As salamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatahu.
where to begin
we had the intro for a sexuality for this series and I want to start off
again by emphasizing the point that we're just having a general discussion
here I am NOT a qualified sex therapist if you will we're just talking about
things that I personally believe that everybody on the planet should be taught
at a basic level basic understanding of of biology in terms of sexuality safety
and how to enjoy sex how to make it an important part of your life but not an
imbalance part of your life how to approach sexuality from a spiritual
standpoint as Muslims right and inshallah the ultimate goal is to help
alleviate some discussions as well because obviously I can't speak to the
female perspective I can give some basic academic understanding but since I'm not
a woman I don't know how women feel I mean even I don't even know what other
men feel right I know what I feel I know what I understand I know what I've been
through in terms of my sexuality and but inshallah we'll approach this in the
most halal way possible with the intention to learn and to understand so
that sexuality doesn't become something that we're afraid of doesn't become
something that we affects us negatively because sex like anything else can be
very pleasurable very enjoyable and an amazing part of building a relationship
but it can also be extremely destructive it can lead to to so many harmful things
so we have to have a proper understanding to enjoy more of the good
and prevent much of the harm so to start off I mean obviously an easy way is I've
been doing a lot of research on things in terms of biology in especially in
this arbitrary age that we have that we've set up that an adult is 18 years
old or 19 years even in Canada depending on the province that you go to the age
of majority when you are considered a legal adult changes from place to place
we have additional laws in terms of when it's appropriate to have sexual
intercourse that government has also placed laws on things like not that it
should be an issue for us unfortunately but it is things like alcohol there are
stiffer --nt ages depending on where you go to consume alcohol and this one to me
it shouldn't even come up in in conversation however this is one of the
issues having the government feels the need to dictate when and where and how
our freedom is is allowed to be practiced now this creates a lot of
problems particularly about historical aspects in terms of when people started
sexuality and so on and an interesting thing is that people are really upset
about ideas of polygamy and their ideas of year marrying at a young age and so
on but this was always always the practice of human beings of mankind and
it only until recently when we started to say well you know what people get
into medical science and into this you know psychology and something you know
we don't think society is ready to start engaging in sex at this age but the
weird thing is that at least in where I live
in Canada there is this trend to push sexuality at a much earlier age and
they're saying well it's for the sake of education but the problem is that people
are pushing particular ideas of what sexuality should be right and obviously
we're going to have conflicts with that as Muslims now for the young brothers
out there and the young sisters as well I mean from a biological standpoint it's
don't be afraid to ask your parents right I mean it's gonna be challenging
for some because many parents are out there afraid that you're going to ask
them in the first place and that has to to stop as parents we have to have the
confidence and we if we are not understanding of human biology we really
need to take the time to do this right and you can go online there's a lot of
good resources online that will help you too
that will help you to get some basic information I'm talking about biology
right understanding the penis and the vagina understanding that where women
urinate is not the same place that we have intercourse with right for example
right this is like one of those things that that many people don't know and
they're led just short right and so we have to be as parents we have to be
comfortable with this information and in Canada I was taught sex education at
grade 9 grade 10 so I was 14 15 years old they introduced these concepts to us
and they told us that a high level and an appropriate level of what sexuality
is and we really need to do this because if we don't do it as parents our kids
are just gonna go somewhere else and they're gonna learn from their friends
who don't know what they're talking about because they're all in the same
age and they don't know what they're talking about so they're gonna learn
things they're gonna learn things inappropriately they're gonna learn
things that could be harmful so at least learn the basic biology so something
that's found interesting through this study was that back to the age of
majority thing is that we are in an age right now where they're saying that
younger boys and girls are becoming or getting into puberty or starting that
that biological change if you will at a much earlier age becoming its more
common around nine and ten years old now for both boys and girls it's not just a
girl thing anymore for a long time it seemed that that girls were hitting
puberty and beginning having their their menses their periods earlier in a few
years earlier than boys but that's not based on some recent studies that's not
really the case anymore now one of the problems we face is that
physically boys and girls are going through a change getting their bodies
prepared to be sexually active and to become young adults the problem is that
because of the nature of our society we are teaching our children to be children
much longer so physically they're growing up but mentally they're not
taught how to be young adults until a much later age and that creates a lot of
because the physical and emotional urges come up but they don't understand them
because we haven't taught them about these things so so it is important to
