Thứ Ba, 1 tháng 1, 2019

Waching daily Jan 1 2019

Lucas: Weeeeee!

Lucas: No! Stop!

This is Lucas.

Lucas: *gasp* Uh . . . hi!

He's a spider.

He, and the videos he features in are made by Joshua Slice, a 3D animator whose worked

on films like Big Hero 6 & Zootopia.

Slice got the idea for Lucas after seeing a picture of a jumping spider wrapped up in

a leaf, and wondered:

Slice modeled and animated Lucas in Maya and in November 2017, uploaded the first Lucas

the Spider video to Youtube.

Lucas: Hi, m-my name's Lucas.

Lucas: I have too many eyeballs!

It quickly became a viral sensation, and since then, not only has Slice continued making

Lucas the Spider shorts, but in March 2018, the film rights were bought by Fresh TV, who

hope to create a full length TV series based on the character, and around mid-june the

same year, a highly successful merch line was launched, featuring t-shirts, sweaters,

mugs, phone cases, and even a plushie that managed to sell 40,000 units in just under

10 days, with the proceeds going toward charity and a college fund for Slice's nephew, who

Lucas both gets his name from and is voiced by.

But amidst all this success, Slice still works as a 3D Animator, seeing Lucas the Spider

as just a fun side project, and has gone on to work on the likes of Wreck-It-Ralph 2:

Ralph Breaks The Internet, which, is quite fitting, really.

It's pretty easy to see how Lucas got so popular in the first place.

The quick runtime of the shorts makes it easy to watch and rewatch and share each video.

The shorts themselves play around with the simplicity of the concept in clever ways.

Lucas: See? I can totally make a spider-web!

Lucas: And look, I even put a bell at the bottom, so when it rings, I know I caught something,

Lucas: and then I can have a new friend!

Lucas' optimism and childlike glee is both endearing and infectious.

And of course, Lucas himself is just adorable, which itself practically guarantees success

on the internet.

Lucas: *deep breath* Eeeeeeh!

It's almost impossible to watch one of these videos and not end up with a smile on your face.

Unless you have arachnophobia, but even then, it might still be a challenge.

They're short, sweet, and, well, just fun to watch.

And, part of what I find so interesting about them is that, this kind of animation isn't,

something you see all that often on Youtube anymore.

Sure, short films and student projects are still alive and well, but nowadays, the idea

of someone with an animation program and a fun idea managing to thrive seems like an

unattainable goal.

And the craziest thing is, this change has really only come in the last five years or so.

But first, some context.

Back in 1995, a college student named Tom Fulp founded Newgrounds, a site where he could

host his more often than not "controversial" animations and games.

However, in April of the year 2000, Newgrounds launched The Portal, an automated system that

allowed users to upload their own animations and movies to the site, becoming one of the

first websites to ever do so, and it slowly expanded to allow users to post artwork, games

and even music.

It became a place for young creators to hone their craft and flex their skills, and it's

from this well of experimentation that many of the classic videos and memes associated

with the early internet sprung from, and where some of the most well known creators of the

internet age had their start.

From Newgrounds sprung a vibrant community of creators and artists that, to this day,

is as strong as ever.

Even after Youtube was founded in 2005, it wouldn't be until late 2007, when it launched

its partner program, that these creators would begin to transition over.

It was one of the first times that people had been able to earn a living by making videos,

and though many were still hesitant to upload to Youtube due to its lackluster video quality,

their audiences grew exponentially and soon they were able to make a healthy living doing

what they loved.

Youtube improved it's site and systems and quickly became THE platform for online creators

to host their content, and for a while, it seemed like nothing could go wrong.

That is, until in 2012 when Youtube made a major change to its algorithm.

Clickbait had been running rampant on the site for years, from reply girls to rickrolls,

as at the time, the site's algorithm was built to get people to click on as many videos

as possible.

To combat this, Youtube shifted its algorithm from a view based model to a watch time based

model - meaning that videos would be promoted based on how long people spent watching them

rather than just how many people clicked on them.

However, this model was not based on the watch time of individual videos, but rather on the

overall watchtime of the channel itself.

A channel that makes a ten minute video each week that people only watch half of would

get far more promotion than a channel that makes a one minute video each week that people

watch all the way through, because the former would get more overall watch-time.

Youtube's systems were now built to keep people on the site for as long as possible,

and it promoted videos and channels that did just that.

This meant that channels that could produce high quantities of content on a regular basis,

such as vloggers and let's players, suddenly exploded, while channels that could only make

short videos once every few months or so, like animation channels, began to struggle.

These problems only got worse as Youtube's CPM rate slowly declined.

CPM stands for Cost Per Mille, or cost per thousand, and represents the average amount that an

advertiser pays a site, in this case Youtube, for every thousand impressions/views their ads get on said site.

While Youtube was slowly getting more advertisers looking for ad space, more and more people

were making videos, and so those ads began appearing on more and more of those videos, which also

meant more ad views.

To save money, these advertisers began to pay less and less per ad.

While this wasn't much of a problem for Youtube, who would still be getting the same

overall earnings, individual creators were starting to earn less.

That lesser pay wouldn't be as big of an issue for a channel that's able to produce

vast amounts of content, but for people who can only upload once every few months, it

became harder and harder to justify the cost of making those videos.

This reached its peak in 2014 when various animators began expressing their concerns

with this problem and the struggles that the animation community was facing as a result.

RubberNinja: You see, for an animator to meet this same success on Youtube now,

RubberNinja: the standards they'd have to meet are so unreasonable that it's honestly quite upsetting.

JazzaDraws: The problem is like I mentioned before, it's the pay-to-work ratio.

JazzaDraws: To create an animation that takes 3 minutes, let alone 20 minutes, can take months of work.

JazzaDraws: And just to give you an example for context, the introduction to this video,

JazzaDraws: that animated sequence of that avatar jumping across in the intro happening,

JazzaDraws: took me a week's full time work.

Ricepirate: The system isn't broken, it's just not made for animators. That's, basically what I was trying to say,

Ricepirate: um, from the beginning of my comment.

RubberNinja: Also, I should probably say, these changes are not recent, nor do they just hurt animators.

RubberNinja: There are plenty of channels producing high quality content with an equally long production cycle.

RubberNinja: I personally feel that Youtube has unintentionally created an environment

RubberNinja: where quantity outweighs quality.

By this point, the only animators who could sustain a living were those able to get millions

of views on every video, and those channels were few and far between.

The only example I could really find was Alan Becker, the creator of the Animator V Animation

series, who, to this day, still gets an absurd amount of traffic, and even he's admitted

to struggling with adsense.

Luckily, some channels were successful enough to reliably establish alternate revenue sources,

such as merchandising or patreon, and others still, being backed by studios and companies,

were able to keep themselves funded, but most simply weren't able to keep it going.

They either went on to find industry jobs or turned their focus toward content that

was more sustainable in the current youtube algorithm.

It's around this time that ___ Animateds, a style of video popularized by the GameGrumps,

a let's play channel co-founded by Arin Hanson, aka Egoraptor, a content creator who

became famous for his parody animations, started to gain traction.

These videos act as animated re-imaginings of certain moments from various Youtubers'

videos, usually let's plays or podcasts, that exaggerate those moments to absurd extremes,

and depending on the animator, it gets pretty ridiculous.

My personal favourites are the Cox 'n' Crendor Animated videos by Daniel Tan, which

are filled to the brim with visual wordplay and metaphor, like turning Jesse and Crendor's

laughing fits into all sorts of hilarious and horrifying scenarios.

Crendor: The victim said . . .

*Jesse's steaming laughter*

*Jesse's laugh comin' to get ya*

*Jesse's laugh achieving it's final form*

Jesse: Hold on! Hold on!

