hello sisters and welcome to today's women rising where you can be empowered
to rise into your healthiest happiest and most powerful self today we have
with us Candice Oneida. Candice is an international speaker and is Australia's
number one feminine success mentor her background in corporate Australia for 13
years and then starting up five successful companies with up to a
million in annual earnings led her to the realization feminine principles were
sadly lacking in the business world Candice has personally taught over a
hundred workshops and worked with over 2,000 women from around the world on the
topics of self-development meditation and feminine power and today Candice is
going to be talking to us about this everything are real desires to get what
we want welcome Candice it's an honor to have
you with us today oh and it's an honor to be here Kouras thank you so much for
inviting me I'm very very honored to be here
definitely definitely um so I obviously love your work around desire and to
start off I love if you would define for us and what is desire yeah it's it's a
good question because I think that it's a word that is kind of quite charged
sometimes for people in that there's shame around it sometimes oh there's a
misunderstanding about what it is how to work with how really really deeply
important it is for us as women to be understanding our real deep desires I
love that it's so what so what is desire from that so desire the way that's
answered a little bit further is desire is to be understood as a spectrum so a
spectrum from sort of littles seemingly meaningless everyday desires
through all the way through sort of mid-level desires and all the way
through the deep dark largely at first at least unconscious level of desire now
when I use the word desire it's a bit more on the line of
you know Napoleon Hills quote which is um desires at the starting point of all
achievement right so what he was sort of positioning is desire is the engine
behind everything that I'm not just talking about sexual desire here or mean
seemingly meaningless mundane things in the world this is something that
literally fires us up gets us plugged in gets us turned on and allows us to have
the juice and the power to do what we wanted to do in life and how we want to
search I love that and I love that you quoted Napoleon Hill I obviously love
his work um how so how do you get into your real desires how do we tap into
that good question so the thing at first I when I work with
the what I call the desire formula I I do I'm like trained women you know I
don't I work with what are called the feminine arts and one of the arts is the
art of desire and there are three aspects to desire that in my experience
and my observation in my life and working with you know women from all
around the world there are three things that we need to cover and so and I call
it the desire formula now the first one is always measuring a little bit before
is the desire spectrum okay the spectrum that runs from okay desire
is as little as oh I'm really hungry right now I think I want to go and make
a sandwich right so if you know anything about Maslow's hierarchy of needs he
created this pyramid where at the very bottom of the pyramid of needs or wants
or desires I what I call the the needs for survival right and safety they're
the very basic foundational fundamental levels of desire that if we don't have
those in a life then we can't really start to talk about love and purpose and
self-actualization which are the higher levels on Maslow's hierarchy of needs
and desires right and so we need to first understand the desire this
friction so this little I need a sandwich now through to oh okay
I have these goals I have this wanting to be successful I want to get a really
nice house I want to have a great relationship I want to you know do good
things in the world all the way through to where we start to
get on what I call where the rubber hits the road in terms of understanding the
desire spectrum and that is the deep deep levels of desire then when we start
to think and want and talk about our purpose our sin and Submission and when
we start to talk about the things that we either neither really even admit to
ourselves or think about but they're important to dive into to dig into and
to discover in order to actually get all these other desires met and I call this
the hidden level of desire or the unconscious desires so needless to say
in our time together today we're I'm going to sort of give you an idea about
what this is but to get to this end of the spectrum the deeply unconscious
juicy deep level of desire is a process and it takes you know takes concoction
to get through to that level now the reason that we the way we do that is the
second thing which is called desire dig in or desire mining and then we have to
dig down through these levels in order to get to the unconscious levels now I
think of another thing and you're asking me sort of what is desire and I think
one of the other things to sort of get an elephant out of the space okay let's
get this elephant out of the space that speaking about desire cannot often come
off as something that seems like it's sort of selfish you're self-centered
like I want to understand my desires I want to get my desires it's all about me
me me the opposite is true when you actually have the courage and the
fortitude and the you know the the willingness to go very very deep into
your desire you discover a boat load about yourself you're going to discover
things that you didn't know and you're going to start these hidden depths of
yourself that are really the place one from which you can actually really even
serve them with your purpose and two from which you actually get in touch
with the very power source as in the juice to actually do the mission and do
the rest of your life so it actually takes
Ridge to go that deep and to uncover these hidden depths now you might want
ask me questions at the third level is called a desire setting and we can cover
