Lietevesi junior high school May 31st 1997 at 9:00
Well, well! You have now finished your legally compoulsary education,
and you will now get your comprehensive school diplomas!
First, I shall answer the question many of you must be pondering about:
No, nobody has failed to pass the curriculum.
(Yesss...)
Am I seeing celebratory faces?
I definitely do not think there is reason for celebration!
For many of you, the right decision would have been to let you still grow up in this school for one more year!
Regrettably, Pielavesi school council gave us the direct order to let all ninth-graders pass their grade.
This is because Pielavesi decided to purchase new equipment for the computer classroom,
so the education budget does not allow for failures.
Every thinking person understands that this decision was COMPLETELY WRONG.
The pupils definitely do not need more computing in their lives.
And as I shall retire from my teacher's position during the summer,
I now have the courage to speak the straight words:
I AM DEEPLY DISAPPOINTED BY YOU!
MOST OF YOU ARE STILL THE SAME NAUGHTY RASCALS AS IN THE BEGINNING OF THE SEVENTH GRADE!
I had somehow suspected that you would have gained enough maturity to be given at least a slight amount of responsibility...
BUT YOU HAVE CAUSED A DISAPPOINTMENT AFTER DISAPPOINTMENT TO THE TEACHERS!
Especially MIKA TOSSAVAINEN would have required AT LEAST FIVE YEARS of additional grow-up time!
Nowadays, all sorts of ATK fads keep the youngsters on ac child's level far longer than before!
But now you shall suffer from your immaturity, as you shall continue your studies as that kind of monkeys.
It was different when I was still a young teacheress in the Lietevesi middle school!
It was the time of discipline and order!
But then came the comprehensive school, and the school was full of the kind of pupils that would have never been let to the Middle school.
And, when the eighties came, we also got these devilish computer clubs or whatever computer gangs they were back then.
This will turn an entire generation into the kind of good-for-nothing bachelors as Osmo Kärkkäinen!
No wife, no day job, no manly posture, no social skills...
I just want to tell you to AVOID LIKE A PLAGUE taking the same path as Osmo Kärkkäinen!
Before handing you the diplomas, I want to remind you that the subsequent divine service at church is MANDATORY FOR EVERYONE!
The diploma therefore shall NOT give ANYONE OF YOU the right to leave out of the church -
What about da ones who ain't members of da fuckin' church -
Don't you rascal dare to stand against the authority any more now!
mR.mEgAsTuFf's question is valid.
I or Vihtori never got any sanctions -
Well, your father had the energy to battle against the teachers long enough to gain you the privilege.
I can swear that he shall have the energy to fight for mR.mEgAsTuFf's freedom of religion.
So, give up before it gets any worse!
I just want to tell you that even though you never got the sanctions during this lifetime,
you will get at THE LAST JUDGMENT!
YOU SHALL BE THROWN INTO THE FIREY LIKE, EVERY ONE OF YOU, AND YOU SHALL BURN THERE FOR THE ETERNITY!
WITH ALL HOMOSEXUALS, ADULTERERS AND COMMUNISTS!
YOU SHALL TRY TO PRAY FOR GOD, BUT HE SHALL NEVER SAVE YOU ANYMORE!
YOU SHALL DEEPLY REGRET CHOOSING COMPUTERS, SATAN-WORSHIP AND COMMUNISM!
She was indeed quite angry, the Korhonen hag, and on the last day of school even.
Right, dammit.
Guess Masa has quitted wanking' on da voodoo doll we made of Kerttu,
so her cunt's gotten all dry -
Well, I quitted that already when I made the dolls of Jaana and Elina -
Maybe even our party project would have saved by a carefully planned voodoo-premasturbation.
Good that ya always get all of yar sensible ideas afterwards...
I actually believe that Kerttu would've been just angry anyway.
After all, she had decades of pressure to let out -
I do not believe that.
I consider Kerttu's emotional eruption to have been caused exclusively by our control choices.
Well, I don't believe we're any kinda almighty power over folks' lives even if we knew some magick tricks...
Right, I guess she nagged at us all from her own will.
Righty-right.
What aboot yer grades, have ye already calculated the mean?
I got six point five...
Well, at least it started with six.
But we'll see if I ever get to any school in Helsinki or even Vantaa with a mean like that...