Most of these videos are usually fan animations, and often help many of those animators grow

an audience through the community, kind of like how parody animations help an animator

grow by bringing in fans from the piece of media being parodied.

And for the Youtuber in question, it helps to strengthen their communities by immortalizing

fan favourite moments for their audience.

Obama: I'm gonna pre, dood.

*Dan's uncontrollable laughter*

Obama: I'm gonna fuckin' pre. *laughter continues*

In fact, many ____ Animateds are commissioned by the Youtubers they're based on, giving

the Youtuber more exciting and diverse content to put on their channel and giving the animator

not just the pay they need to cover the costs of making the animation, but also a much bigger

audience for their work to be viewed by.

The ___ Animated trend gave animators a better chance to be paid for their work and find

success in Youtube's algorithm, and it's mutually beneficial nature for both the animator

and the Youtuber meant that most people were, and still are, more than happy to make and

support it.

And for a long time, that was the state Youtube Animation was in.

Unless someone was paying you to make it, or you were already popular enough to rely

on alternate revenue streams, pursuing animation on youtube seemed pointless.

However, over the last few years, there's been a noticeable resurgence in the amount

of animated content on Youtube.

It's hard to tell what exactly caused this, whether it's simply luck or if there's

been another algorithm shift or something else entirely, but my best guess is that it

comes down to these new videos having adapted their content to better suit the current algorithm.

Many of these videos, while still infrequent, are posted on a more regular basis, and are

often much longer, reaching about 7-10 minutes on average.

They're more personality driven, making it easier for a dedicated fan base to form

around the channel, and many of them re-contextualize tried and tested formats built for personality

driven content.

Stuff like the Storytime Animations.

Now, I must say, I disagree with some people's claims that Storytime Animation is the sole

reason that animation's made a comeback, as I'd argue it's simply one part of a

much bigger phenomenon.

It's just the most popular example of it.

Storytime Animation is a style of video based on the video blog or "storytime" format,

in which people talk about their life and their experiences, either for the sake of

telling a fun story or to explain how it affected them and what they've learned from it, but animated

The trend originally began with Swoozie and Domics around 2011/2012 as they started using

animations and illustrations to talk about their experiences with and thoughts on various

aspects of their life, with Swoozie experimenting with the basic idea back in 2008.

But it wasn't until around 2016, soon after TheOdd1sOut and JaidenAnimations skyrocketed

to success that Storytime Animation became the popular trend it is today.

A combination of the aforementioned focus on these channel's personality and the simplified

art style both helped audiences to better connect with these channels, but also allows

the creators to make videos more frequently.

There's also some exaggeration that comes with Storytime Animation, similar to ___ Animated

videos, where the creator can draw these situations and stories in ridiculous a fashion as they

want, making even mundane stories far more entertaining to watch than they, really should be.

And as pointed out by JazzaDraws, the simplified art style used by many of these channels may

also be key in understanding why Storytime Animation began to take off, as that simplicity

made the animation more appealing and less intimidating for inexperienced or less confident

artists to try out for themselves.

But, ironically, that's also the biggest criticism of Storytime Animation, as those

simpler designs tend to blur into each other and appear, at least at a glance, quite similar,

and the stripped down animation runs the risk of making the videos look rough and unfinished,

what with most of them relying purely on keyframes.

Now it should be said, less frames doesn't equal bad animation, it's all about how

effectively you use those frames to communicate the movement, but even I have to admit, for

some of these channels, their videos look less like "Storytime Animation", and more like,

"Storyboard Animation".

Despite these issues, many Storytime Animators have found phenomenal success in playing around

with a simple yet surprisingly flexible format.

But as I said, Storytime Animation is just one example of a wider phenomenon.

Some animators have integrated animation into their discussions of youtube and internet

related current events to not only stand out from a crowd, but also to make a joke or

point land better with the help of that aforementioned exaggeration, like Andrei Terbea,

whose videos' laid back and light hearted tone are a perfect match for his animation style.

Andrea: My carrier is dying?

Andrea: Oh shit!

Andrea: I'm so sorry, man! Here, have some water!

Technically, you could call them animated commentary channels, though I hesitate to

use the word "commentary" since the term is so vague and broad that it has no real

meaning beyond saying that someone talks about internet stuff.

Wait, does, making this video technically make me a commentary channel?

Oh god what have I done . . .

Other examples include creators integrating animation into the ever popular media analysis/review

format, whose better frequency and focus on specific pieces of media both helps these videos perform better

algorithmically, but also helps build an audience by bringing in fans from the piece of media being

discussed, similar, again, to ___ Animateds or parody animations.

Scott Falco does so in "With A Side Of Salt", a game review series that originally began

with character breakdowns of Overwatch's many heroes.

Alongside some standard voice-over-footage editing, they include shorts pieces of original

animation to illustrate Falco's points or just to make a joke.

They not only improve the pacing by breaking up the monotony of the game footage, but also

give the videos a stronger sense of personality by creating a distinct character for viewers

to connect with.

Though it's a small addition, these animations are able to add a lot.

Similarly, Eddache recently started making film analysis videos hosted by a cartoon avatar

of himself, and though he's only made two so far, they're both pretty interesting

and surprisingly detailed explorations of the minor details of filmmaking you have may

have missed, from showing the extreme lengths Who Framed Roger Rabbit went to to perfect

even the inconsequential scenes of the film to showing that the Who Shot Mr Burns can

in fact be solved from the evidence presented in the first episode alone.

That extra touch of creativity helps these

channels stand out and give animation a stronger standing within youtube's algorithm.

And, hell, if you're willing to stretch your definitions a bit, there's even a few

channels getting creative with who ends up presenting their videos . . .

AI: Hai domo, virtual youtuber Kizuna Ai desu!

Yes, yes I know, it doesn't technically count as animation, but they are, basically,

animated characters, so just bear with me for a second

- Also, just a quick note before this next section starts, I keep using the term "rotoscoping" when what I meant

was "motion capture", and I'm too lazy to re-record this, so uh, yeah, bear that in mind -

Okay, so Virtual Youtubers

are a trend of channels involving 3D Anime Girls doing Youtuber stuff.

The videos are created through 3D rotoscoping, where an actor's movements are captured

through all sorts of complicated softwares and processes I can only barely understand

and applied to a 3D model.

This allows the channel to streamline and significantly speed up the video making process

to such a point that they can regularly produce the insane amount of content Youtube's algorithm

is looking for, with daily videos across multiple channels, but with an animated character.

Well, rotoscoped character, but you know what I mean.

Though, like most of the personality based creators that have come to dominate the site,

the content consists mostly of challenges, games, QnAs, the occasional skit, and a surprising

amount of screaming.

- oh god, I think my ears are bleeding -

It also lets these channels

get creative by building themselves around fictional characters with unique designs and

personalities for the audience get attached to and get to know, including developing some

strong lore and backstories for the characters to play around with, even if it does tend

to revolve around how wacky it is being an Artificial Intelligence.

And while I'm sure there's probably a discussion to be had about the implications

of an audience developing parasocial bonds with a fictional character designed to be

relatable, that's for another video.

Though that said, I'm surprised there hasn't been a Storytime Animation channel to go with

that fictional character approach, seems like the perfect place to try it.

But, saying it out loud I now realize the immense potential that lies in the idea and

that I should probably do it myself and reap the benefits before anyone else figures it

out so - NO ONE DO IT, MY IDEA, ORIGINAL, uh, CuhN-TENT, DO NOT STEAL, PLEASE

(steal the shit out of it before he realizes anything's gone wrong)

To put it simply, animation has started making a resurgence on Youtube recently because creators

have found a variety of ways to adapt their animation to be more sustainable in Youtube's

current algorithm, transitioning from skits, sketches and stories to the personality based

formats that define the platform.

