Well hey every buddy.
It's your good old pal EmptyHero.
And today, by the will of my highly evolved mitocondria, we're going to discuss the first
installment in a trilogy of action role playing games based on Parasite Eve, a novel that
explains the detailed minutia of a kidney transplant for about five thousand pages,
followed by a brief description of the surgeon who performed said kidney transplant being
raped in the ass by the anthropomorphsized mitocondria of his braindead wife.
Which, I think we can all agree is a perfect metaphor for today's health care crisis.
Parasite Eve: for when your Parasites get that not so fresh feeling, stars Aya Brea,
a victim of the cruelest game of organ based musical chairs since that time I couldn't
quite fit my peckah in an asian broad no matter how much soy sauce and tears she poured onto
it, so I yanked out her cervix to make room, and in the confusion, she ripped my skimask
off and I had to pull that floppy fallopian friend over my head to keep my secret identity
intact.
And let me tell you; boy, was there egg on my face.
As a child, Aya's family suffered the natural conclusion of letting an asian woman drive
something other than a rickshaw, and the resulting multicar pile-up left Aya's mother and sister
deader than any chance of this franchise getting a fourth instalment after the abomination
that was 3rd Birthday.
A mad doctor, bent on proving every piece of anti german propoganda accurate, swaps
around some livers, kidneys, and corneas between Aya, her dead family, another girl named Mellissa,
and the horriffic monstrocity mentioned in the introduction, in hopes that he will one
day get to blow a load on the offspring of the reborn mitocondrial eve.
As a result, Aya and Mellissa are corrupted from within, like a country that imports a
single feminist.
Our story begins on Christmas Eve 1997.
And rather than pretending not to hear her parents arguing in the livingroom, as the
rest of us were doing at the time, our heroin Aya heads out for a night on the town with
a fictional version of Donald Trump, probably in hopes that he'll grab her by the pussy.
After the initial thrill of community theater wears off, the lead actress checks her center
of the cell nucleic privilege and transforms into a proud mitocondrial avatar of color.
As a result, our protagonist Aya springs into action, after taking a second to run the pockets
of another police officer, who just happened to bring enough spare ammunition for a screening
of an Amy Schumer lead "A Dark Knight" remake.
After witnessing the mesmerizing process of jewish puberty, murdering John Cleese's newly
purchased parrot while his back was turned, and preventing the gang weed gamers from rising
up, Aya walks in on Melissa, now the Mitocondrial Eve, tickling the ivories harder than an elephant
molester.
Eve's penis envy manifests, then unfurls like a clinton's member as a school bus drives
by and a shot for shot showdown of thots ensues.
Despite possessing the might-o-condria, Eve flees to the sewers of new york, hoping that
the steaming vapors of untreated sewage will mask her all encoumbassing dank pussy stank.
There, Eve merges herself with the abundant supply of traditional, Christmas-Eve Jewish
Chinese-food-shits rather that just turn sideways to fit between these bars and Aya encounters
the dreaded interior crocodile alligator!
Following this completely pointless fight, Aya also refuses to just turn sideways so
she can slip through the bars and continue following Eve, so she backtracks all the way
to the opera house entrance instead, where her Black-up Daniel Dollis finally arrives
and, utilizing his natural instinct as a black man to punch an unsuspecting white man in
the back of the head, teaches Aya how to deal with fake news.
Back at the station Aya is lectured by an anti-gun bleeding heart liberal who is later
raped shitless by a mitocondrial furry with only half chewed alpo for lube due to having
no gun to defend himself with, and Aya is then sent to question Dr Klamp, whom I can
only assume is named after the things he used to remove Eve's nipples towards the end of
the game.
Aya, high on her recent realization that not only does she have magical mitocondrial powers,
but also that dislexic people can never mispell her name since Aya is spelled the same ways
frontwards and back, completely misses the obvious signs that Klamp is behind everything
and returns to the station emptier-handed than jesus trying to cup some water in his
holy hands for a quick sip of wine.
In order to advance the plot, everyone suddenly realizes three key factors that propel Aya
and Daniels towards central park.
First, that Eve's host Mellissa was set to perform at a Chrismas concert later that night
at central park.
Second that Daniel's son Ben and wife Lorrain were currently attending that concert.
And third, since anyone getting too close to Eve without her permission, other than
Aya, spontaniously combusts faster than I occasionally do in my pants when a woman brushes
past me in line at the free clinic, that no one would be around to stop Aya from festively
cracking open some roasted nuts.
Realizing that, due to his natural ashyness, he would likely burst into flames faster than
Richard Pryor at a viking funeral, Daniels keeps those interacial relationship stereotypes
intact and stays behind huffing jemkim while his white female partner does all the work.
There, among the discarded condoms and hobo turds of central park, Aya confronts the horrible
truth, that roaming bands of Australian Aboriginals have mitocondrially mutated to become boomerang
weilding simmions that mistake Aya's ever present cloud of queef vapors for petrol fumes
and attack en masse in hopes of huffing enough pelvis perfume to return to the great rainbow
snake dreamland at the dumpster behind the fudruckers.
