-It is very exciting. I want to talk about your show
because I'm so happy you're doing this again.
But I also want to congratulate you on this --
22 years married. -Yes.
-You have a 22nd wedding anniversary coming up.
-Yes. I've been married 22 times.
-That's amazing! [ Cheers and applause ]
22 -- -22 different women.
-That's different. -It is.
-That's different. -Yeah. Yeah, no.
It's this -- It's this Friday, so...
-Wow! -You know, I might not make it.
But... -Yeah.
[ Laughter ] -We might run into problems.
Yes. I'm very -- I -- -Big plans?
-Huge. We -- I was sup--
I was going to take my beautiful wife Sarah to Tijuana.
-Okay. -I'm -- Stop it.
And... [ Laughter ]
...there's a really great res-- -This is true?
-This is true. -Okay.
-There's a restaurant there called Misión 19,
and now the meal better be free. [ Laughter ]
But -- But I -- I had all the plans ready to go.
And we were going to stay in San Diego,
and then it was all going well, I was looking for a hotel room,
and I noticed I could find no hotel rooms at all --
every -- I was looking at, like, whorehouses and...
[ Laughter ] ...meth dens...
and I found one hotel room for $2,000 a night.
And I was like, "Who do you think I am -- Jimmy Fallon?"
[ Laughter ] And...
And so then I rea-- then I looked it up.
I was like, "Oh, it's [bleep] Comic-Con."
-Oh, yeah. And -- yeah. It was Comic--
-So it's the worst time to find a hotel room
in San Diego. -Yeah.
Everyone will not be having sex in those hotel rooms and...
[ Laughter and applause ] It's -- Clapping for their --
No, and I was like, "The last thing I want to do
is fight traffic with a bunch of people dressed as Khaleesi."
So... -Yeah.
-I -- So now, we're staying in town
and we're going to a hotel. -Okay, perfect.
-So... [ Laughter ]
-So you're staying in L.A. -Yeah.
-Two boys. -Two boys.
-13 and 10. -13 and 10.
-I've got two boys, as well.
Obviously, I'm in the early stages.
-Yeah. How old is the youngest? -Three months.
-Yeah. -So, yeah.
-Yeah. -It's early days.
-You're in baby jail, baby. -Yeah. Baby jail.
-It's called baby jail. [ Applause ]
So, when -- So, when you go to work,
you're like, "Ugh, I got go to work, hon."
And you leave and you're like, "Phew!"
[ Laughter ] -Yeah.
It's a little -- -She has the way harder job.
-Oh, it is so -- what she is doing
is so much harder than this nonsense.
Yeah. -And when you --
I don't know if you -- but when you have a six-month --
how -- three months? -Three months, yeah.
-And the other one -- -Is 2 in three months.
-If you go anywhere,
you look like Matt Damon in "The Martian"
dragging everything... [ Laughter ]
-Oh, yeah. -...to the rocket,
because anything that you leave, you're dead.
That's it. -The amount of --
Yeah, the amount of gear --
that's the thing they don't tell you
is how much gear you need to raise kids.
-Yeah. Wait till you get to 13 and 10.
-What are they into? Like...
-They have hair growing everywhere.
-Okay. -The 13-year-old...
-Yeah. -...does.
-Uh-huh. -And he says stuff like,
[Deep voice] "Can I have a Haagen-Dazs bar?"
[Normal voice] And I was like, "Your voice is lower than mine."
[ Laughter ] He's bigger than my wife now.
[ Laughter ] And he -- And he's --
They both smell. [ Laughter ]
It's very -- they smell great.
But they -- What do they -- They --
I don't know if you've heard of this video game,
but they're into this game called "Fortnite"?
-[ Cheers ] -I've heard about "Fortnite."
-And see? -Yeah.
Look at this. People are like, "Oh."
See, a lot of people are like, "Do you limit the time?"
I'm like, "No, play as much as you like.
It's a great skill to have." [ Laughter ]
And don't -- don't pursue important..."
But I -- -Do you play with them ever?
-I -- The game -- It's such a difficult game now.
They're good, and I am really bad.
But then, I got invited to a Fortnite tournament
to play against the best Fortnite players on the planet.
-Uh-huh. -And my kids -- They --
And they're invited, and they were so happy at first.