On the one hand, it's fascinating to look back and see how much youtube animation has

changed and evolved over the years, but on the other, it does feel a bit disheartening.

I don't mean to sound like an old man complaining about how "back in my days things were better",

which'd be especially weird considering I'm only like 20, but I still feel that,

there's some creative freedom that's been lost

Back then it felt like animation on youtube was bursting with potential, that anything

was possible, that anyone could draw or model their dream project and expect to do reasonably well.

And that's not to shit-talk any of the newer animators who've found success, not at all.

I think a lot of them are making great stuff and it's been amazing to see how their content

has grown and evolved and improved over the years as they've found their voice and perfected

their respective styles.

But, more and more, both in regards to Animation, and more generally with Youtube as a whole,

it feels like, unless you can make your work fit into the specific formats and formulas

the site's looking for, you might as well not bother at all.

In that sense, my problem isn't with "Youtube Animation", it's more so with Youtube, given how the major changes

in its animation community are directly tied to the way Youtube changes its algorithms,

in subtle and not so subtle ways

And maybe it's just me.

Maybe a weird combination of cynicism and nostalgia has jaded my perspective, I fully

realize and admit that, but with all the shit I've seen this site put people through,

and the amount of shit I've seen it let some people get away with, I find it hard to stay optimistic.

But that's the nature of online content.

Hell, that's the nature of art and entertainment in general.

It's constantly changing, because of politics and society, because of technological revolutions

and limitations, because of personal issues and private deals, it even changes because

of other pieces of art and entertainment, and on the internet it all happens at an

unprecedented rate.

If you wanna succeed, you gotta keep up, and sometimes that means making sacrifices.

Which is all a long winded way of explaining why I find Lucas the Spider to be so interesting, because amidst

all this algorithmic chaos, this simple little series, made as a side project by someone

who just had a fun idea, has managed to thrive.

And if we're lucky, maybe that's the point.

Maybe it represents the start of another change in the system.

Lucas: Hey, my harp!

And yeah, those are my thoughts.

So, uh, this video was originally just supposed to be a short little essay about why I liked

Lucas the Spider, and uh, yeah, it's, not that anymore.

As I said, I noticed a lot of people attributing the return of Youtube Animation purely to

Storytime Animation, and I just felt like it was ignoring the bigger phenomenon going on

Again, I've got nothing against Storytime Animators, I really like a lot of them, but still.

Also, I had a lot of fun with the avatar design and I really like the aesthetic,

even if the "animation" was tedious as fuck to get done.

So let me know what yous think of it and maybe I'll make it a regular thing, if I can, actually bother myself.

Also also, I apologise if there seems like there's an inconsistency in how I sound,

I'm having to record of these lines after, and uh, I'm kinda dealing with a chest cold right now, so.

Anyway, let me know what yous think, if yous agree, disagree, what yous think of animation's

resurgence on Youtube, who your favourite animation channel or animator is, etc, and

thanks for watching!

If yous enjoyed this and wanna see more, than check out my last video, where I break down

the tragic story arc of Doctor Otto Octavius from Marvel's Spider-Man and what can be

learned from it.

Or, check out my video on Stop Motion Animation, and the odd quality that makes it so creepy,

and yet, so amazing.

And don't forget to like, comment, share and of course, subscribe, to Come Fly With Me!

Yous can also follow me on Twitter for more updates about this channel and other stuff,

and hopefully, I'll see yous later!

For more infomation >> What Happened To Animation On Youtube? | Traven Talks - Duration: 19:36.

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Stupid OR Genius? What Are These Dudes Up To... - Duration: 4:30.

Stupid OR Genius? What Are These Dudes Up To...

For more infomation >> Stupid OR Genius? What Are These Dudes Up To... - Duration: 4:30.

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Nightcore - SOLO (Cover by JANNY) (Lyrics) - Duration: 2:30.

Lyrics on the screen

For more infomation >> Nightcore - SOLO (Cover by JANNY) (Lyrics) - Duration: 2:30.

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grown-ish Season 2 | Promo: Zoey Loses Her Cool | Freeform - Duration: 0:16.

Just be cool. Stay classy.

Be cool. Stay classy.

You will never guess what happened.

[Both] You're pregnant.

[Both] Jinx!

No!

For more infomation >> grown-ish Season 2 | Promo: Zoey Loses Her Cool | Freeform - Duration: 0:16.

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YEAR(S)REVIEW - Duration: 5:49.

all right three two one hello everybody this is Sassagrass and welcome back so..

it seems like this happens every time I'm trying to make a video

I'm actually in the middle of recording a video what's up good what's going on hey what's up

2019 - they just all the years I've been doing on YouTube review

all those years before are always gonna be years that are very special to me

2015 all I wanted was to be able to have people who looked up to me and people

who I could really share my interest with and just have a community that I

they really understood me and I really understood them I can't really thank you

guys enough but I hope this video did a little bit something for you guys so

thank you guys so much for watching make sure to LIKE come subscribe and as

always I will see you in the next video bye bye

you neighbor hammer synced oh shut again ready set go ok ready 3 2 1 go hey

that's mine ah yeah oh no I will kill you your family will be mining do I have

to push the middle bind up hey

all right the guys I am about to prank my dad are you ready this is going to be

epic all right he should be coming out of the

store any second now oh come here what are you know having a surprise show

Jerry Jerry no low back here sex Russell common buddies yep ornate lettuce

here's the deal you just give me the facts just fats only the facts breathe

focus keep it simple no doubt no doubt okay so I'm at this

art museum and my cousin Ignacio right and there was just like Abstract

Expressionism exhibit you know my name is nico-chan as well like

For more infomation >> YEAR(S)REVIEW - Duration: 5:49.

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Part 47 Luisita/Amelia - Duration: 3:53.

Luisita, I don't want to bother you, I just came to leave my dress here.

I want to tell you that I am very happy that you got out of jail.

You and your mother.

Thanks.

Amelia.

I...

I think we've been strange with each other lately, right?

Yes, a lot of things happened.

I want to apologize for everything I told you when you came to see me in jail.

I was just worried about you.

I know.

I am sorry, I was there... I couldn't think clearly.

So now have you made your mind up?

What do you mean?

I understand that you feel uncomfortable with me.

Sara told me.

She told you that? Yes, she told me that you needed to distance from me...

and that you didn't feel comfortably being around me.

Amelia, I never told her that.

Really? She made that up.

Well....

And she told you something about me? About you? No, why?

I think that Sara has been messing things up.

I also think so.

What were you writing?

Well...

what happened in jail, I don't want to forget about it.

Can I read it?

I don't know, it's not so well written. I am sure it is.

Let me read it, I will give you my opinion about it, trust me.

I needed some time to get used to the darkness in the cell...

while my other senses sharpened.

A strong smell of sweat, mistery and fear...hitted me from the very beginning.

I heard murmurings.

Someone was praying, voices coming from all sides.

Step by step I started to distinguish silhouettes in the cell.

Poor you, you really had a bad time.

Amelia, stop reading if you don't want to continue. Of course I want.

Some women were standing up, on the wall.

Some others were sitting.

I felt like one of them looked at me as if she was begging for help.

It's so badly written.

It's not, it's wonderful.

It's a sincere text and very moving.

You are a good writer.

Do you think so? Yes.

Your opinion is so important for me.

Your are so brave Luisita. No, I am not. Yes, you are.

This is the proof of it.

I wish I was half as brave as you are. You live your life without caring about what other people will say.

Amelia, I've never told you this but...

I admire you a lot.

For more infomation >> Part 47 Luisita/Amelia - Duration: 3:53.

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এত সুন্দর কেন মানুষের সৃষ্টি | Eto Sundor Keno manuser Sristi | শায়েখ মতিউর রহমান মাদানী | Bangla - Duration: 4:51.

