ashkirwan.com.au men's suicide is a big issue in Australia right now and
potentially the greater well to because there's a feeling of hopelessness in
masculinity right now especially when a blokes not seem to be able to provide or
protect or you see the strength of forcing whole somewhat survival of the
fittest mentality that society has become to be honest here lately I've
been dealing with a lot of lone suicidal thoughts in realization of a lot of my
stories and my truth which have ultimately come from an inability to
move we ought to move through communication issues with my mother and
father which have ultimately stemmed from the destructive nature of their
relationship and their greater family relationship the level of narcissism and
self-righteousness and pink-hatted nature of obnoxious behavior was in the
family dynamic growing up as car left me very empty is secluded and vastly
ostracized from my peers and my social groups in so many ways you know stepped
up into person developed industry with a intention of eradicating mental health
in the world today and it's only now that I understand why it exists and
white will continue to exist and I don't believe that it needs to
however through the media dialog it's really the best way to put it people
aren't understanding how to move beyond generational gaps and move beyond
communication barriers and effectively solve the problems in a constructive way
that sees everybody moved towards happiness understanding mutual respect
and love and connection you know very much grew up with domestic violence
where at seven months old my father broke my mother's jaw and punched her in
the back or she's pregnant with my little brother and his sister took mum
to to hospital and she basically made out the story that she she'd come off
the motorbike and called her family and his family that's what happened truth
never really come out because obviously the shame and guilt within the greater
family and know I'm dad very much lived and raised us within the ideals of
domestic violence where dad repeatedly would beat mum down me my brother in
many regards to pretty much rape her time and time again it was the whole
parameter of their whole world creation and family dynamic in relationship
development moving forward which you know he divorced when I was 19 and it
was long before that they end up putting me in a mental institution the first
time and four times during my early 20s
you know now it's been 13 years since last I was institutionalized and going
through self-development it's opened up a lot of those scars and
wounds and left me holding that that baby which is sadly very angry I've
attacked constructively I might add many people was in the industry that I worked
with and industry leaders ultimately in a quest to ask for help
most of times and those people would take my money I'll get start getting to
the depths of my issues and problems and then run not give our money back but
leave me in a worse position than what they found me and it's had me very angry
and cranky bitter and cold towards the world my little brother just got out of
prison recently and I faced him because there was a lot of angst and animosity
between me and him because my last part of my life his wife helped me out and
pick me up and got me to see myself through the eyes of somebody else and
started to believe in me and I made the mistake of thinking I was falling in
love with her and she very much used me as a scapegoat
to escape her relationship my brother and being a fact she was a high-profile
escort and call girl and Dan so she was very good at male manipulation obviously
but she's doesn't career for a job knows how to bring men to life and you know
the same time I'd rather date me around the head not long before that before he
went to prison and told me to wake up myself and I was being manipulated and
abused and I wasn't a shallow the man that I used to be that he grew up with
and it sort of really woke and shook my neurology up and that started my path of
getting off the medication losing that way fighting back at my life and taking
taking control of my emotional state going into person development very much
had a vision of eradicating mental health and the greater vicinity of the
world around us and like I said like most people got to the depths of what my
issues were and I just end up bolting and taking my money and leaving me in a
worse position than I was before in the end I've had to pack up and pretty much
run away from home I realized recently that took me 38 years to run away from
home because a level of psychological abuse and torment that was going on
train mum dad and even now it's been almost 20 years since I divorced
the psychological abuse just continues
on so many levels so many levels are without be pointing fingers or telling
stories it's it's heartbreaking you know making these YouTube videos and sitting
on this channel and supporting people online 15 people up takes its toll on me
because sponsors I want to reach out to mom and dad and actually connect with
them and show them the path truths and the line I've had to just walk away and
give up I've had to let it go I'm gonna break smite it breaks my heart because
in facing up to Alvin for his birthday this year it was
dealing with psychosis leading up to that event it's only just dissipating
now the other videos I made this morning was right after I called lifeline and a
conversation with him and I realized last month when Alvin sat with Alvin I
