tell me what can fuck this up I see some
of you going getting in my head you're I
get in your head you're what dad but
when you get in your head what does that
really mean it means you're believing
the most limiting thoughts and you have
to remember we all have a
two-million-year-old brain and it's not
designed to make you happy it's designed
to make you survive so it's always
looking for what's wrong then we played
the game look for brown and you also saw
beige it and called it brown just to
feel successful
I said look for red you saw Burgundy you
called it red so you could get more
scores whatever you're looking for seek
and ye shall what fine says that in a
very good book called a good book and
you don't have to be religious to
understand this that this is a fact of
life so if you and I are gonna really
take things to a different level we got
to see what could mess it up so the mind
could mess it up but what aspect of the
mind what makes us start to believe
those thoughts what's the emotion that
messes up what is it
it's absolutely fear but there's more
than this every day of our lives we live
in a world that is incredibly complex it
is no more stressful than world war two
when none of us in this room probably
remember that time but it looked like
democracy was disappearing in the
Germans we're gonna win at one stage
that's stressful being in a foxhole is
stressful
you're not making as much money as you
want or being a little overweight or
someone calling you names online that
shit is not stressful we're making it
stressful
we've lost perspective who's with me on
this AI so what's really useful I think
today is for us to figure out what
messes us up and one of the biggest
thing that messes up is expectation
right when we say the other day trade
your expectations for appreciation and
your whole life changes because when
you're expecting things and it doesn't
happen you get upset so that first day
also is all about what if you lived your
life and you made a decision and the
decision was life is too short to suffer
it's too short to be stressed pissed off
for worried who's with me on this AI but
our minds our survival software is
always looking for it's wrong our job is
to create the happiness and the only way
you do that if you draw a line in the
sand and say I'm not gonna suffer I'm
gonna be honest I start to feel that
stress I'm gonna breathe and I'm gonna
realize we're the only creatures on the
planet that can think of thought and
become angry drink a thought and become
playful think of thought and be worried
think of thought and feel loved that's
we can change that's why we can change
how fast but you have to take control
and train this brain if you don't train
this brain it'll use you instead of you
using it you have to identify with your
heart or your soul or your spirit and
spit at the brain as I said in China the
heart is the Emperor it is the highest
energy it's the thing that is worshipped
because when you were born there was no
brain your heart started beating and it
wasn't a brain in you as a fetus it has
its own intelligence it produces
hormones that strengthen your bones it
is the strongest force in your immune
system this is the ticket this is what
we get caught up in we want to use the
head and heart together and then we have
the power of both of them so to do that
though we got to give up the expectation
that people are going to behave the way
we want them to because what are the
chances if you have if your happiness is
dependent upon everyone around you your
mother behaving the way you think she
should your father your brother your
sister your co-workers your employees
what are the chances everybody living
the way you think they should on a zero
to 100% scale what are the chances so
why would we allow this to be because
it's just a bad habit and it's like my
buddy Mike here with his daughter
instead of trying to control her he
decides I'm gonna learn from her I'm
gonna love her I'm a grown me and that
pulls her closer instead of pushing her
further away instead of working on them
we're gonna work on us if I want to
change you the fastest way I can change
you has changed me because we're in a
cybernetic loop if I respond if Dad
responds totally different than she can
predict she doesn't know how to deal
with that anymore now you left me up
now your love can penetrate her instead
of the story in each other's minds when
he was talking to me in that first day
about her he was in his head how many
saw that and then he left his head and
gotten his heart and that's when he
penetrated and look at mom of you're
smiling from the ear Dirigo nodding
heads on yeah that's cool and look at
Mike's big smile on his face cuz he can
feel the difference so today we wanted
to do our best to catch ourselves in
there had to get back in our heart and
then here's the biggest thing you need
you don't want to make the assumption
that says now I've done three days and
I'm done this is the beginning not the
end who's with me on this side now it
doesn't have to be the beginning with me
if you want to do more than eat I'm the
master university or you gonna do with
someone else but you got to keep growing
if you don't keep growing none of this
will matter and you can have tremendous
few months or half a year a year but why
would you settle for six months because
we went to the program I remember one
time I had a friend years ago really
good friend of mine it came to this
seminar and he loved it he was on fire
and he went back and he lost 32 pounds
and change his business got closer to
his wife and then he ran into some
challenges and one of us doesn't have to
this is one of his businesses and then
their kid had some challenges and he and
his wife got stressed about it and they
started being stressed with each other
the reaction to the environment and
slowly you know I was like six seven
eight months in and I never and saying
hey tell it I love that seminar but dude
it didn't last it was great for six
months I said asshole
I said who made you think you could do
some for three days and would even last
six months I said do you think I just
like did three days and I've been this
way for the last forty no I said forty
years ago I started a journey that has
never ended and so we need a daily
practice right who's up for hearsay I