For more infomation >> এত সুন্দর কেন মানুষের সৃষ্টি | Eto Sundor Keno manuser Sristi | শায়েখ মতিউর রহমান মাদানী | Bangla - Duration: 4:51.

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The Crazy Maniacs Series Episode 18 | A ghostly appearance - Duration: 4:47.

'How am I going to get Spring Bonnie back to life?'

Toy Chica : 'Hey Golden Freddy! You forgot your present!'

'Sorry Toy Chica not now! I'm trying to fix Spring Bonnie.'

'Well maybe your present could help you fix Spring Bonnie!'

'I guess you're right...'

'An X-Ray view box! This will be very useful!'

'Thanks Toy Chica!'

'That's one new animatronic I've made nice with.'

'I'll guess I'll try to make more new friends.'

'Hello Chica!'

'What are you doing?'

'I'm helping Freddy and Marionette to find some weird creature.' (But she's just standing there staring into space)

'CAN I HELP!?'

'Of course you can!'

Marionette : 'I think I found it! Nope , never mine , it's only some kid's shoe...'

'It's not going well as you can see...' (It's because you're just standing there like a snowman!)

'I give up!'

'This is impossible!'

'Even with this X-Ray box , I still can't do it!'

'I shouldn't destroy this yet because I might need it in the future!'

'And the thing with the sign yesterday was a horrible idea!'

Freddy Fazbear : 'Hello Golden Fred...'

'Just... please stop talking!'

'What's up with Golden Freddy?'

??? : 'THIS BITES!!!!' (Who the H E double hockey sticks is that?)

??? : 'How can I get back into my suit if there's already a spirit inside my suit!'

'Well I may have to make the spirit evacuate from my suit or else this could get ugly!'

'Hey Freddy , have you found the thing yet?'

'The only thing I've found out that Golden Freddy isn't in such a good mood for some reason.'

'That's a little strange...'

'Golden Freddy was happy earlier when I gave him his present.'

'Anyways , let's get out of here because there's literally nothing in here! (But there is you and Toy Chica , Spring Bonnie , a door , a ghost and floor tiles)

U WOT M8!? GIVE ME DAT PAPER OR ELSE UR DED >:c

'Interesting! New animatronics!'

'I wonder what I'll do with these new animatronics!'

'Probably nothing!'

'But the other nine will feel pain!'

'I need to kill that Security Guard first so no recordings of me moving are shown!'

'And what were Fredbear and Stupidnette talking about? A bat like creature?'

'How useful!'

'But that's easier said than done!'

??? : 'I'm useful!?'

'Very useful!'

For more infomation >> The Crazy Maniacs Series Episode 18 | A ghostly appearance - Duration: 4:47.

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Top 5 Scary Videos Games You Need To Pray Before Playing - Duration: 10:18.

Video games are a different breed.

Simultaneously, they are both harder and easier to deliver horrifying moments than that of

a well told ghost story or a classic horror flick - and so in the majority of cases, get

an unfair wrap when held against the other media of the genre.

But - they have one massive advantage.

Us - the player.

What better way to experience a horror story than by actually being in it - making split

second choices as to whether you'll run away or keep playing, despite your heart pumping

so loud that you can hear it in your ears.

What's going on horror fans - and welcome back to the scariest channel on YouTube - Top

5 Scary Videos.

As always, I'll be your horror host Jack Finch - and today, we're changing it up

a bit - as we take a look at the Top 5 Scary Video Games You Need To Pray Before Playing.

Roll the clip.

Ahhh - I so wish that game, Silent Hills, would have made it out of development.

Hideo Kojima, Guillermo Del Toro - and Silent Hill?

Sign me up.

Oh well, what is dead may never die.

The thing is with video games - pretty much anything can be scary.

Whether it's Metal Gear Solid after a guard accidently walked into your cardboard box

- or Cuphead when you're running Perilous Pier for the 57th time and you've just gotten

a little further than you ever have before.

Larry the Lobster man.

But actual horror games?

Well, they're one of life's greatest joys.

If that's your kind of thing, anyway.

Before we dive into this list - you know how it is by now horror fans - if you're a fan

of this video, horror video games - or just Top 5 Scary Videos in general - be a dear

and hit that thumbs up button, as well as that subscribe bell so you can stay up to

date with our latest and greatest uploads.

Make sure to show some love in the comment section down below, and stick around till

the end - where I'll be reading out some of your most creative comments from the past

few days.

Kicking off at Number 5 - Bloodborne

And this game is pretty much a must play for any horror fan or - better still - a fan of

the works of H.P Lovecraft - you know how we feel about the granddaddy of cosmic horror

here at Top 5 Scary Videos, what did you expect?

If you've ever played any of the Dark Souls series, then this game will undoubtedly be

familiar to you - but the thing that sets it apart from its predecessors is the horror

filled world that it draws its theme from.

Released in 2015 by FromSoftware - Bloodborne is a third person ARPG where you play as The

Hunter - a figure tasked with eliminating an entire city of vile creatures and monsters.

The real horror of the game is its setting.

Bloodborne takes place in Yharnam, a Gothic city whose inhabitants were obsessed with

the scientific properties of blood.

Well, things go bad obviously - and their obsession with blood corrupts the city - the

result being an insane mashup of H.P Lovecraft, Bram Stoker and the end of the world.

Not going to lie - this game is HARD - and the majority of the fear in this game comes

from literally how punishing it is.

Literally even the most minor creatures are essentially boss battles - and you're going

to die, over, and over, and over, and over.

And the whole time, you'll be terrified.

Coming in at Number 4 - Darkest Dungeon

Alright, we've just got to get the Lovecraftian ones out of the way - because as we all know,

I'm biased - but I also want to deliver you guys the best of the best in this humble

hosts opinion.

And Darkest Dungeon, is definitely up there with the best of the best as a video game

horror experience.

The thing that makes this game so damn good - is its atmosphere, and it's ability to

tell a slow burning psychological story through otherwise simplistic gameplay.

But - despite that, it's also one of the hardest games you'll ever play.

Nothing simple about it.

Released in 2016, Darkest Dungeon is a roguelike, roleplaying dungeon crawler where the player

inherits an estate from a mysterious relative, who - while seeking fame and fortune, began

excavating dungeons and catacombs beneath their manor.

And in typical Lovecraftian fashion - of course they unearthed portals to dark dimensions,

releasing a number of horrific demonic creatures into the world.

The player must recruit a roster of adventurers and heroes - who continuously suffer from

the horrors of the dungeon, permanently leaving them with mental and physical scars.

Also, if they die - they're dead - there's no extra lives in this game - and because

of that, it's awesome.

Definitely one to pick up.

Next up at Number 3 - Until Dawn

And this is probably the truest game out there when compared to a fully-fledged horror movie.

Because essentially, that's exactly what it is.

It's an interactive horror movie with hundreds of different outcomes, and a love letter to

every teen slasher film you've ever seen.

It's relatively simplistic in gameplay, but where it hits the mark is in it's atmospheric

story telling - and also its insanely tense.

Also Wendigos.

Released in 2015 - Until Dawn centres around a group of eight teenagers on their annual

trip to the remote Blackwood Mountain in Western Canada.

We've heard this one before, right?

Teenagers.

Remote location - what comes next?

Of course - they get stalked by a creepy madman.

But the stereotypes end there, because what Until Dawn actually relies on is its idiosyncratic

strength - and its most important function - the players choice.

It's jam packed with a fantastic cast - Rami Malek, Hayden Panettiere, Brett Dalton - and

legit, it's a horrifying pleasure to look at.

Until Dawn is a beautiful game.

It's atmospheric, it's sound design is fantastic - and it's replayability is priceless.