listened to him talk okay he said to Mum that he still is by the values he was
raised upon none from dad put us through Bible school and every Thursday night
studying the lessons and principles of the lessons of the Bible which are
basically the values and principles of family wealth dynamics and as weeks of
interpersonal synergy and peace within we had two sunday regular went church on
Sunday regularly and prayed every night for forgiveness from the good Lord above
kneeling our bed good little boys and yet had to witness the degradation of
their relationship many times as a teenager mum standing up to dad in the
kitchen is we had a beautiful house in Belgium
mom dad worked really hard to get what they got financially and
it I just saw Claude Lee bashed one another to get to this level of
abundance on every level I remember a few times and I'm standing the kitchen
is really young teenagers and challenging my father to punch a rock
between the eyes st. go on punch me hit me right there show your boys how much
of a man you are notes from that point at me my brother realized we spoke many
times about how they should have just broken up and divorce thing called own
separate ways and just elaborate another piece of mind to actually get on with
their lives
dad very much lived mostly life in the shed and mum lived in the house and it
wasn't one ounce of self-respect or privacy that they wouldn't let himself
into by living in Alcatraz having all your shit surgery repeatedly never been
left alone and flogged if you got found within an inch of your life if you got
found with something that they didn't deem is valid going into up young
adulthood being told anytime you need help just come and ask us and what do
you want to do with your life and every time we we would go to make a decision
or make a choice we've got met with now what do you undo that pork that's
trapping useless and I would direct us into the direction that they wanted us
to go and yet was bought far not the path of least resistance is completely
obvious to anything we ever wanted to even do so everything become a struggle
and even those are a struggle now continually emotionally flogging us time
and time again because we weren't achieving things to this satisfactory
results you know as much as I love mum daddy lid I don't know how to solve
those issues with them I'm having to admit it I'm having to admit defeat I've
invited them to multiple different person development events in the
different conversations to open up new possibilities but they think it's all
occult it's all the comments all
all try to get them trapped us lose their money or something something
something but opening up the possibility that mental health is not actually a
real thing in a can be eradicated through society I realize the effective
communication of the bridging of the gaps between the generations to create a
greater interpersonal synergy of love and connection through the sharing of
our lives through the opening up of conversations is a reality but it's also
couldn't be further from the truth because of the media dialogue and the
way that we desensitized to violence and
just the destructive natures of humanity very much have become desensitized to
the world the nasty world around us and yet I still see the beautiful existence
of the world we live and I still see the world as the Garden of Eden I've last
couple of years and challenging a lot of person development industry leaders of
Commons inside the country and showed up at their events and put their stuff
right in their face millionaires and retired wealthy people that just run
away and hide from their own shame and guilt in the only mine it was my whole
strategy moving forward I put in every effort into every client I worked with
got in the trenches with in one by one
helped every single fucking one of them through their stuff regardless of what
they paid me without ever fucking back in a way and not one time have I been
shown the fucking same level of respect for anybody I'd paid money to you
lately dealing with my suicidal thoughts from
the realization of my depression having to accept things other are and coming to
allow the blog for storm of growing up in a fair without said of it a
condescending theology of going to Bible School learning the values and
principles of family well ceramics only to witness your own parents or literally
flying in the face of adversity over the very manuscript that they were teaching
you from it's probably the quickest way to actually tie a young person's brain
in complete fuckin knots under so many young people on drugs and drinking the
cochlea success try to numb for the pain of the burden of hurt and shame and
guilt nothing how to open up their truths and step into their truths and
find their own wings to fly because of the family demoralization who formerly
loved a few times in my life I've never really been able to cement and move into
the relationship that I've desired because of the family demoralization as
I'm trying to make that journey into love and connection as much as I tried
to and continue to try to paint that picture for my mother and father they
just want to live in the bludgeoning burden of post-traumatic stress disorder
going round and round in circles being the victim and perpetrator the mediator
without ever stepping back and wondering or opening up a new possibility of
entertaining a new level of enlightenment for everyone to be with
everyone to be happy in there well there's winners and losers and by