and so I want to show you how I do this
for me and I want you to create your own
system based on it so if you're not
gonna get lasting results you got to do
some things regularly the first thing I
call this immersion coaching the first
thing that I do still myself is I
schedule myself at least twice a year
sometimes three times a year to go to an
event of some sort where I can make
myself better psychological
emotionally relationship finances
something I call it an event blast-off
because most people learn a language in
high school and college who learned the
language of high school in college to
make sure your show hands how many of
you don't speak a fucking word of it now
let me see your hands
what happened you spent years but you
did it like one hour a day five days a
week
immersion is the way to learn when
you're breathing like we're doing here
all night all day it's not comfortable
but it's unbelievably fulfilling how
many experiencing it right now say ah
you got to get over or your mind going I
can't do this it's too hard and all that
shit you got to push yourself through
when you feel exhausted and say there's
a second win of me I'm gonna find it but
if you go for immersion you will master
things ten times faster than you will do
in a little hour a day or once a week or
something like that I mean think about
it
this seminar is 50 hours of the course
of the week if weekend for days it's a
lot hours I can make this so much easier
let's do an hour a week for a year I'll
get two weeks off it'll be easy would we
get the same result yes or no no way so
I'll give an example my wife and I and
we have an extended family member of
mine and they marry an area the three of
us travel together marries my right arm
and so I drag marry where the Stukas
he's part of our family we just recently
finished a date with destiny which is my
most powerful seminar six days and
nights and it's an experience of cousin
some grads are they very cool but it's
one of my favorite things to do on earth
but it's not an easy thing on my body as
you might imagine and it's incredibly
fulfilling but at the end of it my body
is complete toast as you can imagine and
we were in Australia and the Gold Coast
and I scheduled around ISA mozzies here
however nice to see you guys and I I
scheduled because my life is so full
there was only like one week I could do
this and so I scheduled to go this place
in Sedona Arizona with this man for 39
years has been a neurological expert
about how to wire your brain for alpha
States Delta States if you're familiar
with those but alphas the expertise and
I want it as graves my life is I want to
take another level so I have more to
give for my family for my friends for
you for myself so we go for seven days
and
this is what it was like you got up
first thing in morning 6:30 and you
spend an hour and a half getting your
brain wired with this glue shit and they
put like 180 these electrodes on your
head my wife looks so attractive and so
did I it was amazing and then after
wiring you up with this goop which by
the way it takes forever to get out
afterwards
oh there's why we don't see the good you
see just our hair afterwards but the
bottom line is we go in then you go in
individual rooms like I want to be with
my family right I want to be with my
wife I'm with my family and I got to go
in this dark little room that has no
light and all that and it's freezing
cold
it must be my Karma for the shit I did
you people on a regular basis right and
and sure enough I'm there for 14 hours
in this room you get one break sometimes
to run the restroom and the entire time
you are learning to think and how you
think these electrodes create sounds and
you learn how to put yourself in the
zone of alpha but it's a batch it's
horrible I wouldn't recommend it to
anybody that wants easy experiences but
I recommend to anybody that wants to
grow immensely and by the the first
thing I'm like who do I gotta shoot to
get out of this thing oh it's me I'm the
one that did this shit but by the end of
the week all three of us were able to go
into this state of alpha and if you're
familiar with alpha the best way I can
describe alpha is there's no problem
that can't be solved in alpha because
every problem that we have was created
by us destruction of the environment to
the pissed off myths that you may have
and since we create the problems any
problem of human creates we can solve
but you can't do with the same level
thinking to got you there so the science
of it and you can't cheat this thing
measures you and then you take this
freaking test with 300 questions three
times a day the same effing test and
takes forever and while you're answering
it these electrodes are seeing what
you're doing and then the guy sits down
with you it's called Sigma's and he goes
well this is 2 Sigma this is even this
is 10 Sigma's and the more Sigma sees
how far you are off from what you wrote
from what was really going on in your
nervous system so I was like you know
like you know said something to me like
that I was demanding I'm like what the
fuck I'm not
what are you talking about right but I
guess I guess I was right and you
learned then how to let go those old
patterns create new ones so my point is
I'm doing okay in my life I'm not
exactly hurting I'm having the most
beautiful life I could possibly have a
beautiful mission a beautiful family
beautiful children grandchildren
beautiful experience to living life and
yet I'm not willing to settle for that
because I'm here to deliver more for
everyone I love including myself and so
what I do is I schedule it because
listen to me when you talk about shit
it's a dream when you envision it it's
exciting when you plan it it's possible
when you schedule it it's real when this
event became real as when you enrolled
yourself before that it was an idea and
there's lots of people intended to be
here intended but they never locked it
in
so I lock it in advance because if I
unlocked it in after date with destiny
there's no way I got a plane flown all
the way there and then put myself in a
room for seven days and nights but I'm
grateful I did and I only did it because
I already locked in place so I encourage
you to number one figure out at least
twice a year what are you gonna go to
it's gonna make you grow and expand how