Well, if ye don't get there, then at least Lietevesi ain't got naw housin' shortage -
I RATHER MOVE TO HELSINKI EVEN AS A HOMELESS BUM RATHER THAN STAY IN THIS BILLYHILL WITHOUT YA, GODDAMMIT!!!
I assume that you realised you should apply for schools that have as low threshold as possible?
Well, I chose some fuckin' pissass vocational school in Vantaa,
so it's gotta be a goddamn wonder if I won't get at least in there...
I reckon I also got the same six point five, but I heard that's well enuff to get on the car side on Iisalmi vocational.
Well, guess yer woodworkin' grades count more than the mean in gettin' there.
Yeah, I got a niner from it.
Brag with yer fuckin' grades even some more, ya fuckin' swots!!
Well, let's do that then.
My mean was a nice round eight point oh...
And yar still gonna go to some fuckin' Pielavesi highschool?
Well, I was reckonin' aboot Kiuruvesi actually...
Ya could get straight-on to just aboot anywhere, but ya still wanna stay here in fuckin' Backwards Savonia...
Kiuruvesi actually belongs to Upper Savonia and not Backwards Savonia -
WHO FUCKIN' CARES!
And I'm sure Sam also had something like a niner as a mean,
and YEAH, RIGHT, PIELAVESI HIGHSCHOOL -
Eight point five actually, and haven't I fuckin' told you manby times already that I didn't apply to any Savonian school!?
Yeah, I guess ya said it...
What about yer mean, Jyri?
Eight point two.
And where didye plan to go with it?
I have been applied to several high schools in Kuopio.
So, yar also stayin' as a Savonian redneck even though ya could move anywhere...
There are computing-oriented high school curriculum in Kuopio,
and besides, I would not be too far from Othra.
Oh, she's also gonna stay here in fuckin' Savo -
Yeah, I'm sure I'm gonna get into the Lapinlahti art highschool.
I got a ten from art, and nine point one as the mean...
Okay then, goddammit.
Ain't anyone of ya gonna move with me to da capital area??
Well, ye could ask Kassu where he's gonna go...
Dinna he plan to go to Iisalmi just like ye?
Guess he might've been, yeah, right.
I've gotta ask the master himself. Wonder where's he at?
Guess he's right there at the back of the yard, with his seventh-grade Quake pals...
Could we now get to bully 'em there, like give the last swirlies to the seventh-graders?
Yeah, they'd really fuckin' deserve that, 'coz they took our Kassu, dammit!!!
My homepage's already got 449 visitors!!
Yar kiddin'!? Mine has only 175, even though I've got a lot more GIFs and Java applets and other free improvements than ya!!!
Guess he's cheated with the visitor counter by pressin' F5 on his page all the time...
I reckon it's more aboot that I've been advertisin' my site on the guestbooks of other sites, and elsewehere...
How do ya even DARE to advertise a crappy site like that, with just ONE javathingy on the frontpage, and only TWO animated GIFs!??
It's better to choose one STYLISH java than to collect everthang ya find to yar page...
Fuckin' fag, ya don't get WWW design at all!!!
Yar spoilin' the reputation of all webmasters!!!
HEY MOPEDS, HOW MANY MORNINGS??
Hey, don't bother there...
Guess Masa got out of his grade too.
Well, Kerttu said in the class that everbody got out...
How much was yer mean, Kassu?
Six point eight...
And how far didye plan to go with it?
Well, I put Iisalmi vocational as my first choice -
Look at the boy! Which program?
Well, I put computers first, and then cars...
I put cars first and then construction and then computers...
You'll need to take miserable schools with your miserable means! I got nine point three -
Fuck off then.
Where've ye been applyin' to then?
Well, stuff like the new media curriculum in the Northern Helsinki high school! New media is the future -
FUCK'S SAKE, IF I'M EVER GONNA SEE YAR UGLY FACE IN HELSINKI,
YAR GONNA GET SNACKED ON IT SO FUCKIN' HARD, DAMMIT!!!
Oh, are you trying to get into some Helsinki school as well...
I AIN'T FUCKIN' NOT GONNA TELL YA!
Seems you already did...
Oops, I've forgotten to feed my pet...
What's the toy yer holdin' in yer hand, Hencca?