that in a little bit of in a second if you like but the third level of the
desire formulas desire setting which is desire setting is to the feminine what
goal-setting is to the masculine and it's a completely different process
excuse me then how we have largely been taught to goal set as women and most of
the time it's my observation that when women goal set they set themselves up
for disappointment and they set themselves up to burn themselves out and
to end up exhausted Wow I love that I love the difference between goal setting
and desire setting I never thought to look at those two um now you mentioned
well let's go a little deeper into that like what shows desire setting for a
school setting yeah it's it's an important one it's one that I really
discovered because of coaching so many women around the world they be sort of
you know we do be doing sort of previously I used to do normal sort of
goal-setting things and then they'd be talking to me about the goal
okay they'd be the goal and then we we look at their life now right and what I
have observed there's this giant gap between where they are now and what they
wanted now the gap we'd sort of think okay well that's normal okay people were
here and they want to get here but the problem with the gap is the way in which
they were being taught to go from A to Z and the way they've been taught to go
from A to Z in the masculine oriented goal-setting methodologies was setting
himself up to continue on the gerbil wheel of exhaustion overwhelm working
too hard wearing too many hats juggling too many balls and just doing all that
and working working working working and then if they got the goal then by the
time they got it they're totally exhausted and spent and burnt out or
what it really set them up to do was continually this sort of methodology of
struggling and striving and overworked that actually kept moving
goal posts right so the goal just kept moving out because the reason why
discover the concept of desire setting is they hadn't set up inside themselves
they hadn't embodied the the the goal they hadn't landed inside themselves
what it was going to feel like to achieve the goal and I'm going to repeat
that because this is an important distinction for women with regard to
goals because women set goals differently than men do or for I should
say it for different reasons than men do largely of course I'm doing big
statements here but largely women set up goals because of the way they want to
feel when they achieve the goal even if they set some sort of financial goal
it's because they go ah ok if I reach that you know half million dollar mark
in my business or whatever I'm gonna feel XYZ but then they're not conscious
of the what they want to feel and this is part of the gap that needs to be
filled they need to know why do you want that goal what is it that you're going
to feel like when you get that goal so I do a lot of work with women on the what
are you going to feel like what's that going to afford you what's going to
happen for you when you achieve this goal and then basically desires had been
in this process of reverse engineering goal setting such that they are so
embodied and so clear on how they want to feel and what that's going to allow
them to give and disturb with when they reach the goal that they're embodying it
now at the beginning of the cycle in such a way that even though we still
have to take steps to move forward in time they are actually embodying the
conditions as in it's in their body they've incarnated they are living the
conditions already such that the goal ends up being inevitable and sometimes
way sooner than they thought I love that that's really really incredible I love
perspective shift that you're sharing around goal setting in our desires I
think it's really powerful and you know I definitely recognize in myself but
oftentimes like what what I feel is going what feels good is going to be
what I do like I mean I'm a health coach and I even tell my clients like if it
feels good for you to stop the alarm and not go to yoga you're gonna do that for
SIDS get up and go to yoga so I love that you on a macro perspective are
applying that to like all of our all of our goals in general yeah so that's
really cool and then you had mentioned um the desire spectrum earlier can you
explain a little bit about that I'm really curious to know what the desire
spectrum is yeah well I mean the desire spectrum is understanding and broadening
also what I think people think of as desire right so we could we could define
desire outside of it just being around sexual desire although this is important
for them and I will talk about it as what you want
okay so we could say the engine if you like of desire is really about what you
want so you know when Napoleon Hill quotes desire is the fat is the
foundation of all achievement he's saying that without it there is no
engine there's no fuel there's no power source from which to move you forward
toward the achievement right and as a woman um our power is held through
desire into our sexual energy now the thing is about sexual and again I'm
separating sexual energy from sex per se because we are desire creatures we are
sexual creatures women we are all about creativity right so we are we birth
babies for God's sake and then we literally have this whole system that is
built on creating things right and it creates from this know-how that we have
a body in our womb and our pussy and so getting to the point where we go from
I'm hungry and I want a sandwich through to the other end where you allow
yourself to have the courage and the sort of investigating kind of spirit to
go why do I really desire now the reason why I'm saying that is somewhere in the
middle here between is need a sandwich right now because I'm hungry
and I want a really nice home and to be really successful sometimes in this
middle territory territory is a lot of conditioning as in socio-economic