have that conversation sooner than later if you will but obviously you have to
pick the appropriate time when to do it I mean when you feel that your child is
conscious consciously aware and things are going through changes you know it's
it's okay to sit them down and have this discussion now as I said focusing on
some of the biological aspects is a really important thing that especially
for the sisters as I mentioned this series was initially inspired by a
sister who doesn't know how to approach her 13 year old son in terms of this
topic because as a woman as a single mother she she's not confident with the
individuals in her society in terms of the male figures in her life to teach
her son in an appropriate rate there seems to be a lot of cultural issues
with this from what I understand I could be wrong and I love forgive me if I'm
wrong in this but but they're just there they just don't want to talk about these
things so it's just like it's natural let it happen and and that's okay to a
point for example women get pregnant and the baby's gonna come naturally whether
you like it or not right but we can't it's better to be educated on that
process to reduce any chance of harm now for young boys well in young girls too
when they start going through puberty I mean a lot of things change right the
changes are similar and the changes are different one of the things that we have
is what's called hormones chemicals inside of our bodies if you will that
they change and they create they throw everything out of whack and I've heard
on many studies that you know in layman's terms they say to some degree
teenagers go a little bit insane if you will and just more of a humorous type of
way of approaching it but the idea is they say that there the mind gets so
confused about so many things that that they will often do things that are
inappropriate without even realizing they're doing it right it's just part of
that process and as I said the body is physically changing but the mind is not
really prepared for this the mind grows up a little bit later now so yeah I mean
this this is kind of a you know the focusing on the age is something that
that has to begin so in this case the sister is talking thirteen and there is
the potential that she should have maybe had these conversations a few years
before but unfortunately the resources may not have been available and that's
one of the reasons for doing this now for me for a young brother
you're gonna start going through a lot of change one it is a thing that we
don't talk about maybe very often that people don't hear about it and my
children go through it a lot is a what we call refer to them as growing pains
you're gonna start to get different aches and pains in your body and this is
because your body is going through a dramatic change in a short period of
time like we're always growing to a point physically our bones are growing
and stretching and and and and everything is changing physically so you
may find that you're starting to get pains it can happen in your legs your
knees especially in your joint stays like this and this is just the physical
change of your body and you get this constant ache and my children all went
through it to a certain degree at different levels and that's an
interesting thing with biology is that what you're going through is going to be
very similar to some of your friends and maybe your family members but it may not
always be exactly the same so growing pains physical like you're just a key
all in it's not like work out or anything you just your body hurts in
certain places and it's tender and sore and it's not to be anything to be afraid
of we're not talking about horrible debilitating pain it's just thick an
achiness that you may get and you'll notice it and this is one of those signs
that you're going through puberty also for boys the the voice will change over
a couple of years they'll go through this awkward stage of being really happy
can they just I didn't get this weird funny almost I guess it sounds like you
have a tickle in your throat you may not realize it's happening but
everyone else hears your voice one day it seems normal the next day it's a
little off and and then depending on various things you may end up getting a
very deep voice you may have a just slight change in your voice but
generally the the voice of of the young we'll start to change and get more shall
we say manly if you will right the sisters on the other hand not so much
with their voices right they made a little bit but that's not one of the
changes that were sisters or women go through the aches the body aches and
stuff is something that they may go through and for the brothers one of the
most challenging things that maybe I'll do an entire is just a little mini video
on this and itself is you are suddenly introduced to something new and strange
and exciting and scary called erections okay this is where your penis starts to
change just randomly out of the air out of the whatever reason and it's it's
it's kind of it's a very stereotypical humorous thing that we use and I don't
know what other cultures but in Western society it's a big joke because it's one
of those things that is it's just a sign that you're going through puberty that
your body is changing and it can just happen at any time and because it's so
new and you're adjusting to this sudden change where your penis goes from what
they call I believe is the word flaccid it's just it's basically just normal and
all of a sudden it decides to stand up and often in public and it can be
uncomfortable it can be embarrassing and I don't mean uncomfortable in a painful
way I mean uncomfortable in the sense that
you're like you're very stressed and tense and you're like you know so a
little tip for this that I taught my son is when you start to notice these things
happening a little trick for the young brothers is where a bigger longer shirt
for example and this will really help you with this because this I grew up
where wearing tight pants and and so on obviously is a Muslim I change to be
