator
who will most likely say something along the lines of: �This is stupid. Has a minute
passed yet?� �Oh no, stop thinking! Ahh!� The narrator in your head might even think:
�You�re wrong, I have no voice in my head�.
The daily reality of our lives is that this voice � our narrator � never seems to
shut up. It even answers itself: �Should I check my email now? No, it�s only been
half an hour since the last time I checked�. But have you ever questioned why this narrator
is constantly present in your life? Who decides what it is going to say? And how truthful
is it in its judgments of the external world?
It is quite a startling realization for many of us to become aware of this voice. It�s
almost like encountering a mentally ill person who asks a question out loud and then answers
it by himself.
Of course, we do have conscious control over what this voice is saying when we choose to
be aware of it for practical reasons like recalling information, for example: �What
time did I have the doctor appointment? Oh that�s right, at 3pm�. However most of
the time, this voice, this narrator, is a nagging echo in the back of our minds. Most
of the time we aren�t aware that it is filling our life experiences with useless judgments,
for instance: �Look at the flower in that garden, it�s so beautiful.� But who made
that assessment? You. And who is listening to that assessment? You as well. You already
know that the flower is beautiful, but by verbalizing your judgement of it in your mind,
you remove your attention from the real flower and on to the thoughts you create about that
flower.
We waste very large parts of our existences experiencing life through our thoughts, instead
of directly experiencing life. This is important to remember, as an essential part of our journey
of self-growth is to realize we aren�t the voice that we identify with, but the experiencer
of that voice. And while this inner voice, or narrator, does have a survival purpose
in that it provides us with a sense of control and comfort, in doing so, it also creates
many of our problems.
The truth is that what we perceive as problematic in life has nothing to do with life, and everything
to do with our minds. Our minds, in order to feel safe in this world, use the voice
in our heads, our narrators, as a way to feel in control. We walk down the street, and our
voices continue to narrate the world around us: �Look at that black kitten, it�s so
cute. There�s a sketchy looking guy coming towards me, I better cross the street. I wonder
how old that house is?� Everything around us is now known and safe.
In this very way of trying to control the reality around us, our inner voices go on
creating future expectations and desires from the world that are not always met, as well
as fears and worries about the present moment that are entirely based on assumptions, and
attachments to past traumas that don�t exist anymore.
Soon we don�t live and flow with present moment existence anymore, but instead live
in an internal world re-created by the mind. Eventually we discover that reality doesn�t
abide by the laws of our perception, and the moment our perceptions from our �dream worlds�
and reality overlap, we begin to suffer.
GROWING BEYOND THE ECHO
To truly grow out of our need to control and resist the world depends on the strength of
that voice within us. The more aware we are of this voice � this inner narrator and
its affect on life � the more we progress in soulful maturity, experiencing true self-growth.
I want you to stop and ask yourself a question for a few moments: When was the last time
you were entirely happy with your life, and how long did it last? Often we find that once
a problem in our lives is solved, another one lies just over the horizon, so we never
truly feel as though we�ve arrived at our final destination of happiness, and therefore
we never really feel at home or feel whole.
So how can you practically apply what you have read in this article? Well, the moment
you experience what you perceive as a problem don�t immediately try to find a way to fix
it. Instead, use the problem as an opportunity for self-exploration and inquire: �What
aspect within me is disturbed and resisting this, and why?� You could also ask: �What
part of me is angry about this? Why am I jealous and insecure? Why do I dislike this person
so much?� Once you�ve identified the part within you that is resisting the situation,
inquire further:
�Who is the one that is angry/jealous/disdainful?� Obviously if you are experiencing the feeling,
then you must be separate from that feeling and it cannot be �you�.
Creating this distancing between who you think you are and who you really are is essential
in order to experience true freedom.
The truth is that you have no control over the external world but you do have control
over your internal world that perceives the external world. Remember that �you� are
not your thoughts, judgements or feelings. What �you� are is limitless. �You�
are the experiencer experiencing.
Victory of the Light!
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