You probably won't feel the fear after the first few playthroughs - but that first impression

will be some truly tense hours of gameplay.

Great game.

Swinging in at Number 2 - Amnesia: The Dark Descent

I'll admit it.

This is a game that I never actually finished.

Simply because I couldn't do it.

I never even made it to the Inner Sanctum, and I've learned to live with that.

Because when people say horror video game - that is exactly what Amnesia: The Dark Descent

is.

It's a terrifying video game.

Period.

It played on the same kind of mechanical fear that Fatal Frame employed, which would of

made this list but - eh, I dunno - I'm not a massive fan.

There are no weapons in this game, other than random stray objects that you can throw in

vain - that also kind of do nothing.

Your only real combat against the darkness is light - a lamp, a candle, a matchstick

- which constantly burn down.

Of course.

You've never known fear unless you're walking down a corridor with a smidgen of

oil left in your lamp, and the sounds of shuffling feet behind you.

Released in 2010, Amnesia: The Dark Descent takes place in 1839 - following the character

Daniel, a young man from London that awakens in the dark empty halls of the Prussian Brennenburg

Castle.

Also, he's got amnesia - and can't quite remember why he's there.

No spoilers - of course - and going into this story completely blind is the only way to

play this game.

It's a fantastic horror experience, and I'd implore you to test your mental fortitude

against it.

Also - please play it in daylight because - there's no need to be a masochist.

And finally - at our Number 1 spot - Silent Hill 2.

The greatest horror video game ever made.

End of story.

Silent Hill 2 is perhaps the most tense, beautiful, strange, isolated, bleak - and every other

existential adjective out there - video game experience ever.

It's a game that time and time again has had horror fans and video game enthusiasts

equal parts perplexed and equal parts transfixed by its narrative.

Mechanically speaking, there are so many things going on that it would take an entire video

to cover - but it's technically difficult simplicity is where it shines.

For the most part it's an inaccessible game - and I've heard stories of people just

straight up quitting because they can't figure out where to go next.

It doesn't hold you by the hand - it forces you to break through the town of Silent Hill,

punishing you at every corner - giving you no obvious clues or instructions as to its

next step.

And that's why it's a fantastic horror experience.

Play this game - purely for it's sound design and soundtrack.

Just listening to it back still gives me the spooks.

On the surface, this is a game about a man exploring the abandoned and mysterious town

of Silent Hill - but in actual fact is a psychological confrontation of one man's inner demons.

It's themes are a slow crawl through regret, failure - isolation, the burden of responsibility.

It's emotionally draining - and more importantly, it will leave its mark on you.

And it's a game that still hasn't been surpassed as a horror experience.

Pick it up, play it - and good luck.

Well - there we have it folks.

What do you guys think are the scariest horror video games ever made?

Speak your mind in the comment box down below.

Before we depart, let's read out some of your most creative comments from the past

few days.

Ty Dshock says - hey guys big fan from across the pond - keep up the creepy videos always

a pleasure watching them!

Well Ty thanks so much my dude - but if you're from across the pond, and I'm technically

across the pond - which side of the pond are we actually on?

CeetjeBeetje says - Don't know if you're into gaming, but have you played Bloodborne?

The Old Hunters DLC specifically.

Especially the last area of fishers hamlet oozes Lovecraft from every pore.

Well good buddy - I definitely hope you enjoyed this video, and I hope you got your answer.

Well - unfortunately, that's all we've got time for in today's video - cheers for

sticking around all the way till the end.

As always, I've been your host Jack Finch - you've been watching Top 5 Scary Videos

- and until next time, take it easy.

For more infomation >> Top 5 Scary Videos Games You Need To Pray Before Playing - Duration: 10:18.

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TIN NÓNG 02/01/2019 - Tin Khẩn Cấp Mới Nhất - Tin Tức 24h | TIN MỚI NHẤT TRONG NGÀY #029 @E4U - Duration: 22:26.

For more infomation >> TIN NÓNG 02/01/2019 - Tin Khẩn Cấp Mới Nhất - Tin Tức 24h | TIN MỚI NHẤT TRONG NGÀY #029 @E4U - Duration: 22:26.

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SuperRacoonBros YouTube Rewind 2018 Reaction - Duration: 7:04.

Drop like on this video if you guys enjoyed comment down below your thoughts in your opinions about the video make sure to subscribe

with host indications on so you stay down fight on every single video also

Follow my social media so they tuned for updates for incoming videos thank you

Hello everyone doing here and welcome back to another reaction so we'll be reacting to super rockin bros

u to be 120 18 by super akron bros

so he actually wanted me to react to this video and he also has a

version to which I'm gonna react to it soon and it will be out soon and

this was combined adore edited by John react so shout out to super raccoon Bros and

John reacts as well so

for those people who ask me

for

for me to make them an intro and an outro I

Did see your comment for those two people I know who you are that

Commented and

it may take a while for me to make it because recently my internet has been down and I'm using my

personal hotspot on my phone that

I'm using right now so yeah that's the only time that I will get internet, so I apologize for that, so

we're gonna get to starting

Right now

No offense man you have to

Change your intro man

1000 that was good times man

1 million views

Thank you guys for 1 million views

Have you member that oh my god

5000 subscribers Wow I

Think I will send it Mario Washington quality spaces I remember that

10,000 subscribers I

Could see that man Wow

Wow congratulations you have like 25,000 about

25 yeah I think so Wow

you're good quick man if I know it when I hear 10,000 you're gonna have way more than you have now

Wow

Ten million Jews Wow

Fifteen thousand subscribers I will set views

That was a great video that was a great video

20,000 and Wow thanks for watching

This was pretty good I

Like to music the background music but to be honest

It was a little bit too loud but it was still good anyway I still enjoyed it no judgment

So

I've been so depart to I'm gonna react to it soon and it will come out soon and Paul they're not

it was

really good I really enjoyed it

so make sure you guys subscribe to super rockin bros make sure you guys get him to

25000 or even more than that and

subscribe to John reacts to get him to 5,000 or more

subscribers I would really appreciate it and we are on the road to

850 subscribers but

Currently really

900 but we're almost up to 850

which means

Halfway until 900 so thank you guys

So much for watching

make sure you guys turn post on occasion so you stay notified on every single video and I will see you guys in

the next video bye bye if you want

For more infomation >> SuperRacoonBros YouTube Rewind 2018 Reaction - Duration: 7:04.

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5 High Blood Pressure Symptoms You Shouldn't Ignore - Duration: 4:39.

5 High Blood Pressure Symptoms You Shouldn't Ignore.

When high blood pressure starts to cause noticeable symptoms, it is definitely time to talk to

your primary care doctor.

Ignoring these kinds of symptoms is a risk you can't afford to take.

If you have started accepting high blood pressure symptoms as a part of your life, you need

to take control of your own healthcare.

At relatively stable levels, high blood pressure causes some side effects.

But as the numbers climb, you raise your risk of developing additional health problems down

the road.

You have to talk to your primary care doctor about these symptoms to prevent yourself from

triggering serious health conditions, such as heart failure and stroke.

If you have felt any of the following symptoms, you need to schedule an appointment with your

doctor as soon as possible.

1.

Headaches and Nosebleeds.

Constant pounding headaches and sudden nosebleeds, which tend to happen when your blood pressure

rises, could indicate the development of a hypertensive crisis.

This medical emergency happens when your blood pressure reaches unsafe levels.

You should test your blood pressure to make sure it is within a safe range, and schedule

an appointment with your primary care doctor if your numbers are not stable.

If your blood pressure reading is over 180/110, immediately call 911 to receive emergency

medical care.

2.

Vision Irregularities.

Individuals suffering from high blood pressure tend to develop blood spots in their eye tissue.