would you feel like these last couple
days have been some of the most goals
you've had in a couple of days here say
hi then why settle for this one time
again I'm happy to do it with you I have
other programs if you want to come but
you're not limited to me I don't care
where you go but before you leave here
you should schedule what's next you know
why because how many were looking
forward to this for a long time and very
excited about this I'm curious how many
were quite scared about this shit by the
way I'm curious but here's what's
interesting after you achieve a goal
have you ever done this work your ass
off achieve the goal and you feel good
and then there's kind of a drop because
we need something compelling to be going
after so we keep growing so I always
write before I achieve a goal I
immediately set what the next thing is
and I lock it in my schedule because
otherwise there's that drop and if I
help the next thing it's like you're
going from peak to peak as opposed to
peak to drop to peak to drop
how many fall I'm talking about here say
hi and the other guys learned that
taught this to all my children that one
time my daughter was talking to me just
like dad you know you're so brilliant
and I said you're absolutely right
and I said honey you know I am a smart
human being I've worked hard to be a
smart human being but probably my
greatest gift is I do not let
opportunity escape my grasp if there's
an opportunity and it scares me if it's
not pretending that all the time
if there's an opportunity all the money
and the early days in my life then all
three of them I did have time the money
and I was fearful I make myself do it
because I know that if I don't get
myself to do that I'm not gonna keep
growing
my teacher Jim Rohn used to teach me
this he said Tony
if you really want have an amazing life
you gotta learn to stretch yourself I
said well I did stretch myself he goes
but let me give you my philosophy of
stretching he said stretching means if
you find yourself saying I can't do
something then you must say I must do it
immediately and do it with no hesitancy
because if you hesitate it's like the
firewalk if you went up to the firewalk
most you got up there made your move and
rock somebody get up there like shit oh
what am I doing here and the longer you
wait the what it is harder this he just
train yourself to just do it
instinctively push yourself so if I say
I can't than I must now he first told me
this I said well I can't I must as I
can't jump off a cliff that I must be
said no be intelligent but he said if
you find yourself saying I can't do
something I don't want to do something
but you know if you made yourself do it
you're gonna be a better human being
then you must do it don't hesitate do it
immediately and so some people say well
that's not a very safe life that's not a
very secure life if you want security go
to prison if you want freedom this is
how you live right so once you've got
events where you're gonna make huge
growth the next thing you want to do
throw up the number twos you really want
to get yourself a coach or a mentor why
do you want to coach your mentor you're
smart well I got a series of mentors
I've got three men in my life who are
the smartest humans I know some of most
successful people in the world in
business spiritually emotionally
well-developed they're eighteen to
twenty years my senior and guess what I
come to them all the time for
accountability and feedback because as
much as I notified myself
you don't do brain surgery on yourself
even if you're grain brain surgeon does
it make sense
you need some feedback from the outside
because you're still in it and so
getting a coach is critical and I get
paid a million dollars a year to coach
someone and I only take on seven clients
and I got now a five year waiting list
so I'm not looking for any coaching
clients but I've trained all of my
coaches to do the same things I do and
they don't show up two million those
year not even gloves so you can use our
coaches that you want or someone else
but what you don't want to do is have a
friend be your coach why I'll give an
example a few years back I was on this
talk show that's in the morning a
moments in the name but that's a bunch
of ladies what's the name of the view
that's right I won't mention it and I
was on the view and was some Barbara
Walters was still on and I was a
brilliant amazing lady and they had me
on in January and I was doing a piece on
new year new life how to transform your
energy in your body and when I was done
talking this little seven-minute
segments all four or five women I guess
it was five woman followed me into the
green room literally during the break
and they said listen before the TV comes
back on we want to do this you know tell
us more how do we do this and we want to
do this together and when they said they
wanted to do it together I was like hold
it I said can can I be direct with you
on this I said Barbara you know how much
I respect you and all of you but can I
be direct they said well yeah I said
well I respect you you're some of the
best in the world we do as journalists I
said you have an incredible show nobody
to show you've been in years Barbara
your role model for anyone who wants to
be successful man a woman but there's an
area of your life none of you have
mastered your body I'm not being harsh I
have to tell the truth because the truth
is how you get to the things to change
and you should have seen him look around
and be like oh god I just said what
I didn't say they're fat I said you
haven't mastered this area your life and
I said here's the problem if you guys
get together now and none of you've
mastered this area and you're all
friends you'll do this for two or three
days but about the third or fourth day
in when he's going to go go to Starbucks
you never mocha smoke or something some
fuck whatever that shit's gone right and
some of us can say no we got to work on
the go but like can't we just stop for a
few minutes and then someone else will
say well we can stop for a few minutes
and then you're fucked cuz you'll break
the pattern I said have you ever done
this before and he started shaking hands
they said is that multi so I said don't
do this together I know you love each
other that's why you shouldn't do it
together get a professional when you're
