- Stop expecting your friends to be your customers.
That's not what they're there for.
So yes, I get it, as much as we want our friends and family
to be all around supportive,
expecting economic support
just sets you up for disappointment.
You will lose valuable friendships
and likely find yourself with a failing business.
Hey I'm Jouelzy, Head Smart Brown Girl in charge,
and let's get into this.
And go ahead and thumbs up because whether you like it,
love it, or don't agree at all,
it's still an engaging discussion.
It's supposed to be a dialogue, a key,
so come join the party and subscribe if you new now.
Hello, hit that button down below, thanks.
Funny enough I really wanted to address this
because of memes I've seen floating around.
And I've had people explicitly ask me to the address this,
and I think they believe that I was gonna be on their side
about friends needing to support their friend's businesses.
And I'm, I'm just, I'm so sorry, sis, but, um, I'm not.
My friends and family support me in so many other ways.
I do not expect them to be my customers or consumers.
It's hard when you are starting out,
and we often see this like surface narrative
of the black person with the big family,
all the friends, just living the life of support.
You know, everybody there for them, I get it.
I did Jabberwock in high school.
It's like Delta's debutante program,
not because I really wanted to be a Delta,
but more so because like the K's just cost too much money.
The Zeta's just didn't have nothing.
I didn't even know what an SGRho was in high school.
So the Deltas, I was like, all right,
I think at least it was guaranteed
that if you entered into it,
you'd get like a
couple hundred dollar book voucher for college.
When I think back to that experience,
I just remember being sad,
because most all debutante programs,
at least within the black sorority circuit,
are essentially fundraisers,
where the girls raise the funds themselves
and I'm sure in the era of like trying to survive off of
GoFundMe's
we all know this feeling.
I didn't come from a big family, or a big church,
where I was gonna get all this communal support
to fundraise.
Like I kinda knew that I wasn't gonna win anything
off of fundraising,
so I was hoping that I'd win off of being the poorest,
I wasn't, shucks.
They did have like a 'economic needs scholarship'
I was always gonna scam my way into somethin'
wow.
I realize, and I'm sure a lot of y'all realize,
at early ages that yes, your network matters,
but we realize that we lack access to
an established, successful network,
financially successful,
people that are in positions of power to do things for you,
when we lack access to that,
it can be doubly frustrating when you first start out.
And even your own friends and family
don't support your events, watch your content,
or buy your products,
I don't want to dismiss your feelings,
I understand them, and I didn't come to this point magically
I had to work through it myself too.
I wanna help you work through it,
without going through all the mistakes I went through
because I wanna help you think about it
a little bit different in a way that will
better your relationships, and your businesses over all
lets just keep this simple.
Your friends and your family, they're not your customers.
And for very good reason.
They support you in other very meaningful ways,
And I'm talking about healthy relationships here,
cuz I do understand we don't all
have healthy familial relationships but,
within the context of that healthy family and friends,
that these are relationships that should nurture
and provide emotional support.
So socially, lets just think about this,
who do you call when you just need somebody to talk to.
Who do you just shoot the breeze with,
talk shit with over cocktails at happy hour,
now remember,
customers, are not your friends, they not your gal pal
they don't know you in real life!
Friends fill in support in different ways.
There are friends that are part of your closest circle
friends who, give you advice,
friends who give you a different perspective
and inspiration,
friends who you can talk about your goals without judgment.
Family who knows you intimately, and they love you,
and when you complain
about them not supporting your business,
think about it.
If they cease to exist to be part of your life,
in the ways that they currently are,
and they were nothing more than just a customer,
would you be happy.
Like I love my #SmartBrownGirls, I love you.
But there's a lot I go through in my personal life
that I definitely am not picking up the phone to call
y'all about okay?
Just to keep it a real trill deal,
so no, my momma doesn't have to watch none of my videos
she does not have to buy a smart brown girl item at all
neither does my sister,
nope, not my friends,
there is no expectation okay?
I need them to be there when I gots to cry about somethin'
I need to be there when I need to talk about this
platonic f boy for the fifty millionth time,
and I don't wanna give y'all too many details,
I need them,
there, more than I need them to buy a t-shirt alright,
so, your family and friends,
aren't supposed to be your customers,
they're not your core audience
and you really do a disservice to yourself when you attempt
to rely on them as customers,
because you're not honing into who is your actual audience.
Who is the person you're speaking to.
What do they believe in,
look like,
how do they live,
what are their interests?
what value are you bringing to them?
And then, how does your brand connect to them.
