-Will you have other politicians on the show,
how do you think you'll deal with politicians as guests?
-We're just gonna get in their face! You know what I'm sayin'?
Like, no softball questions.
You know what I mean? Like, just, like, you know...
And people come to our show for, like, humor.
So it's like -- We're gonna talk policy and stuff like that,
but it's not gonna be, like, super-duper --
It's not gonna [bleep] "Charlie Rose."
You know what I mean? Oh, I just cursed.
-Wow. Keeping the record going, by the way.
-Yeah! -The new record is that is
by far the longest you guys have gone without cursing.
[ Laughter ] By far.
-Showtime was getting worried like, "Did they lose it?"
-"That Mero missed a step, man."
-No, it's gonna be fun to have politicians on,
because, like, we're not that invested
in the political process, so we're not really doing research.
So it's just like, "Oh, so...
Bernie Sanders, you're old as [bleep]."
-"Why you talking to us?
What was your bar mitzvah like in 18-oh-12?"
-One good thing -- We're gonna take Howard Schultz, because he's always running --
You know, he said he's from the projects.
We're gonna take him back to the projects.
-You are? You're gonna take Howard Schultz back to the projects.
-And see what his hood rep is like.
See if he's really out there, hanging with the gang.
-It seems like he maybe, over the years,
has lost a little hood rep.
-Maybe, possibly. I mean, you move to Seattle,
you start making coffee, maybe people start
looking at you different in the projects.
-So we got to find out. We got to go to Brooklyn and find out if they're afraid --
Does Howard Schultz's name bang in these streets?
-Does your name ring bells in the hood?
-If you say, "Yo, Howard Schultz is coming,"
are people are tucking in their chains?
"Yo, he's coming? [Bleep]."
-"Yo, they call me Big Bean!"
-"Chill, chill, chill." -Big Bean.
-"I'll turn your house into a Starbucks."
You're like, "No, no, no."
-"Yo, you tryin' to get roasted?!"
Like, "Chill, Howie." -"Keep that venti on me."
-You know, one of these days, Obama's gonna have a book.
He's gonna want to do the rounds.
Would you guys like to have Obama on your show?
-Absolutely. -We would love to have Obama on,
but we don't want to ruin his legacy.
Because Obama on our show would be wildin'.
Like, could you American people
imagine if Obama comes out in, like, a do-rag?
-You know what I'm saying? Like, a Nike Tech suit.
-Brushing like, his waves, the whole time he's talking to us.
We're playing spades.
"-Lookit. My waves are spinning."
-He's like, "Yo, your chain ain't on that book, my guy."
He has a legacy. We'll keep it there.
-So that's -- As a service to him,
you will not have him on the show.
-Imagine you get Obama on there freaking a Black & Mild.
-You know what I mean? -Getting the tobacco out of it.
Like, "This is how you get the cancer out."
-We're shooting dice with Obama in between takes.
-"You got a studio? I want to drop a verse."
-"Get me in the booth. I got fire."
-You guys -- You know, I want to ask about this, if this is true.
I have heard tell that "Bodega Boys,"
your podcast, which is great --
[ Cheers and applause ]
There were people in the Obama administration --
-Yeah! Ah-ah-ah! -Shout-out to the Hive.
-People in the Obama administration
supposedly listened to it in the White House.
Have you heard that? -Yes, we heard.
Someone that worked on staff
used to play the "Bodega Boys" podcast out loud,
which I don't know why --
It's one of the worst podcasts I've ever heard.
But Obama comes in, and he's like, "These guys are funny."
-Which is wild to me.
Because it's like, yo, if you play this podcast out loud,
that's, like, gonna get you in HR's office in 20 minutes.
-Yeah. -Yeah. Like, there's no way.
-It also bothers me because I'm like,
"Damn, like, Donald Trump would love
the [bleep] out of this podcast."
-Yeah, man. It kind of makes me sad. It's like, "Damn."
He's like, "I like those guys. -"I like them. They're nasty.
-They're very New York. Very nasty.
-They say what they want."
-Yo. I also love to pee on things."
[ Laughter ]
-Did you ever think of trying to --
You know, with Obama saying you're funny,
that's pretty high praise.
Did you ever try to reach out and get him
to maybe give you guys a quote for something,
you know, that'd look good on a poster?
-Yeah, we did, and then the letter from Secret Service
was like, "Don't ever [bleep]."
[ Laughter ]
Then they also put my mother's home address at the bottom.
I don't know what that was about.
I was like, "I get the message." -They know things.
-Yeah, they did the same thing with my mother-in-law's,
but they put crosses over it, and I was just like, "Eh."
-Do you guys -- How do you -- How has the adjustment been?
I mean, obviously, you've been working together forever.
Doing a new show, getting it up on your feet.
I can't wait to watch on Thursday.
But has it felt natural being at a new place?
-Yeah. -You know what?
At this point, it feels like muscle memory.
And, also, it's like, we also
feel like we're perpetrating a scam on Showtime.
Like we're just taking money from them.
They're not getting a show next Thursday.
We're going to Africa, baby. -Yeah.
Catch me in D.R. in a compound, bro.
-I'll be like, "Yo, remember when we scammed Showtime?"
[ Both chortling ]
-Via Skype like... [ Both chortling ]
[ Applause ]
-And what about -- Are hours the same?
You guys working any harder? -It's weird.
We do one show a week, but we have to work more now.
-It's so bizarre. -This is our 1% complaint.
You know? Like, "Oh, my God."
Oh, I got to get in a luxury SUV at 10:00 a.m.
Woe is me.
-"Oh, my God. I have to wake up at 10:00 a.m."
-I don't know what I want from Seamless. Just order anything."
[ Laughter ]
-Well, I can't wait to see it.
It is just so great to have you guys on TV.
It's so great to have you here, as always.
-Thanks for having us. -Thanks for coming back.
-And you're gonna be on our show.
-I'm gonna be there. All you have to do is ask.
Desus Nice and The Kid Mero.
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