gone want a mocha smoke little fucked up
and you need someone who's not gonna
listen to your bullshit and it's gonna
push you until you develop the
discipline to develop the skill and even
then they're gonna know the little
things the two millimeter things you
don't know that could save you a decade
how many fathers say I so don't get a
good coach get an outstanding one and
the problem is I created the coaching
industry before I came along no one
called myself a coach in this industry
there wasn't this industry you had to be
a therapist and you gotta prove by
insurance and I came along and said
these therapists are sitting down with
people for 7fn years and I can wipe out
that phobia in twenty minutes or an hour
and so I went around and I said I gotta
figure Who I am I'm not a motivator I
never was you know I'm not a guru what
am i I thought was an athlete who
influenced me the most of my coaches and
many of them were not as good as I was
but I'm in the game I'm in the forest
they're outside of it they could see
things give me cues and they cared about
me so I said that's what that forget
athletics I'm a coach I love people I'm
not better than they are but I'm gonna
see things they can't see because this
is my focus all right and so I did that
and for many years they call myself a
coach no one did I remember I was on
Larry King Live and I just started
coaching President Clinton because what
is this coaching thing you're not a
coach you don't coach athletes I said
well actually I do
but I said no here's what I mean by
coach and is about to give it up and
like well in the next six months
everybody was a coach therapists are
calling self coaches financial planner
Starcom self coaches became a term of
art now I hate it
you know I there's no standard by
anybody say they're calling self a coach
and we go out there into it they go to
some class some idiot teaches and three
skills they've never produced the
fucking result in their life and their
coach so I feel like they created a
bastard industry and so like any
industry there's good and bad you gotta
find some of these outstanding don't
settle for somebody's good and don't
sell some because you like them cuz
white game is a nice thing you need
somebody who has the skill to get you
them who's living on this AI and why do
we want to coach so you measure at least
twice a month some of you three times a
month because if you don't measure you
can't manage what you don't measure does
that make sense
and you gotta measure it and it's easy
with your children with your life with
your businesses you're gonna get caught
up you need somebody helping you to stay
on target for what you want for your
life how many follow say ah and it's
cheap most coaching is inexpensive and
the people that overcharge don't go to
them but get somebody's really great and
then finally thirdly and this is what I
want to show you this morning
you need a daily practice and a daily
practice that's gonna put you in the
best state possible regularly and so
there's two parts of the nearly practice
what is you want to feed your mind every
day for at least 30 minutes and when I
say feed your mind my teacher Jim Rohn
used to say miss a meal but don't miss
reading for 30 minutes and I don't mean
reading the web or your social media
bullshit or Twitter I mean reading a
real book that you've selected because
it's gonna make you grow spiritually
mentally emotionally financially
something that makes you feel something
that gives you a strategy not some cute
little blog posts that you can read in
five minutes I mean something that's
gonna make you not be nymphal candy some
that's gonna produce a different result
because our lives that the result of the
input input a bunch of garbage you get
garbage out so I I would like never miss
reading and then I started listening to
audios when I was really young and the
great thing about audios is you can do
what I call net time no extra time so
the biggest challenge we have is what am
I gonna read what am I gonna do this
women do all these things the answer is
it doesn't take any extra time if you
use net time you do it while you're
cleaning the house while you're working
out going for a walk when you're driving
in your car should be you need
versity where you're feeding your mother
because if you don't feed your mind
weeds grow automatically you have to
work on growing weeds they're gonna be
there if you don't do something to
replace it so every day 30 minutes of
either audio or a book something that's
gonna make you grow it'll feed your mind
it'll keep the momentum going so this
won't be just the one burst this will be
the one that got you going and then you
keep the momentum by doing this and then
finally and most importantly many people
the most silly question I'm asked in the
media all the time for 40 years is don't
you have bad days don't you get upset
don't these things happen of course but
I said I don't stay there I've trained
myself like an athlete trains their
muscles I train my emotional muscles
which by the way I think your emotional
spiritual muscles are the most important
ones it courage unused does it grow or
shrink which one safe unemployed unused
does it grow or diminishe diminishes
passion unexpressed does it expand or
shrink so the most important muscles
that change your life are those mental
emotional spiritual muscles if we
develop them more we're going to
experience more so the way I do that is
to a process I call priming and this is
the part that I really want you to get
because it's really simple most of us
have you ever thought seen someone do
something I thought to yourself what the
f is wrong with this idiot who's ever
have those thought how many of you ever
done something yourself and thought what
the f am i doing okay many times we
think we're thinking our own thoughts
when we're not we've been trying by the
environment to think a certain way and
we don't even realize it now sometimes
that's done consciously by marketers or
advertisers that's a simplistic example
but a more powerful example is what
happens in your daily life so let me
give you a couple examples so you become
aware of the power of priming and then I
want to show you oh you can consciously
prime your own mind and body and emotion
so you naturally go where you want to go
