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it is a hot day
and kitty and I are both
very very lethargic
so on Wednesday and yesterday I went to the BSAD degree show
which is the Bath School of Art and Design degree show
which is held at Sion Hill, which is a campus
I'd never been to before
it was very good
I enjoyed it a lot
made me remember how much I really like
going to galleries and stuff
there were two videos there that were part of like
the photography exhibit I think
by a guy called Jake Samuel Ogden
and they were called 6ft
and You Can't Enjoy Your Shed Forever
and like 6ft was
of like photos of vans and their owners
with like a voiceover, conversation of said owners
talking about their vans like how they like
living in them and doing them up
and having them on their drives or driving them around
and like the amenities that they like installing
and all that sort of stuff
and You Can't Enjoy Your Shed Forever was about
I think two couples
who had retired pretty young
and were now like finding things to fill their time
it made me uncomfortable watching it
all of these people were pretty wealthy
definitely what you would call middle-class
like Guardian-reading
die-hard liberal sort of people
and it made me kind of uncomfortable watching it
because like I know those sort of people
I am one of those people in the making
for sure [laughs]
so like, on one level I totally understood them
but on another
watching it made me feel
in parts, really angry
because of how much money they had
and how they were spending it
pretty much all on themselves and on their absurd vanity projects
like having a shed
a fancy shed, or like a fancy van
two of them said how it was nice to have more time
for volunteering, but there wasn't any footage of that
and there was a lot of footage of them
like, shopping, and enjoying their fancy things
and like, I felt this anger particularly strongly
in light of the main news story this week
which is of the Grenfell Tower fire
and y'know, that's a situation where people have died
where poor people have died because
they were seen as basically unworthy
of having basic safety
because they were poor
I mean I think that's basically what it's come down to
isn't it?
and the people in Ogden's videos weren't like, bad people
they're not the sort of assholes who believe that like
the poor deserve to be poor
and that y'know, if you're poor it's your fault
and you just have to work harder to get what you deserve
they probably donate to charities and they volunteer
like they said but it was still
it still made me angry seeing everything that they had
compared to everything that
y'know, other people don't have
which is obviously hugely hypocritical because
look at my life, am I right?
I am one of the young people, rare young people
lucky enough to own the flat that I live in
and I have parents who I can rely on for financial
help, if I need it
and I have, y'know
grandparents who have left me money
like, a lot of money
and it's not because I've worked hard for it
like, I've worked, but it's not like I've been
breaking my back over here
y'know, I have, I have gone for long stretches of
of time unemployed and I haven't needed to claim benefits
because I've had savings to fall back on
and like y'know, I get anxious about money
but it's not like
I've never been down to the last few pennies in my account
y'know? which is y'know something that loads of other
people do experience and they don't have help to fall back on
and the government sure as hell doesn't help
the way that they should
and like
it's unfair
relating to the title, I don't deserve this
I haven't done anything much to earn it
which has made me think of like Peter Singer's assertion
that morally speaking, you should only buy what
you need and then you should give the rest away
to people who don't have what they need
but then this ties into like
what is need, what do you need
what counts as things that you need?
because people need more than the bare minimum
this is where it ties into people who get shitty about
people who buy nice things when they
are having a hard time making rent
or y'know about prisoners getting TV's in their cells
you need more than the bare minimum
you need bread and roses
you can exist on bread but you need the roses
to give you something to exist for
that's a reference to a song
[laughs]
um, it's a good song
I will link a version of it below
and y'know, as a human being
I deserve more than the bare minimum
but the difference is, I can afford to give myself
more than the bare minimum, which not everyone can do
and like there's a point
where taking care of yourself and putting yourself first
becomes a justification for ignoring othes
so there's, there's an article that I read recently
by a journalist who went to the Goop festival
I think is what it's called?
Goop, if you don't know is Gwyneth Paltrow's
absurd magazine lifestyle brand thing
where she sells crap like
like $70 ice cream scoops
and $800+ dollar sex toys
but this journalist wrote this
"I hear that idea repeated over and over again at
the Goop conference - take care of yourselves
so that you can take care of others
put your mask on first
hold space for yourself
be entitled
take
at a certain point it begins to feel less like self care
and more like rationalisation
I don't know anything about the personal lives of
the women at In Goop Health
who they give money to, what hardships they've endured
why they were drawn to this event
and every person I interact with is funny and smart and kind and self-aware
but it is self-evident and measurable that white people
in the US, in general, are assiduous about the first part
of that equation - caring for ourselves
and less than attentive to the second - caring for others"
and like obviously I'm not buying $800 sex toys
[laughs]
but
it's still like, a line to be aware of
at what point does self-care slide into selfishness?
at what point does need become want?
and like this is complicated further by the issue of
spending money on things you don't need is bad
but supporting creators is goood
like I went to see the Addams Family Musical this week
which was fantastic, I loved it, I enjoyed it
I had a great time and I was supporting
a medium that I absolutely adore
but I didn't NEED to spend that money, y'know?
it's a real mess, complicated again - don't you love this
by the fact that most people have like charity fatigue
like there's a real low in the faith in charities these days
because it's
it's understandably hard to y'know give money to charities
and feel like it's not making any real difference
and obviously it's better to give than to withhold
because then at least you're making some difference
and like what point are you making by withholding
when you could give, that's just a dick move
but it's still infuriating to give food every week to a foodbank
and know that people are still gonna go hungry
because they can't afford to eat
because wages are at an all-time low
and rents are at an all-time high
it's infuriating to know that
famines are going to occur no matter how much money
you give to a charity that's trying to give food to people
because
this country that the famine is occurring in
has had y'know a rotation of militias taking over the government
to sell a product that they have, to sell a resource
to governments from wealthier countries
who are going to buy no matter what
because they want that product
and they don't care what atrocities the militias
and their governments have y'know
committed to get into power and sell it
it's very frustrating, understandably
things are rough all over, as they say
but when you're feeling despair at the state of the world
and you're feeling like
your relative powerlessness
it's, it's good, I think, to
take a step back
for a second, and
eat something nice, and listen to some good musuc
and enjoy the lovely weather
if your weather is as good as it is here anyway
and y'know take a moment to just enjoy what you have
shout out to Lorde and bakewell tarts
for keeping me alive in this moment
so yeah, how do you guys deal with that conflict
if you deal with that conflict at all
if you think of it, because like it's another whole issue
to actually confront that in your life
whoof, this was a heavy video
for a hot summer day
I'm gonna go
and I'll see you next time
bye!
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