These spots may disrupt your field of vision, making it difficult to see clearly.

Dizziness caused by high blood pressure can also cause vision irregularities that disrupt

your field of vision.

Over time, these irregularities can cause damage to your optic nerves and permanently

change your eyesight.

3.

Anxiety.

Since anxiety and heart problems cause so many similar symptoms, it can be difficult

to tell the difference between these two conditions.

Heart palpitations and breathing difficulties caused by anxiety can actually spike your

blood pressure and cause the related symptoms to get worse.

Seeking treatment from your primary care doctor for these two conditions is the only way to

keep the symptoms from building on each other over time.

4.

Breathing Difficulties.

Any time you are experiencing breathing difficulties, no matter the cause, you should seek prompt

medical attention.

High blood pressure can negatively impact your ability to breathe by reducing blood

flow to your lungs.

During a hypertensive crisis, your lungs could even start to fill with fluid and fail to

process oxygen as needed, causing the difficult breathing sensations.

Since it is impossible to tell the cause of breathing difficulties on your own, you must

seek medical care right away.

5.

Dizziness and Confusion.

Although high blood pressure does not directly cause dizziness or confusion, these symptoms

may actually indicate that you are experiencing a stroke.

When your blood pressure remains abnormally high, your risk of stroke skyrockets, so it

is important to receive prompt medical care to rule out this dangerous condition.

Continued dizziness and confusion puts you at risk of sustaining injuries from falls

or other accidents.

You can keep your blood pressure under control by regularly attending appointments with your

primary care doctor.

If you haven't had an appointment in a while and start to notice high blood pressure symptoms,

contact a local KentuckyCare clinic to schedule an appointment with a primary care doctor

as soon as possible.

For more infomation >> 5 High Blood Pressure Symptoms You Shouldn't Ignore - Duration: 4:39.

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HOW TO PUT SONGS FROM YOUTUBE ON IPHONE APPLE MUSIC? - Duration: 3:20.

Hello

First, you want to make sure you have iTunes open and your iPhone plugged into your computer.

Then you want to go to youtube to find the song you want.

Now you want to copy the link of he song.

Now go to an Mp3 converter and download the song. The link will be in the description.

To make life easier, after you download the song drag it to your desktop so it will be easier to locate when adding to iTunes.

Now drag the song to your iTunes library.

Now we sync the song to or iPhone.

There we go, Now we can check our phone to make sure.

In a future video, I will show you guys how to put the cover art on the songs.

For more infomation >> HOW TO PUT SONGS FROM YOUTUBE ON IPHONE APPLE MUSIC? - Duration: 3:20.

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Gerçek Bir Aşk Hikayesi Ağlatan Muhteşem Klip 2018 Yeni YouTube - Duration: 4:32.

For more infomation >> Gerçek Bir Aşk Hikayesi Ağlatan Muhteşem Klip 2018 Yeni YouTube - Duration: 4:32.

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9 Kidney Infection Symptoms In Women - Duration: 6:20.

9 Kidney Infection Symptoms In Women.

If you've ever had a urinary tract infection, you know the pain-in-the-ass symptoms that

come with it: a burning sensation when you pee, the need to go all the time.

Well, those symptoms are also indicators of another serious health issue: a kidney infection.

While kidney infections are rare in otherwise healthy people, most do start as a UTI.

"As soon as you start having other symptoms [besides burning, frequency, and urgency],

that's when you worry it might be moving beyond the bladder," says Staci Leisman,

M.D., internist and nephrologist at Mount Sinai Hospital.

"It's called an ascending infection—it literally moves up from the bladder into the

kidneys."

A kidney infection can be easily treated with oral antibiotics (it usually takes about a

week to clear up), says Leisman.

But in rare cases, an untreated kidney infection can progress to septic shock, which can be

fatal.

Other worst-case scenarios: super-high blood pressure, leading to kidney failure or kidney

scars, which can cause chronic kidney disease.

Chances are, if you're experiencing the uncomfortable symptoms of a UTI, you're

going to head to your ob-gyn ASAP.

But if for some reason you've been putting it off, and you start to notice any of the

symptoms below, you could be at risk for developing a kidney infection.

1.

BURNING PAIN WITH URINATION.

If you want to get fancy, this is called dysuria, and it's common in women's health issues

like yeast infections and vaginal infections.

"Inflammation along the lining of the urethra can cause that sort of burning sensation when

you go to the bathroom," says Leisman.

2.

URINARY FREQUENCY.

Not only will you feel like you have to go 20 times a day, you'll go to the bathroom

and very little will come out.

"Your bladder is well-designed to hold lots of urine," says Leisman, "But if there's

irritation happening in the bladder as the result of an infection, that irritation makes

you think you have to go all the time."

3.

URINARY URGENCY.

This is that feeling like you have to pee and you have to pee now.

That same irritation in your bladder that causes you to feel like you have to go all

the time is what makes it feel like to have to find a bathroom immediately.

4.

FEVER.

People with kidney infections tend to have very high fevers.

"We're not entirely sure why this is, but you'd be looking at temperatures over

100," says Leisman.

"You could also have chills, night sweats, and other things that are more predisposing

to a systemic infection."

5.

BACK, SIDE, OR GROIN PAIN.

Your kidneys are located deep against the back muscles in your upper abdominal area,

so it's common to experience pain in that region.

"If I'm examining you, I'm going to first tap you on the back where your kidneys

are and people with a kidney infection will likely jump right off the table from the pain,"

says Leisman.

"That's because your kidneys are in a capsule where there's not a lot of space,

so if it gets inflamed at all, it's incredibly painful."

6.

ABDOMINAL PAIN.

In addition to back, side, or groin pain, some people with kidney infections may experience

abdominal pain.

"It's less likely, but sometimes the pain can manifest in strange places," says Leisman—and

considering that your kidneys are located deep in your abdominal region, it wouldn't

be the weirdest place to feel aches or even sharp pains.

7.

NAUSEA AND VOMITING.

In the same way a kidney infection can cause systemic symptoms like fever and chills, it

can also make you feel sick to your stomach or like you want to throw up all the time.

"With any infection, you'll be feeling pretty unwell, and nausea and vomiting typically

come right along with that," says Leisman.

8.

PUS OR BLOOD IN YOUR URINE.

In most cases, your doctor would only see this if they did a dipstick urine test.

"It's because your urethra is inflamed and it could be shedding a little bit of blood,"

she explains.

However, it is is possible that you might actually see blood when you go to the bathroom.

As for pus, that would be more common in very complicated kidney infections, and would show

up as white cells on the dipstick test.

9.

CLOUDY OR SMELLY URINE.

One major difference between kidney infections and other vaginal issues is that kidney infections

do not come with any discharge.

So if you're experience discharge, you can rule out a kidney infection as the culprit.

"But you can have stinky or cloudy urine," says Leisman.

"You're basically growing bacteria in there, which can sometimes create an odor

or cloudiness, which is really just the bacteria and the white cells that you're seeing."

For more infomation >> 9 Kidney Infection Symptoms In Women - Duration: 6:20.

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How My Love For 🅱T$ Messed Me Up | Story Time - Duration: 17:38.

Da da da da da da doo~

Oh, hey! I wonder what that is!

NO DON'T GO IN THERE! (AHH!)

Uh, why not?

You know when characters get bit by zombies but the effects don't set in right away?

What's going to happen to me?

Oh, dear.

Sit down.

This'll take a while.

On May 21, 2018, I uploaded the video "It's Okay To Like Things"

about my developed interest in a certain boy band.

One of my conclusions was:

"Maybe I won't care a year from now, but I embrace my present enthusiasm."

Turns out I forgot that "embracing my present enthusiasm"

shouldn't include abandoning all critical thought, morals, and sense of self.