fuckin no means are they going to be the loser even at the cost of their own
children you never listened to me brother talk about listening to my
brother talk about how he's lived his life from the same values he was raised
on really open my eyes sitting there talk about mums for effusive lives and
however it nothing works in a house that's all set up sweetly doesn't even
just nothing actually exists on a functional level those are same things
that my mother's tied my brain up in knots for many years and yet without
ever ever having any real contact with him or something he's saying the same
thing this has turned my brain inside out in convulsions and he's right he's
lived his life playing an eye for an eye and so I coconuts sweet time and time
again to to people that don't really even deserve the time of day because I
spend most of their time without any conscious awareness of what they're
actually doing and how they're treating other people last couple of years
seriously thought about robbing somebody or a bank and I've seen so many
opportunities wide open to cut and run with the goods
to be honest I've thought about it many times the reason why I haven't been
known to do those because I respect humanity way too much so I continued to
suffer financially really struggling on the fucking burden of how the hell am I
supposed to string all this together not really having anyone I can reach out to
and ask for help there's a lot of times I've read help I haven't even really
need known what I needed to ask so the fear in the anxiety and the burden set
in of not knowing what you need to know not knowing how to go about finding out
what you need to know that you don't know you know don't know
it's like this whole fucking whole society set up like a fucking matrix you
get caught in the cluster bottom corner you can't find your way in unless you
learn to scrap it out with the best of me go under the bed suicide is elevating
rate I'm so quick to judge then I'm so different angles of members becoming
hard and cold and insensitive yet without the without any level of
brotherhood without any level of interpersonal connection we're all just
individuals fighting for own run the prosperity and hoping like grim death
that our woman stands bias in the one thing our women want from us is
emotional connection they want us to connect with one another emotionally so
they can love us even more and bring more love into our life it's like the
most hypocritical theoretical perspective on life and community
culture ever through these devices have become so disconnected and yet
technology is designed to make our life easier it just it doesn't make sense
does not make sense still I stand here believe my soul like a river down the
flow of social media
and continue to challenge industry leaders only to see the other side of
what is going on on a bigger scale it breaks my fucking heart and still I
continue to juggle my wife your Biblica Death Cab it double my way down the
tunnel vision of hope that's what it is I don't even believe in hope hope is for
fucking bigots which is why I'm so great and they honest and open when I put
these cameras on they've carried off I was kicked off because I forced myself
to be real with you and to be real with my clients be real with industry leaders
I'm challenging be real with my own development the self development
industry is a shame and guilt incubator right at the moment and so the people
with the money that was grown up in the corporate world I've gone screw the
corporate world that have lets the corporate world now continue to
manipulate the rest of us through this thing called self-development and
everyone clutching straws at the potential hope of having a better future
that very few of them are actually supplying any relevant spectrum of
personal self-development it's like it's off the chain it seriously is off the
chain a whole industry that could quite easily function at a whole different
capacity and bring a whole new level of performance to the corporate sector to
the small business sector to family dynamics medal held right across the
fucking board into relationship development into personal empowerment
into women's liberation and men's growth and no select few just want clothes for
the fucking pennies out of the pockets of the monopolies
and so I danced under the pale moonlight with a devil himself stark as that is
the night still turns today and the waves still lamp up on the shoreline of
my own Epiphany so I paddle out and choose to serve
another wave one day one of them or coming anyway until such a time I'm - :
from alcohol but I you and you can connect to me through social media for
your questions and comments in the box below let me share and like this with
your friends and family reach out through the pore cash for coaching
button for me to speak at your event and help you understand the integration of
my coaching technique to help you move beyond your own men's health issues and
men's suicide issues and family dynamics issues because when we get real with
ourselves for real about where we're at we get to reintegrate different
components of our own emotional distress burden anxieties pressures step into a
fuller hold a sense of herself I think the greatest lesson I've learned in the
last month is to forgive my mother and father repeatedly daily and to reconnect
with myself one journey
you go surfing by piece
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