- Today I'm gonna tell you about the time that I went blind,
again, because once was not enough.
So just for some context I was actually born legally blind.
So the first time that I was blind
was I went blind in the womb.
So growing up with a visual impairment
I didn't really notice it until
really people would come in, come into my class,
give me a big old magnifying glass.
That rhymed, unintentionally.
And they'd just sit down and they'd be like,
you can read with this.
I'm like, I can?
I still really couldn't read with it,
(chuckles) because you know,
if you're visually impaired
and your eyes are moving constantly like this,
it's like having a visual dyslexia,
like nystagmus and it makes everything I see in vertigo.
A visual dyslexia.
Imagine seeing that.
So growing up as a kid I knew that my eyes
were maybe a little bit different,
I didn't really think it was a big deal,
didn't really think it made me
look cosmetically very much different
up until I wanna say about sixth grade.
Like I always knew my eyes moved or shook,
I was always told, but I didn't know what that looked like.
Come like sixth grade I was on the bus
and I went to a public school,
and 2,000 kids going to an elementary school,
you're bound to have a couple ignorant kids
who are insecure about themselves for one reason or another
and then they just gotta make themselves seem mightier,
so they try to point out your flaws.
Let me just sort of play back for you
kinda what this kid said to me.
So there I was just kinda sittin' on the bus,
heading to school and some kid was just like hey,
hey you, yeah, you.
I'm like oh, hey.
What's up, how you doin'?
How's it goin'?
You know, your eye's bug me.
I don't like them.
How would you feel if I just banged you
over the head with a golf club?
I'll bring it to school tomorrow.
Watch me.
And I'm like, (stutters) okay?
And this was sort of the beginning
of why I didn't want to be legally blind anymore.
So that's when I start realizing wow,
are my eyes really that noticeable
that people can just tell like that
that my eyes are different, I'm visually impaired?
And so I'm like great.
Okay, cool.
So that started this whole spiral
for a whole month of me gettin' depressed
and we'll skip over the dark stuff.
After I was hospitalized for a self harm reasons,
I decided to tell my parents like hey,
I don't like myself.
I don't like to be like this.
They looked into a surgery,
we got an experimental surgery for nystagmus.
So months go by,
and all of a sudden I could start to see better,
things were changing.
I could see from what was 20, 250, to 2,300.
My vision started going to the acuity of 20-90, 20-80.
And this was during middle school,
so I took up basketball.
It was great.
I could see finally from the middle of the classroom.
Teachers would have me try to read stuff
on the board from the front row,
I'm legally blind.
Literally, it's just a blur,
it's just nothing, there's nothing there.
Suddenly, things were in reach of my eyes.
Within the first like two months of ninth grade,
here in the states it's my first year of high school,
I took up tennis during gym class.
And we decided to have this tournament
and there was a two-day tournament for tennis.
First day, I was winning,
I was winning every match.
I was doing good, I was doing well,
and then all of a sudden the second day of the tournament
I woke up that morning and my vision
was just blurrier than usual.
And yeah, it's normal to wake up
and your eyes are kinda blurry.
Cool, but something seemed a little off
and it didn't go away.
By the time I got to school maybe I was tired,
but I had plenty of rest.
I don't know.
And all of a sudden like I just couldn't play,
I couldn't see.
I went back to the eye doctors
and they told me we checked your vision acuity and yes,
you are back at what I was born with,
2,200, 2,300 vision acuity.
And I'm legally blind.
So I was just like, huh.
And I asked can I get the surgery again,
can that happen,
can we do it soon?
And it's a surgery that's experimental
and it's harmful for the eyes and the nerves,
so ultimately,
I mean I could've, but I also wanted
to just think about really why am I doing this.
And it came to realizing that
I'm doing it only to please others.
I realize I needed to sort of take this year to readjust,
and I did that.
I learned again what I needed.
I started being more assertive.
I told a public school that only ran on Windows,
I need a Mac, I can't see any of these computers.
And I forced them to bring a Mac into the classroom
and on their network and used that.
And suddenly like things started to changed.
I really started just being assertive
and telling people what I need,
getting the accessibility that I needed.
Despite being late in my education,
I wasn't learning braille or anything,
but I started taking mobility and training,
mobility and orientation so that
I could learn to navigate independently.
Towards the end of the year of ninth grade,
I came across that bully from ninth grade.
He was completely separated from me
during the time that I was sighted.
So I never saw him really in middle school whatsoever,
but ninth grade all of a sudden towards the end,
like the second semester,
I got paired up in a science class with him.
And I just came to class one day,
I'm living my life legally blind again,
he just comes up to me,
he's wiggling his fingers to his eyes
like imitating nystagmus and he's just like hey,
hey you, can you read this?
How many fingers am I holding up?
(laughs) You don't know.
That's where I stood up and I'm just like look,
kid, I don't know what your insecurities are,
I don't know what's goin' on at home,
but whatever it is,
don't bring it here, all right?
Yes, my eyes are different,
but use your 20-20 sight and watch me.
And here I am following my dreams,
doing what I love,
and last time I heard that kid is back at home,
still living in the same hometown.
Look, I'm not about comparing,
not about trying to compare one success to another,
but ultimately I think you've got to self-accept who you are
and realize maybe you are the way
that you are for a purpose.
And I believe there's a greater purpose
for why I needed to be legally blind.
That mind sound absurd,
like I needed to be blind for a reason.
But I think it's ultimately made me the person who I am,
it's molded me to really try to understand others more
and be more accepting and care for a community
that's not always heard.
And being in this creative space
that is filmmaking and directing,
it feels like I have a platform,
I have a voice to make change in an industry
that really influences the rest of the world.
That's sort of my story of how I went blind again
and finding self-acceptance.
I think the message to sorta take away from this
is that things maybe happen
and you gotta find the purpose in our struggles.
And I think we'll come out and see the light in the end,
which for me, I have photophobia,
basically my eyes hurt from lights.
So, not the best thing in the world.
(light bright music)
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