It's a kinda tamagotchi...
Dinna ask ye, I asked Hencca...
Well, it's a fuckin' tamagotchi, just like Kassu said...
And what's that then?
Hautataipale dudes are behind their times once again, not readin' any computer magazines or nuffin'!!
Tamagotchi is a so-called virtual pet.
A kind of electonic game that is also a "pet" that the player is supposed to "feed" and "care".
I heard it's a fuckin' shitty game, suits just fine da kinda kids who don't get nuffin' at all -
Well, at least ye don't get tamagotchis and we do!!!
I get JUST ENUFF!
Ye need to "feed" 'em every few hours by pressin' some buttons...
that kinda stuff can only be PURE CRAP!
Ye don't get NUFFIN'!
Tamagotchi's damn good, 'cause it's so ADDICTIVE!!
Okay. Well, maybe they could make good virtual pets out of ya dudes...
Some text would flash up, like "WAAH WAAH GIMME NEW GAMES" and then ya should press buttons to give 'em to ya...
And with the other button ya could play QUAKE with 'em, and if ya dinna play enof Quake with 'em, they would DIE...
Getta fuck outta there already, goddammit!!
Yeah, we will, but first we're gonna give ya DA LAST SWIRLIES OF DA YEAR!!
Let's go then, I'm gonna get this Berglund brat.
HANDS OFF ME DAMMIT!!
BLOODY FUCKIN' HELL!!!
HANDS OFF THE CLAN ZERO MEMBERS OR I'M GONNA ZAP Y'ALL ON THE ARSE WITH LIGHTNINGS!!
Well, just one round of swirlies, for the tradition -
STRIKE FIRE, SKYBIRD!!
FUCKIN' FAG DAMMIT!!!
Bloody hell there...
Thanks for that, Kassu, once again...
MAN, YE DON'T EVEN RESPEC THE TRADITIONS OF LIETEVESI JUNIOR HIGH ANYMAW, DAMMIT!!!
JUST TRY TO BULLY CLAN ZERO MEMBERS ANd Y'ALL GONNA GET MY ETERNAL HATREDS UPON Y'ALL!!!
Yeah, right, dammit, let's skip da traditions then.
CLAN ZERO now rules the junior high and the whole Lietevesi!
Yer traditions ain't wort nuffin' here anymaw!
Fuck off there!
We ain't even given ya da key or anything else dammit -
What's the key worth anyway? It wouldna even work anymaw!!
And CLAN ZERO wouldn't eeen need any secret keys, it'd just get a permission to be everywhere it should be!
For da fuck's sake, ya don't even grok shit 'bout scene attitude...
I recommend that we move away before the inter-generational conflict becomes fatal.
Yeah, agreed...
I guess I'm not gonna return to Lietevesi from our Abduction trip.
I can't stand this backwaters village, Kassu and his lightning spells dammit!!
Your idea sounds considerable.
We must abandon this lost territory as soon as possible.
So, Mega, are ye gonna buy a one-way ticket from Oulu to Helsinki?
Yeah. I'm gonna pack my stuff before I leave, and Osmo would then bring 'em to me da next time he visits Helsinki.
Allrighty-right then...
how didye plan to travel to Oulu then?
Well, guess I'm gonna take a train there too...
You do not necessarily need a train ticket to Oulu.
There might be room in cULT oF pOWER's vehicles.
Oh? But we ain't worth nuffin' in their eyes, why would they give us a ride -
mINDeAGLE is planning to visit his parents in Vääräpää, so the group shall neverteless take the Lietevesi route to Oulu.
So, do they have many cars then?
Two. mINDeAGLE's Saab 96 and tECHNOfALCON's Toyota HiAce.
Allrighty-right then.
Guess the seats are gonna get a little bit cramped...
But would I still fit in too, if I'm gonna come too?
Ya gonna come too?
Well, I'd like to experience a kinda larger party to get a better hold on all that demo stuff of yars...
Okay then. Guess that party's allright for that.
Ya even get in for free if yar a girl...
Oh.
But party-boozin' fuckin' rulez!
And da rest of ya will also get rid of Kassu and CLAN ZERO attacks for a weekend...
Yeah, we'd get to chill out for a while.
Canna bear this war all the time.
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