canto 27
what we need is surety—that we are walking the wrong direction
so then we'll know without a doubt the world is insane
save us from our greater love blinding us to the pain we cause the ones who never existed
to feel or rather not to exist at all
because no matter where in the world you go you'll find nothing but sadness at all
and we are more deceived than those tricked into willful murder
the day iran set off the bomb eyes glued to the television
the day we took the mark of the beast we lay there sound asleep
and when we lose our mortal souls and hell is our destiny
there will be no one to pour a single drop on our burning tongues
the day isis slit our throats we sat in the classroom we drank our wine
the day all knowledge was destroyed forgetting everything then and now
it is impossible to feel all we want is to sleep with beautiful celebrities
selena gomez takes the stage singing childhood songs
about the holy roman church it firmly believes professes and preaches
that all those outside the catholic church not only pagans but also jews or heretics
and schismatics cannot share in eternal life
but will go into the everlasting fire that was prepared for the devil and his angels…
and unless i am joined to the church before the end
of my life i will never see her face again the dogs then slit her throat
as she screamed that we'll be together forever forever, forever never ends
too long a time to be away from her— too long a time to reap what i have sown
all the stories we read in books like drowned out spirits
will never come true or save our souls and all i think about is
the way a woman moves on the dancefloor the way her body feels in bed
the way our children will never learn never hear the truth
a thousand scattered thoughts a bible
with all its pages torn
a world of disenchantment
the last day of
high school a nation we
never thought would burn picture frames that will never be filled
brother peter dimond when we walk the path to hell
i want to walk alone
all of the words from all of the books— filled with nothing but erroneous
phrases promises that would never come true
oh dear father! michael müeller
in a photograph priest of a forgotten religion
wielded divine authority "whose sins you forgive
are forgiven and whose sins
you retain are retained"
bless me for i have sinned— i want to feel more than her body father
i want to pierce her soul but we don't know where we are
the "duped members of the counterfeit church" every single day
there are no stars that guide their path none of their dreams come true
natalie never leaves me night or day like drug induced ecstasy
the children we will only see in the invisible
kingdom but we have no life
i thought by now the world would end but i still live and breathe
the torture we feel with every breath just to take it in
the stars you saw don't exist at all all of them have burned & died
and natalie and i escape from the world as skies of grey become fields of light
green fields we'll walk through but we will never breathe
just die and rise again we will not reap what we sow
in the toronto apartment the world is too quiet
and i am overcome speechless at the sound of the riot
that fills the streets
we are all different kinds of people
i come home and see pat robertson
on the television receiving new revelation
he predicted a terrorist attack but he is a false prophet
natalie gabler taught me all i know about forever
she drifts through this world trying to make it as best she can
even though she's been handed the shortest stick
people wanted control like
joseph smith
a new unverified belief system don't question what you're told
we've had our joy stolen from us
there will be no one to speak to in this pain
i recognize the angels of light as venomous
from the lowest circle of hell
i will pray the 15 decades every day and for those 15 years
i know the night will slip away and i will feel her touch me
a true miracle of unity an end to all of the schisms
one day i will have my revenge one day i will be far from here—
far from ontario a spiritual desert the void the darkest place
i reject every politician
"there's not much time left in the world sarah—"
and we are at the tail end of
the epic story but there are no heroes no saints
at the end we are the very last ones
"it's all gone" as if we were lost somewhere
orbiting the earth where we have clear view
of all of the wars all of the heartache
but never will set foot on earth again
when the bombs go off when we forget who god is
the way the truth
the life the eucharist
the risen christ
and we will go to our deaths there are no more prophets
we will leave ourselves behind all that's left is time alone
in a mental hospital where i spent my better days
my only days with you and the same cast of characters
flooded our lives projected on the screen
i remember i was here three whole years ago
and not a day goes by when i don't think about
what no one cares about
i remember falling in love so many years ago
but i am convinced it was a dream and she does not exist
i remember seeing the painting on the wall of the horses on the farm
and it fills me with tears to see it again - -we are still damned to hell
where there will be no peace or joy and nothing will convince me
that you are right and i am wrong
i want to take the pieces apart the most important moments of my life
take the snapshot pictures and distort them to the point
that they become unrecognizable
i want to warp the sound bites into a symphony
that you will hear and it will testify against you
on the last day
where are all the freethinkers those who love to speak out?
there's not a single soul
and who will save us when all the saints are gone?
