Alright, let's try this...
Hi! :)
*Clears throat*
...hope I don't waste too much tiiiime...
Ow...! >_<
...well that's ONE way to start a video ;)
*Clear throat*
Alright.
...take 3...-_-
I'm a Filippino rocker.
I'd say I'm Emo,
Punk,
or Goth, but
I'm all those,
...and all those styles embody rock music.
I may be Filippino, but..
*Long awkward pause*
...being born in the United States,
I've been exposed to American Culture
more often than my own.
Though I AM well aware of the beliefs and customs of the Filippino Culture,
I've only been to the Philippines ONCE in my life,
which was about 7 years ago.
Plus,
I don't listen to Filippino music.
Maybe every once in awhile I will, but
I no longer have a preference for music I don't understand the words to...
...well...
...I DID when "phased out" during puberty,
but...I'll get into that later.
(It's also quite ironic how I don't understand the language that comes to my race, isn't it?)
It's not like foreign music is bad though.
There ARE some foreign language songs
that are deep and beautiful when translated to English.
But it's not just the words that count,
it's also the music itself.
Sometimes,
the tune is too catchy to dislike.
For example,
The song Dragostea Din Tei
by O-Zone is in Romanian,
Yet,
it's so popular even though there aren't a lot of people
(that I know of)
in the United States
that speak Romanian.
There's also the song Caramelldansen by Caramell
Caramellldansen was
widely assumed to be in Japanese
solely because the music video was Anime.
It's acutally in Swedish.
Again, the words may not be comprehensible, but the tune is catchy enough.
I guess the basis of my personality
is the music I listen to.
But then again,
one's taste of music develops depending on their experiences,
so...
...in hindsight,
my life has a huge influence on my personality and my identity.
When I was little,
I didn't have many friends.
I had mostly bullies.
When I look back at those memories, I realize EVERYONE was my enemy.
Race or gender didn't play a part in who bullied me.
I was almost LITERALLY bullied by ANYONE and EVERYONE.
All that rage has made me who I am today.
I wouldn't exactly say I'm THANKFUL for the bullies,
but they made me who I am today.
Now, I'm comfortable in my own skin and like myself the way I am.
But,
like I said, I didn't have many friends.
The first one, I remember...
...was in Elementary School,
and, uh, I was friends with this girl named Gina.
She was kind,
quiet,
and cute.
I had a play date with her once, (that's Elementary terms for hanging out)
but...
...for some reason, I felt like something was missing.
I...
...still felt empty.
Like,
there wasn't really...
...a friendly connection between us,
like, there was just NOTHING.
Then there was another girl named Betsy.
I tried to invite her to my house once,
but...
...she got scared and went home
because she was "afraid of foreigners".
*cough*
*RACIST*
*cough*
*cough*
Excuse me.
Looking back at that moment,
I dislike her for being such a wimp,
crying as if she'd just been bullied
solely because she couldn't understand the language spoken at my house.
Then somewhere down the road,
I accidentally knocked over her little brother on the PlayGround.
She got mad and said,
"I'm not your friend anymore!"
no matter how many times I tried to tell her "It was an accident!"
When I look back at the moment
I possibly gave her brother a concussion,
I can't help but think:
Little Miss Betsy got her Karma
for being a Racist MIDGET!!!!
YES, I went that far.
Somewhere around 10 years down the road though,
I got into a car accident.
The car got totaled,
and it wasn't even mine,
it was my mom's.
I can't help but contemplate
a possibility of karma
in that car accident,
pun intended, I suppose,
but that's another story...
...about the previous story though,
the one where I could've landed
Baby Boy Betsy
in the hospital,
I'm not sure if it can be considered an accident.
What happened was:
I saw him standing by a tree,
and I didn't realize he was only 3 years old.
The boy looked directly at me,
and I assumed he saw me coming
so he'd get outta the way,
(I guess I was sort of a brat for not even slowing down)
so I kept running.
When I realized he wasn't going to move,
it was too late.
I was sprinting on a downhill slope,
so I couldn't stop.
I was, uh
I remember I was playing some sorta tag game with my peers,
(even though they weren't my friends,
or at least I didn't see them that way.
I mean, I TRIED to see them that way,
but...
...there was just something...
...missing.)
And then I hit him.
Come to think of it,
maybe it was MY fault I was bullied.
I wouldn't exactly say my family was rich,
but
we definitely had a lot of money.
My parents bought me a copy
of almost every Disney Princess movie
you can think of.
Me being an only child,
they got me almost everything I wanted,
making me really bratty.
But...
I can't really blame my parents
for wanting to please their child.
So,
in hindsight,
I don't think there really is anyone to blame for my bullies.
I mean, after all,
it can happen to anyone.
You don't HAVE to be as bratty as I was
when I was little to get bullied.
You can be a totally nice guy,
whilst
getting constantly bullied
AND beat up
by the "cool kids".
Heck, you can even be too nice.
Sometimes, people will take advantage of you if you are.
Anyhow,
after the "Betsy Incident",
I...
GUESS I decided I wouldn't hang around girls anymore.
Well...
...to be put honestly,
there have been plenty of situations
that caused me to stop...
...uh...
...that caused me to hang around guys
more often than girls,
but that's another story...
...in 4th grade,
I found this group of guys
who I considered to be the weirdos of the school.
I found a place to fit in,
but...
...I still felt...
...empty.
Something...