as opposed to hoping you go there so
some of the studies I'm priming
shown that what you think of your
thoughts actually got there because
something in the environment that you're
no longer noticing so an example this
would be they did a study and they took
two actors and they both approached a
hundred people each and the actors were
designed to do the exact same thing they
walk up to people they have the same
facial expression and they say well your
singers kiss me could you hold this for
me for one second when I grab my phone
and they hand you this cup of coffee and
then they reach in their pocket to get
their phone for two seconds they put it
back real fast they go thank you so much
and they take it back and every time
they did it exactly the same way with
all the people two hundred people one
hundred each each person did a hundred
people but fifty of those people they
gave hot coffee tip fifty the people
they gave iced coffee tip now listen to
this this is mind boggling
after 35 to 45 minutes roughly a person
walks by outdoors or at the mall
wherever they did this they have a check
for a clipboard and they go scuse me um
we'll give you twenty dollars if you'll
give us three minutes of your time to
read these three paragraphs and answer
two questions ninety-five seven people
do it 20 bucks three minutes all good
and they read these three paragraphs
which is this story about this main
protagonist and then the two questions
are tell us what's the first emotion
that you link to the main character and
what's the second one those the two
questions when they do this with people
they had a hot coffee to 80% of the
people eighty-one percent to be exact
roughly 80 81 say that the person they
read the story about is generous and
warm sometimes they had the word loving
but generous and warm is always there
the people have the exact same
presentation 34 40 minutes earlier for a
given iced coffee 80% is a 1% difference
which is statistically irrelevant eighty
percent of them say the person is cold
and uncaring and the only different is
thirty five or four minutes earlier
somebody handed you a hot or cold cup of
coffee
that's wild isn't it I'll give you
another example you know in America many
of the other 72 countries here but in
America a lot of people see individuals
that come from Asia as being superior in
science and math and there's a different
mindset in those countries about science
and math and when those people come here
they work incredibly hard and incredibly
focused they believe and the belief
structure is they do really well if
you're Asian now in our culture in the
past many times people have been focused
on the fact that if you are a man you do
well with math and science but if you're
a woman it's just not your cup of tea
you're not quite as strong in it and
there's no basis for that whatsoever but
it's a cultural anchor that people have
begun to believe in so here's what's
interesting they took the math part of
the SAT test and they took a group of
women at Harvard and all they did to
change the test has changed the first
question of the test on half the test
they said what's your gender on the
other half the tests they said what is
your nationality right what's your
ethnicity well interesting when they're
asked what their sex was and they're all
women they performed 11% lower and if
they are asked what is your ethnicity
and they said Asian they were 11% higher
a 22% difference between the two and the
only difference was the first question
was asked because it primed you either
for your higher level of skill based on
your conditioning or a lower level of
skill based on social conditioning how
many phone right there's a million
studies like this another interesting
one that's really simple is they did an
ad where they show the IBM logo and the
Apple logo and they also did this with
the commercial I don't know if you
remember the commercial think
differently than Apple made years ago so
had people watch the commercials in both
cases afterwards they were given a
creativity test the people that watched
the 30-second Apple commercial versus
IBM score twenty percent higher
consistently across the board and all
they saw was 30 seconds about thinking
different that is the power
priming so my point is really simple if
you're gonna get the results that you
deserve and that you want you want to
prime yourself for success prime
yourself for love prime yourself for
courage
rather than hope that you show up that
way based on the triggers of your
environment does this make sense
and so I prime myself every single day
for a minimum of 10 minutes it's the
first thing I do in the morning and I'd
like to show you how you do it and have
you do it so you can have a daily
discipline and if you do this every day
if you keep once or twice a year get
yourself to an immersion experience it
makes you grow you get yourself a coach
where twice a month 30 minutes even
you're just staying on target of
measuring and you read 30 minutes a day
you hear an audio 30 minutes a day and
you start with priming then this won't
be a three six twelve month thing this
will be a lifetime thing does that make
sense
so you're not gonna get a lifetime
results unless you're lucky by one
experience but you can certainly happen
to use this as the blast-off and then
you have a daily discipline to keep the
momentum going so how are we gonna prime
well let me give you a story first a
simple example first was one of my boys
my second youngest son's name is Josh
love him deaf amazing kid and Josh came
to live with me when his five years old
never I told you I was 24 and instantly
I got married to him
I've been married twice before with kids
from two different husbands and she
wasn't living with her kids and so I met
her fell in love with her brought her
into my life and then saw how sad she
was without her kids so I brought her
kids away from both the other husbands
they were happy to give them to us and I
adopted them as ours and so I'm 24 and I
got a 17 year old son because she was 13
years my senior an 11 year old daughter
of five year old and one on the way
well Josh was the five year old and josh
is just such a sweet really incredibly
great kid but one of the challenges for
Josh was he was afraid to even walk down
the driveway to get to the bus I'm mr.