more modest in my dress but when now in hindsight if I'd known I would have worn
longer shirts this kind of thing and then when it happens it's a little
easier to to kind of cover because it is a private issue right and the problem is
that when this happens it's a public issue right it's noticeable people can
see that sudden there's a you know a change and
that's where I think the biggest challenge with this is initially for the
young brother so so just just don't be shocked don't be caught off guard I mean
it is gonna be a little bit embarrassing but don't don't think the wrong way
about this kind of stuff so oh I guess basically on that little that little
note I don't really have to maybe I would still we'll go into some other
ideas about I will talk about it further because it does lead into other things
such as masturbation what we call what's known as pre-ejaculate that you may
start having what nocturnal emissions I believe is the term that they use
meaning wet dreams right so there's a lot of things to talk about and these
are natural everybody goes through them right and if if somebody doesn't go
through this and you know in the extreme case where somebody biologically doesn't
go through as a boy through erections through wet dreams and all except
there's usually something wrong physically biologically right an illness
or something like that right it could even be a mental issue yeah let's say
you live in a very stressful environment you're sometimes it can have such an
impact on your body that you may be delayed so so don't worry about that
either if you don't start at 9 or 10 years old
you start at 13 14 it's not a big deal we have an example from the Prophet SAW
somewhere where there was two boys that came for one of the the battles and
wanted to fight in the army and they the brother the Prophet also asked how old
they were and one was I believe maybe 16 or so one was a little bit younger maybe
15 and and the Prophet said well you know you guys are a little too young and
so one of them was bigger and stronger and then there was a smaller one so the
big one says look I'm well-trained my father taught me to hunt in to fight so
I believe what he did was he he said she showed him so the Prophet asked him show
me and he showed how well he will he'll good he was with archery so the Prophet
said near fine and then the younger guys smaller guy said look I'm stronger than
him and and it was kind of this this
in-your-face challenge right so they got them to wrestle and the younger one
proved that he was physically more capable right so just because somebody's
bigger and stronger doesn't mean that they have gone through puberty and
completed puberty and that their changes are somehow superior to your changes
this is just an example where everybody's a little bit different
you're going to get people who are smaller but maybe physically stronger
you're gonna get people that start puberty at an earlier age
some people will start later but in the end I mean you're gonna go through a lot
of the same things majority of the things you're gonna go through are going
from a biological standpoint are going to be the same every man has gone
through them every woman goes through this as well it's a bit different for
sisters and inshallah maybe I will talk about the sisters on a side thing but
right now the focus is to help with the young brothers at this point so
inshallah I hope that's beneficial obviously put in your comments I mean
any of the mistakes that I make in this this is just kind of random casual
conversation and so I may slip up and say things not exactly correct so let's
try not to get caught up in all the biological terms I mean if you you catch
a mistake where I use the wrong term from a biological standpoint a medical
center or a reference to head east and something again one of the ways you can
help with these with this series is to take them don't be confrontational just
say hey look I noticed that you've said this in the video this is actually the
term that's used or this is what these you know this these studies have been
saying or this is the hadith that you were talking about this is where you can
help and this is where you can get involved with these videos because the
idea is to not get this is not supposed to be a debate this is just supposed to
talk about the generalities of things I'm not going to get into thick and
Sharia in terms of the differences of opinions and so on I'm gonna give the
basics and and the the foundation that you're supposed to use to go forward so
that this stuff becomes beneficial and that we don't have to freak out about
sexuality as much right no matter how much information we have it's still
gonna be uncomfortable as an adult I'm gonna lay it out there as an adult it
happens sometimes for me these spontaneous erections right just out of
nowhere right so this is in a what in some ways
I'm hoping that this is a good sign I hope it's not a medical thing I'm hoping
that it just shows that I'm still energetic I'm still there all I'm still
right healthy but so for the young brothers obviously it's not as frequent
right but I just trying to throw that out there just to give you the idea that
this is a normal thing that happens and it can happen all the way through your
life to a certain point and it just it's just changes and we just adjust and we
go with the flow if you will so with all all the upcoming videos I'm just as just
a reminder you can support me on patreon which is creative crowdfunding and
anything that you can do can really support us even if it's just one dollar
a month can really help us to grow in inchaallah and all that information will
be in the video description below so inshallah this would be a good intro for
the for the young brother and the family and whoever else may benefit from this
so try to relax try to remember this is about learning and and using it
knowledge is what's going to help us approach these things in the future so
assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahu wa to get to
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