conditioning and other people's desires for you that are not really your own I'm
going to give you an example so let's say that you go okay I really want to
finish my degree and then I want to get a great job in a terrific company and I
want to get promotions and I want to get married and then I want to have three
babies now I think the way I've said that I've kind of outlined that that's
kind of normal often followed conditioned kind of concept about how
people would like to do their life I know I was conditioned in that way I was
conditioned to get a great education I was conditioned to get a great degree
and then a great job and in fact I did that for the first 13 years of my career
right I literally followed what was very unconscious right others in it was
conditioned on me that that's what I wanted and then what happened in my sort
of mid-20s is I started going I was about to become one of the youngest
directors of a commercial design company in Australia and I went I I don't want
this I could see the past ahead of me it had been trodden before even if I was
young it doesn't didn't matter and I went I started to question what I
I thought I wanted right and so it's so important as part of the desire spectrum
process to get to some of the territory of what you think you want and have the
courage to question it now if it if you do that and you
end up with the result I still really want that great job I want to be really
successful and I want the husband and the family and the kids then more power
to you sister that's fantastic but can you see that if you go through
the process of questioning it of assessing what's really yours and what
may be conditioned on you and then coming out the other end going no this
is my choice this is my desire this is what I want you're going to be way more
awake you're going to be way more engaged in it way more presence rather
than just being unconscious and unaware in that process and so as we kind of hit
this middle territory and we go through a bit of a process of creating an
assessment that needs to happen first and then you can start to go okay well
what happens when I start to go really deep dive digging mining for what other
deep desires might be and this is where you know as women diving into your
sexual desire diving into the things that you want sexually is a really
really juicy and powerful process I mean I've seen people that I work with go
from they don't even want sex - they're trying all sorts of juicy fun things
sexually and what's happening for them is this really juicy awakening and it's
not about doing that forever and it's not about you know because the thing
about desire if you really understand desire it's endless
this is what I mean about broadening the spectrum desire is endless and you could
spend lifetimes exhausting your desire the reason why I do it in my trainings
is because the amount of self-knowledge that comes through this process and how
it's so important to our understanding of us it builds in our will to get
things that we want can you see the difference like from thinking you want
something to actually speaking it understanding it clearly and getting it
receiving it is such an important thing for the human experience right so
speaking your desires receiving them which is another one of the arts by the
way the art of receptivity it does something to our soul it nourishes up us
and women when we start to deep dive dig and
I'm pointing down because it goes down into the lower centers of the body we go
down into the pussy and we go down into this very deep dark unconscious chambers
inside of ourselves and as women it's a little bit like mining for diamonds
right sometimes we'd have to dig through a bunch of dirt but then we find these
diamonds right these diamonds sort of come up and we go oh that's so juicy and
people don't my experiences people don't really know themselves until they
actually know that end of the spectrum of their desire the amount of
self-knowledge self understanding that they get through that process can
completely change all these other desires and completely change their
timeline they're moving forward and their life ahead I love her I love that
this is really powerful stuff that you're sharing with us inks and loving
it so much and I love that you share that piece around
I'm sexuality and how these women are experiencing this new level of I guess
awakening or inspiration or clarity or you know self understanding and
self-love through opening up to those experiences so I want to ask what like
do you have any tips or advice on how we can sort of work through kind of release
that shame around our sexuality in our desire so that we can receive and
experience it yeah it's such a good question girls because the thing is as
women we've got our own story in this life right now whether you believe in
past lives or not doesn't matter so much at the moment but we've got our own
stories and just in this life alone as women you know if you're in it from 20
to 70 at the moment women are carrying this a lot of shame around their power
right they're actually carrying shame about being women period right and that
actually comes from centuries and centuries of burying and shaming the
feminine and feminine power and because sexuality and desire is such a
fundamental part of feminine power then you know ergo then they end up feeling
ashamed about their sexuality and then this is all these sort of myths out
there in modern society all there have been for a long time that women women
aren't as sexual as men or they don't like sex as much as men it's just such a
massive myth so the the sexual arena is the feminine there's a there's a
Sanskrit story that speaks about if sex were divided into ten parts into ten
equal parts that nine parts are for the woman and one part is for the man right
then because in in the vetters they understood that sexuality is literally
the feminine literally the feminine so for me when a woman is out of touch with
his sexuality oh she goes oh I'm too old for that now or I'm over that or I don't