fear and the power rip shit open and my
son can't walk down to the bottom of the
strength and so I had to kind of try to
figure out how to deal with this how to
figure it all out and figure what I was
going to do to try and make
than happen to make a change and so one
of the things that happened was I
started to realize that I needed to
train his nervous system to have courage
instead of hoping it showed up I got a
really trained it and I started doing
these things with him and I watched him
before my eyes change it become more
confident be more strong and all I was
doing was getting to program his own
mind prime himself just really simple
little things to do and then one day
Josh came home and he was laughing
uncontrollably and like over nothing and
then I came in the room and there was a
new friend with him and this kid you
know you know anybody that's not really
funny but they think they are
I don't know so like this somebody who
cracks himself up you know I mean and
this kid was cracking himself up he
wasn't funny but he laughed so hard I
found myself laughing at his silly jokes
right and Josh laughing so much so when
he left I said to Josh that kid he's
your friend
I said make him your friend for life he
goes why dad I said because if you hang
out with him who you spend time with us
who you become and you're around him
there's so much more playful you just
have so much more joy you so much you
have so much laughter and that young boy
my son is 36 9 3 grandkids with him and
his best friend is still that young boy
is now also 36 years old and Josh is
and to this day Josh is funny as shit
when he was a little kid like he's 7 or
8 years old he stole this dirty jokes
book and memorized every frickin joke in
the damn thing and he got so much reward
for it and his body was like that the to
this day if I want to laugh you know
josh is my partner a couple of my
companies and he's not my partner I have
four kids none of my others are partners
with me I love them all equally but he
shows up differently and part of it is
things that stress other people out he
breaks the pattern with his own laughter
has beautifully around great huh any
problem so I'll give you another example
of priming when I first started on my
date with destiny seminar decades ago I
I did the seminar in my own house at a
place called the Del Mar castle and
there were about I don't know 38 39
people to seminar a little different now
as you can see and I was delivering like
my heart and soul into this particular
program and gradually I started looking
around and going man I can't keep doing
this my house there's not enough room
when we got to 100 people I had to move
it but I wanted to keep it and you know
I lived in Del Mar California on the
beach and I said well there's a hotel on
the beach and well it's a really nice
hotel called lubbers liberation we'll go
down the birds will do it there and they
have a room that'll hold 150 people
which is a giant seminar for me at those
days and when they didn't count on I
thought this is great people work on
their beliefs and their goals and values
and they go outside and they can sit on
the beach during the breaks breathe the
fresh air but what I didn't think about
is right there in Del Mar on the beach
there's a train station and so somehow
my little brain didn't figure this out
till it's too late I'm in the middle of
a seminar and someone is sharing this
emotional experience as one was raped
and she's going through it all and I'm
stepping in to help her and also her and
II knew this freaking brain of train
whistles and they do it like five times
so nobody misses the train and so
everytime sirtaki interrupts again and
people are getting pissed off and it was
happening so often cuz there's so many
trains that at one point I realized I
know the scheduled whenever able to be
pissed off 8:30 a.m.
10:15
thirty twelve ten they're gonna be
pissed because the trains gonna come so
I turn to the audience and I said we
gotta have a schedule for being pissed
off right now and I'd like us to train
ourselves to feel differently how many
of you have something in your life or
someone who can trigger you at times
annoy you
it could be a family member you love but
they have this little thing they do it
could be a husband or wife it could be
your kids it could be a Cobra how many
got one of these say I said what if we
trained ourselves so the same stimulus
that was making us angry we trained our
nervous system just using basic science
neuroscience trained our nervous systems
so the same stimulus makes us feel great
and people look to me like this is
bullshit what are you talking about I
said here's what I want to do since the
trains gonna come a dozen times a day
and we have three more days together
perhaps we should enjoy the train how
many of you when you're a kid when you
heard a train you wanted to see the
Train maybe count the number of cars or
run down to be close to it how many how
many were excited when you saw a train
raise your hand say hi now you're on the
way to work or a meeting and a train
comes in your way freaking train I'll
give you a clue the train didn't change
so the question is I said what if every
time the train comes we train ourselves
to celebrate to feel good to enjoy I
said so here someone asked you to do
every title your train I don't care from
the middle the most important
conversation of your life I don't care
for her we're doing something but you
think it's okay if you're tired I don't
give all the books on your chair I want
you to instantly just drop everything
and I want you to jump and start to
celebrate like a little kid like it's
the greatest gift of your life and then
we're gonna end with a low clap and then
we're gonna laugh hysterically into our
chair if you can't laugh I want you to
fake laugh into your chair because most
of you know if you fake laugh what
starts to happen real laughter comes
right and then you water yourself to
last more easily just like with Josh I
wanted people wouldn't be nice to laugh
easier you didn't have to have
everything me perfectly funny for you to
have a good time because most of you
doesn't have to be perfectly bad for you
because
oh so train it so I got it would agree
and we did it so every time the train
came and some people are gonna freaking
train that won't work you gotta go it's
a trap you got to be like a little kid
and pretty soon people look forward to
the Train and by the way would this be
useful to train yourself around a person
in your life or a situation yes or no so
I don't have a train nearby but I
haven't reported a special train whistle
and I'm gonna ask you for the rest of
today no matter how tired we are I'm a
hard-working no matter what we're in the
middle of if we're that train with so
we're gonna jump up and we're gonna
celebrate like little kids make noise
have fun well clap we'll do the well
clap and then we're going to have fists
eraklyon our Chairman appointed somebody