it won't be me
and on that retreat years ago i saw katie crying
sobbing for all of her sins that god can't bring himself to forgive
she cried because she hurt you so much she committed sins no one could ever forgive
she wasn't there for you in your darkest moments
we are expended every day we are lost never to return home again
when i was twenty years old— when all our plans failed
to take us to the foreign and exotic lands far away from here
we made a promise to each other in my bedroom, skin against skin
and mother of god save me
save me from my unforgivable sins have i blasphemed the holy spirit?
taking pills to make the pain go away and she said
why do you feel so much torment? you're so young you remind me
of my last boyfriend who was also a christian
and our pasts are lost forever if we don't repeat them in our minds
and i still want to leave this lecture hall
still want to repent of all my sins but there are no priests to hear them
holy catholic priests— all of them are dead
ten years go by, we are alone and i'm not worth your time
but your sins will never be forgiven
i met her in the chapel four whole years ago
before i knew how to live on my own
before the world became consumed in flames
of forgotten ecstasy when isis was not threatening
every moment of our lives
i was sitting next to patricia
and i remember what she said about walt whitman
and how i told her i'm going to write like him some day
creating a snapshot of the world my sour and daily life
(tom duesterhaus is my only teacher who still teaches me
from the other side the nature of verse
the unfulfilled rhyme of death ever present verbiage
of those who clamor for their place in hell)
but patricia never knew we'll perish in the flames
and not only us but anyone who follows in our footsteps
she never responded to my text two whole years ago
i wonder if what we do will matter in the next few hundred years
here everything we do is worthless no change will come from tears
slamming the spellman high
school locker shut
another day to just complain
all of the words i'll never say when i'm not with her
all the days that never materialize when we don't breathe harmoniously
the bullshit that they put us through redemption never wins
blood across the concrete i'll never be myself again
no one at all read the poem
i wrote at the end of 10th grade
all the things i think about the kind of nightmares that flooded my
childhood dreams the way natalie smiles the way she walks away
we will not escape from the weeping and gnashing of teeth
this is because of the charity we will never have
and that charity is god
my rosary beads in hand no more words of joy
no more kiss of peace
there will be no more god
more torture here than laughter here in the end
love poems no one will ever read at the end of the world
your body so far from mine but your blood mingles with mine
still here
lead me to your calm shores
… the day we give ourselves away
the ones we cannot bring ourselves to forgive
i need to hear your voice
we became dead in vindication we are never healed
never will drink from the cup of our salvation on
our wedding day as the sunlight lays upon the altar
the ever present lord is nowhere present in our lives
we love the stars we cannot reach
we burn the saints at the stake
we never let them live
i sit alone on the high school floor
i pretend that i can touch your soul
we live each day so deceived blinded by the god of this world
if i even could express it you'll never know how i feel
you're my beloved it's not hard to fall in love
when others cannot seem to slow down
step outside and breathe it out feel the wind
against your skin the tear drops like the rain
i give myself away; i sleep on
the concrete floor the sunlight piercing through
and we will sing in harmony
until we recognize how beautiful we
are
and i put up with this bullshit too
and we are not alive and we walk
through the valley of the shadow
of regret
deceived victimized totally blameless
sleep outside and drink it whole feel the time
whither your skin away the city is no longer here
which you strove all your life to find but no longer exists
maybe one day when i stand in some imaginary city skyline
or in the church yard or in my bedroom;
my only sanctuary i will be able to see
the world the way it is and walk to a new and supernatural realm
i read the news again they found the cure for cancer
and a cure for alcoholism too an end to the wars in liberia
where we lived in slums and died in vain
a tragic end to ignorance and hatred burned until it could exist no
more we took control steering the way
clear to our new destiny we don't know what we've done
we never will be free as long as my heart is beating
it's pagan and diseased
we've never been in more need of being saved than we are here today
i cried out for help when my sister died pacing across the bedroom floor
but even if she was brought back to life my pagan heart would beat the same
there are still problems no one will solve there will be days when we will cry out
for help but no one will even hear
in syria war will never end and when the world burns
in nuclear fire "love is my religion" – i am cleansed
by it
jourdan takes the stage; filling everyone with rage with not much time left to live
they signed our souls away and no one will speak again
the lovers will never exchange their vows again
we are living through the end of the world and we can't change at all
what happens in the future any more than we can alter the past
and one day we will realize that anyone who tries to separate us
has committed themselves to sinfulness more bold
than destroying the entire world
and all i think about is high school all i think about is sitting here alone
writing my thoughts—condemning the universe to your very face
we wake up every day and go to spellman and i am struck with a chill a sudden coldness
as the bus rolls on; there are no words to say
i walk through those doors but no one knows i am not transparent