Further down the road, Eve does her best impression of Rei Ayanami by first having been repeatedly
molested in the back story by a mad scientist, then by turning the attendies of her concert
into the most unapatizing varity of orange tang since Amy Schumer wiped cheetohs on her
pussy to increase the cheesyness of their flavor.
After chasing a little girl backstage faster than John Podesta at a Wiggles concert and
jumping on some piles of leaves, Aya fights off more subterarrian dicks than the most
effeminate of those Thaiwanese school boys the moment the rest of them realized they
were about to run out of air and die as virgins.
I would like to say the ensuing boss fight with Eve worked splendedly, but as you can
plainly see, despite the developer's best efforts, it is a little buggy.
(fawk yeah chippa!)
It is at this point that most players will have one of two possible stunning realizations.
First, that if bust a nut then do a back flip fast enough to clutch the load with your buttcheeks
in mid air, then inflate it with a fart you can create what, in higher social circles,
is called a puertorican jellyfish, and second, that if you listen to the sound track, Eve
is constantly singing opera.
Like, even when she is portrayed as vocally talking with Aya, Opera is heard in the background,
leading the player to either believe that Eve's opera is either the product of inward
singing between her spoken lines, or that lying bitch has gone milli vanilla on us all
along.
A complete cluster fuck of events follow, including Aya reenacting Christopher Reeve's
greatest hits, Daniel, realizing that his wife's cunt, which was just one night earlier
tighter than a jews wallet come tip time thanks to Danniel punching her in the guts whenever
she forgot to do her kegels, was no longer available now that she's become an amorphous
blob; much as most married men find.
And as a result of Daniel abandons the vestigial son he was no longer being cooch mooched into
supporting and drops him off in the jail so he can get used to his inevitable future as
a fatherless black boy.
Then finally, an innocent cop is burned to a crisp by eves-dropping mitocondria who become
triggered by him asking newcomer Kunihika Maeda whether he was chinese or japanese since
he wanted to know whether he should defend his coke from a jovial sprinkling of urine
or his literal everything else from having weird cartoon pornography drawn of it.
These seemingly unrelated events culminate in Aya awaking smelling like hand lotion and
shrimp on a flophouse matress, covered in Japanese jelqers Jelly while Hikkimori Madea
stares at his own hand and whispers how he's so fucked up.
You see, despite being so backed up that he sweats sperm, maeda stayed true to his japanese
heritage by blasting his load on Aya while she slept, rather than in her, which would
have increased that pesky japanese birthrate that they are so want to keep low.
Daniels then uses his african american skeleton key to help procure some supplies before everyone
heads back to the museum in order to better study Aya's mitocondria as they fight off
the "gel" Maeda "discovered" on Aya's face, jacket, and especially her feet.
Aya and Daniel then completely wiff on figuring out that Proffessor Klump was behind everything
for a second god damned time.
Being Japanese and that his eyes are focused by default, Maeda can't help but recognize
Doctor Blumpf and notice a list of names on his computer that includes Daniel's unwanted
financial burden Ben.
Returning to the station they find everyone's favorite coolio haired slut has returned and,
utilizing the evolved mitocondria of a vhs cassette of John Carpenters "The Thing", turns
a cute little german shephard into what I can only assume you'd get if Frosty the Snowman's
magical life giving hat landed on the contents of a dumpster behind a chinese food resturaunt
after all you can eat "beef" and brocoli night.
Before players re-enact the endings of both "old yeller" and "where the red fern grows"
in order to put down Sheeva, they must face an even more deathly existential crisis, wondering
why, why was Ben so much more distressed over a dog he just met turning into a mitocondria
monster than he was with his mother melting before his eyes.
And perhaps even more shattering to ones preconcieved notions of the natural order of things, how
exactly does a three headed dog decide which head gets to lick their balls?
After the fight, in a brief moment of clarity, Maeda realizes that, being a woman, Eve must
have an insatiable urge to guzzle countless vats of semen and he and Aya head for the
local spermbank, and no, I mean a real building where sperm is stored, not Zoe Quinn's mouth,
stomach, anus, and back of the knee.
Appropriately enough, within the cramped, confines of the sperm bank Aya encounters
an army of self aware ona-holes that imeddiatley realize that, due to Aya's inability to open
a pickle jar or perform a puertorican jellyfish, that she doesn't have a penis for them to
milk and attack Aya ruthlessly.
I mean it literally, search all you want during these battles, you won't find a single Ruth!
Atop the roof, Eve uses her mind warping mitocondrial powers to convert a jet pilot into a muslim
midflight, forcing Aya to drop harder than most players balls the first time they watched
that shower scene from parasite eve 2.