else and laugh at them while we're doing
it to train our nervous system who's
willing to go for it yes if that feels
good say yes say yes say yes
so that's priming can we pry myself to
feel good yes or no what if you knew you
would never have a really important
conversation with your kid or your
spouse or your loved one and you're
starting to feel a little tension
because you don't want to deal with this
because you love them you don't deal the
bullshit potato you got to in this state
of being primed about it how's it gonna
go but if you primed yourself a laughter
or joy or playfulness and now you're
gonna be with them and somebody goes no
no you that'll fuck with him real quick
love it they don't to deal with you
enjoying yourself so we are in charge
here's the point life changes the moment
you make the decision that you're a
hundred percent responsible for your
experience of life not responsible like
a heavy response able if you're
responsible you're able to respond
you're gonna even spawn and be able to
do that if you own yourself and if you
know people can do anything but still
you're the authority of what it means to
you you're the
authority of your own emotions use
authority of your own actions who's with
me on this AI and blaming other people
which the human mind is always looking
to do will never make you happy never
make you fulfilled never bring you
closer to people never make you grown so
when you're willing to take that level
responsibility where you're like making
judgments and you go on that person is
such a bullshit such a liar
one of these I always do is I do a
reversal mad and go you're such a
bullshitter you're so sorry no I'm not
where are you a bullshitter well it did
bullshit about that once who's ever said
something and after you said it thumped
yourself what I just said was total
bullshit how many better fought this how
we heard someone else say something
about yourself well they just said is
fucking bullshit see if you can see it
in someone else they can see it you
better to just own it let go cuz that's
what the mind does if we let the mind
run us we're gonna have a tough time
this mind serves me I don't negotiate
with the remember I told you I don't say
well I'll do this well maybe we can do
it maybe we'll jump in the water now
it's like it knows I'm not hearing
negotiate when I say it we do it that's
what we want to train ourselves to do
that who's up for that say I so the
first step to that would be priming so
let me show you exactly what I do for 10
myths by the way my son he people around
him enough he laughs so much he is a
priming to other people when he shows up
in the room cuz around Josh enough and
they know at any moment Josh get cracked
them up and there's an unconscious
anticipation of it does that make sense
so either some stressful they're almost
done their ads are josh is gonna do
something of this nature it's an
incredible skill it's an incredible gift
so here's how I pride myself I do three
things first before I do the three
things whenever you want to make a
change or improve something the first
place you want to prove it is in your
mental emotional state if you do
something from the pissed off state from
an exhausted state from a frustrated
state from a weak state you won't matter
what you do the thoughts are weak when
you're in a weak place the actions are
weak so the first thing we're going to
do is I'm going to show you a simple
breathing pattern and the breathing
pattern if you're familiar with yoga is
like Breath of Fire similar
breath the fire and it's a movement his
what it's going to look like is this
you're gonna sit up in your chair with
energy I'll show you what we'll do and
then we'll do it we're gonna raise your
hands up as we take the air in and then
you're gonna blow it up only gonna blow
it out your notes now to do that if
there's anything in there it may show up
coming out of your body so if it does
just wipe it on your neighbor it's not a
problem whatsoever so if you do have
some Kleenex you might want to grab your
Kleenex if you've got some just in case
something happens cuz you're gonna be
blowing out that nose strong in fact if
you have some tissue or a sleeve or
something
now's the time to use it so here's we're
gonna do you're gonna take the breath in
your hands are gonna go where up and
then as your hands go up like this and
we're gonna do that over and over again
for 30 breaths all cannonbolt you 3 sets
of 10 you're gonna do this with your
eyes closed then you're gonna drop your
hands down palms up on your weight on
your legs and you're just gonna feel
whatever you feel you might notice some
tingling you might notice a sense of
peace
you might just feel relaxed and then
we'll do another 3 sets of 10 another 30
will relax and then another so there are
three sets of 30 3 sets of 10 10 10 10
10 10 10 - 10 with a break between when
you're done with that you're ready to
prime because it put you in stake
priming is three options it's done in 10
minutes you can do more than 10 and many
of you will enjoy it so much you'll go
longer but the reason I do 10 minutes of
priming is I wanted to come up with a
daily discipline there was no excuse not
to do if you don't have 10 fucking
minutes for your life you don't have a
life who's with me on this day I and by
the way when you get on the airplane
what's the first thing they teach you
when they get on the airplane they say
okay you're set up on your seat belt as
if you don't know and then they say in
the result of loss of oxygen what's
gonna happen these masks gonna drop down
they have oxygen and the first thing to
do is grab it and put it on your child
it's the first thing you got to do now
if they tell you what do they tell you
put on yourself you selfish bastard what
are you talking about
why do they tell you to do that because
if you don't take care of you you can't
take care of them
and what a good metaphor for our lives
yes give it up for that piece as well
so we're priming ting care of ourselves
so we can take everybody else - is it
make sense so what we're gonna do is
we're gonna do our three sets of ten
three sets of ten three sets of ten then
with our eyes closed the first three in
1/3 minutes of the ten minutes is we're
gonna focus on three experiences in our
life that we can feel deeply grateful
for three of them and we're not going to
think in like oh this this this we're
taking one at a time spend about a
minute each and step into that moment in
your life that you could feel grateful
for it could be a little thing or a big
thing it doesn't matter what matters is
that you go there you know if I ask you
what's it like to be on a roller coaster
and you remember time you're in a roller
coaster and you picture yourself in a
roller coaster over there you're going
to give me a very different feedback
than if I get you to imagine the moment
you were going over the edge and you're
in the front seat then you're gonna show
