hey guys it's Matt from Macro lean and in this video we're talking about
confidence. How to be more confident! Now, confidence is split into two areas. Your
inner confidence, your core confidence and your outer confidence. But inner
confidence is where it all begins so let's get into it. Inner confidence/ core
confidence is where it all begins and if you don't feel confident inside. In your
inner being. In your core. It doesn't matter what bravado, what mask you put
on to the outside world. You're still gonna fill un-aligned, you're still gonna
feel uneasy in yourself. So through my journey in
this lifetime of self-development and improving myself I have whittled it down
to being confident is really accepting who you are. Self-acceptance which
ultimately is self-love. Now that might sound cheesy, it might sound corny, and if
you've been in the self development world for a bit
reading books, going to seminars watching webinars
you've probably heard "You have to love yourself, you have to accept yourself" and
I heard this many years ago and it resonated with me. But then I also
thought how do I love myself, you know how do I accept myself. And really self
love is pure acceptance, acceptance of who you are. Your flaws, your
imperfections, your true being. Because if you accept yourself you can
love yourself and then you can be confident with who you are. But if you're
always rejecting parts of yourself?? you're never going to truly feel
confident and if I consciously tell you "accept yourself feel more confident". You
might know this consciously but if your subconscious which really rules you is
not taking this on as a true belief it's never going to happen.
Think of your conscious mind as the tip of an iceberg and your subconscious mind
at the submerged part. The submerged part is a much bigger and that's what's really
running you. your beliefs, your values is your subconscious so to
address self-acceptance we have to address the sub conscious. You can talk
about it all day "love yourself, accept yourself" But if
you're conscience isn't taking it on. You're
getting nowhere. So how do you do this? well first off we need to look back to why
we're feeling unconfident. It could be for a number of reasons. It could be
because of your childhood, it could be because of past trauma, it could be for a
bad relationship. There are a number of reasons and everyone is different.
Everyone is on a different path on a different journey but the bottom line is
somewhere in your subconscious you've taken it on as a belief an untrue belief
that you are not enough, and you won't accept yourself. So a process that I
learned quite a few years ago is going back to your childhood in your
subconscious mind and accepting yourself. Between the ages of 0-7
your subconscious mind is dominant. It's the dominant force from the age of zero
to seven. You're learning about the world, you're learning about boundaries, you're
learning about how things work and basically your mind is a malleable, it's
soft, itis plastic and you're soaking things up. And if some faulty programming
has gone on then, which it most likely has for a lot of us we're going to take on
these subconscious beliefs that aren't true and aren't serving us. So a few
years ago I discovered a process which I've used quite a bit and I felt it
helped me and I hope it can help you. and basically what you're going to do is
you're going to sit down and do some deep breathing into
a meditative state. Slow your breathing down and
try and empty your mind. After this you're going to visualize a smaller
version of yourself, a young version of yourself probably two, three or four around
the toddler age or very very young child. You're very innocent, you're very pure
and you're gonna see that small you in your mind's eye. What you're gonna do is
you're gonna pick up that small you, you're going to connect with that small
you, and you're going to accept that small you, that real you for everything
that it is. This is a very, very powerful technique and don't be
surprised if you become very, very emotional when this happens but it's a
good thing. You are releasing the parts of you that are not accepting maybe your
childhood issues or maybe issues in your past.
So I would sit down somewhere quiet I would take 10 to 20 deep breaths to slow
yourself down and bring yourself into a calm, meditative state and then I would
visualize a small you. The young child you were and you can see yourself
running around, you can see yourself playing. And I want you to visualize in
your mind's eye walking over and picking up that small you and holding them in your arms.
Looking into the eyes of a small you, and telling you that "you love you", that
you've accept you and that you will never abandon you again. and I want you
to hug that small you and when it fills time ,when it feels right I want you to
bring that small you. That energy into you, I want to you to unite the small you
and the adult you together and this is a very powerful way of starting the
healing process. Starting the acceptance process because if you do not accept you for
who you really are you will never have core confidence. You also need to be
aware that everyone is cut from the same cloth.
No one is different from anyone. If someone is better at certain thing
that's because they have more experience than you. It's not because you can't do
it. If you're telling yourself I can't do this, that person's better than me, that
person's more talented than me. That is not true! That is your ego trying to get
in the way! "No one is cut from a different cloth" so when you start to
realize this and look out into the world and see other people are
successful and I can be successful to.o Your confidence will also start to
increase. Another way that you can start to reprogram your mind, reprogram the
neural pathways with positive emotions is when you feel yourself maybe feeling
anxious, nervous or un-confident. You can start to repeat short positive powerful
affirmations to yourself, for example something as simple as "yes I can".." yes I
can do it".... "of course I can do it" and when I feel
anxious, nervous and un-confident I will repeat these affirmations to myself 10,
20,30 times. It's just to reprogram that mind and affirm that you can do anything,
you are the captain of your own ship, you control what goes on, and you control
your mind. After you've worked on your inner confidence your core confidence
you want to tie this together with your outer confidence and do a few things
with your physiology. This means basically your body and this is what
confident people do in most situations. Number one is eye contact, very very good
eye contact that displays confidence, that conveys you are confident. Someone who
is unconfident or shifty will be talking and they'll be looking away, they'll be
looking down, they'll be looking to the side and they might flick back and they
might look away. This doesn't convey a confident person, a confident person has
good posture and very good eye contact . The way I'm looking into the
lens now. BTW this isn't psycho scary over-the-top dramatic eye contact! This
is very calm, just look into the lens, look into people's eyes. This is how we
read people. And especially for guys if you're speaking to a girl that you like!
A girl will subconsciously be looking into your eyes to see if you are
congruent. If you're a man of your thought, word and action and if you have
crazy eye contact and you're looking away, looking down and you're feeling nervous
this doesn't convey confidence. But I don't care if you are a man or woman young or old. Eye
contact is very very important to convey confidence. Next comes a vocal projection.
When someone speaks soft and low "excuse me do you have the time" again this
doesn't convey confidence "Excuse me do you have the time please, thank you very
much" Good vocal tonality... again I don't care if you're a guy or a girl. Having
good vocal tonality will convey confidence. Confident people aren't
worried about what other people think, they can go and speak to strangers,
they can deal with interviews, they can deal with meetings, they can do public
speaking. They're confident in themselves and it all ties together good posture,
good eye contact, good vocal tonality. So having a good
tone in your voice, not speaking too quiet. Not looking away, looking people in the
eye and speaking clearly. Sometimes you can speak slowly sometimes you can speed
up. But really having a strong vocal tonality will convey confidence in you.
The last tip here is a mix of inner and outer confidence and it's basically
coming from a frame, a thought pattern that 'whatever you say has value' why?? because
you're saying it! You love yourself and this isn't a narcissistic unhealthy I'm
the best", I'm superior" love. This is self-acceptance okay, this isn't speaking
over other people, ignoring what they say or talking about yourself all the time
because that's fucking boring and that's not confidence that's actually
insecurity. It's if you want to say something it has value because you want
to say it. You're going through life being the best person you can, being a
positive influence and you have value. Come from that frame, come from that
mindset 'that whatever you do, whatever you say'
has value, and if you can tie that with inner and outer confidence together you will
feel more confident and you will appear more confident. And that is my top tips
on inner and outer confidence.
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