In order to pad out the length of the game, players then proceed through China town, where
they will fight the most rancid pussies with bloody tampons hanging out of them that I've
seen since the day I quit working at the car wash after jeniffer hepler rolled in on a
hydrollically reinforced hospital gourney and wanted her undercarrage pressure washed.
This is easily the least interesting section of the game, and frankly if I wanted to watch
women crawl through raw sewage, I'd just reconnect the cameras in my secret basement.
After finally realizing that the doctor who is clearly behind everything is behind everything,
Aya gears up for a final confrontation of Klamp.
Unfortunatly because Aya still has some stupidity left over from before, instead of confronting
Klamp immediately by shooting out the lock to his office door, she fights hundreds of
mitocondrial dinosaurs while searching for a key instead.
This is probably the least fun I've had in a museum since I was banned from the holocaust
museum for turning on a lamp that had a shade made of foreskins and causing the entire building
to stink of locks and smegma.
After causing a second dino extinction, Aya finally enters the office she could have probably
broken into with a credit card and confronts the man who tampered with her body as a child,
let her sister die, doomed her partner's wife to a fate worse than death, jammed his cock
in a pocket pussy that he taped to a dogs hind leg before scratching it's belly so that
it's leg wiggles, and perhaps worst of all, wasting his talents on creating a sperm with
no male mitocondrial dna so that Eve can give birth to the ultimate mitocondrial being,
rather than a ranch dressing flavored sperm that makes it impossible for a judge to prove
that you were the one who knocked a woman up.
I don't care what that judge says Eve, you lying bitch!
I know that baby isn't mine because I jammed a straightened out coat hanger down my pee
hole right after I came, so nyeh!
At this point Eve summons a gigantic blob of gelatinous flesh to her side faster than
Rosie Odonald's wife opening a can of tuna in the bedroom, and the few sea-men Eve didn't
swallow earlier at the sperm bank band together to launch a kamakazi attack.
Aya follows up by personally slapping eve around so much that he inner masochist activates
and she melts all over the floor.
Unfortunately, while the player is destracted, Eve's anchor baby, whose swollen balls and
backwards facing penis remind me all to well of the time I had a little too much to drink
at my nephews christening and spun around too fast while sitting on a barstool naked,
is born.
And after the greatest flaming black man since Rupaul tosses Aya some bullets coated with
Aya's own vaginal yeast that madea collected while Aya was in a coma, the player is forced
to flee from the offspring faster than a black man on father's day.
One nuclear explosion later and the player is treated with a completely non sensical
ending that is invalidated by the premise of the next game.
That is, unless they play a through the game a second time and grind the levels necessary
to reach the 77th floor of the chrystler building.
There, players are treated to the true final boss and yet another ending that is rendered
invalid by the premise of Parasite Eve 2 so whatever.
Overall, the original Parasite Eve held up better than I expected and will almost make
up for the suffering I will later endure while playing the second and third games.
Well, that's it for today's video, if you liked it, you can click the subscribe button
and the little bell next to it, then cross your fingers and hope that you're one of the
five people youtube actually notifies of my new uploads after subscribing to me, check
out one of my original ebooks, paperbacks, or audiobooks using the links provided in
the description below, join my discord so you can post the sauciest of Aya/ Eve fan
arts, or submit to the will of my superior mitocondria by joining my patreon in exchange
for the right to vote on which game I review next.
Until then, thanks for your time and GOODBYE.
For more infomation >> Pojedynki | KENNENLERNEN vs KENNEN vs ERKENNEN - Duration: 12:30. 
For more infomation >> কিয়ামতের ভয়াবহতা || Kiyamoter Voyavohota || Motiur Rahman Madani || Bangla Waz New - Duration: 4:52. 
For more infomation >> War Thunder gameplay español. # Juega con nosotros TANQUE REALISTA. =AMM0= escuadron. - Duration: 1:08:38. 
For more infomation >> Lovetale - Chapter 0 : Prologue (Comic Animated) (CC available in French) - Duration: 5:36. 
For more infomation >> You 1x05 Promo "Living with the Enemy" (SUB ITA) - Duration: 0:32. 
For more infomation >> Nora Allen BIG MISTAKE FINALLY REVEALED By Jessica Parker Kennedy?! - The Flash Season 5 - Duration: 10:31. 
For more infomation >> American Housewife Season 3 Promo (SUB ITA) - Duration: 0:31. 
For more infomation >> Aitor, Santaflow - Soy un Desastre (Videoclip Oficial) - Duration: 5:01. 
For more infomation >> Bhavi - TE NECESITO (Audio Ofical) 🔥🔥 [LETRA] - Duration: 4:05. 
For more infomation >> War Thunder gameplay español. # Juega con nosotros TANQUE REALISTA. =AMM0= escuadron. - Duration: 9:52. 
This blogs is really favorable to me, because I’m searching for some insights about virtual assistant company that might be use as reference in the future. Thanks a lot author!
Trả lờiXóa