me a different result you want your
gratitude to be in the front seat not an
intellectual gratitude out there so I
take three minutes a minute each I come
up with something different every time
I think of a moment that I could feel so
grateful for a blessed moment a
beautiful moment a loving moment a
sacred moment and I step in and feel it
and flood myself with a gratitude now if
you remember why we use gratitude sounds
corny right but why from a scientific
perspective remember what I showed you
the other day when someone's frustrated
when they're angry we can measure your
EKG in your ECG we can see where your
heart and your brain are both doing and
they are all over the place they don't
match they're jagged you remember the
image but when you breathe in your heart
and you put focus in your heart where
focus goes energy and so what happens is
you get unified and all of a sudden the
brain and the heart become one tracing
energy it's crazy that's the flow state
so when you're grateful gratitude is the
antidote to the two emotions that mess
up most people's lives
what are they anger and what fear those
are two Biggie's you cannot be grateful
and angry simultaneously that's the
beauty of it it's the antidote to anger
you can't be fearful
and grateful simultaneously so the more
you cultivate and prime yourself for
gratitude the more you can push through
anger and fear very quickly does that
make sense
so again its scientific this is not like
positive thinking bullshit it's about
what actually changes biochemistry and
what will get you to wire and fire a new
set of patterns in a more elegant more
rewarding more impactful than the ones
that society will condition you to do if
you let it okay so three minutes a
minute each and by the way when I do it
I usually pick two strong ones and then
I pick something really simple and I
make myself really feel the gratitude
like the wind on my face or the smell of
the ocean if I'm doing it outside by my
house or the look on one of my
children's faces and I'll just fill that
up and the reason is if all you do is
get grateful about big things you're
gonna miss most of life you know the
guys that the astronauts that went to
the moon think about that journey think
about as a child these guys dreamed of
being an astronaut they competed with
hundreds of thousands of people and then
a few of these guys get on that rocket
and go to the moon imagine you walk on
the moon you look back and you see that
picture we've all seen of the blue-green
earth it's so beautiful and it's not a
photograph they were the ones they're
seeing it talked about an experience and
then they face their fears and come in
they land successfully in the ocean and
they're rescued and then there's a
ticker tape parade in New York they
shake the president's hand and now what
do you do you're 32 years old and you
walked on the fucking moon what do you
do now for adventure and if you study
the astronauts Buzz Aldrin all these
guys had a chance to hit up you most is
not all but three of them almost all of
them wrote about describe what happened
to them they no longer had a compelling
future I don't have an invention I've
walked on the moon everything else is
small by nature and as a result they got
depressed most of them abused alcohol
and drugs why because they're looking
for adventure on a moon run and they
missed the adventure in a smile so I
train myself daily pry myself to find
those little things that are soaked
beautiful and feel them because the my
field and the more I can give that to
someone else the more I can move that
direction the more I can enjoy as well
it's putting the mask on me first
who's with me on this say ah okay so
that's after we do our breathing step
one of the three steps first the
breathing then the three steps one
gratitude three minutes roughly a minute
each three different moments you can
feel grateful for and feel it enjoy it
savor it live in it next three in the
third minutes second piece are going to
do is you're gonna feel the energy in
you and do a prayer or a blessing now I
know many of you are not religious I'm
not suggesting you need to be but almost
all of us know there's a power in love
you know if God was love and we didn't
come up with all the other names for God
you wouldn't have much argument between
people so I imagine that what you're
gonna do is imagine that energy of God
the universe whatever you want imagine
coming down empty like a white light and
breathing it down the end through your
body down your legs into the earth and
then coming back up and have it against
us and it comes back up and you have to
do this with your hands but I'm trying
to show you what the feeling is and
while you're doing this what are you
gonna do during those three minutes is
you're gonna give thanks it's like a
prayer saying heal my body my mind my
emotions strengthen me make me the best
I can be strengthen my love my passion
my courage whatever it is that you value
in yourself and you feel that happening
of the three minutes I do that for about
a minute and a half and the other man in
half I then take that energy through me
and I send it in a circle around to my
children to my family to my friends to
my co-workers to my associates to my
partners to the people I meet on the
street to my clients and so it's taking
the energy now you might sound like
Lewis stuff but the idea of allowing
your nervous system to heal and
strengthen just the focus of that alone
for you is strong and sending to others
as well so you can think it's all
bullshit but try it and decide based on
the experience if you do in a while I
think you're gonna find
it'll look deep in that sense of
gratitude because it becomes not only
gratitude but healing
strengthening and a gift to those you
love the last three minutes I call three
to thrive you're gonna think of three
things that you really want to
accomplish or achieve but instead of
like hoping it happens or thinking about
it happening you're gonna step in your
mind and experience it as if it's done
you're gonna see it or feel it breathe
it celebrate it like you've already
achieved the goal what you're doing is
training your reticular activating
system and we talked about this the
other day the part of your brain that
notices things when you did you know
before you bought that car outfit you
never noticed them now you buy that car
outfit those cars and outfits are
everywhere how come because your Ras now
that you own one says this is important
I need to pay attention to this well
when you get clear what you want and you
see this done and feel it and create it
in your mind and your heart and you'll
celebrate it there's a sense of
certainty than there's your body and
your reticular activating system starts
to go to work on making it happen so you
spend a minute each one of those so
basically three minutes each three or
three minutes each and we're done all
right how many one child
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