i am simply a ghost no one can see at all drowning in these hallways
sitting down alone rosary beads in hand they walk by, i'm dying inside
ten years later and i will never see those faces again
and the simple math i never learned that when natalie isn't here
i am still alone
i hit a wall i bang my head against it
i punch it 'til my hands bleed
there will be no place safe no one is safe
we're all dead
no one has authority our life purpose lost
trapped in a cage that we can't see led and fed to lions
willingly like sheep to the slaughter sacrificing our own daughters
there is nothing sweet there is no one kind
i am the last of my kind new york city has lost its spark
we are far from glorified we are victimized daily
"take up your cross and follow me"
the international church of christ all hypocrites
proselytizing mesmerizing
falling victim to their own traps
struggling each day to pay the rent we don't have anywhere to go
the rhythm of a drum set at the late night concert
representing the beat of our hearts the torture we put ourselves through
how we never could sleep peacefully or enjoy a single moment of our lives
fretting over every wrong
we hung up the phone at the end of the world "you don't know how beautiful you are"
we put words in the mouth of god we vanished on the day of mourning
because you cannot see what i see you cannot feel what i feel against my skin
and more than just my skin it penetrates my soul and every atom of me
every breath of mine exists because of you
the riot we started has begun and i will not be merciful at all
to the ones who stole charity from the face of the earth
it's only hard to hold on when you have a roof over your head
and food to eat each day and every night
but in reality we have nothing when we have these things
we will not understand until we lose these things
until we shut the door to the better part of our lives
because every time we choose a path all the others die
and we speak for god can you see the kingdom come?
it isn't far from this dorm room where we sat and talked for hours
i will never ask anything from you
except to know for sure that you have this charity
too
the night we stayed up together reading poetry
walt whitman speaks to me and here we are alone
what is reality and time passing but a moment that will soon be gone?
as soon as it appears the next instant will replace it
and we are drowned out although when we sat on the floor
reading poetry i knew i could not go on or breathe or even
be satisfied with our present grip on reality
because i know that every picture i see is beautiful
every word i hear is true we are numb with contradiction
all i think about is you
because we'd lose our sanity if we repeatedly think about this
we need to lose our sanity we need to retain our first kiss
with the only lover we will ever know
blind we cannot see her no one knows where she is or where
she goes
i have much to say and all we need are scriptures or at least reassuring words
that we know where we are going
and we read those lyrics on those nights we were too afraid to die alone
we'll die so young every one of us we'll journey but never find our home
but there is no weight you have which i do not carry myself
the barrenness of what you strive every single day
to bring forth to take for yourself
the small room that you will never leave
the words no one will force you to say and your feet have grown roots
i've stood here like a tree long enough
we are lectured by the politicians who never lifted a finger
to help us
who do not care about the past the long lost lovers
who will never walk the face of the earth again
those with supernatural faith have become a dying race
we are bound with more than blood we cannot speak
or unravel the twist that's become of our hearts
i want the president to know but she doesn't care about
the twist that complicates us that leads us to tragedy
the power that hammers down on us smashes us to bits and i cannot think
about peace so far from me although for one night we had it
for that night we were free and i still see you next to me
i cannot let go i do not hold on
i pay my respects at sarah's grave she never found any kind of peace
totally stunned at the throbbing pain life brings
god himself abandons us we see what eternity is like for one moment
just to lose it all
i told her we'd get out of this i told her nothing but lies
still staggered cannot stay here will never again move on
i lay the flowers on the tomb flowers that decay
words we lost when the hard drive crashed pictures we will never see
days go by and i am here on the spellman high school floor
all we need to share the pain
to die in the arms of the ones we love we are scattered scarred forever
but we are abandoned in the end
i can only speak for myself
but my wounds will never heal no divine miracle
will ever lift me from this place
poison on the airwaves death comes to us in every work of the imagination
we have dissented from the authoritative magisterium
we have lost our will to continue have fallen prey to mass hysteria
a victim in isolation pulling us down the magic we will never find because it
is now useless and our release from here
is mathematically impossible i never did the arithmetic
the very simple equations
we made our choices in ignorance all of us are guilty
all of our lives are set
all we see are because we cannot remember what it was like
when we were so young so many years ago like the time when i broke my arm
and someone was there to find me to take me home when i was lost in the woods
didn't know where i was
imprisoned to the greed inside wanting to take
back what we lost but taking what belongs to someone else
and i bear the wounds of god i walk the path to hell
to desolation we are not persuaded
that anything at all is true we know nothing
we guard our pockets we never guard our souls
we sell our sisters into prostitution
there is nothing lovely!
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