And they were like, "I can't believe this.
We're going to meet Ninja and Myth and Muselk."
These are very -- These are the best.
[ Laughter ] If I said these names
to a bunch of 15-year-olds,
they'd be like, "You've met them?"
And, but... [ Laughter ]
I told them -- they were so happy.
And then they go -- then they freaked out.
Then they were like, "Oh, no! You suck!
You're going to embarrass us." [ Laughter ]
And so they -- then my -- my 10-year-old's like,
"You need to practice every day, all day long."
[ Laughter ]
And -- And I -- And I -- And I wasn't.
I was like, "Don't worry."
And then my 13-year-old's like -- he was like,
"Look, I'm not very good at this game,
but I'm way better than you, and you're terrible.
You need to get in there."
And so my whole strategy --
my -- my partner was this guy named Markiplier,
who... -Uh-huh.
-...again, if I said this to 15-year-olds...
-Yeah. [ Light laughter ]
-They would -- They would take,
like, carrot peelers and rip their skin off
and present it to him and say, "Will you sign that?"
And... [ Laughter ]
He's a huge star.
And I was at the L.A. Soccer Club's new stadium,
and when they announced his name,
people were, like, took their shirts off and threw --
I mean, they were -- they limit it to 6,000 people.
And it was huge.
And so all I did in every game was hide.
-Okay. [ Laughter ]
-And I was just a coward the whole time.
I did the coward.
I was in Loot Lake, and I just hid.
And then I heard a guy running.
And I ran up behind him and -- and shot him.
[ Laughter ] And -- And my kids --
And then Ninja died before me, so my kids were like,
"You're the greatest dad of all time."
-Wow! -Yeah.
"I don't know how you did it, Dad."
-Congratulations. -They're like,
"You didn't embarrass us. I can't believe it."
-That seems like so much pressure,
because I'm assuming Ninja and the likes --
these are younger people?
-No, no. They're in their 60s.
[ Laughter ] Yeah.
It's what -- It's what retirees do
instead of playing pinochle in the park.
-[ Laughing ] It's the new thing.
-Yeah. -It took over for shuffleboard.
-Ninja is -- he's actually a little bit older.
I think he's like 25. -Gotcha.
-And he's making half a million dollars a month.
So... -Oh, my God!
-By sitting -- like, Drake, like, logs on with him,
and they -- they play.
And he got -- he -- he won --
he won a million dollars for the tournament.
It was charity. He and Marshmello.
-Uh-huh. -So a guy with blue hair.
I'm not kidding. -And with all this money,
they can't buy better names for themselves?
[ Laughter ] How...
-You -- If they took that clip and showed it,
they were like, "Seth Meyers is dead."
[ Laughter ] Yeah.
No, a guy with a -- Marshmello.
Again, if I said "Marshmello" to young kids,
they'd be like, "You touched him?"
-Yeah. -And he -- he -- he won
with this huge marshmallow mask on with -- with Ninja.
And they -- it was --
-Well, and this is an interesting --
-It was so exciting. -I want to ask you,
'cause you actually -- you played college football.
-Yes. This is quite a transition.
-Well, no, it's interesting. -And...
-No, because I think that
there's this interesting question now
that people who played football growing up, like,
we now know about, like, the danger of --
and safety of football. -Right.
-Like, in video games, when we were young,
everybody talked about how
it, like, melted your brains and stuff.
But now you look at these guys.
I mean, these guys like Marshmello and Ninja,
they genuinely are now athletes --
-And celebrities. -Yeah, and it's --
-Yeah. -And you kind of go,
"Oh, that might be safer
than the thing our parents were telling us to go outside and do
when we were young." -Yeah.
Their knees will be fine. -Yeah.
[ Laughter ]
-If anything, they'll die from all their blood pooling...
[ Laughter ] ...to their feet.
-Yeah. -And they can't move,
and they just bleed out through their feet, I guess.
-Yeah. -But -- But these --
I go on Twitch some-- They -- My kids --
When I'm like, "Please get off 'Fortnite.'"
They're like, "Can we watch TV?" "Sure."
And then they turn on Twitch
and are watching Ninja play "Fortnite."
[ Light laughter ] And I'm like,
"This is not what I'm talking about."
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