Some of the most bananas beliefs throughout history revolved around women and their magical
bodies.
But can we blame the old-timey patriarchy?
Kinda!
We can also blame shoddy studies, and being superstitious as heck.
While we clearly haven't figured out all the mysteries of the universe...
"Your body is a wonderland"
...we've definitely debunked all of these old-fashioned theories!
Menses kill bees
Pliny the Elder, an Ancient Roman philosopher, compiled an encyclopedia called Natural History,
with a section totally devoted to the alleged "powers" of menstruating women.
According to good ole Pliny, side effects of Aunt Flo included dimming the reflection
of mirrors, driving dogs crazy, and killing entire swarms of bees.
He also believed that if a woman's menstrual blood was somehow exposed to lightning during
a thunderstorm, the storm would be driven away.
Controlling the weather with your uterus?
Take THAT, Thor.
Chicks have less teeth
Aristotle, Ancient Greek philosopher and scientist, might have been a genius, but his views on
women were...uh…problematic.
He believed his lady friends to be "incomplete" versions of men, with less of everything — brains,
brawn, and strangely, even teeth!
A-Stot argued that men were superior, thanks to their "intellectual virtue in completeness,"
and gals were meant to serve them.
Yeah.
Fast-forward to currently serving some serious girlboss.
Uterus u-turn
The ancient Greek physician Hippocrates invented the term "hysteria," which meant pretty
much anything that went wrong with a woman's health.
And the cause?
A "wandering uterus."
And another ancient Greek, Aretaeus of Cappadocia said that the womb is "closely resembling
an animal" and "moves itself hither and thither."
And people believed it.
For centuries.
Even after more was understood about the female body and its functions, "hysteria" continued
to be used as a diagnosis.
Thanks for man-splaining it, guys.
Sexual feelin'
Victorian Era sex was super taboo.
While men could indulge their sexual fantasies, horny women were considered low class.
Women were meant to endure sex, not enjoy it.
A famous, though false, anecdote claims that Queen Victoria once advised her daughter to
endure her wedding night by doing one thing: "Lie back and think of England."
Women even went to the doctor to be relieved of their sexual urges, which were assumed
to be just another case of "hysteria."
Symptoms included erotic fantasies and irritability.
As treatment, doctors would manually stimulate the woman, eventually leading to the invention
of the vibrator.
And no one admitted that this treatment was really… orgasms.
We're guessing the average Victorian chick could handle "multiple doctor visits!"
Itty bitty
Back in the Victorian era, people thought solo sex was not only immoral, it could lead
to developmental delays, such as girls being flat-chested.
In 1875, Dr. John Cowan wrote in The Science of a New Life that,
"...girls who have followed masturbating habits… are apt to be flat-breasted, or, as we term
it, flat-chested."
Myths about the dangers of solo-sex were so pervasive that people went nuts preventing
their children from touching their bathing suit areas.
Victorian doctors even sliced and diced the genitals of young girls to prevent the practice.
Maybe we'd be better off hitting the books, instead?
Not so fast.
Reading infertility
These days, women usually outnumber men in universities, but it was once thought that
women who read too much would become infertile.
Harvard professor Edward H. Clarke thought that while women are capable of learning,
too much studying could lead to infertility.
Clarke recommended that girls receive limited schooling, so as not to damage their baby-makers.
Thankfully, well-educated women disproved Clarke's theories, risking life and womb,
with both reading and writing!
An 1885 study by Annie Howes, and an 1887 paper by Mary Putnam Jacobi, debunked Clarke's
ridiculous theory.
End of story.
Baby uggo
In 1995, author Julia Epstein wrote for the Yale Journal of Law & the Humanities about
the centuries-old debate over whether or not... "...imaginative activity in the minds of pregnant
women could explain birthmarks and birth malformations."
You see, in the 18th century, people believed women's thoughts could affect her baby's
looks.
It was widely recommended that women avoid "unwholesome" things, lest they deform their
developing child.
Important science in a time when no one took showers.
Monthly visitor
The idea that a woman on her period is somehow unclean dates back to forever.
Even in the biblical book of Leviticus, not only was a woman on her period unclean, so
was everything she wore and touched.
According to 13th century philosopher and theologian Albertus Magnus, quote, "Menstrual
matter is extremely venomous," and gives off "fumes" which can poison children.
These ideas persisted in Western culture well past the point you'd think people would have
stopped buying into it.
In the 1920s, a doctor named Bela Schick described an alleged "menstrual toxin" that was secreted
in a menstruating woman's sweat and had the power to cause flowers to wilt.
But this isn't women's health unless we talk about tampons...
Tampax virgin
When Tampax was introduced in the 1930s, many people thought they shouldn't be used by young
girls, because according to, like, everyone, a tampon would result in the loss of virginity.
Consumer Reports released an article in the 1940s giving virgins the "OK" to use tampons.
And in case there's still any confusion, the only thing that can make someone lose their
virginity is actually having sex.
Speaking of how that works...
Preggo on demand
In 2012, Missouri Congressman Todd Akin made a ridiculous claim about rape victims.
"If it's a legitimate rape…uh… the female body has ways to shut that whole thing down."
But he's not the only one to have that belief.
In 1995, North Carolina state representative Henry Aldridge, said that rape victims cannot
conceive a child as "the juices don't flow" and "the body functions don't work."
Pennsylvania state legislator Stephen Freind claimed in 1988 that the odds of a rape victim
becoming pregnant were "one in millions and millions and millions."
Um, hi?
Did everyone skip sex ed in 7th grade?
The impossibility of rape leading to conception has even been used as a legal defense since
at least the 13th century.
A historian at the University of Birmingham unearthed a British legal text from 1290 that
says, "...without a woman's consent she could not conceive."
What's that about women being inferior, Aristotle?
Work it
While women today have it much better, things are still far from perfect.
A recent global study showed that three out of four women believe their country has unequal
rights.
Nearly half of the women in the world say they don't personally feel they have equal
status to men.
One in five people still believe that women are inferior to men.
And the bees are dying, even when we aren't on our periods.
We might live in a more enlightened time, but there's still work to be done.
So get out there and read, pleasure yourself, and live your life.
So, generations from now, this will all be history!
"Who run the world?
Girls."
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