like sex it's like whoa sister this is a huge indication that you're out of touch
with your feminine power and it's very we know someone's really got a stance on
that it's really hard to budge them but if if you know I can show them and
they're willing it's like you've got this world inside you of how a pleasure
of and again it can sound selfish selfish yourself self-centered but when
we own that the reason my trained women like this is when when we learn how to
dive in and plug in and fill up we end up so filled up that we're full to
overflowing rights and that's the place from which to serve and to give from and
yet so many women who are in the shame or the on the selfless category they
think they're being selfless by putting everything in front of themselves they
are getting slowly slowly more and more spent exhausted and burnt out and
drained and I can tell you I've got horrifying statistics about women's
health since the 1960's that for me are a massive indicator that you've got
women sort of from the 60s that went from being
largely sort of domestic right and then we start to enter the workforce and then
from the 1960s I'll just give you one of the statistics so since the 1960's today
there's been a 60% increase in female specific cancers cancers are the breasts
cancers of the ovaries cancers of the cervix we are hurting ourselves by being
in our masculine all the time so what we taught were taught is OK
we were domesticated prior to the 50s and then we went but I need to rise up
in my power I want to feel powerful and the only paradigms we had in the world
at the time to be powerful were all well let's go and work let's become corporate
let's prove to the world that we are as smart and as capable as men and we did
that right women completely did that but the unfortunate side effects of the
sexual revolution is the women became powerfully masculine not powerfully
feminine I love that I love that I'm reminded of I can't remember where this
is from but this this quote about how
it's yes it is feminine it is empowering to be success a successful woman in a
patriarchal society but that doesn't necessarily mean like you know what but
that might not be the direction you want to go we might actually want to shift it
so that it you know riots that they're on equal balancing and you know just
necessarily being super successful in this masculine patriarchal culture
doesn't necessarily make you a champion for feminism even though that is still a
great aspect of feminism and not knocking anyone who exactly on the same
it's just the evolution there's an evolution from the feminist movement of
the 60s and the sexual revolution because you know like the Dalai Lama
quoted himself he quoted that the world will be saved for the Western woman
right there was a famous quote by him and what I understand him to mean by
that is that the world is desperate and hungry for feminine values and it will
be women that Lee that right and so the revolution of our
modern time is well what does it mean to be successful and powerful from our
feminine not from our masculine what does that mean what does that feel
like in our bodies and how does that look different to the pre-existing
masculine paradigms that we so far have experienced power and success through I
love that I love that and you know I I encourage I definitely encourage you
know our sisters watching that might be more more used to being in their
masculine to survive in this world what it would be like to you know be in our
feminine so I love I love that this is coming up in this conversation so that
you know this is something we can shift with with amazing sister ism up in the
audience watching um and I wanted to go back to desire yeah and I'd love to ask
how is it that we actually harness our desire to actually really get what we
want yeah and I and I did also want to address the question of shame again I
think let's just asked to your question first
so the harnessing of the desire a little bit of an image of putting a saddle on a
horse there which is not a bad image actually or amount bad net bad metaphor
or desire because it's a little bit like something that we have between our legs
that's really powerful that we need to learn to actually write it right it's
not that bad a metaphor so and yet you know the thing about that wild horse and
that the the power of that part of ourselves first like if you would
literally to break in and wild for it would not let you put the saddle on I
did it wouldn't let you near it it wouldn't let you touch it so often what
happens is when people first start to sort of go near their desire the true
wild horse the force of it is kind of disinterested in them because it's good
it's kind of going to them frankly the your life kind of boring to me
you know you do think what everybody else is doing and I'm not that
interested in you so it first desires a bitter antagonistic you know that the
real power is a bit on tourniquet agonistic to us and yet it's a
development of a relationship that happens where if we go back to liberal
breaking in the horse you slowly start to you keep going out there you keep
engaging the horse you feed it a little bit you talk to it you get to know it
and this is not a mental process by the way real desire is something that is
felt it's feeling Bey it's a gut feeling
based it's knowing it's intuition it's all of these cool experiences of the
feminine that will be the things that will arrive you at the destination of
knowing your desire right it's not thinking I think I want is probably the
conditioning I feel I want is something else I have this concept in my
powerfully feminine in intensive trainings
I'll get my women to do this exercise and I'll share it with you now so what
they'll get my men to do is go okay so that's that's lunchtime now and you're
going to ask head brain I call it you're gonna ask head brain what do you want to
do right now and head brain will go I want to go for a drive and I need to go
