Hey guys, it's Mahala. Welcome to my channel where I like to talk about
living life with my new normal and chronic illness. Today I wanted to talk
about leaving your job because of chronic illness and five things that we
want you to know. I wanted to start by explaining my situation a little bit. So,
I ended up resigning from an accounting internship that I've been at for like a
year and a few months. And I wanted to talk about that decision and just the
decision we have to make, in general, with chronic illness and working, and all of
that. So first off, the reason I made the decision to resign from my job is because I
just physically couldn't do it anymore. It was just too much. For those of you
that don't know, my brain injury was a year ago and I was off work for about
two months after my brain injury. My plan at first, because I was really in denial:
I was going to go back to school like in the fall of last year like a month and a
half after my brain injury and work 20 hours a week like I had always done. And
once I kind of realized I don't I don't think I could do school and I was like
really overwhelmed, I was going to go back to working 20 hours a week and I
think my first week when I went back was like Labor Day, so I ended up working 16
hours that week. And I was completely overwhelmed and exhausted at 16 hours. so
then, I was like, well maybe we should start at 16 hours, but I thought by the
time the fall was over I'd be back up to full time and I'd be ready to start
school in the spring and continue working.
And obviously that wasn't the case. So I continued working my 16 hours - and I'm
sorry, but like my eyebrow looks really great today - I did try to go back to
school and continue working. I only lasted a few days and that's when we were
like we need to find new doctors, and that's when I kind of looked into
functional neurology, and I've been working with functional neurology ever
since. That's kind of what happened. And as we went through the spring, I was
hoping, you know, I would be able to keep working and go back to school part-time
or full-time in the fall. I'm very optimistic. I kept thinking, you know, that
I could just keep pushing and it will just get better. Anyway, so the decision
to quit my job: This summer I just was still struggling just with working and I
had that other concussion in April. So pretty much since the other concussion,
whatever progress I had made, I felt like it was just stripped away and a lot of
things got worse again. Especially getting overstimulated and overwhelmed
got a lot worse. So I was working still and I would come home and I would just
be completely wiped out. I'd wake up, and I would feel tired, I'd get ready, I'd lay
around a little, because getting ready is exhausting enough, but I would still feel
okay. I would go to work, and some days I would start getting a headache at 30
minutes, and other days I would make it two or three hours, but I rarely made it
a day without getting a really bad headache. So, sometimes it was so severe I
just wanted to cry. All the lights, people coming in out of the office, people
talking, people clicking their keyboards, just like really gave me a headache
everyday. And aside from that I have like fatigue issues from my brain injury and
POTS. My heart rate sometimes is like SuperDuper flippin high,
and even resting sometimes. I'll have like episodes where it'll be really high and
it just wasn't going well. By the time I get home, I would begin so much pain, I
would be exhausted, I would just lay on the couch for hours before I even felt
like I was okay enough to get up and make food. Even making food in the
microwave was a struggle. And I was just, I could barely get anything else done. I
was lucky to get through work. I could barely get the chores done. A lot of
times Nick would end up picking up stuff even though it was my turn to do it.
because I just couldn't. I think the problem is, that I went back to work too
soon in the first place. Two months was way too soon. I just kept pushing because
that's the way I've always done life. I just pushed and pushed and pushed and
push and just push and push and push and that's always worked. But there's some
things you just can't push through. Chronic Illness and Brain Injury, you
can't push through those things. It just gets worse. You just break your body down
further and further and further and it ends up being worse in the long run.
So if you're just watching this and you just had an injury or you're just
getting sick now, like take it easy now. I think it makes it a lot worse down the
road when you don't take that time in the beginning. Because I just kept
pushing and pushing till I couldn't push anymore and here we are. Anyway, resigning
from my job was the last thing I wanted to do. I was in tears about it, bawling my
eyes out, but I really felt like I had no other choice. Especially if I want to try
to get through my degree at all. There's no way I can handle both of those things
together. So five things we want you to know about having to leave jobs due to
chronic illness. Number 1. We are not lucky. Everyone has this big idea in
their head that when people are not working, because they're sick or they're
on disability or whatever that their life is so easy. That they just sit
around and do whatever they want, and watch TV,
and blah blah blah, and go out, and do fun stuff. That's not how it works!
Like it is not fun staying at home all day. It's not fun being so fatigued and
in so much pain that you can barely get off the couch. It's not fun when even
washing the dishes is a struggle. And it's not fun, when the smallest amount of
sound and light completely overwhelms your brain, and the only thing that helps
is laying in a pitch-black, quiet, silent room for hours.
None of that is fun and we're not lucky for dealing with it. Number 2. Chronic
Illness is a full-time job. It takes so much effort to organize all the
medication, keep up on prescription refills, doing all your different
therapies, your at-home exercises, having several doctor appointments a
week, taking the time to prepare for all those doctor's appointments,
researching other treatment options, trying to understand your illness, and if
you're still in the diagnosis phase, searching for a doctor who is at least
slightly educated on your condition, so they can diagnose you and at least start
treatment. None of that is including all the time spent dealing with the symptoms
themselves! Which is most of the time. It's hard enough to just exist. Number
3. We would much rather be at work. We would much rather be healthy and well
enough to be productive. And we likely look back on our working days very
fondly, because that was a time when we were able to at least get out of the
house and interact with people. Number 4. Our self-worth is affected. We're
conditioned our whole life growing up, that working is what gives us value. I
personally have been working since I was fifteen. And we grow up hearing healthy
people talk down on those who aren't working, having absolutely no clue how
hard life actually is [with Chronic Illness]. And Chronic Illness alone often takes away our
self-worth, because of not being able to do what we used to do, to help out the
way we were able to help out with things, having to ask for help. But that's a whole
another video. Number 5. Often, leaving our job is the last thing we want to do.
But we have no other option. I know it's hard to imagine being so sick that even
16 hours a week completely runs your body to the ground and causes symptoms
to flare up like fireworks on the fourth of July, but that's just the way it is.
Try to imagine the time in your life where you felt the absolute worst. Maybe you
had the flu. Maybe you were sleeping all day, felt really sick, nauseous, maybe you
were getting sick, having stomach problems . . .
Now, imagine dealing with that plus 50 more symptoms every day and not knowing
if and when it will ever end. [Often knowing that it won't.] I mean, before my Brain Injury, I was
working full-time in the summer, taking three summer classes, and I still had a
very colorful, fun social life. And now, working 16 hours a week is all I could
do and I couldn't really do that, I just tried to force myself to the point where
I couldn't do it anymore. It just gets to the point where it becomes impossible.
There are some things in life you can't push through, and sickness is one of them.
That is why I left my job due to my chronic illnesses and conditions. And
those are five things that we want you to know. Thanks for watching and please
leave comments down below and tell me about your experience leaving your job
or how things are going for you in that area. And feel free to subscribe for more
videos ,if you like this. That's it for now. And remember, even when it feels like
your world is falling apart, everything is going to be okay.
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