My memory's not great, but I'll pick up from where I left off.

After the BBMAs, I felt like a changed person.

Like something in my brain was different.

That's how surreal it was to see them on TV.

I decided I was proud to be an A.R.M.Y and let the term define me.

By the time school started, I had a jacket with their logo on it and invested a lot of time into them every day.

My mom and I watched more of their TV appearances together.

It was nice to be open about what I loved, and to enjoy that thing with others.

They were so unproblematic and entertaining,

I started feeling convinced they were perfect people who would never disappoint me.

Every now and then, there'd be a slip up of some kind.

It seemed to happen more and more frequently.

There'd be a questionable collaboration or something and I'd choose to ignore it.

I was happy.

I wasn't going to let callout culture ruin my happiness!

So I drowned everything out with their music.

But that started to fail, too.

"Idol" felt...

off.

I was actually disappointed in the lack of lyrical content,

especially in the chorus,

but that was the point!

It was /supposed/ to seem manufactured and fake

to ironically meet antis' expectations, right?

The weird thing is how I enjoyed them for what I called

"good quality generic romantic pop music"

—even if I couldn't relate to the lyrics, I like the aesthetic, anyway—

and when they changed that,

it didn't feel natural.

Their albums are called /Love Yourself/,

and have a perceived narrative,

but they never actually sang about self-love until the final installment.

They're praised for having a message of self-love—

with lyrics from "Idol", "Answer: Love Myself",

and other recent songs as evidence—

but they never really wrote about that for most of their career.

In fact,

they rarely spoke about it unless it came up in interviews.

I decided that even if this message was manufactured for them by their company,

however recently,

it was still a good message, and they represented it,

so I was okay with it.

But I couldn't relate to the extent that A.R.M.Ys

thanked them for teaching them how to love themselves.

I was slowly becoming insecure about them,

and felt guilty about it.

So what if Yasushi Akimoto wrote misogynstic lyrics?

The song was cancelled!

So what if Nicki Minaj defended her brother for his crimes against children?

They probably didn't know!

So what if they did a photo shoot at a-

OK, I definitely couldn't "so what" that one.

I considered it a strike in a series of likely

far more than three and decided to move on.

They're humans! They make mistakes!

I could never demonize them.

I thought acknowledging these problematic things

without attributing them to the members

was critical thinking.

It wasn't.

And I didn't see that until it was too late.

Around mid-October, I found Stray Kids.

My first impression was that they were objectively better,

but my gut reaction to that was,

"No, don't say that! You're loyal to that group!"

I felt bad for sneaking a stream and "forgave" myself

by listening to /Love Yourself: Answer/ every day.

I realized I'd constructed a weird power dynamic

between myself and my interest,

so I started mentally backing away slowly

before anything worse happened.

Maybe I could become a casual fan of only their music,

far enough to be unaffected by their actions.

But /Mono/ pulled me back in because it spoke to

themes I didn't know I wanted to hear.

Then JK pulled me further with GCF.

I never admitted it,

but I always viewed both of us as

soft strong heroes with a camera.

I don't think I'd ever related to a celebrity more,

and I didn't want to leave him.

Then it happened.

I don't remember the exact day,

but one of the members was called out

for wearing a controversial shirt.

Heh, oh, was it too accepting?

[gasp]

That's so /bad/!

Thus began frantically grasping at straws

to save my peace of mind.

Everyone was as frantic as I was,

nothing was certain,

nothing helped,

and everything hurt my brain.

I was reaching a breaking point and I was scared.

I tried to ignore it.

As big as this was,

I tried to ignore it.

The next day, when I came home from school,

my mom was like,

"Did you hear one of your Korean boys

got in trouble for wearing the wrong shirt?"

Heh, yep!

And I don't want to talk about it right now. Bye!

My heart dropped.

Disappointing /me/ is one thing,

but disappointing my /mother/ is a death sentence.

I didn't know what to feel or think.

That was the problem.

I desperately wanted someone to tell me.

My issue is that with a lot of discourse,

to avoid conflict,

I side with the most liberal, popular opinion

because I want to have the "right" one.

I'm reluctant to form opinions for myself,

so I wasn't at all prepared for this.

I decided to cancel the group until they apologized,

but desperately hoped that they would.

Eventually, BigHit released a statement that set me on the verge of a mental breakdown.

They thoroughly explained and apologized for

everything the group had been called out for lately,

reassured everyone of their values, and promised to do better in the future.

It calmed me in the moment,

but afterward it was like my heart was getting torn in two.

If it was exactly what I wanted to hear,

then why did it feel like I was tricking myself into believing it?

For what felt like the next hour, I-

[GASP]

started trying to think for myself!

I'm not being dramatic. It was genuinely painful.

But they apologized!

But it wasn't /from/ them!

But if they're bad then we're bad!

It's okay to be wrong! It's okay to be wrong!

Form your own opinion! It's okay to be wrong!

Why can't I form my own opinion?!

But if we acknowledge /this/,

we have to acknowledge everything else they've never properly addressed!

You mean everything /we've/ never properly addressed?!

AAAAHHHH!!!!!

I'm not going to lie.

It was mostly yelling.

My mom checked on me multiple times.

It's nothing. I'm just working through some stuff.

I'll tell you later.

For better or worse, something inside me was breaking.

Eventually, I gave my mom my phone

to read the whole statement for herself

while I went off to do something else.

When I came back,

she gave her honest, objective opinion

that lifted a huge weight off my shoulders

and opened my eyes.

"They're adults."

And I was like, you know what?

Yeah! They /are/ adults.

They /are/ adults!

They /ARE/-!

So they collaborated with problematic people.

That doesn't reflect on /them/!

That's like saying, "I voted for them, but I don't support them."

Yes, you do!

No. They're not me. I'm not them. They don't reflect on me.

Yes, they do!

Voting /is/ supporting them!

You literally support them for who they are and what they represent.

You clearly have no conflict with their beliefs.

That's what voting /is/.

It's okay because it was in the past.

Like, /years/ ago in the past.

You mean when they were /also/ adults who should've known better?

When others hid or cancelled it or released a blanket statement so they'd never have to apologize directly?

Ignorance is one thing.

Repeated ignorance and learning nothing is another.

When you mess up,

you have to acknowledge it, apologize, learn, and do better.

That's how you show growth.

When celebrities mess up,

it's different than if a friend or family member did.

With someone close,

you can sit them down and say,

"Here's what you did wrong and why it hurt me or others and how you should be better,"

and they'll listen to you because they care about you,

and you'll give them a chance because you care about them.

With celebrities, when they mess up, they're on their own.

They have to recognize it for themselves,

which might be hard to come by.

They're not obligated to personally confront it.

If it doesn't hurt their entire audience, why bring it up?

So, it's difficult to see change in them

because no matter how much they claim to love their fans,

they won't listen to absolutely everyone.

They /know/ what they're wearing,

they /know/ what they're doing,

and they /know/ who they're working with.

Either that, or they're incredibly ignorant,

which is just as inexcusable.

I couldn't continue to support or listen to them in good conscience.

Which brings us to November 16th,

when, for the first time in a while,

I was honest with myself

and spilled out how I genuinely felt,

while starting to figure out how I got to that point.

As you can tell,

I had a lot of bad feelings in me.

I was angry, hurt, and resentful.

It felt like I was betrayed by people who were supposed to be my friends.

They were just a group I allowed myself to enjoy,

so why did it hurt so much?

Why did it feel like I was coping with trauma,

not getting over an interest?

Ignoring this—as I do best—

I resolved not to give up on people,

and threw myself into Stray Kids at full force!

Woah, woah, woah.

You're telling me that after seven months of this,

you learned absolutely nothing,

and decided to try /again/?!

Yep!