This is how you strategically grow and market your business,
your aspirations, your career drive, whatever,
and therefore how you brand yourself, and yes,
we are the era of branding ourselves,
no I'm not tryin' to charge you $25 for a
branding seminar about how to get followers on instagram
but but I'm just trying to tell you,
in every aspect of life, especially if we are,
whether we're trying to climb the corporate ladder,
or whether we are small business owners,
or we are making our own products or whatever,
there is an aspect of where you have to brand yourself
and relying on using your family
as a point to which how the world views you,
and therefore how you should brand yourself,
Girl. There's a lot of bias.
And I dunno, strategy wise, I'm just tryin' to help you
don't make the mistakes I made okay?
when I started Smart Brown Girl,
it wasn't about all my friends watching my videos.
I didn't even really tell my friends
that I had a YouTube channel.
As long as your friends ain't sittin' down
having an intervention with you,
girl, you go watch that video,
and tell me how you're going nowhere in life,
when you're doin' your business, phew!
I mean, at that point I wasn't even worried
about my friends being supportive,
I just want them to not be negative.
Think because that situation happened,
I valued my friends, my other friends, even more,
cuz I wanted to hold on to them,
and they were just there for me in other ways,
so then I focused on who I was actually speaking to,
who was I reaching,
who did I wanna reach,
how do they engage me?
Worrying about my friends supporting it,
as customers and consumers, just dilutes all of that.
And honestly when you focus on your business,
you get the right product out.
Your friends and family, they will eventually come around.
My mom, was not watching my videos,
when my audio was jacked up,
when I'm talking a mile a minute,
and she's known me for the past 33 years of my life,
I don't understand why when I talk at the speed of light,
and you should, can you still understand me?
Like Trish, what's goin' on?
But you know, now that I've gotten it together,
you know, I think a little bit more about my speech,
and how fast I'm talking,
my mic's now at that H4, it's lit,
you know, she watches,
she calls me, wants to talk about it and I'm like girl,
just comment on the video.
I'm playin' heh,
but I didn't have to ask her to watch.
And it really means a lot more to me,
cuz she actually appreciates
the product that I'm putting out.
And once I established myself,
and honed in on my craft,
and got my audio together,
cuz girl, I know it was baaad,
I be cringin' when I go watch my old videos,
but my friends and family have supported without asking.
I promise you. I promise you
it means so. Much. More.
than if they just flatly supported all the time.
Cuz it's like 'oh girl, you know, she always supports'
it's cute, whatever, but it don't really mean nothin'
but it's just how the human mind works.
We start to take things for granted,
when we come to expect them,
and they happen without us doing anything.
You know, you know how you could be,
when it comes from a place of genuine enjoyment,
I know it's from a place of my work connecting,
and me putting out a stellar product.
Especially when it's friends that I never thought
would have been interested in my stuff.
It's amazing who will come around, and how they come around.
It's just great that my message is being received.
It tells me to be more giving,
myself, I know, it's, girl,
you gotta be like dag, I'm not gettin' the support
that I want why I gotta give more?
Think about the things that you do like,
that you do enjoy,
that's why I'm always like, you know,
I think as black women we tend to lurk a lot,
because we're worried about what other people will think
about what we enjoy, and the things that we like,
but girl, don't be worried about nobody else,
celebrate the things that bring you joy, let people know,
that you are watching,
you are hearing,
you are supporting,
you are purchasing, whatever you're doing,
however you're engaging other black women,
particularly other black women business owners,
I realized that I have to be,
that I should be more forthcoming,
in letting them know that I support what they do,
and I love what they do,
and engaging them in meaningful ways,
so yes, I do buy things from my friends businesses,
without telling them,
because I genuinely like their product,
I appreciate that kind of integrity.
So much more.
I know there are friends, and associates rather,
and family, who do take without giving,
that's a whole nother topic for another day,
that's not what we're talkin' 'bout,
you know, I'm talkin' about your healthy relationships
between people you really like,
you know you have an equal value, that's give and take,
I'm specifically talking about the people in your life
who add value in other ways,
you're gonna have to think through who those people are,
how they add value,
so you could appreciate them from where they are,
and you can focus your energies on your brands
and your business,
and your career girl, yaas.
Be that smart brown girl, get it poppin' slay down
okay sis?
And I promise I promise I promise,
when you get it together, and I'm not talkin',
once you get that big cheque, once you're wealthy,
once you're already there,
I'm sayin'
you're gonna start hittin' a stride,
and you might actually not even realize you hit that stride
and it'll be your friends and family who come in
and their supportive and be like 'oh wow,
wait I'm doing something, she did something,'
didn't even have to ask for support! Ha!
Because when folks see that you are serious,
and your own product, whether you are the product,
you are the brand, or you are servicing something,
when they see that that is consistently dope,
they will indeed support you with the love and joy
you deserve.
Alright, yaas.
Stay blessed, and unbothered sis!
Smart brown girl out, deuces
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