and do the grocery shopping right and then I go okay
now let's ask pussy brain what she wants to do and invariably people will go oh
pussy brain want something totally different
so I use this concept to illustrate the difference between thinking and the
ordinary mind or the ordinary metal consciousness and the feeling and
they're getting into relationship to our selves our power our desire at the lower
level there's actually statistics around on the man I don't have them on me at
the moment around the second brain there's something to talk about and they
speak about it in the gut which of course the scientists are probably men
in the think it's a gut thing but there's
actually energetically so much wisdom in our lower centers and they've studied
this they in Taoism for 8,000 years where they do the work on longevity and
health and sexuality and of course in a lot of the indian practices there's
practices were that include you know the Kama Sutra it's included as a spiritual
practice because the circulations of energy that come when you start to tap
it into that force are so powerful and they can return to all the diviner they
can be turned toward the partner they can be turned toward a creative or a
business endeavor I love that thank you for sharing kwisa brain yeah I've never
heard that before is definitely gonna be fun to explore what you want
hahaha yes and you said you had you had another piece to share around shame I
wanted to I wanted to continue with that or address it a bit further
I think course one of the important things as part of getting into feminine
powers firstly to realize that you're not alone a lot of the shame piece that
I sort of started to speak about is held by all women at a very body level I mean
just a couple of hundred years ago go will be burnt as witches right so if we
had any power as healers or vision we had vision or we were profitable were
Oracle's or whatever we were for four years we were literally destroyed for
our power so there's a there's the is word in sanskrit called samskaras not
samsara it's a samskaara we've got this global wounding of the feminine and so
it's important that we share this it's important that we come together it's not
like we're going to spend years moaning about losing our power it's just it's
important to recognize this is a globally held thing for women and so
together in the line of the developers quote together we come together to
encourage each other back for Ward our power back toward the feminine
it's not something that you're supposed to do alone it's not something we need
to do alone and in line of the shame piece if you have stories from this life
that you need to share with someone or work with a therapist or coach about
then those things can be worked through they can be addressed and they tend to
be quite personal there and but when those charges will send scars or wounds
get moved out of you it then sets you up to be able to be more comfortable and
feel safer to actually dive back into your desire and own and love and drive
into your own body and desire again yeah this is really powerful work it's like
it's it's it's bringing healing and transformation to a cultural wounding
it's like beyond the individual now yeah it's really really powerful thank you
for sharing this really powerful message in being up being a part of that change
and being a part of that transformation and definitely one of the main
intentions like created this event so that we could do this kind of work so I
have so much gratitude to you for sharing your incredible wisdom and um
all of the ways we can access our desire and embody our womanhood in a greater
capacity I know that you have a free gift for our sisters I love if you would
share a little bit about that with us yeah it's oh I'd love to offer you
listening to this today I've created a quiz are called the what's your desire
archetype quiz it's super fun super revealing it's just twelve little
questions that you can jump online to take at the end of which it will it will
show you your very own desire archetype and that is the first phase in
self-discovery as to where you're at now and then what your going to be offered
when you sign up and you put in your best email address an email will be sent
to you with a link to direct get another free gift which is called the feminine
archetypes blueprint and in that 15 page document you're going to actually have a
look all of the feminine archetypes you're
going to see where you are in that and so you're going to be able to see how
you can evolve toward the next archetype now the feminine archetypes in my
trainings I I speak a lot about the difference between false men and true
feminine and false masculine and true masculine partly because they think the
understanding of feminine and masculine is completely misunderstood and that
sometimes people relate to the lower or the immature or the fourth levels of
both of them and what we're trying to do is evolve into the true and the mature
feminine and masculine archetypes and so that's do free gifts for you so try it
out it's really fun I look forward to to serving you further moving forward in
any way I can awesome thank you for sharing those
amazing gifts this sounds so wonderful I can't be just for them and how can all
of us stay better in touch with you yeah Oh a good way to do that would be to go
to powerfullyfem.com and the quiz does powerfullyfem.com/quiz
right so you can go to that quiz you can jump there on
there you can find out a bit more about what I do you can contact me if you'd
like to well wonderful it was a huge honor to have you with us here today and
thank you for sharing your wisdom with us thank you yeah I've been lovely to
work with you and I'm very happy today and grateful thank you I appreciate it
and you enjoy the rest of your day and thank you all of the sisters watching
today's interview stay tuned for more and have a beautiful rest of your day
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