...wasn't right.
I felt like I wasn't making much of an impression on them.
Maybe I was bullied too much to understand the concept of friendship.
Though they WERE real friends to me, though.
'Cuz,
I remember shooting my last field trip with them on my iPod.
I cherish those memories now,
because after that field trip,
it was all over.
Although I felt empty at the time,
now that I have memories of people I'll never see again, it's like they've died.
I don't know of their statuses since I've lost all contact with them.
All I have left of my middle school buddies are those videos of our final field trip,
our Final Destination, if you will.
(Get the reference?)
A few weeks after that field trip, I moved away from that small town,
entered a LARGE high school,
*ahem*
...entered a LARGE high school, and actually found people to connect with.
People that actually FILLED the void.
At first, I thought it'd be the same as middle school.
Not many friends, but not many bullies either, just...
...just noone.
I thought high school would be simply boring for me.
As a matter of fact, I half-expected to HATE it,
since my dad hated his high school years.
But my dad's high school years are a different story...
As a matter of fact,
it WAS as I thought at first.
Things were kind of quiet...
...until I started wearing a cat ear headband and began flaunting my realistic cat meow.
I became popular in South Elgin High School, and became known as "Kitty".
Looking back at middle school,
and comparing those memories to where I am now,
it's quite ironic
how a kid goes from being bullied so much she doesn't understand the concept of friendship in a small school,
to becoming incredibly popular and liked in a huge school.
It's like going from rags to riches...
...excuse my lack of focus, I have ADHD.
Anyhow, I oughta get back to the main idea:
my old high school.
I had 2 best friends in South Elgin High, Avianna & Joseph.
They were good friends for awhile, until I started dating.
It's not that they were jealous,
(at least they didn't show it),
but,
there WAS this one girl...
...let's call her Sue.
Again,
a lot of my enemies are--
*stumbles upon speech*
I must emphasize again that a lot of the enemies I make tend to be female, but...
...it's not like ALL girls are THAT bad, right?
*clears throat*
Anyhoo, I was NEVER friends with her.
In the beginning, I pretty much just knew who she was.
I just, I just knew she existed and that's it.
After my first breakup, I saw my ex with her.
Obviously, I was jealous and angry, but...
...we settled it eventually.
Then after my second breakup, I saw my SECOND ex with that dirty little wh0r3!
I let it pass off as a smaller mistake the first time, but
the second time around with the SAME GIRL that PISSED ME OFF IN THE BEGINNING...
...for one, it looks suspicious,
and, for two, it pissed me off even more.
I don't want to get into too much detail about the dispute since it cause me to get transferred to another school
(Bartlett High).
It's not like the school I attend now is bad,
I'm just saying I don't want to talk about the situation that got me here.
It's another story anyway...
...anyhow, after my first breakup, I got back into rock music.
At the height of puberty, (ages 11-15 for me)
I was into J-Pop.
I guess after my first heartbreak, I guess I sort of "relapsed".
I guess the only purpose of that first boyfriend was to bring me back to my old self.
After all, our relationship was short-lived,
literally.
We only lasted 3 months.
Even though that relationship is so miniscule to me now,
it's played the second most significant part
in my identity when it comes down to how
my exes have made their marks on me.
(But not to vulgar, mind you!)
He was the one who brought me back to listening to rock music, but...
the who's made the most significant mark on me
was ironically an even shorter relationship that only lasted a weekend.
After the first guy, well...
...I got...
...really depressed and leaned on the person who I considered to be my best friend at the time.
We got so close that she came out to me and we somewhat started to like each other.
Yes, it was a girl.
She wasn't 100% straight, she was bi, and preffered girls over guys.
It was then when I REALLY started to question myself.
I had been proclaiming I was bi ever since middle school, but...
...I was only saying that because I was supportive of the LGBTQ Community.
So much that I wanted to be more than just an ally,
I wanted to fit in with that group.
When I met Avianna, I finally confirmed it that I was bi.
I still remember the first time she kissed me, and..
...yeah, I liked it, of course.
We were sitting in an alleyway were the extra rooms were.
They weren't connected to the school, so they were called the mobiles.
I had a first hour study hall in one mobile, and...
...I believe she had a German class in the other one.
We'd sit out there to avoid the noisy cafeteria.
I believe we were having a deep conversation, though I can't remember what about.
I remember, one of us got cold, so we decided to hug each other to keep warm.
That's when I saw, out of the corner of my eye, she was looking at me longingly.
I turned my head to make eye contact with her,
her eyes were beautiful as
she lifted her head
and kissed my lips.
And that, my audience, is how I found out that I'm bi.
Though I still have a preference for males,
I'd give a girl a chance if I was single and there was one that had a crush on me.
How did we only last 2 days, you ask?
Well...
...it was kind of silly.
I asked her out the first day,
then after that, I guess I just kind of decided I was unsure of it.
I had crushes on several guys, and me preferring males,
I think I ended up breaking up with her for a guy.
Even though we lasted a couple days,
she showed no signs of heartbreak or pain.
We were still really good friends after our breakup.
Even though we were only friends,
she'd still sneak surprise kisses here and there,
and I didn't mind.
I don't think my boyfriend ever knew about it anyway...
...but that boyfriend is long gone now.
I've been transferred to a new school, and he just decided to stop talking to me after awhile.
It seems as though I move onto a different person for every year of high school...
*Musical cliffhanger*
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