Even more so, actually!

We'll get there. Don't worry.

As the smoke cleared in my brain,

I developed more and more opinions and realizations

about what I'd experienced the past seven months

and what I was experiencing at the time,

and put it into words as best I could.

However,

it's...

mostly...

just ranting...

and ranting...

and ranting.

And I don't have the energy to talk about all of this.

Anyway, as you can tell,

I was spitting a lot of negative energy into this rant for a few days.

Then I read a thread about emotional dependency

by Twitter user @BTS_ARMY_INT,

and it cleared up a lot for me because it was exactly how I felt.

I cannot blame people for not taking responsibility for their actions

without acknowledging my own flawed approach to them.

Part of the thread says, quote:

They went on to quote an article called

/Is It Love, or Are You Seeking Validation?: When You Don't Know Your Own Worth/

by Savannah Grey of Esteemology.com.

When people ask, "How is he real?" about boys,

sometimes it's like, he's not! He's an anime boy! Easy!

But sometimes they're like, "How is he real?" and it's a real person,

so I'm like, makeup! Contacts! Hair dye! Stylists! Editing! Training!

But more people get stuck on the fact that they are real people.

When you see someone practically perfect in every way

—/Mary Poppins/ reference—

it proves how imperfect you are,

validates how you feel about yourself,

and makes it difficult to value yourself any higher.

But people cling to these perfect images anyway.

Side note:

Stray Kids are great!

I love them so much as of this moment!

I might not care about them tomorrow. Nothing's guaranteed.

But I appreciate how they're self-produced,

self-assembled,

self-written,

and put so much into everything they make.

They're kind and educated and their personalities shine through their talents.

It feels very authentic.

[rattling]

AHEM.

You know what's /not/ as authentic?

Alright.

For some reason, my SD card is not working, but I'm not gonna let that stop me

because I need to get these words out!

It's December 31st!

I don't care! [clap]

Anyway-HEH!

You know what's not as authentic?

All of your Instagram posts are perfect.

Of course not everyone's going to believe that #stay #are #beautiful when you look like /that/, dude.

These boys have natural beauty marks and baby fat and flaws that make them human,

and they still tend to remove them.

All I ever care about is what they have to say.

It's always nice to hear from them.

It's also how I felt with Bangtan.

Admittedly, their photography was often more candid.

For me, my emotional dependency

stemmed from social issues.

It was difficult for me to make and keep friends

for most of my life,

and when I found someone who'd spend time with me,

I was especially clingy to them.

They felt like friends I could cling to without bothering anyone.

They were "there for me" every day.

I projected how much they cared for me so much

that my jacket felt like a hug when I first attained it.

"We don't deserve them! They're precious angels!"

"Oh my gosh, I love them-they-they love us so much, we don't deserve them! Blah, blah, blah!"

"We don't deserve them!"

I read that so many times, I started to believe it.

For some reason, people think that others genuinely caring about them

and giving them the best of themselves

is undeserved.

I was raised with the belief that

Jesus died for the sins of all humankind.

If I deserved that,

no human's love is unwarranted,

especially from a distance.

I try to remind myself of that every day.

In a way, I did use them to validate negative beliefs about myself—

No one else was there for me,

I could only attempt to be as good a dancer as them

or be as beautiful on the inside,

they were all I had.

I repaid them for their unconditional love with loyalty.

I listened to them and only them.

I could hardly make it through other artists' songs

because all I could think was, "I miss my friends."

Weirdly enough,

even though I thought of them as friends,

I never called them by their real names

because I wasn't on a first name basis with them.

I was self-aware to an extent and told myself,

"Wow! When we eventually have to leave them,

it's going to hurt really bad!"

I knew it wasn't permanent,

but I figured I had at least a year.

I was wrong, and it /did/ hurt a lot, but I survived.

Ironically, they prepared me to leave them

by reminding me to love myself.

Loving myself doesn't require anyone else's permission.

Including theirs!

But it was mostly out of spite.

I didn't want to interact with A.R.M.Y so I could keep my "friends" to myself,

but I wound up performing some of their choreography at my school.

The first time, it was for myself,

because I wanted to be a hero,

and "Anpanman" spoke to that exact desire.

The second time, it was because I felt pressured to.

The third time, it was because I craved attention from the audience.

This was the start of desperately using my interests

to get validation from /anyone/.

I'd practice for a solid month just for a few seconds of applause from strangers.

I'd have to go bigger or be more impressive each time.

Even now, I've been practicing the same difficult dance

every day I can for a solid two months,

and, in the process,

have broken several pairs of shoes,

pushed myself to the point I could hardly breathe just to try again,

practiced after having been sick for weeks,

resulting in being sore everywhere the next day,

and probably hurt myself in more ways than I realize.

It'd somehow gotten worse when I got into Stray Kids

because I started using them as a coping mechanism to get over BTS,

and I thrived off any interaction from other STAYs on Twitter.

My brain mistook interaction for friendship,

and I felt less lonely by isolating myself as much as possible.

My timeline was flooded with them because I followed over a hundred people,

and when it was hard to see anything else,

I realized I was starting to let being a STAY define me

like I had started to let being an A.R.M.Y define me.

It was too much.

They were a backup plan to a backup plan,

and I started getting worried that I'd need

a backup plan to a backup plan to them

and so on and so forth and what have you.

But they were frustratingly good

and raised my standards so much

that was impossible.

So I got scared I was entirely dependent on them.

I didn't want to get hurt again,

but I couldn't stop.

Then I had a breakthrough a few days ago on my Tumblr.

I realized that if I wasn't careful,

that's exactly what was going to happen with Stray Kids.

They're going to disappoint me one day.

They're humans, and although they seem cool

—which they are, and I love them—

that's just a fact.

So I started to distance myself from them.

I have a tendency to invest all or nothing,

but I'm changing that.

I unfollowed maybe a hundred people

and kept the twenty or so mutuals I had made

so it feels like I really have friends.

I watch their videos when I feel like it,

not out of obligation to catch up.

I make a point to look for other music and artists

and enjoy them guilt-free.

I changed my hero training music

back to the /My Hero Academia/ soundtrack,

and listen to their discography while doing something productive.

I do sort of think of them as friends,

and use stage names,

but I don't feel super close to them or assume I know anything.

I don't care if I get a physical album or meet them one day.

It doesn't fill me up when they say they love STAY

because I don't full align myself with that concept.

The name implies a promise I'm not obligated to make.

I use "appreciate" more than "love."

I'm being honest with myself and looking at them critically.

It's great that they're educated on racial slurs,

but they need to stop using AAVE in their English raps

and stop altering their appearances so much on Instagram

and get enough sleep

and /I Am YOU/ wasn't as strong as their other albums!

I don't put them on a pedestal.

They're in my life, and I'm thankful for them,

but I won't let strangers change my sense of self

so drastically ever again.

You are talented and beautiful in your own right.

You have so much more potential and blessings ahead of you than you could ever imagine.

You're capable of creating your own future and loving yourself and being your own person.

You're capable of having an identity outside of your interests.

In reality, they never did anything to hurt me.

I only approached them in such a way

that allowed me to get hurt.

And now I'm accepting that I can't trust human people

to never disappoint me,

or rely on them for love, validation, and happiness.

I can only trust God.

My identity is in Christ,

not in people I was fine before and after knowing.

Love and validation should come from myself.

I can and will use music

as inspiration and motivation

without feeling chained to it or its artists.

I can and will support people

without obsessing over or prioritizing them in my life.

I can and will create things from my own brain

and values that I have conviction in.

As long as I can keep that in mind,

I can get stronger on my own.

And if my identity and self-esteem

don't depend on mortal beings of this world,

I'll be unstoppable in 2019 and beyond.

AND BEYOND!

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